"A baking booty-call?" Caroline happened to walk past and burst out laughing. "My God, Ethan, you know her too well. To her, an oven is way more important than a boyfriend."
"At least the oven doesn't hog my bed or grope me," Max said, rolling her eyes. Then she narrowed them at Ethan.
"You've been giving me a lot of presents lately, Doc. Last time it was an air-conditioner; this time it's an oven.
If you send me a dishwasher next, I'll have to consider marrying you."
Caroline popped her head up from the front counter. "Give me a heads-up for the proposal so I can decorate."
A sea of Taiwanese novels is waiting for you—go find them.
"Cut it out." Max shot her a glare, then turned back to Ethan. "Seriously, what do you want? Why do you always apologize with appliances after you piss me off?"
"It's just an apology for yesterday—for you and Caroline." Ethan spread his hands. "Would you rather I brought flowers and chocolate?"
"Flowers die; chocolate makes you fat," Max retorted. "Appliances actually work."
Ethan chuckled. "I knew you weren't the type to get dazzled by romance and led away by the nose."
While he spoke, he glanced at the menu and, without hesitation, ordered a mountain of food.
Max: "Starving to death? Didn't you eat the cupcakes I saved for you?"
"Polished them off," Ethan said, grinning. "But those were just the appetizer. Right now I could eat an entire cow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few minutes later Max carried over a plate of cupcakes. "The new oven hasn't arrived; these are the swan song of the old one."
"I'm sure it retired with honor." Ethan took one with a smile. "A limited-edition cupcake."
He buried himself in food—two burgers, fries, salad, cupcakes—leaving not a crumb.
Since last night's escapade he'd barely had a real meal.
A nearby guest whispered, "Did this guy just get dumped or something?"
Watching from afar, Caroline couldn't help laughing. "I'd say the opposite—some girl's about to fall hard."
"Stop it." Max looked up, irritable. "We're still just exes, okay? Exes."
With that she went back to wiping the counter.
Ethan raised his head. "Relax, I'm not planning to upgrade the label anytime soon."
Max gave a soft snort. "You'd better not."
When Ethan paid, he left an extra bill. "Tip for my ex and her roommate—though if one day you're not my ex, do I get to keep the cash?"
He flashed a grin and walked out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Ethan opened his apartment door, an eerie hush greeted him.
Sheldon, Raj, and Howard sat rigidly at the table, focused as if defusing a nuke.
On the table stood a tall Jenga tower, each block slightly skewed, looking ready to collapse.
"What are you guys doing?" Ethan asked, dropping his coat.
Raj lifted a finger to his lips, eyes fixed on the tower. "Shh—critical moment."
Sheldon held his breath, hands steady, and slid out a block, placing it on top. The tower wobbled—then held.
He exhaled in relief, arms up. "Thank heavens! Sheldon Cooper—god of Jenga!"
Ethan frowned. "Since when did you start playing caveman games?"
Sheldon turned. "The internet's been down for an hour, Ethan. A whole hour."
"An hour?" Ethan blinked. "Did you call?"
Howard: "Three times already—once each."
"OK," Ethan said. "I'm sure they now grasp how vital the internet is to us."
He sat on the couch and asked, "Anything big happen while I was gone?"
Sheldon beamed: "I got the Warglaive of Azzinoth!"
Howard: "Leonard said Penny has a new boyfriend."
Raj: "Leonard got shot down by Leslie."
Sheldon: "Leonard wants to adopt a cat."
Howard: "Leonard went on a date with Penny."
Raj: "Also, Sheldon might be a robot."
Ethan: "…"
"That's a lot. Let me sort it out…"
He ticked points off on his fingers:
"So Penny got a boyfriend, Leonard saw;"
"Leonard gave up on Penny and went after Leslie;"
"Leslie wasn't interested and rejected him;"
"Then Leonard mustered the courage to ask Penny out?"
"Penny said yes, and they went on a date?"
Howard & Raj: "YES!"
Sheldon frowned. "Ethan, I'm appalled you focus on such trivial gossip. I said I got the Warglaive! And Leonard wants a cat!"
"Relax," Ethan laughed. "Leonard won't last a week with a cat—he has asthma.
As for the Warglaive… miracle you got it."
Before Sheldon could retort, Ethan asked, "Wait—Penny already has a boyfriend, so why'd she date Leonard?"
Raj explained: "Maybe it wasn't official. Leonard just saw her kissing some guy named Doug."
Howard added: "And it wasn't really a date. Leonard asked her to dinner—then uninvited the rest of us."
Ethan rubbed his temples. "OK… I get the picture."
Just then keys turned in the lock; Leonard walked in.
He wore a light-striped shirt—white, gray, pale purple—tucked neatly into high-waisted dark-brown slacks, slightly loose, with a black-strapped watch on his wrist.
Classic nerd chic.
Ethan stared. "You wore that on a date with Penny?"
Leonard looked down. "What's wrong? It's my most formal outfit."
Raj couldn't resist: "What did Penny say?"
Leonard recalled: "She said she's not fully over Kurt, and Doug was just… 'grief-sex after a breakup.'
"She said after every split she finds a hot guy, spends thirty-six meaningless hours in a weekend, then feels awful afterward."
Howard asked earnestly: "Awful like… chafed skin?"
Leonard: "No, heart-hurt."
Ethan: "So… the date bombed?"
Leonard shouted, "No! It was amazing!" and dashed excitedly to his room.
The three guys stared at one another.