Prologue 00
_ I am the one who deserves to die in pain
The Duchy of Altan is one of the three most powerful duchies in the Seredia Empire, so naturally, Duke Leonard de Altan is its head—a tyrant in every sense of the word...
But the fifty-year-old Duke Altan joins the war only to lose his life as a hero...
At the Duke's funeral, attended by all the Empire's greats, including the Emperor himself, all eyes were fixated on the young woman of nineteen. She wore a black mourning dress and a hat that covered part of her face, but her chestnut brown hair was noticeable, as was her pale white skin—which appeared even paler against her black clothes—and her small, slightly protruding belly. The young Duchess, Elite de Altan...
"She is still young, how will she live?!"
"She will surely remain in the family, she is pregnant, don't you see?"
"She is very young, are you sure the father is the Duke?"
"No one should speak like that, it could cause trouble."
"Haha, we wait for her birth with bated breath to see to whom the child belongs."
"The symbol of the Altan family is silver hair; if a child is born without silver hair, the relatives will exploit it to seize the Duchy."
Whispers of malice, envy, and rarely, pity, echoed throughout the funeral. No one tried to hide their feelings in front of the young Duchess for many reasons...
The funeral began, and then the mourners stepped forward to offer flowers to the Duke's body. At their head was Emperor Arthur von de Rohan, with his platinum hair and golden eyes. He bid his farewell to the Duke with great sincerity. When the Emperor finished, the young Duchess stepped forward with a pale face and slow steps brimming with dignity. She took a deep breath and did not speak. She placed white lilies and looked at the man sleeping his eternal sleep with her amber-red eyes and a transition to an icy gaze, whispering in a voice only she could hear:
"I wished your death would be by my hand, but fate..."
She gripped her stomach tightly, sighed, and left the coffin for the mourners to proceed with their farewells to the Duke...
* * *
After the funeral ended and the guests finally departed, Elite entered the palace. Before she could head up to her room, a maid stepped forward and bowed:
"Your Grace, Count Bryant wishes to see you."
"Fine."
The Duchess breathed fire from her eyes, making the maid flinch. Elite turned and headed to the first floor, specifically to the drawing room...
When she reached the drawing room, she grabbed the doorknob, took a deep breath, and entered the spacious room with large windows and cream walls engraved with gold. Sitting at the table in front of the large window overlooking the stunning garden was a middle-aged man with brown hair streaked with white. Elite offered no greeting, but the man stood up in a dull manner and spoke arrogantly:
"The Duke is dead, Elite. You must ensure the safety of his heir so you are not thrown out of this palace."
Elite swallowed hard and said in a shaky voice:
"If something happens to the heir, will I leave the Duchy?!"
The man approached her, grabbed her chin forcefully, and spoke through gritted teeth:
"Elite, my little one, I know what you are thinking. If you lose the heir, you will lose your life, or I will make you wish for death."
Her eyes trembled, and she said in a voice as steady as possible:
"Why? I don't want to continue. I hate this place and that man, and I don't want even a small thing to remind me of him. I don't want this child... Father, please."
She held her stomach harshly, but the Count grabbed her hand and said:
"I don't care. No one needs your feelings. The heir is what matters. If you want, give birth to the heir and leave the guardianship to me; I will take care of the child and the fortune."
"Hasn't my usefulness ended? I married the Duke so your business would flourish. Look, you have become one of the richest men in Seredia. Isn't that enough?"
'I was almost screaming. Perhaps the death of the man who fed on my pain had given me some false courage, but..
Slap!!!!
I felt numbness in my cheek and looked at the man called a father. I heard his words filled with poison:
"You are lucky you married Duke Altan and nothing less. Your beautiful face is the only benefit you possess. If the heir dies, know that you will be married off before you even bury him. So, take care of him."
I swallowed the pain that burned my heart, looked at the man called a father, and lowered my head:
"As you say, Father."
"Good. From this moment on, you will delegate all operations concerning Altan to me."
I nodded yes. After Count Bryant triumphed and left with signs of victory on his face, I covered my swollen cheek with my hat and headed to my room on the third floor. I threw off the hat and began tearing at those suffocating clothes. I had a small hope of being freed from this hell, but my father made me sink deeper into my misery and despair...
I am Elite, the third daughter of Count Bryant. I had Ella, an older sister seven years my senior, and a second brother, Louis, four years older than me. My relationship with my older siblings was lukewarm—not harmful, but not good. It wasn't always like this, not until my mother passed away when I was seven. She had a weak body, but the Count, who wanted tools to use, forced her into pregnancy and childbirth. During her fourth pregnancy, she died along with the baby. I cried bitterly at the death of my warm mother, but I found no one to embrace my tears.
When I was eleven, my sister got married. She married at eighteen, which is still a normal age for any girl to marry into a powerful family. But I married immediately after my debut at the age of fifteen. In the Kingdom of Seredia, young ladies make their debut between the ages of fifteen and twenty, and marriage at fifteen is permitted, so I was married off quickly.
After my debut, my father demanded I start taking bridal lessons. Things were embarrassing for me; I was a child trying to catch my father's eye and show my talents, but I was the biggest failure in my family because I possessed magic but was not a mage. It was just a useless weapon, and my power wasn't even great, which weakened my utility.
After my debut, Duke Leonard de Altan, who was more than twenty years older than me, came forward. Although he was an old widower, my father agreed—for his own benefit, certainly. Indeed, less than a year passed before I married the Duke, who treated me with utter cruelty. He did not respect my youth or lack of experience; he didn't stop there, but tortured me harshly to satisfy his sadism and ego. He created scars within me that would not heal.
After years of torment, the Emperor declared a state of emergency on Seredia's borders. Because the Duke was the Emperor's dog, the Emperor gave the banner to the Duke for various reasons, including not giving the honor of the border battle to his younger brother, the second prince, Eric von de Rohan. But what happened was that the Duke lost his life.
When I heard the news, I was somewhat happy despite knowing of my pregnancy. I was planning to abort it anyway and waited for the funeral to end. But my father destroyed my last hope. I carried nothing but resentment for the creature residing inside my womb. But I had hope, a very small hope: that if a girl or a child who did not carry the Altan symbol was born... but fate played dirty with me. A male child was born with Altan's silver hair—in fact, a child who resembled his father to an unbelievable degree.
I never held the child and didn't even look at him. After more than a week, I gave him a name. I didn't want to, but I gave him the first name that came to mind: "Ayan." I cared for neither the name nor the child, but I was only careful that he didn't die.
When one of the maids very close to me poisoned him when he was seven, I killed her brutally. I felt intense anger for that. I did it for myself, surely. This child must not die.
He grew and grew to resemble Duke Leonard de Altan, which made me tremble just at the sight of him. Even my remaining trivial feelings were eroding, replaced by fear and hatred. The child possessed great magical power, so much so that it would leak and destroy what was around him. I didn't care much, but after the problems it caused, I was forced to call a specialist doctor to regulate his magic. I didn't care about him; I built myself as a powerful Duchess and a noble lady of standing.
The child was a Duke from birth. When he turned sixteen, I handed over all the Duchy's affairs to him. Despite my influential personality and strong network, I did not intervene and only watched that boy grow more and more violent, becoming colder than I was. Ayan grew up without emotion and indeed became a tyrant.
When he turned twenty-five, the great disaster occurred. It was announced that Duke Ayan Altan was a traitor—a man who killed the Emperor and many influential figures in the Empire in a brutal way. He made monsters attack the capital. He did so much; in less than a year, he did so much. After much effort, he was caught and imprisoned.
I managed to escape and hide from the Imperial family, but Ayan was sentenced to execution in the public square before everyone...
I attended his final moments. My heart was tearing apart. Didn't I hate this child and fear him? Why do I feel pain now?! It's fine, no feelings remain...
When the executioner asked him if he had any last words, I didn't process the question. But he smiled. I didn't know Ayan had a face that could smile, even if it was a sad smile. I never looked at him throughout the twenty-five years, never. Ayan smiled sadly and said:
"I do not care for this Empire's hatred of me, for I never desired your good feelings. So here I am, being executed now to rid you of your final chains. The last Altan monster is executed; Altan will be erased from existence."
Ayan fell silent amidst the people's jeers, but he remained smiling with eyes glistening with tears. His eyes were amber-red; I didn't know his eyes resembled mine...
The guillotine fell, and he was executed. I felt warmth on my cheek. I placed my hand on my wet cheeks in shock. 'Why am I crying?! Why does my heart hurt so much?' I placed my hand on my heart, almost dying from the pain...
Afterward, I left the square so no one would discover me. I heard later that he was buried in the Altan estate as a final tribute to the history of the Duchy that had remained loyal to the Empire for centuries. It didn't make sense. After that, all the Duchy's properties were confiscated for the national treasury...
I managed to leave Seredia after Ayan's death with difficulty. I escaped to an allied country after changing my identity. The strange thing was that my escape was very smooth, as if someone was helping me in the shadows...
I thought that after the death of the last Altan, I would be free. But my heart pained me every day and every second. I watched nightmares where Ayan was executed. Sometimes I saw him as a small child being executed before me in the same way. I was tearing up inside. My life grew worse, and I realized one truth: I had never touched my child. Regret was eating me alive.
The beautiful lady I was, even though I was in my mid-forties, had faded. I became like an old woman, helpless and pale in less than a year. Death was easier than my life...
One day, there was a knock on the door of my simple country house. I went to open it and was surprised by the person who stepped forward, and I was forced to let him in...
"I won't take much of your time, but this is the will of Duke Ayan de Altan before his death."
"Do you mean after his execution?"
I spoke in a choked and shaky voice. The young man raised an eyebrow and said:
"I didn't think the powerful Duchess Elite de Altan would be shaken. No matter. I must leave. Farewell."
A bundle of papers was left in my hand. I placed the bundle on the table and began opening it. They were property deeds in the name of Elite Bryant.
"Why my maiden name?!"
There was a document... it was a divorce document..
My jaw dropped in shock, and my mind scrambled. The document bore my signature and the signatures of witnesses with the Imperial seal. Strangely, it was backdated to more than two years before the rebellion. The document had been accepted, and near it was a letter confirming that I have no connection to the Altan family, and that under Imperial law, I am not classified as a traitor and can live as a Bryant without disturbance.
'Was I exonerated?! Why?!'
I could now live freely inside the capital as an ordinary noble citizen. I swallowed hard in astonishment, but I wasn't happy—at all. Because I didn't know why he did all this for me?! ...
There was a letter. It was a letter from Ayan...
My eyes burned more, and I hugged the letter. I was truly starting to lose my mind. I didn't care if he said he hated me, because I deserved it. But I hugged the letter because I was deeply regretful...
I opened the letter with trembling hands, and when I opened it, I wailed aloud...
[ To Mother
I know you will be annoyed when I call you that, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to say it to you for the first and last time...
I have one question... Why do you hate me?! You could have killed me at birth or when I was inside you, but I believe you were forced to do that. Mother, I am sorry for what happened to you because of me and because of Altan. I wished I could take more of your resentment from this world. I have completely freed you from Altan. I hope you will be happy. This is compensation for what Altan did to you. I had only one selfish wish, which was for you to love me. I hope you love me even if I die. Now you will be happy. Please love me, Mother. For my self, which no one loved—not even I—I hope its only solace is a small amount of love, Mother...
Mother, I love you very much. Farewell, Mother ]
I was wailing with all my might. I read the letter hundreds of times, but the pain only squeezed my heart. My child, whom I did not love, did not hate me; he hated himself. He took upon himself the responsibility of this wretched world. My child loved me...
I was a very cruel mother. I was the one who should have died, not Ayan. Curse me! Why wasn't it me who died? Why Ayan? I burdened this child with my failure and my pain...
* * * After that, I returned to Seredia. I did not go to the Bryant mansion; I arrived directly at the Altan estate located in the east of the Empire. Despite the heavy guard on the family graves, I managed to enter through my own ways...
Ayan's grave was placed in a corner far from all the Altans. He was buried alone, just as he had lived alone..
I approached his grave and began wiping the headstone that bore his name:
"Ayan, my little one... I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I hope you are happy in your next life."
"If only fate would give me one chance to hold you with my hands, stroke your hair, hug you, and smell your scent—I don't even remember it. My little Ayan... I am in pain. You know, I deserve..."
"I didn't deserve a wonderful son like you. I am the one who burdened you with my weakness and my torment. You are my child, a piece of my soul. You don't deserve..."
I took a small bottle shimmering with a dark purple liquid, remembering what the seller said...
["It is a very harmful poison; it makes the victim suffer greatly, as if their body is being torn apart. Madam, is there someone you want to kill with such brutality?!"]
I took a deep breath, opened the bottle cap, and poured it into my mouth.
"I am the one who deserves to die in pain."
I felt the poison starting to tear my body apart. I began to gasp and ache, tears burning in my eyes.
"Ayan, I am sorry, my little one. If time could go back, I would have given you love instead of resentment. I would have held you more, told you that you are the best son in the world. I... I didn't hate you. I burdened you with my hatred for myself and my helplessness... my child, I love you."
........ To be continued .......