Prologue
"Haste makes waste."
I'd heard that expression more than once. But I never thought it would reflect on me in this way.
Winter, black ice… It probably wouldn't have been so upsetting if I'd slipped and ended up under a car. But the fact that I managed to throw my car into a skid on an empty road… and on studless winter tires, no less.
Yeah, that doesn't exactly do me credit. Perhaps I could try to justify myself by saying I was rushing for a good reason. Although, who cares anymore? That certainly won't help Marina or me…
And especially not those blurry figures on the roadside hurrying toward me through three-foot snowdrifts. Cold… It's so cold.
Is it because I'm dying, or because a tree smashed through the windshield? In any case, what difference does it make now, right?
Pain flared in my chest, and I started coughing. It became even more painful. And not from the blood-red spots I was hacking up onto the light plastic of the mangled dashboard. But from the massive chunk of wood that had pierced my chest on the right side.
"Hang on, kid!" one of the blurry shadows shouted to me in an old man's voice. "Why did you have to… Where, where are you young idiots always rushing?"
I really wanted to tell him exactly where I was rushing.
I wanted to tell him about Marina, about everything—everything… To speak my piece one last time, it seems, right?
It's starting to get dark. How long have I been lying here? When I went off the road, it was barely past nine in the morning… Oh, it seems I'm dying.
What a pity. Aimless, inglorious… Fine, I need to save my strength; the man said to hold on. I have to believe him—it was I who "spun out" of the road, not him. I need to trust experienced people…
For some reason, it became a little warmer. And brighter. The pain went away somewhere. The darkened world filled with colors. Mostly blue and red. Flashing right beneath me from time to time.
Wait a second, those are emergency beacons! And there are angels in blue uniforms with red crosses. And traffic police in vests scurrying around the car. Oh, even rescue workers! What's that thing in their hands? Oh, so those are hydraulic cutters! I've only seen those in news reports on TV.
Hey! Hey, guys! I'm here, I'm right here… Literally ten meters above you.
What?!
***
"Seen enough?"
That was the first time the Voice addressed me.
To be honest, I even got bored out of sheer hopelessness, watching my bleeding body being uprooted from what had been a brand-new European sedan just six months ago. Yeah, so much for that vaunted quality. The steering rack jammed up good. And the wheels locked… It seems I messed up somewhere during my race with fate.
In any case, it doesn't matter anymore. I don't give a damn: I see the paramedic shake his head. He's shaking it "no."
"Uh-huh," I waved a hand at the Voice without looking, as if to say, come on, don't be shy. Two ghosts will be more fun. "Come closer, be my guest."
The Voice looked like a cluster of light, of white mist. So… warming, warm, somehow… I don't know how to describe it.
"I am indeed just a guest," the Voice admitted. "But for you, as you can see, there is no place here anymore."
"I see," I replied. "It's a pity…"
"Pitying yourself for dying?" the Voice уточнил.
"Pitying that I rushed," I admitted. "Right now, I surely would have been with Marina already."
"You know you couldn't have helped her," the well-informed Voice said. "That is not within a human's power. Not in yours. Medicine is only a small part of the success. Surgery…"
"But I would have been there. And the surgery would have been successful, for sure. But without the medicine… they don't have it at the hospital. I failed her, and myself… Well, to hell with me. I feel sorry for Marina. I failed…"
"Caring for those close to you is commendable," the Voice agreed. "For those who are younger. Weaker…"
"She's my first love," I admitted. "Ten years together, you might say… 'Safe as a stone wall,' uh-huh…"
The Voice was silent. For some reason, the inquisitive me didn't give a damn about what was happening right now. I promised Marina I'd make it. And I didn't.
"Flight delay, a long security check, sleet on the street, a sharp drop in temperature," the Voice listed everything I had been cursing since dawn. "Are you sure the problem was only in you?"
"It's always only about oneself," I said. "At least in this case. If there were a second chance…"
"And what would you do?" the Voice grew interested. Did it seem to me, or was it speaking somehow very… fast? Was it in a hurry to go somewhere?
"I would do everything right. If I knew everything I know now. I wouldn't have come home from work and gone to sleep a month ago, which is why I couldn't order the medicine in time; instead, I would have sat down at that damn computer and done everything!" I snapped. "If only I had known…"
"And what if I tell you that what happened can be fixed?" the Voice suddenly asked.
"Well, go on, you divine bitcheness," I laughed from helplessness. "Roll it all back. Where do I sign in blood to return to a month ago?"
"Here… I can no longer help," the Voice said. "But some things are within my power."
"Really?" I was surprised.
Blinking, I realized that everything around me had disappeared. The ice, the snow, the car, the people… Even the light of the emergency beacons.
Only I, a white cluster resembling cotton wool soaked in water, and the darkness around us.
"I can save her," the Voice said. Where does it even have a mouth? What kind of unknown thing is it…
"Save Marina?" I grew alert.
"Exactly so," the Voice assured. "You help me, I help you. A mutually beneficial deal."
"And how exactly are you going to help me if you won't bring me back to life?" It seems I wasn't the only one who hit my head hard.
"Your body is dead," the Voice said. "I can no longer help you personally in this world. But while there is still time, I can heal your beloved. Not only from the disease that is killing her. I will also make it so that she can become a mother. I will fulfill her most cherished dream…"
"Our dream," I corrected automatically.
"Yours," the Voice agreed. "But in return, you will go where someone needs to be saved… something… a complex language, why did you create it like that?"
"Get to the point, cotton wool," I wanted to grab it by the lapels, but… it's a cloud. You grab the fluffy part, and what if it likes it? "I die, but she survives and stays happy, right? My Marina?"
"Right. In return, you will go… to a familiar place. Where difficulties and a mission await you."
"I don't give a damn, do it."
"You will have enemies…"
"I don't give a damn, just do it."
"Possibly—friends."
"Where is the ear I need to scream into?!"
"You will never return here," the Voice warned.
"But will she be happy?" I уточнил.
"Yes," the Voice said somewhat distractedly. "You… agree rather quickly. The others… they don't really care, they want something else… But here. Have you had to sacrifice yourself often?"
"None of your business, cotton wool," I don't need any philosophizing psychologists in the dark. "Come on, do your dirty work, Bus-sama. Let's go. Wherever I need to save a dragon and a princess…"
And then darkness fell. Total, lightless darkness. Without flights through glowing tunnels or phantasmagoric visions.
The Voice simply disappeared.
And I…