We spent about three taked on Shikaakwa. The mess boiling here was no joke, and without a third party things could easily have gone the wrong way. No, strictly speaking we didn't interfere anywhere; everything was always settled peacefully, and we were merely witnesses to the agreements between the sides. Master, though he still remembered that setup I pulled, did it more in a joking manner by then, returning to my training.
As it turned out, Irbis wasn't such a simple master. He'd trained personally under Tsikuna, and he had specialized education from the Temple of Akar Kesh, the Temple of Balance. Well… not really surprising, considering Irbis's personality and his obsession with order. So, he showed me how to sink into a special form of meditation and, by doing so, peek beyond the edge. That thing was called "foresight," and while all Jedaii possessed it to some small degree, only a handful could truly foresee. Irbis was one of those who could—just not too much.
He tried to use foresight to see what awaited him in my pairing. As Irbis put it: "Pain, humiliation, shame." He was genuinely offended—where did I hit him that hard? In response, he reminded me of how we met. Mmm, yeah—everything's there, and in exactly that order. Damn… even my conscience stirred a little. Awkward.
But then he admitted that, according to that same foresight, even though I'd be trouble, a moment would come when I would save his life with a forcesaber in my hands. So, no matter what, Irbis never even considered turning me in to the Council. He'd become sharply strange in some way that honestly spooked me a little, but what can you do—who knows how the Force affects a being's mind.
After that conversation, our relationship improved somewhat. At least we stopped trying to sabotage each other, and sometimes we even got along just fine. And returning to the technique of foresight, Irbis, playing the role of teacher, did his best to explain the subject to me and how it could be used.
What can I say? I'm a crappy prophet. Thanks to my mother and her little "dodgeball" game, I already had precognition—but specifically for incoming strikes. So I could calmly dodge not even the projectile, but the trajectory it would take. It worked, though, only about three seconds ahead, and beyond that—nothing. I couldn't "tear the veil and see what's to come," and I honestly didn't understand how Irbis did it. I couldn't properly sink into either the light aspect or the dark aspect… but I tried, at least. Sometimes. When I wasn't getting slammed to the floor by bouts of phlegmatism.
Sometimes, when it was so, so boring, such a wave of indifference hit that I'd lie down on the floor with a completely detached stare and look at the ceiling right in the middle of Hadiya's meetings, and practically nothing could shake me. Unless someone tried to stab Hadiya right now—then, sure, I'd get up and show the idiot exactly how wrong they were to distract me from contemplating the ceiling.
By the way, speaking of Hadiya—met her father the other day. A seasoned Twi'lek: hardened, entrenched, and completely unhinged. We didn't have a normal conversation. My "don't care" collided with his "I want." Hadiya put up with that side of me and just stopped paying attention to my quirks, but her father couldn't. So after our first in-person meeting, we never spoke again. Just occasionally, rarely, over comms—and only strictly about business.
One thing's good: that guy also had a personal code, just like his daughter (or the other way around?), and he stuck to it—so at least it was possible to do business with him. Can't say the same about Clan Ryo, which tried to hire me as a mercenary for their own purposes. At first I ignored it, then laughed, but when Hadiya herself came to me asking me to chase off the persistent outsiders, I had to explain to the last ones that I'm not a soldier, not a mercenary, and I don't do business with rabid animals. Yeah, apparently on Shikaakwa there are even bigger monsters than the ones I already knew about. But why am I surprised—such a culture, such a people.
And here Hadiya showed herself from a positive side. At least when it came to me. Yes, the girl has a… specific temperament. For example, once she poked me with the tip of a little knife, smiling sweetly, when I started protesting against some truly savage insanity I refused to take part in.
"Hadiya… just to remind you, I'm only ensuring your security. No more, no less. And, in my opinion, poking your friends with stabbing-cutting weapons is mauvais ton," I said, putting on an outraged act. The little one didn't have a shadow of intent to actually harm me. So you could call it a quirk of her upbringing.
"Surely you won't leave me to be torn apart by those dishonorable pieces of filth?"
"You know… yes!" She pulled the knife away, crossed her arms over her chest, and, making an offended, furrowed little face, stared at me accusingly. Oh… how I love that mug—if only someone knew. "Physically they won't touch you, yes, but morally… no. You're not dragging me into that swamp, don't even hope."
"But I wanted to. A personal Jedaii is so prestigious!"
"Isn't that a bit much for you?" I snorted.
"Fine, I'll rephrase," she said, flicking the little knife impulsively. "A close friend Jedaii, willing to step in, is a very serious argument in any negotiation."
"Don't try to appeal to my pity," I waved her off and turned away.
"Hey!"
"What?"
"Have mercy, Shade, they'll suck me dry," Hadiya sprang up, peering into my eyes with devotion.
"What do you want from me?"
"I want you to… you know… scare them. Just a little. Understand, the entire cream of society will be there."
"More like the grime," I snorted.
"Say what you want, it doesn't matter. And of course they'll try to flirt with me—I'm a profitable match, especially after the recent events."
"And?"
"Well, Sha-a-a-ade, ple-e-e-ase, just pretend you're my suitor, at least so the others back off. Ple-e-e-e-ase. I have nobody to ask except you. You're the only one I trust the way I trust myself."
I stood there, stared into those eyes, and the funniest part was—I understood she wasn't lying. Hadiya, in principle, stopped trying to lie after we met, and even stopped holding things back, as if she'd reassessed my trust.
Right now it was just a cry of the soul tearing out of her. And I was also amused by the fact that she really looked at me like someone very, very close and significant. I even caught her doing what I asked. Her own father couldn't force his daughter to do anything against her will—she's too willful—yet I regularly got "Sweet Joy" delivered personally, along with vork brewed in a special way. Room service, basically, in the evening before bed.
"And your father?" I raised a brow.
"Well… I trust Father too, but… anyway, help me-e-e!"
"And what do I get for it?"
"I'll kiss you!"
"Grow up," I said, flicking her nose. "To start with." I smiled, watching her scrunch her nose in that funny way.
"So what do you want?"
"Do you know anything about the Starwatchers?"
"A fanatic sect, trying to escape the system by any means necessary. Escape, not kill themselves," she corrected herself. "Why?"
"I need information on them. Everything you can get. Who they are, where they came from, who leads them, dates of founding. Anything you can dig up, even crumbs."
"Mmm, that won't be so easy." She leaned back, tapping the knife tip thoughtfully against her lips. "They're very… fanatical. We do business with them, and they have branches on Shikaakwa, but at the same time… anyway, it's complicated. Why do you need it?"
"It's personal. My father disappeared twenty years ago, and this obscure organization is connected to him somehow."
"Mmm. All right, I'll find out what I can. But I'm warning you—this won't be quick. Very, very not quick. They're paranoid as hell, from what I know."
"It's fine. I'm not in a hurry."
"Mm-hmm. So, deal? I try to gather info on the sect, and you play my favorite?"
"My suitor," I corrected.
"What's the difference?"
"I'm not letting you hang on my neck."
"O-o-oh, you're an even bigger villain than I am!" she protested, then immediately smiled. "I'm so proud of you!"
"Hadiya," I sighed. "How did I even get into all this?"
So I had to play Hadiya's suitor at one of Shikaakwa's leadership gatherings. Specifically—stand there, keep silent, radiate a dark aura, and glare evilly at anyone who dared approach "my girl." I don't know whether it was fortunate or not, but I handled the role at a full one hundred and ten percent. I genuinely wanted to send all those "creatures" to a private meeting with the Force. Irbis, the bastard, kept reminding me and teasing me about it for a long time. What's more—he started blackmailing me!
"Irbis, do you have any conscience? You're a Jedaii, for kriff's sake!"
"So what if I'm a Jedaii? I don't know anything, and anyway—it's not for you to talk about my conscience."
"But if you dare tell Vessira about this, or even Mom, I'll arrange an accident for you, I swear!" I snapped at this wrong kind of Jedaii. I'm definitely a bad influence on him. Or is it the planet?
"All right, all right, I was kidding. I didn't see anything," Irbis said soothingly, raising his hands as he backed away, but that face of his… where's a brick?
Apparently sensing something, my "teacher" cited urgent business and chose to retreat. What I hadn't accounted for was the resonance certain circles would raise. Like: the clan heiress found herself a future husband, and he's a JEDAIi! What news, what passions, wow.
And the worst part was, I didn't think Vess and Mom—especially Mom (why, exactly?)—were watching all of this so carefully. When the rumor reached them, I had to spend a long time… a very long time explaining the whole truth to my beloved kitty-eared girl, who had gone into hysterics.
"Vess, listen, it's just a performance. They asked me to play it in public, to temporarily chase off the overeager ones."
"U-u-u," came wailing from the other end.
"Just listen, and then scream, okay?" And without letting her answer, I continued. "Since I'm her bodyguard and spend a lot of time with Hadiya, they decided it would be logical to start a legend that I'm her future husband. She can only marry in a year… or a bit less, I don't even know anymore, I don't have time for that. Anyway, it's smoke and mirrors. And you, my sweet, kawaii miracle that I will never, ever leave. Irbis, get over here!" I called my teacher, who was standing nearby with eyes full of sincere sympathy.
"Yes-yes, Vessira, that's exactly how it is. I was one of the initiators of this idea. I'm sorry I didn't inform you—I didn't think not only about the need, but even about the fact that you monitor our news. I sincerely apologize!"
I stared at Irbis in disbelief, eyes wide. That Noghri just soared in my eyes to heights I'd never seen before!
"R-r-really?"
"Yes, Vess, really. You know me—I've never lied to you in my life. And I'm what I am: impudent, rough around the edges, and I cut straight with the truth. So please, calm down. And anyway, we're wrapping things up soon and flying to another assignment. By the way, where are you right now?"
"Mmm, Vess stepped away to wash up," my mother's voice came over the speaker.
"Hi, Mom," I sighed tiredly, rubbing the bridge of my nose. It sucked that interplanetary comms only worked via special spires or bulky equipment. I'm afraid to imagine how Vess wound herself up while we waited for our next prearranged call window. Then again, don't they practice harems somewhere? No. Don't think about that. I'm a decent… Togru… half-blood.
"Hello, Shade. Right now we're on Krev-Kyor. A group of researchers disappeared here along with one of the Jedaii. We're searching."
"Got it. Mom, are you all right yourselves?"
"Yes, more than. Here—I'm training your little eared one. And you know, she has talent!"
"Don't even want to know," I grumbled. "I've got enough maniacs here."
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha… you think too poorly of me," Mom laughed from the heart.
"I know you too well. How is she?"
"Well… how. As soon as she found out, she panicked. I comforted her as best I could. It helped. She just washed up, got herself together, looks completely different now. Right, Vessira?"
"Lady Aala-a-a!" came an indignant voice.
"All right, I'll leave you two…"
Irbis also left the room, and we could talk in private. Once I finally calmed my beloved kitty-eared girl down, I steered her thoughts toward work and future plans. We promised to cross paths if possible, and then—however it worked out.
And after the call ended, I thought gloomily that we fly through space, planets are colonized, but there isn't even a whiff of an internet equivalent. What's more, even with comms there are definite problems!
"Irbis," I called out to the Noghri waiting behind the door.
"Hm?"
"Thanks."
"What am I hearing… or is my hearing deceiving me?" the bastard recoiled theatrically.
"I said thanks."
"Heh. You're welcome."
"But don't get proud. I still don't like you, and you're not going to make me follow etiquette!"
"By the Great Force, should I be throwing grain against the wall? Spare my nerves, Shade!" he shot back, smirking.
"Fine, I'll spare you. Do you know where we're flying next?" I asked as we stepped out. "Thanks," I gave a short nod to the dispatcher and received a polite nod back. Life gets a lot easier when your own home has a big antenna. And Hadiya's clan had two.
"No idea. I'm curious myself where they'll send us."
"Yeah."
But I didn't know how right I was with "we'll be flying soon." Only two taked later we received official confirmation that the mission was complete and we could lift off. No new assignment came in, so Irbis considered it time to rest. Rest from Shikaakwa and its madness—so I couldn't even dream of a resort. Jedaii can only dream of rest.
It's a bit paradoxical. Those who shout the loudest about calm and serenity always lead a very turbulent life. Same with us: Irbis came up with a new activity… or rather, not for us—specifically for me. And everything would've been fine, except that this mo… teacher also had a good memory and decided to pay me back for all the good I'd done him. But before I knew that, there was one more trial ahead.
"Shade!!!" Hadiya thundered into my room, as I was packing my modest belongings.
"Hi, Sunshine."
"What do you mean 'you're already leaving'?!"
"Like this," I shrugged, biting into a bar and tying the bag closed.
Crunch-crunch.
"The task is complete. Next one now."
"But I still need security!"
"Hadiya," I sighed, turning to the anxious and even somewhat frightened girl. "Calm down. Clan Shi is no longer a threat. They got ground up and steamrolled, so everything will be fine now. And me… there's no longer any need for my services, so it's time."
"Hey, why am I only hearing this now?!" She sprang up and jabbed a finger at me, glaring into my eyes.
"Well, because the order only came today. And why do you even care?" I took her hand and guided it aside. "You have your life, I have mine. I'm an outsider here."
"No, you're not an outsider!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes! And anyone who says otherwise will be talking to me!" And to prove it, she even stamped her foot. With heels on, though, it looked very comical and cute.
"I have no doubt, but still—I really do have to go."
"But…"
"Hadiya, calm down. The system's small. We can always get in touch, or run into each other later. Besides, I still never got the info on the Starwatchers."
"Sorry. There… were some difficulties," she said, shrinking back. Then she brightened immediately. "Right! The Starwatchers. Maybe you'll stay a bit longer? And I can tell you at least something?"
"Sadly, no."
"Mmm," the little one pursed her lips.
"Hey, come on. I left my contacts, so if anything happens, you know how to reach me. And if you have problems—call."
"Now problems will belong to anyone who dares defy me," she promised. "Or crosses my path."
"Is that a threat?" I raised a brow.
"A statement of fact."
"And if I'm on that road?"
"Then you'll be tossed," she smiled just a little, flushing with embarrassment.
"Things don't always happen the way we want," I sighed, shaking my head.
"Yes. But some things we still can. You'll drop by sometime, right?"
"If I can," I shrugged. "No idea how it will go, but if I'm on Shikaakwa, I'll definitely swing by."
"Mm. And…" She opened her mouth, then froze.
"What?"
"No, nothing."
"As you like."
I swung the bag over my shoulder, adjusted my blades, and headed for the door.
"Wait!"
"Hm?" I turned—and immediately found myself in a hug.
"Thank you. Thank you for everything, Shade. These few taked I spent in your company were the best of my life!"
"Hey, Hadiya, what's wrong with you?!"
"Hush, I'm not finished!" she snorted, lifting teary but serious eyes. "I… understand you're an outsider here. And all this time you never asked for anything, not even money. More than that—you didn't flatter anyone, you didn't try to please anyone. Around you, I could relax, feel like I was behind a wall. Here you can't relax. You can always be bought, always be pressured, always be… stolen away. But not you. You just came and helped. Just like that. Just because you wanted to. And you stayed close. Just because. It's hard for me to understand. Still hard, even though I tried! But thank you. For everything. And the next time you come here, I promise it will all be different, and you'll be greeted properly."
"Heh. All right then. So—see you?"
"Mm-hmm. And now get out of here before I change my mind!"
"Uh… change your mind about what?"
"About not keeping you here," she grumbled, turning away.
"Yeah… w-women," I snorted, adjusting the bag and leaving the room. But even then I couldn't deny: if Hadiya were older, Vess would already have a reason to worry—because that girl is something else. But as it is… she's still a kid. Another year or two and it would be a very different conversation. Yeah, age is a flaw that passes quickly, but I think by then Hadiya would already have a different life, and I'd remain somewhere in the past—in her short, but real, list of friends.
After leaving the clan house, I met my teacher at the checkpoint.
"Said goodbye?" Irbis asked, arms-paws folded across his chest.
"Yeah."
"And she likes you."
"I know."
"And?"
"What 'and'? I have Vess."
"Ah, first love, children's hearts…" He stared dreamily at the sky.
"Irbis," I glanced at him sideways.
"I just wanted to express my opinion about this wonderful time. What's wrong with that?"
"Keep it to yourself."
"You sure?"
"Absolutely."
And with that, the Shikaakwa adventure was over, and new ones lay ahead.
"So where are we flying?" I glanced at my teacher.
"To Nox. I was warned there are some unclear… stirrings there, and if it keeps going, we'll most likely have to fly out and see on site what's happening."
"And what kind of 'stirrings'?" I made a vague motion with my hand.
"Electronics shipments are being disrupted. As far as I understand, it's something to do with either a workers' strike or resources… anyway, we'll see on site."
"That's if it doesn't solve itself."
"If you knew politics, you'd understand it won't solve itself," Irbis shook his head, watching the shuttle land—the one that would take us up to the transport ship.
Unlike a later era, we don't have liners running between planets, and we don't have fast ships. For example, from Tython to Shikaakwa we flew a taked and a half, and that was assuming the planets were aligned at the time. And if, say, the destination is on the other side of the star system? That's the point—space travel here takes an ungodly amount of time. It would be easier if there were internet, but what isn't there isn't there. Hm… maybe introduce it? Like, invent it…
"Shade!"
"Huh, yeah-yeah?"
"Were you listening at all?"
"Most certainly!"
"Repeat what I said."
"You said there are problems on Nox and we'll most likely have to solve them."
"You are the worst student imaginable…" Irbis sighed in doom.
"Mmm, is that a compliment?"
"Don't celebrate yet. It's five taked to Nox."
"Let me note that for five taked you'll have to look at my face. I don't know how we got to Shikaakwa without killing each other, and this is… a bigger number."
Irbis didn't answer, only smiled with the corners of his lips, but a moment later I felt glee in his emotions. I didn't get it… what was he planning?!
"Master?"
"Oh, so now I'm 'master'? I'm growing, I see," his smile widened.
"Teacher, you're scaring me."
"Me? You?" He looked pretend-surprised, even widening his eyes and pressing a hand to one of his hearts. Then the doors opened and boarding began. He patted my shoulder and headed to the doors. "How could that even be, Shade? Think! That's impossible!"
"Teacher, wait! I don't like that expression. What's waiting for us on Nox?"
No answer. Sits there, silent, smiling mysteriously. A little gloaty, vindictive. And he didn't even try to hide his emotions. I shivered involuntarily—what was with him? But Sweet Joy managed to lift my mood at least a bit and calm me down.
And then, when we were already on the ship and the vessel began its acceleration, THIS happened. I entered our two-person cabin first, flopped onto the bunk, and waited for Irbis, who'd been delayed at the comms node. My instincts buzzed insistently about trouble, and I'd already started thinking the ship would be shot down, when he walked in. Happyyyy.
"U-uh… t-teacher?" Even my voice faltered at such an unfamiliar sight.
"So, Shade? Get ready. Now we're going to learn how to survive," and that under-lizard under-mammal spread such a gloating grin that I hiccupped involuntarily.
"Hic! I-in what sense?"
"In the literal sense, Shade. The literal sense."
"We're going back to Tython or something?" I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "But we just boarded—"
"No, not at all," he cut me off. "We're still flying to Nox. Plans haven't changed."
"You're going to dump me on a planet and say 'figure it out yourself'?"
"No again, but it's a tempting idea."
"Open space, then?"
"Heh… something worse."
Then he pulled a whole tome out of his bag.
"(O_О)"
"We're going to learn the political side of our native system! Because it seems to me you've successfully skipped those lessons."
"Irbis…" I whispered, recoiling and going pale. "Have mercy! Spare me!!! Hadiya and her sick psychos were enough, please, don't finish me!"
"That's nothing, that's just the standard textbook. I found it for you on Shikaakwa."
"…"
"And this," he set a flash drive on the table, "is the latest data on the interplanetary trade-and-economic situation in the Tython system! I updated it just now. So these five taked, we'll devote to geopolitics! And also what 'negotiations' are, how to conduct them, and where to start. And we'll touch on cultures a bit too, as possible."
"(T_Т)" If I could, I'd have exhaled sheer doom too.
"Hang in there! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"
"No-o-o-o!" My scream of despair tore out across the ship.
"Yes-s-s-s!"
"Sniff-sniff."
Yes, Irbis's revenge was terrifying and lethal… I spent part of the trip to Nox buried in that tome. Then on a datapad, studying the latest briefs. Then again. And again… answering questions in parallel on the material I'd just learned. And whenever a topic needed explanation, Irbis gave me full-on lectures, one after another, prying open what remained of my brain.
And right then, I understood the real reason they'd assigned Irbis to teach me. He wasn't a warrior. He was a negotiator. And I'm not only an antisocial type who doesn't get along with others easily, I also conduct negotiations in an extremely one-sided way. So when he assessed my level of knowledge and skills and built a rough curriculum, he got serious.
And the worst part was, I couldn't argue—because that impudent, disgusting, vile son of a bantha pressed… with arguments. He understood I don't care about authority, but even I won't go against logic and common sense. So, grinding my brain, with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart, I had to learn this sludge.
"All right. Who rules Nox?" that tormentor interrogated me after another cram session.
"The Board of Directors."
"What kind of board?"
"Authorized individuals responsible for the major companies, appointed to their posts from different planets."
"Everyone?"
"No. There's an exception. Two out of five rose to that status and, post factum, it's in their hands that significant power on the planet is concentrated."
"Continue."
"While the other three were placed in their positions, those two make contact with Shikaakwa to resolve certain delicate issues and purchase certain services there. They also managed to win the favor of the Wookiee chieftain on Ska-Gora, which gave them cover from two sides at once. Because of that, they hold their position reliably in society, and that same thing restrains those who dream of taking those seats. I'm not touching the internal layout—there even a rancor would break a leg."
"Good. What about Nox's trade turnover?"
"What can you expect—forge world. The ecosystem is dead, everyone huddles in dome-cities. The planet is the system's industrial center and supplies an enormous volume of goods to everyone, including Tython. Resources are brought in from planets such as Sunburn and Maltera. Also, the moons of the gas giants Maur and Obri are used for extraction. Food is delivered to the planet, like to some others, from Ska-Gora."
"Well done. Who handles shipping goods between planets?"
"The main logistics hub is on Kalimar. The headquarters of the Vortix enterprise is there too, engaged in interplanetary freight transport. Second on that list is Clan Hagarad from Shikaakwa. The third company is also on Kalimar, called ExKalimar."
"Why Kalimar?"
"Kalimar is the main trade-and-economic center of our system, or in common speech, 'the pearl of the system.'"
"And what other center is it?"
"Religious. There are several movements there, preaching their own direction not connected to the Force. The planet is relatively peaceful; all conflicts involving armed struggle, like fighting over a company, happen beyond Kalimar. On the planet itself, the worst that might happen is a contract killing, and even that's rare there. The people who can be ordered aren't idiots—they take care of their security."
"Good. And who is our primary shipbuilder?"
"U-uh…"
Thump! A textbook smacked me on the head.
"Got it! NokIndustrialVertix. Vortix is their subsidiary company," I came alive immediately. Yes, Irbis could afford that. I cursed him, but he was a master of his craft, and that earned involuntary respect.
"Good boy. Next…" Irbis said cheerfully, gripping the textbook.
Yes, he was paying me back for everything, for all my sins and setups. Ugh… and when we shifted to the topic of negotiations, this psycho went fully feral and sawed at me like a maniac with a small dull hacksaw. Slowly. Painfully.
"No, Shade, Hadiya did well teaching you the traditions of her world, but besides those methods, there are others," Irbis lectured in a didactic professor's tone. And the book lay next to him on the table, yes. "For example, how do negotiations begin?"
"With a greeting?"
"Exactly. A greeting. From the first second you must ensure the right image forms of you in your opponent's eyes—the one you need."
"As if I care what he thinks!"
Thump!
"Understood. I care."
"That's the foundation of beginning negotiations. What next?"
"Depends on where you are. Even if the roots are the same, traditions have distinctive traits depending on the planet. And based on them, you decide how and what to say. First the traditional part, then you try to steer into the topic you need."
"It'll do," Irbis snorted. "For a start. Let me remind you, Shade. You're a Jedaii. You have the Force. More than that—you sense other beings' emotions better than some Jedaii. So use it!"
"Forgive me, teacher, but I'm afraid your efforts will be wasted." I squeezed my eyes shut immediately, bracing for another hit to the head—but no. There was no blow. I cracked one eye open and saw the strange expression on Irbis's face.
"Why wasted?"
"Let's be honest: I'm a lousy negotiator. And it's not your problem—it's me. My manner. If there's a rabid animal standing in front of me that I have to talk to, I'll just take his head off. No conversations."
"You didn't swing your blade on Shikaakwa," Irbis noted. Then, thinking, he added: "At least not right away."
"Well, I wasn't the one negotiating. I was a scarecrow, nothing more. And even then, my hand kept reaching for my blade. Or I just wanted to clench a fist and strangle someone—those emotions disgusted me so much. But Shikaakwa isn't my world. It's Hadiya's world, and I was a guest there. So I tried to hold back. If it had been about me, and I'd been told to negotiate with one of those people Hadiya spoke to, I wouldn't have stood on ceremony.
"Don't misunderstand—I'm not bloodthirsty. No. It's just, as you noted, I feel others much more sharply. And when I'm standing next to someone who lies brazenly, tries to butter you up, smiles to your face while cursing you in their head… it feels like someone dunked me in filth. Seriously."
"Mmm…"
"One more thing. Once I couldn't hold back even in front of Hadiya. There was a guy who felt lust for the little one during the conversation and kept hinting at bed. And that, when he perfectly knew I was her suitor! Meaning, the guy was so out of line that, not the least bit embarrassed by me, he tried to dictate terms to the little one, mentally treating her like nothing and taking her in every position. I almost smeared him across a wall. Literally," my soul finally screamed out. Yeah, for a second there I felt like Vader, when I grabbed his throat, lifted him up, and was about to choke him. It worked out—the client was just lucky his hide was valuable, and Hadiya intervened. He snapped out of it fast, apologized, and vanished. "It's not that I don't believe in Hadiya or her ability to stand up for herself, but in moments like that I just… I don't know. It just enrages me. Damn it, I'd rather go kiss a flint lizard and drink a bruderschaft with it than let myself fraternize with that kind of garbage and talk to it as an equal!"
"Easy, Shade. I understand," Irbis said, raising his palms in a calming gesture. "But that's the work of negotiators. We have to talk to such people and reach a peaceful resolution, otherwise it will only be worse."
"Irbis, have you ever thought what will happen if we stop meddling in their affairs? If there is no third party that can rap both sides on the knuckles? No?"
"I have," the teacher admitted reluctantly.
"They'll kill each other."
"Exactly."
"Then why do we care? What's it to us if idiots wipe themselves out?"
"Directly, Shade. Whoever they are, they are descendants of the first colonists—our distant brothers and sisters. We protected them before, and we protect them now, including from themselves."
"And what did that lead to?"
"Well, it's not all that bad. They live and thrive quite well, and the madness you described happens only on Shikaakwa. Besides, you saw the top, but did you talk to ordinary residents? Regular cityfolk who simply live their lives?"
"Not really."
"You know, a friend once told me: when big people can't reach an agreement, ordinary folk suffer first. So consider that we're trying for their sake."
To that I only shrugged. We sat in silence, each thinking about our own.
"Shade, you didn't study in Padawan Kesh, did you?" Irbis suddenly changed the topic.
"So?"
"Let me teach you to hide your emotions. Useful thing, especially if you meet a hypothetical enemy. Otherwise they'll read you like an open book, hm?"
"Heh. Sure."
So the program picked up another addition: lessons on hiding my own emotions. Yes, I knew how to conceal myself in the Force, but that's not the same as closing off your emotions. So even though I'd missed the technique, I was now catching up diligently.
And when we arrived on Nox, my happiness knew no bounds.