Lieben panicked and quickly scanned his surroundings. Not because there was a reason, but at least to burn off some of the extra energy the panic had given him. He hadn't done anything wrong; his heart racing was neither bad nor something he could be blamed for.
What Lieben feared was triggering Faust. What if Faust noticed how excited he'd become after speaking? Maybe he already had. All Lieben wanted was for Faust to talk a little more about himself.
Oh please no! Why the fuck my pulse even shot up.
Faust's senses were sharp and excessively developed. Even if Lieben so much as trembled against the tree they were both leaning on, or a single tear slipped from his eye, the chance of Faust sensing it was extremely high.
"Lieben. Why is your heart beating so fast."
His voice was numb once again. It was as if his tone suggested that he had noticed something or perhaps misunderstood the situation.
Lieben's heartbeats sped up even more with the eight words that left Faust's mouth.
Tension rises.
Dum-dum!....Dum-dum....
"It's a human body, Faust. It sometimes does that you know? Else... I'll probably die."
"It doesn't needs to beat that fast Lieben. You fuckin around with me?
What he had said was stupid—too stupid even for himself. The only way something like that could work was if Faust were as dumb as a monkey, and even a monkey actually couldn't be THAT dumb.
Hmm... aren't monkeys kinda smart tho?
"Lieben!"
Holy shit! No time to think I guess.
"Yes Faust?"
"You remember that I'm right on the other side of the tree, don't you? If you don't give me a proper answer, I'll put my arm straight through the tree and… I won't be planning to do nice things to you."
The thought of telling the truth crossed Lieben's mind. Maybe that would mean Faust would never again talk about himself—neither to Lieben nor to anyone else. Lieben deeply disliked that possibility. He wanted to know him.
They had met only three or four months ago, but it was certain that Faust was mysterious. There were things Lieben needed to know. And it wasn't just him—no one in Corehold knew much about Faust at all.
"Faust. Why are you so mysterious?"
"What?"
Lieben began to speak. Why was it that a man everyone who knew him and stood before him feared... a man whose actions and intentions were unknown and unclear had, throughout his life, offered only certain people the chance to take his surname, become his family, and live with him in Corehold?
The situation was such that it felt as if every single person who took his surname and came to Corehold had been carefully chosen by fate itself. Because, by Lieben's own knowledge and what others had told him, no one had ever rejected him before.
Was it out of fear? No. These were men who didn't even fear death, and it didn't seem as if they were being kept there by force either. From the oldest to the newest, everyone appeared ready to carry out any order and sacrifice themselves in any situation. To them, how long you stayed didn't matter... once you took your first step inside, your worth was the same as everyone else's...
Faust's voice relaxed; he let out a brief laugh and kept a smile on his face.
"So you wonder?"
Lieben's voice was sharp and full of curiosity
"Yes! Please just say something. Why did you choose them? Why did you choose me? Are you lonely?"
"Don't formalize this as some kind of choosing and being chosen, Lieben. Every time I saw each of you, I thought different things to myself…
Someone like Klint, who can make the right call in critical moments…
Someone like Mike, intelligent…
And someone like you... pure and good. I wanted men like that to always be by my side. In a way, I thought you were like me.
Did you notice? None of you had anyone other than yourselves… yet you became a family. Twenty men living in one house like a single fortress. Each of you is special in your own way, but whenever I saw any of you, there was one thing I sensed... something... absolute and undeniable. Loyalty. That was more than enough for me.
There's nothing better than knowing someone has your back, Lieben. Not because I need it. Because I want it.
Am I lonely? I don't know. I'm not even sure of my own age but I want to know my future. I want to be certain. Absolute."
Lieben regretted not having a piece of paper to take notes, but instead of waiting idly, he focused on making sure he remembered every single word he heard.
One more question came to his mind… one he hadn't thought would need to be asked, yet clearly did.
"I really thought you would also mention Arthur as an example. Whats the deal between you and him?"
"Ohohohooohhh!—Hahahaha—Me and Arthur? there's so much to say, boy. Too much to say."