January 1, 2026 — 10:45 PM | Wave 1 — Time Remaining: 07 Hr 15 Min
The interior of the windowless adult store was no longer a sanctuary of "culture"; it had become a high-definition snuff film. Gilbert Wilton, the self-proclaimed "Lone Wolf" of the Utah Sector, was pinned to the sticky concrete by a mass of twitching, mossy limbs. The lead plant-humanoid's grip was clinical and terrifyingly firm, its vine-wrapped fingers constricting around his "junk" as it conducted a cold, biological data transfer.
"REEEEE! Unhand me, you low-tier botanical fodder!" Gilbert's voice cracked into a hysterical, wet shriek. "This is a violation of my character arc! I have EX-Rank potential! You're supposed to be part of my harem, not harvesting my seed for your hive-mind! This is literally NTR!".
Desperation flooded his massive frame. He attempted a "Ronin" headbutt, visualizing a bone-shattering impact from Steel-Heart Vanguard. Instead, his forehead merely squelched into his own layers of facial fat and sweat-slicked hair, failing to make any meaningful contact with the creature's bark-like skin. He tried to kick, but his legs—devoid of functional strength and burdened by his own weight—merely thrashed uselessly like a flipped turtle. Within seconds, the mere effort of resisting had left him wheezing, his lungs whistling against the unmitigated weight of his own torso.
"Malenia! MALENIA-CHAAAAN! Help me! Your Master commands you! Use the Waterfowl Dance or whatever, just get this thing off my nether regions!" he wailed, his eyes bulging as he felt a cold, wet tendril slither upward beneath the fabric of his polyester sweatpants.
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
SLC_Savage: "The 'Master' is currently being used as a USB drive by a shrub. I'm actually going to be sick. 🤢🤮"
Vile_Virtue: "Look at the fear in his eyes. The way the double chin wobbles while he screams for his waifu to save him... this is peak content. 10/10 😂🔥"
Provo_Prepper_88: "He's accepting his fate. He's closing his eyes. RIP Utah, we're being represented by a guy who's getting a 'hand-job' from a fern."
GamerGod_69: "Malenia is currently outside carrying the entire state on her back while he does this. Just delete us now."
Utah_Mom_Jen: "Is there a way to turn off the video? My children are watching their future be decided by a boy in a hentai section!"
SaltLake_Savage: "F's in the chat for Gilbert. He's about to get 'Let Me Solo Her'd' by his own life choices. ⚰️🤡"
Gilbert squeezed his eyes shut, his throat raw from screaming. He waited for the final "propagation," a pathetic, gurgling sob escaping his lips.
Suddenly, a heavy, wet thud echoed through the store, followed by a spray of cold, neon-green ichor that coated Gilbert's face and his tattered "Neko-Maid" shirt. He bolted his eyes open. The humanoid was still on top of him, but it had gone rigid. A five-foot-long blade of tarnished steel had erupted through its mossy chest, pinning it to Gilbert like a botanical specimen.
"Malenia! My Goddess! You've arrived!" Gilbert shrieked in pure, pathetic relief.
Malenia, the Blade of Miquella, stood over them both. Her scarlet cape was shredded, and her gold armor was scored by deep scratches, but her presence was a crushing weight of lethal intent. With a mechanical whir of her prosthetic, she wrenched her blade upward, bisecting the creature in a single, fluid motion and sending its remains tumbling across the floor.
She looked down at Gilbert—shivering, covered in green slime, and lying amidst a pile of adult magazines—with a silence that radiated a mounting, lethal disgust.
"Thou art a creature of stagnant rot," she murmured, her voice a low cadence that carried the weary weight of centuries. "I have walked through the scarlet bloom of Caelid, yet I have never encountered a den as foul as this, nor a soul as hollow as thine.".
She said nothing more. She simply stepped over his trembling form and entered a blur of motion, her blade singing as she began systematically dismembering the remaining humanoids that had dared to enter the shop.
Gilbert remained frozen, amazed despite having seen her dance of death before. He tried to stand, but his body was a hollowed-out husk of lactic acid and shame. Realizing he was safe for the moment, Gilbert's warped mind reverted to its baseline. He rolled his head to the side, his gaze landing on his phone, where Tentacle Empress was still looping on the screen.
"I can't do anything... she's got this," Gilbert muttered to the chat, his right hand twitching toward a discarded figurine. "She's basically my summon, so her kills are my kills. I'm just a support-class strategist anyway. Chat, be understanding of my predicament. A protagonist needs his 'recharge' time.".
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
Logan_Lumberjack: "He's actually going back to the screen while she fights for his life? This kid is a parasite. 🪱🤢"
Utah_Mom_Jen: "Look at the state of that floor! And he's just sitting there! Someone please let that poor woman leave him."
SLC_Savage: "He's 'recharging'? More like he's downloading more brain rot. Malenia 100, Gilbert -10,000."
GamerGod_69: "She's starting to realize the 'tether' is a curse. I'd be mad too if I was stuck within 100 feet of a guy who smells like Mountain Dew."
Provo_Simp: "If Malenia dies, it's Gilbert's fault. I'm calling it now."
Orem_Otaku: "Bro, he was standing on his bed to look tall earlier, now he's groveling on the floor. I'm dying. 🤣😭"
Hours passed. The frantic activity of the jungle outside settled into a predatory hush. Gilbert had spent the interval in a trance of high-gloss paper and digital escapism, completely ignoring the mounting pool of green ichor on the floor. Finally, Malenia returned to the center of the store, her blade slick with sap. She found Gilbert still on the ground, infatuated with his screen. With a sharp, mechanical click of her prosthetic, Malenia reached down and grabbed Gilbert by the collar, hoisting all 185 pounds of him into the air until his face was inches from her eyeless helm.
"The sun flees this tomb," she whispered, her voice a low, terrifying hum. "I have dreamt for so long, and yet this nightmare persists. If thou wouldst have me tethered to thy shadow, then thou shalt move. Go out. Find fuel for a fire. Secure a perimeter for a camp. If the vines take thee, I shall feel only the relief of a broken leash.".
"Right now? It's literally 'Nightmare' difficulty out there!" Gilbert wheezed, his double chin wobbling. "There could be S-rank mobs lurking! Plus, I'm still hurt from that arrow! Why should I, the Master, have to do the manual labor? In every Isekai, the servant does the—".
He stopped. Even without seeing her eyes, he could feel the sudden, icy surge of bloodlust emanating from her. The Hand of Malenia hissed an inch out of its scabbard.
"You know what? Yeah. Firewood. Natural resource gathering. Essential for the survival loop," Gilbert squeaked, raising his hands in a defensive gesture. "Just... let me down, My Lady?".
Malenia dropped him like a bag of wet laundry. As she began "adjusting" the store—deliberately crushing his stacks of magazines and figurines under her armored boots—Gilbert scrambled toward the door. Stepping out into the emerald gloom, he gasped. The street level was a charnel house of botanical remains. Dozens of plant-humanoids lay butchered, their bodies littering the pavement in a testament to the Goddess of War he had tethered to his side.
Stepping out into the humid, oxygen-heavy air, Gilbert paused, his jaw hanging open as the bio-luminescent flora painted the ruined streets in neon shades of cyan and violet. "It's... it's just like Avatar," he whispered, a greasy smile spreading across his face as he momentarily forgot the "Nightmare" difficulty environment. "I knew the System would provide some high-tier aesthetics for the protagonist.".
However, the memory of the plant-archer's arrow and the "clinical" violation he had just endured quickly soured his wonder. Terrified of wandering beyond the invisible tether that bound him to his summon, Gilbert began a pathetic "scavenging" run. For over an hour, he shuffled within a ten-foot radius of the adult store's entrance, his eyes darting frantically between the glowing ferns. To preserve his sanity, he kept his back strictly toward the open door of the "Cube," reasoning that if anything ambushed him from behind, it would be Malenia and not another "botanical bastard" with "intentions".
His 3XL cat-girl shirt was now a heavy, sodden rag, acting as a "sweat pool" for the moisture rolling off his doughy frame. After what felt like a marathon, he shambled back into the artificial light, clutching a mountain of twigs—most no thicker than a pencil—in his one functional arm.
"Malenia-chan~ I'm home! I've secured the resources!" he chirped, attempting a suave, anime-protagonist tone that was ruined by a wet wheeze.
Malenia turned her eyeless helm toward him. She stared at the pathetic bundle of tinder, then at the man who looked like he had just survived a war zone despite only being gone for an hour. A low, weary sigh escaped her—a sound of genuine disappointment that had echoed through the ages.
"Thou art a hollow effort," she murmured, her voice like a sharpening blade. "Sit. Tend to the spark, if thy clumsy hands are even capable of such a trivial task. I shall seek wood that can actually sustain a flame against the coming damp.".
She vanished into the darkness, leaving Gilbert alone in his "nest" of magazines. He collapsed onto the floor where she had pointed, propping his phone against a stack of DVDs.
"Yo, chat, did you see that?" Gilbert smirked at the camera, wiping a smear of grease from his glasses. "She was totally impressed by my efficiency. She's just acting cold because she doesn't know how to handle an Alpha male of my caliber. Don't worry, ladies in the chat, there's plenty of Gilbert to go around once I win this game.".
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
Mountain_Mover: "HE CALLED THOSE TOOTHPICKS A MOUNTAIN?! I've seen hamsters gather more firewood. 🐹🪵🤣"
Utah_Momma_Jen: "He's sitting in a porn shop, bleeding on the floor, and calling himself an 'Alpha.' My heart breaks for his mother. 🧹😠"
GamerGod_69: "She didn't sigh because she was 'impressed,' you melon. She sighed because she's wondering if the System allows for team-killing. 🗡️💀"
Vile_Virtue: "Look at the sweat-stain on that cat shirt. I can smell this stream through my monitor and I want to die. 🤢👔"
Provo_Prepper_88: "Ladies? What ladies? We're all here to watch you get turned into compost, Gil. 🚜💩"
Zion_Hiker: "He just told the Blade of Miquella she was 'lucky' earlier. Now he's gathering twigs. Utah is getting deleted for sure. 📉⚰️"
"Oh, shut it, you jealous normies!" Gilbert barked, his face turning an angry shade of maroon as he leaned into the phone. "You're just mad because I pulled a Rank-EX Goddess and all you have is your mediocre 9-to-5s and hiking trails! I'm out here living the dream! I'm the representative! You're just the audience!".
As the hours passed, Gilbert remained slumped on the concrete, fulfilling his one "noble" duty: poking at the small pile of twigs with a discarded plastic rod to keep the flame alive. The artificial hum of the store's fluorescent lights and the rhythmic, wet whistle of his own breathing were the only sounds in the "fortress". Eventually, the lack of stimulation began to gnaw at him. He looked around, but his sanctuary offered only the same weary landscape of explicit magazines, "Extra Girth" novelties, and the headless remains of his Tifa figurine.
A greasy light sparked in his eyes behind his fogged-up lenses as a "genius" idea to kill the boredom struck him.
"Hey chat, since I'm feeling generous and my Lady is out doing the 'grunt work,' I'm opening the floor," Gilbert announced, affecting a smug, self-important baritone while leaning toward the glowing smartphone. "Any questions for your representative? I'm sure you normies are dying to know what it's like to have an EX-Rank Unique Skill or how I managed to charm a literal Goddess of War. Don't be shy, I know I'm basically a celebrity now.".
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
SLC_Savage: "Normies? You're sitting in a pile of strawberry lube and shame, Gilbert. My only question is: How are you not dead from the smell yet? 🍓💩🤢"
GamerGod_69: "Actual question: What are the mana costs for the 'Fiction Manifestation'? And does the Rank EX mean you can summon multiple characters, or are you stuck with just Malenia? 🎮🤔"
Mormon_Momma: "Where is your mother, Gilbert? Does she know you're talking to strangers like this in a place that sells... those types of things? 🧹😠"
Vile_Virtue: "What did that plant-humanoid's hand feel like? You looked pretty 'engaged' during that data transfer. 🌿🍆😏"
Provo_Prepper_88: "If Malenia finds a 'foe worthy of her blade' and never comes back, what's your plan for the next 8 hours? Do you even have a weapon that isn't made of silicone? 🗡️🏃♂️"
Beehive_Babe: "Why the cat-girl shirt? Is that a 'Neko-Maid Adventure' limited edition, or did you just pick the first thing that fit your 185lb frame? 👔🐱"
Gilbert leaned back into his "nest," the flickering firelight reflecting off the oily surface of his glasses as he began to address the chat with a tone of unearned authority. His right hand flew across the screen, the orange dust on his fingertips leaving fresh smudges on the glass.
"First off, the smell is just the scent of high-performance grit. An Alpha male like me has an iron-clad constitution; I've lived in worse lobbies than this. If you can't handle a little humidity and history, that's a 'you' problem.".
"As for my Unique Skill, Fiction Manifestation doesn't require mana, and I don't have a mana bar. The System just gave me the prompt, I pressed the button, and the Rank-EX gacha gave me a Goddess. Right now, I only have one summoning slot, so yeah, I'm stuck with Malenia until I level up enough to build the rest of my harem.".
He paused to wipe a line of saliva from his chin, his expression souring as he hit the more personal questions.
"My mother is still in Orem. Next.".
"To the guy asking about the plant thing—it felt rough, 'planty', and cold. Also, fuck you. You wouldn't last a second in this 'Nightmare' difficulty without crying for your mom.".
"My plan if Malenia doesn't come back? Easy. I'll use my impeccable intellect to find a new hiding spot. A strategist doesn't need a sword when he has a 200 IQ brain. And for your information, this Neko-Maid Adventure shirt is a one-of-a-kind treasure. The worker who sold it to me—who had massive 'proportions', by the way—told me I looked 'cute' in it. It was the last one in stock, and she basically begged me to take it for $200. She was clearly hitting on me, but I turned her down based on my 'Lone Wolf' principles.".
"And remorse? Of course I feel remorse, you idiots! I might actually die in this godforsaken botanical apocalypse before I even get to lose my virginity! Do you have any idea how much of a waste of EX-Rank potential that is?".
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
SLC_Savage: "He paid TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS for a shirt that's currently 40% sweat and 60% nacho dust? He didn't get hit on; he got scammed. 💸🤡🤮"
GamerGod_69: "The entitlement is reaching critical mass. He really thinks he's in a romance route while he's sitting in a pool of strawberry lube. 🍓📉🤡"
Provo_Prepper_88: "He literally admitted his plan is just to 'run and hide'. We are so doomed. 🏃♂️⚰️"
Vile_Virtue: "His only remorse is his virginity. Not the city, not the people, just his own lack of 'action'. This is the hero we deserve, apparently. 🤮📉
LDS_TruthSeeker: "The vanity is staggering. He speaks of 'principles' while surrounded by an abomination of desolation. 📖😠"
Mountain_Mover: "Wait, stop arguing with him. Look at the camera feed from the hallway. Something is blocking the light. Malenia isn't back yet. 🌑🌲😱"