[Location: Arcadia - Hero Welcome Center]
[Time: 10 minutes post-summoning]
The New Heroes were surrounded by groupies.
"Please sign my shield!"
"Hero Kenji! Marry my daughter!"
Kenji was soaking it up. He posed with his katana. "Don't worry, citizens! I, Kenji the Blade, will defeat the Demon King!"
Alice, the Paladin, looked nervous. "Kenji-kun, shouldn't we check our stats first? This isn't a game..."
"Relax, Alice-chan! We have Plot Armor!"
I walked through the crowd.
I wasn't wearing my Emperor's Robes. I was wearing a hooded cloak with a glowing question mark above my head.
(Yes, I used [Illusion Magic] to literally put a '?' over my head. Gamers are like moths to a flame with that symbol.)
Kenji saw me instantly.
"Whoa! Look guys! An NPC Quest Giver!"
He ran over to me.
"Greetings, Old Man!" Kenji shouted. "Do you have a quest for us?"
I lowered my hood slightly, revealing a scarred, grizzled face (illusion).
"Greetings, Travelers," I rasped, using my best 'Mysterious Mentor' voice. "I see you have the aura of destiny."
"That's us!" Kenji grinned. "What's the quest? Kill 10 rats? Deliver a letter?"
"No," I said gravely. "The situation is dire. The Demon King is gathering his forces."
"But there is hope."
I pulled out a map. It was a fake map I drew on a napkin five minutes ago.
"Deep in the Caverns of Echoes, there lies the Sword of Infinite Victory."
"Only the Chosen One can pull it from the stone."
Kenji's eyes turned into yen symbols. "Sword of Infinite Victory? That sounds SSS-Rank!"
"It is," I lied. "But be warned. The cavern is dangerous. Only those with true courage can enter."
"We'll take it!" Kenji slammed his hand on the map. "System! Accept Quest!"
The System (which I was currently hacking via my Chaos Broker class) pinged.
[Quest Received: The Sword of Victory.]
[Difficulty: Tutorial.]
[Reward: Legendary Weapon + Harem Approval.]
"Let's go, team!" Kenji shouted. "To the Caverns!"
The party cheered and ran off toward the city gates.
Alice hesitated. She looked at me.
"Sir... why aren't you going yourself?"
Smart girl.
"I took an arrow to the knee," I said deadpan.
She nodded sympathetically and ran after them.
I watched them leave.
Sylvia de-cloaked next to me.
"Master," she whispered. "The Caverns of Echoes... isn't that just a hole in the ground filled with Mimics?"
"Yes."
"And the 'Sword'?"
"It's a rusted spoon glued to a rock."
"You're evil."
"I'm efficient. Now, while they are busy fighting chairs that bite back, we have business."
"Business?"
"Yes. The Tournament starts in an hour."
"And I just registered."
——————————————————————————————————————————
[The Arcadia Coliseum]
The stadium was packed. 50,000 spectators.
[Event: The Continental Championship]
[Prize: The Orb of Prophecy.]
The Orb of Prophecy was an artifact that could answer one question about the future.
The Church wanted it to find me.
The Empire wanted it to find resources.
I wanted it to find the Interstellar Key.
"Contestant #42: The Masked Merchant!" The announcer shouted.
I walked into the arena. I wore a simple venetian mask and a suit.
My opponent was a Berserker from the Badlands.
He was 7 feet tall. Muscles on muscles. Holding two axes.
"I WILL DRINK YOUR BLOOD!" the Berserker screamed, frothing at the mouth.
"I will drink your milkshake," I replied.
FIGHT.
The Berserker charged.
I didn't draw a weapon.
I reached into my pocket.
I pulled out a Bag of Gold.
"Hey!" I shouted.
The Berserker paused. "What?"
I tossed the bag at his face.
[Skill: Bribe.]
(Chaos Broker Class Skill: Forcefully changes target's aggro).
The bag hit him. It burst open. 500 gold coins scattered.
The Berserker looked at the gold. He looked at me.
"That's... that's a year's wages."
"Walk away," I said, "and I'll double it."
The Berserker dropped his axes.
"I yield!"
The crowd booed. "Fix! Match fixing!"
"It's not fixing," I shouted to the stands. "It's Financial Consulting."
[Winner: The Masked Merchant.]
I walked back to the waiting room.
Sylvia was waiting.
"That was expensive," she noted.
"Cheaper than repairing my suit if he got blood on it."
"Master, looking at the bracket... your next opponent is troublesome."
She pointed to the board.
[Semi-Finals: Masked Merchant vs. Saintess Clara.]
"Clara?" I frowned. "I thought Seraphina was the only Saintess."
"She was. Clara is the replacement. The Church grew her in a vat."
"A vat-grown waifu?" I raised an eyebrow. "Technology has come too far."
"She uses Mind Control Magic. She makes opponents surrender by showing them their sins."
"Sins?"
I laughed.
"I have so many sins, I need a spreadsheet to track them."
"This is going to be fun."
——————————————————————————————————————————
[Semi-Final Match]
Clara stood in the arena. She looked exactly like Seraphina, but with dead, doll-like eyes.
"Sinner," Clara spoke. Her voice was amplified magic. "Kneel and repent."
She raised her staff.
[Spell: Judgment of the Soul.]
A beam of white light hit me.
Usually, this spell forces the victim to relive their worst memories.
I stood there.
I closed my eyes.
Memory 1: Me killing Arthur. (Funny).
Memory 2: Me burning the Slime Queen. (Disgusting, but necessary).
Memory 3: Me scamming Gallywix. (Profitable).
I opened my eyes.
"Is that it?" I asked. "I was expecting guilt. I just feel Nostalgic."
Clara blinked. Her doll-face showed confusion.
"Impossible. No soul is without regret!"
"I have regrets," I admitted.
"Like that time I didn't loot the Goblin King's shoes. They were +2 Agility."
"DIE!" Clara shrieked. She switched to offensive magic. [Holy Arrow].
I raised my Black Gold Card.
"System. Transaction."
[Skill: Hostile Takeover.]
[Target: Clara's Staff.]
I didn't block the spell. I bought the catalyst.
The staff flew out of her hands and into mine.
"Hey! That's Church property!"
"Possession is 9/10ths of the law," I said.
I inspected the staff.
[Item: Staff of False Idols.]
[Effect: Brainwashing +50%.]
"Gross," I said. "Into the trash."
I snapped the staff over my knee.
SNAP.
Clara screamed as her connection to the Church's hive-mind was severed. She collapsed, clutching her head.
"My voice... the voices are gone!"
She looked up at me. Terror.
"What are you?"
I walked over. I crouched down.
"I'm the guy who breaks the toys the Church tries to sell."
I tapped her forehead.
[Skill: Sleep.]
She passed out.
[Winner: The Masked Merchant.]
The crowd was silent. I had just dismantled a Saintess in 30 seconds without casting a single attack spell.
I looked up at the VIP box.
The Tournament Organizer was watching.
He wore a cloak of stars.
[Target: The Prophet.]
[Level: 90.]
He wasn't human.
He was an Observer for the Constellations.
He smiled at me.
I smiled back.
And mouthed one word.
"Soon."
[Quest Update: The Tournament.]
[Status: Finals Reached.]
[Next Opponent: The Prophet Himself.]
[Side Quest Update: The Hero Party.]
Kenji is currently being eaten by a Mimic disguised as a treasure chest.
Alice is crying.
Plan proceeding perfectly.