00:34
Kazuha had been tossing and turning in bed for the second hour already, desperately trying to trick himself into sleep. He tried listening to music, reading, squeezing his eyes shut, counting sheep—nothing worked to send him into the realm of Morpheus. All because of the unpleasant, anxious thoughts that had been haunting his bright mind since that cursed Saturday.
It wasn't like Kaedehara to spiral into long, exhausting worries, but this time he couldn't shake the sticky unease that kept him from falling asleep.
The reason was his beloved music band and its possible career downfall—because with each passing day, a happy ending seemed less and less believable. Besides Venti—who'd conveniently bailed at the perfect moment—the problem for Kazuha now was Xiao's condition. Of course, Kaedehara genuinely worried for his bandmate and in no way blamed him for neglecting his health (Kazuha was sure there was a more serious reason), but deep down he understood that Alatus's current state didn't lend itself to long rehearsals, let alone performances. And that wasn't even the end of Kazuha's worries, because on top of everything came the student council with its damn certification. Why did they always have to complicate everything?
Kazuha sighed, feeling no closer to sleep. He wanted to calm down and drift off as quickly as possible, but his whole body felt jittery. The guitarist got out of bed, deciding that if he couldn't sleep, he might as well use the time productively. On the desk he saw a stack of books and a thick hardcover notebook. Regretfully realizing he couldn't write anything worthwhile right now, he dropped his head back onto the pillow, scattering loose white strands.
This was unbearable.
If Kazuha were in his own apartment instead of the dorm, he'd definitely pick up his guitar. Even aimless strumming might calm his frayed nerves and inflamed mind, but right now the musician couldn't allow himself that—he'd wake his friends sleeping behind the walls. Disturbing their rest for his own sake was unacceptable.
How long had he been lying here? An hour? Two? In that time he could've gone to the next city and back—such a waste of time gave more benefit and impressions than endless attempts to fall asleep.
Kazuha sat up again, standing without fully deciding where he was going or what he'd do. The thought came to go to the kitchen and brew some herbal tea. Not guitar, of course, but it might help. The guy gathered his hair into a messy low ponytail and left the room, stepping as quietly as possible on the floor. But passing the hallway, Kazuha noticed a strip of light under Gorou's door.
The guitarist stopped, seriously wondering why his friend wasn't sleeping at this hour? Tomorrow was Tuesday—Gorou had grueling classes and a café shift after, and he needed to be up in less than six hours… What kind of attitude was this toward his schedule? Was Gorou trying to compete with Xiao in fainting contests? Xiao was still winning, but Kazuha really didn't like the trend.
He stood opposite the door for another minute, debating: leave or knock? Logically, he shouldn't pry into his friend's personal matters, but worrying about his condition tomorrow… Damn it.
The blond sighed quietly—almost inaudibly—and approached the door, raising his hand to knock. But in that instant the door flew open, blinding Kazuha with yellow lamplight. Gorou stood on the threshold, unprepared, and collided forehead-first with his suddenly arriving neighbor. He let out a quiet yelp of surprise and stumbled back, tangling his own feet, but Kaedehara caught him by the arm just in time to keep him from falling.
"Kazuha?!"
"Oh, sorry!" the blond gripped his forearm firmly, looking worriedly into the young man's startled face. "You okay?"
Gorou flinched slightly, first staring in surprise at Kazuha who'd grabbed him, then averting his eyes and rubbing the bumped spot on his forehead, frowning a little:
"Yeah, I'm fine… What are you doing here?"
Kazuha sighed, gently releasing the other's arm from his tight grip. What a stupid situation… Hopefully Kokomi hadn't woken up from the noise.
"I saw light under your door and wanted to check why you're not sleeping."
"I… was preparing for tomorrow's seminar," Gorou said, glancing back at his desk piled with papers, books, and tech. Kazuha sensed uncertainty in his voice: this answer was most likely a lie because Gorou was terrible at hiding emotions, and lying didn't come easily to him.
The musician arched a light brow questioningly. Gorou opened his mouth to justify himself but suddenly realized:
"Wait. Why aren't you sleeping?"
Kazuha gave a short "hah," quickly trying to come up with an excuse. What had he actually been doing? Homework? Writing songs?
"I just don't feel like sleeping," the blond admitted, rubbing his neck. "Probably slept enough over the weekend."
Gorou blinked in astonishment several times, trying to figure out if Kazuha was serious. The answer sounded so absurd even Kaedehara himself was surprised.
"You're terrible at lying," the brunette said, earning the same in return:
"So are you."
The friends stared at each other intently, then started quietly laughing at the ridiculous dialogue and situation. Kazuha smiled softly and received the same reaction. Checking on a friend, yeah right.
Gorou turned off the light and carefully closed his bedroom door.
"I was actually going to the kitchen to make coffee," he said.
"You're not planning to sleep?" In response Kazuha only heard an exhausted sigh. Apparently Gorou really was busy with something very important if he was willing to sacrifice precious sleep hours.
Why did everyone in Kazuha's circle have schedule problems? Was this normal for students? Or just a coincidence? Out of his close friends, Kazuha could count on one hand the people who—if not getting proper sleep—at least didn't work around the clock. Though he himself was starting to step onto that slippery path, and his current wakefulness was clear proof. All that was left was to accidentally run into Kokomi in the hallway—who'd either woken up from their noisy collision or was also up due to studies/work/whatever—and they could officially open the night owls club.
"Can I keep you company?" Kazuha offered to go to the kitchen with Gorou, still thinking about a cup of hot tea.
The guys went downstairs to the first floor. Unexpectedly they found the kitchen light on and… Kokomi sitting at the table. The girl looked up questioningly from the book she was reading as they entered. Kazuha sighed, running a hand over his face, while Gorou started chuckling quietly. Here they all were, gathered together. Now they could officially call themselves the club of hopeless workaholics with wrecked schedules. The only question was how Kazuha fit into it.
"And why aren't you sleeping?"
"The book's really interesting," Kokomi answered with a slightly guilty smile, and for some reason Kazuha could accept that. He'd once stayed up all night reading himself. "And you two, why aren't you asleep?"
The friends sat at the table, turning the unexpected midnight gathering into reality. Kokomi finished reading, closed her book, and poured herself some tea too.
"Gorou, how are you going to work tomorrow?"
"It'll be fine," the young man tried to reassure her. "After my shift I wanted to go to the library with Thoma."
"You're insane," Kazuha couldn't hold back his indignation anymore. What kind of person was this? Really trying to compete with Xiao? "I'll tell Thoma to send you home after work."
"He's right," Kokomi nodded, standing from the table. "Please stop pushing yourself so hard. It's never led to anything good."
"I know, I know," Gorou rolled his eyes at his friends' concern and sighed, continuing to drink his coffee.
"Good boy," Sangonomiya placed her palm on Gorou's head, gently stroking his hair in a tender, caring gesture. "Alright, guys, I'm going to bed after all. Tomorrow our book club starts certification, so I'll have to get to university early."
The girl waved goodbye; the guys wished her good night in return.
The news about certification noticeably changed Kazuha's mood. The musician silently lowered his gaze. He really hadn't wanted to think right now about how tomorrow they'd probably have to deal with this damn…
"Kazuha?" Gorou immediately noticed his friend sinking into thought and interrupted the stream of anxious ideas. The brunette saw tension on the face opposite him.
"Yeah…?"
"Listen, I wanted to ask," Gorou started right away. "At the meeting today Aether said you guys won't perform at the fall festival."
Kazuha flinched. And this was exactly the topic he least wanted to return to right now. The problem that had been gnawing at the musician for the past few days and caused his mild insomnia. And why had Gorou decided to ask about it now?
"Yeah, we… have a little problem in the band," Kaedehara answered softly.
"What happened?"
Kazuha could've answered that question with many things. He could've said "ANEMO" was left without a vocalist, that Xiao's condition wouldn't allow him to attend rehearsals, that tomorrow the student council might shut their band down, take away their rehearsal room, and leave them without the minimal funding they had. But Kazuha couldn't dump that whole pile of problems on his friend. He already had plenty of his own worries, so why should Kaedehara…
"Hey," Gorou unexpectedly placed his palm on the musician's hand—the one holding the tea mug. "Kazuha, please…"
"Tell me" was what Gorou meant to say, but he stayed silent. The guitarist lowered his gaze to his friend's hand, which gently touched the slightly roughened skin from constant training. Gorou noticed he'd held on too long and quickly pulled away, blushing slightly.
"Oh, sorry…"
Kazuha just smiled softly, noticing the faint flush on the young man's cheeks. Kaedehara always found this trait of Gorou charming: when he unconsciously said or did something because he couldn't control his emotions or impulses. How could anyone ignore this simple gesture and the worry mixed with embarrassment that Kazuha now saw on his friend's face?
"The problem is Venti decided to leave the band," the musician finally answered, deciding to start this conversation. Gorou just touched his chin thoughtfully. "And honestly, I should take his place, but I don't like that idea," Kazuha paused, trying to choose words so his friend would understand correctly. "I'm not sure I want to sing. It's…" he sighed, looking away with his ruby eyes. "…I'm not good at it."
"What…?" Gorou's hand hit the table with a thud, surprised by the musician's statement. "Are you serious right now, Kazuha?" There was some indignation in the young man's voice—he was ready to argue the opposite because he thought completely differently.
"I meant I won't be able to pull off the same vocals as Venti. It would take tons of time and effort, and finding a new vocalist is hard enough," Kazuha's voice grew quiet, almost dropping to a whisper by the end. Gorou listened silently, watching his friend's dimmed gaze intently. Seeing Kaedehara like this was a rare phenomenon. Usually he didn't give in to such apathy or anxiety, but judging by his melancholic tone, right now he really was worried about the band's future. Maybe because he didn't see a way out?
What should I do?
"Hey, Kazuha," Gorou called him again, making Kaedehara lift his head. "You know, I have a list of people… Well, in my head, I mean," he added, smiling awkwardly. "People I admire!"
Kazuha looked at Gorou with genuine interest as he continued:
"And you're one of them," the young man admitted. "Well, you know, the list isn't very long. A couple people from student council, Kokomi, and you," Gorou repeated, starting to blush furiously at what he was saying. "And all the time I've known you, you've always been so determined and strong. It's always inspired me a lot," a spark of genuine admiration appeared in his turquoise eyes. "So I don't believe you're ready to give up and let go of something you love just because you're not sure of your own strength. Maybe Venti really has talent, but you know… it's never too late to learn? You were the backup vocalist, so you understand what you'd be working with," Gorou pursed his lips slightly. "You really shouldn't worry about not meeting someone's expectations. You get what I mean?"
At first Kazuha listened to Gorou, feeling grateful for every word of support, but that last phrase threw Kaedehara off:
"Gorou…?"
"Well," noticing his friend's reaction, the other faltered slightly. "Aren't you worried that after Venti's vocals the audience won't accept you as the new vocalist? Anyway, that's not how it works. People love you and will accept whatever you do. I'm sure of it!"
Kazuha was stunned. No—he was completely floored by Gorou's perceptiveness. How did this guy manage to be… like this? He couldn't control his emotions or reactions at all, yet in terms of insight Gorou was definitely on par with half of Kazuha's acquaintances.
He'd dragged to the surface Kazuha's biggest anxiety that had been eating at him for the past few days.
Kaedehara really didn't want to be vocalist because… he was afraid of not living up to expectations. Whose? Everyone's. The band's—because weak vocals could end their career. Their listeners'—not that there were huge numbers (enough for a two-story club hall), and finally, his own. He was afraid to approach something he'd never been particularly interested in, where his skills were only average, so he didn't know if he could handle the vocalist role when completely unprepared. And if he couldn't—what then? He feared becoming a disappointment to everyone, including himself.
"Kazuha," Gorou called his name again, voice full of such tenderness and concern that Kaedehara started feeling he shouldn't have started this conversation and put his friend in this state. "Promise you won't give up," Gorou smiled. And Kazuha couldn't hold back the warmth flooding his chest from the pleasant words of support.
"I promise."
Gorou was a wonderful, loyal friend, and Kazuha was convinced of it once again. He was glad they'd talked—even like this, sitting at night in the kitchen when both should be sleeping. There was something romantic and intimate about it, something they'd remember tomorrow with warmth in their hearts.
"And by the way," Gorou took another sip of coffee. "You have a manager now! Aether will definitely help you," the young man nodded confidently.
"Why are you so sure about him?"
"Well, you know, he's a great guy—you can trust him completely," Gorou answered without hesitation. "Remember I said I had a list of people I admire? Well, Aether's number two on it!"
"That's actually a solid argument," Kazuha chuckled kindly. "And may I ask—who's number one?"
Gorou immediately went silent, looking away again, a treacherous blush appearing on his cheeks.
"I… I won't say!" he jumped up from the table.
Gorou, you're terrible at lying.