Elise had grabbed a coat, and lended me one of her father's, and then the three of us started the walk to my home.
Would I tell them everything? Would they believe me? Those doubts started plagueing me, but I dismissed them immediately. We were friends, they were the best of people I've ever met. If I could not trust them, I could not trust anyone, and I didn't want that. To be able to not trust anymore like that man, a life truly alone, was a fate I'd never want to imagine for myself.
So I told them. About how I arrived at home. How my mother seemed fine. How we went about our everyday bussiness. How we both suddenly saw a white flash. How I grew concerned that something was wrong. How the shadow appeared. How I felt like it was after my mother. How I charged it and the thing put a knife through my hand. And then finally what fate befell my mother.
I just stared forward and walked while I told it all. But after I had said it all, I looked first at Elise who was walking beside me, indicating they could break the silence.
"My god, I'm so sorry", a teary eyed Elise said immediately when I looked at her.
"I'm sorry too, that something like that could happen", Ken also added. I swiveled my head to him, and I saw that he was shocked and despondent.
I looked ahead again, probably with a very dour looking face myself. The story was not over, I had to continue telling.
"After that, the shadow disappeared into thin air. And after recovering from the shock at the moment, I messaged you guys and walked to Elise's dad. And when I was there…
I continued telling them how he operated my hand, and miraculously healed it. I also told them that we both saw that white flash at the same time, and that we both realised that shortly afterwards all this supernatural stuff started happening.
After saying that, I stopped walking. Elise and Ken walked past me and then turned around to look back at me. We were still a few minutes away from my house. But, before we arrived I still had to have a serious conversation with them. There was no one else on the street right now, this was as good a time as any.
"At around four o'clock, did you two also see a white flash?"
"I think I did." Elise first said with a contemplative expression.
"Me too," Ken said after her.
"Everyone I've seen thus far, and also who Elise's dad saw, seemed to have witnessed this white flash. I'm not sure what it means, but I have a feeling that something major has changed for at least all of us, and maybe even to the world itself."
A silence fell, and I let that sink in for the three of us. After a while, I asked them another question turning to the crux of matters right now.
"In any case, that is something we can think about later. To end my story, Elise's father said that I should get the police involved about what happened to my mother. It sounds logical, but I have my reservations about it. Can you think about why that is?"
They looked first at me in confusion, but when they saw in my face that I expected a serious answer, they started thinking. I wanted to test them. If I were to involve them further, I needed to know if I could count on them. If they could handle themself in what was coming.
After a few seconds, Ken was the first to respond.
"You don't think the police can find out who the culprit is."
"Do you think they can?"
"From what you told us about what happened, I think it would be very difficult," he muttered.
"Hhm," I simply responded, and then looked towards Elise. She seemed in doubt about saying something, but when she met my gaze, she decided to speak.
"Why are we walking to your house?"
Ken looked at her after she said that, suddenly realising it too.
"What do you think is the reason?"
She still had a hesitant expression, but then decided to just say it.
"You first want to try and figure out yourself what happened?"
After hearing their reasoning, I was impressed by both of them. From what I knew about them and from what I had just heard, Ken has enough mental flexibility and doubt for authority, and Elise is sharp, observant and has good instincts.
Is it enough? I wanted to trust and involve them, but then again…
"You're both right. I don't think the police can help much and I want to first try and figure things out myself. And, I think your help will be valuable, so I would appreciate it. But, what we are going to do might not be legal and might turn dangerous. So, before we arrive, I want you to say if you're willing to get involved in this. If you don't want to, you can walk away right now and I won't blame you."
To get my friends to help me it would likely put them in the sights of that man, and thereby in great danger. If they are not completely with me, I can't protect them fully. In that case, it would be better for them to not get involved at all.
"I'll help of course," Elise said immediately. Ken contemplated it a few seconds longer, but then, after seemingly convincing himself, he agreed to help too.
"Alright, in that case, I must confess that I already figured something out that I haven't told you yet. But, If I'll tell you, you'll be complicit too in what's about to happen. There will be no turning back. It might turn very dangerous, and I can only protect you if you're truly with me, listen to me and put your trust in me. So, for the last time, do you really want to hear it?"
They both nodded immediately. Okay, I'll tell them then. I looked around one last time if there was still no one on the street around us. And, after confirming that, I said it.
"I already know who murdered my mother."
Their eyes went wide, but I was not done shocking them yet.
"It was my father."
Their faces turned full with shock and disbelief. But then, a small hint of realisation. That man had already made me grow up in hell. That man had already ruined my mothers life. If he was capable of that, why would he not be capable of murder too?
"Are you sure," Ken asked just for confirmation.
"The shadow looked exactly like my father. I'm pretty damn sure," I spitted out a bit harshly. No calm down and take a breath, getting angry has no use now.
"Jezus, I… I can't imagine…," Elise started muttering.
"Do you see now why I'd rather not get the police involved."
The reason for my reluctance started clicking for them. But, I also saw that they had a great lack of imagination about what kind of man my father really was.
"I mean, even though he's a famous lawyer, that doesn't mean he has the police force in his pocket, right," Ken first started with.
"He's considered the world's best lawyer. If you're in that circuit, of course you have everyone in your pocket. In fact, he had once taught me that when you're defending the United States in court, it is not the truth that matters, but how many people you can buy off."
It seemed to sink in for them after I told them what I heard straight from the horse's mouth, but there was more.
"There's something else. When we first moved here, my mother actually had a stalker."
Elise and Ken's interest peaked at the information I had never told them. It was a story from before the time we became friends.
"To keep the story short, when we noticed something was off, we went to the police, but they dismissed us because we had nothing substantial. After that, I reluctantly had to get my father involved, and suddenly, the police put in all the effort it could muster, and indeed discovered and arrested a stalker."
I hated him, but since my mothers safety was involved, I swallowed my pride and told him. Even after the incident, I still sometimes saw the same pair of officers patrolling our streets, keeping an eye out.
"So you see, my father already managed to pull some strings with the police once before. And, because of that, if I get the police involved now I'm afraid he might even do something like pin the murder on me."
"What, but you were attacked too!" Elise immediately rebutted in a flabbergasted tone.
"I don't really think a detail like that matters in court when you have rigged the police, prosecution, defence, judge and jury."
They now started realising the reality of my situation too after I gave them the complete picture.
"But, if things are like this, what are we going to do," Ken asked.
That is the question of the hour. What could we do, if every road seemingly led to my father getting away with murder. Unfortunately for my father, I wasn't going to let him get away with this.
"My father wanted me to be a lawyer too," I started, grabbing their attention. "I know a bit about how the whole procedure works. There are still some things we can do to prevent him from getting away with this, that's why we're going back to my house."
"What things," Ken continued asking.
"It's best if I tell you when we're there. Let's continue walking."
They nodded, and we went ahead walking again. My house was still a few minutes away, and we walked in silence, but my thoughts kept churning all the while.
There were aspects to this whole affair that I haven't mentioned to my friends yet, because I was not sure yet about them myself. Why did my father murder my mother, but then kept me alive, and stuck around long enough for me to identify him? What was his motive, or motives, in doing this whole thing. If it just was about the murder, he could have killed me too, or disappeared before I had any sense of what was going on. It seemed to me that he had some motive for his actions with me too, but what? I had some ideas, but I hoped that by going back to my house, everything would become clear to me.
***
I was now staring at the pile of ashes that was once my mother, Elise and Ken standing next to me. When we arrived at my house and let everyone in, we took our boots and jackets off, and afterwards it was the first place I walked to. I had to confirm it again, that she really was gone, and she indeed was. Only unidentifiable carbon was left of her.
Damnit. It really hit me completely at that moment. That she was gone, and I was alone now.
My fists balled up and I started shaking. No, I couldn't break down now, I still had stuff to do. But, I couldn't think. I only stared at her ashes.
A hand was placed on my shoulder, and it shocked me out of my trance. I looked to the side. It was Elise's hand.
"Take your time to say goodbye," she said, her blue compassionate eyes staring into my hazel ones.
"Yeah, we should all say our goodbye to her," Ken added.
Saying goodbye to her. They were right, I hadn't had the time to do that yet. No, I was scared to do so, because I thought I would have no one left then. But, that was not true. I still had my friends. I was not alone.
I nodded, and looked back at the ashes in silence. I let my emotions guide me, and then started talking to her in my head.
'I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy again.' That was the only thing I could say as goodbye to her. Memories of her started to fill my mind as my eyes moistened. It was her smile that I most remembered, a smile that made everyone happy. It made me happy too, seeing her smile, and even as a child I wanted her to keep smiling all that time.
But, two years ago, after she had lost that smile, I discovered that the source behind it was love. Love for my father, Damian Marwood. Even though my father was married to another woman, he still took the effort to play pretend with her.
However, in the end it turned out he only did that because I was his son, to keep me in line, and he had never truly loved my mother.
What drives a megalomanic like my father? At the time, he was already the world's most famous lawyer. Power and control over everyone he had already cemented. What more could he want?
Legacy. When one dies, all that was achieved would die with them. But, one's achievements could continue living through their offspring.
Me, my brother and my sister. Who would follow in his footsteps? I'm sure he wanted it to be all of us. After all, that was the only purpose of our existence in his eyes.
He taught us to be like him. It was a hell that any child would break down in. But, he made sure we would endure, through control and fear. My mother was what kept me going, and he used that against me. Her happiness was in his hands. As long as I obeyed, she would be happy.
When I had realised it all, I had defied him. I wanted nothing to do with the law, nothing to do with politics. I didn't want to be someone like my father, who can only see his children, my mother, as a means to an end.
I wanted to be like my mother. To be kind, loving, loved, happy, caring, and so much more. I wanted me and my mother to be free of him. Even if it made my mother unhappy for now, I thought we could both bounce back once we were far away from him.
When I made it all clear to him, he didn't react, only told me that when I changed my mind, I could go back to him again. He didn't punish me. No, he was far smarter and crueler than that.
I had been mistaken. It was a failure of my imagination. Who said he would just make my mother unhappy if I rebelled against him. He would make sure I had no mother left at all. Then, there would be nothing left for me to rebel for.
He broke her heart so thoroughly that there was nothing left. Her smile disappeared and only an empty husk remained. To escape reality, she moved with me to this town and started filling her very being with alcohol, the only thing that could still make her feel something.
For me, only guilt was left. I couldn't stand myself for seeing what I had done to her.
If I went back to my father, obeyed him, surely he would start loving my mother again, and make her smile again. My guilt would disappear, since my mother would be happy again.
But, I couldn't. I would validate it, that my father is inevitable, that his way is the only way in the world. That there was no other way then being like me. I could not allow it.
I was in a deadlock with myself. And once I had broken it, the epiphany came. There was an alternative my father could have never imagined to be possible.
I would bring back my mothers smile myself.
And, after those years of effort, compassion, talks, patience and emotions, just when she started to get her smile back, my father had taken it away from her again, now permanently.
My tears had dried up. Determination welled up in me, and I vowed to the ashes.
'I'll bring him to justice, so that you can regain your smile in heaven.'
I wiped the tears off my face, and looked at Elise and Ken. They were done saying their goodbyes too, and I nodded to them.
I took a deep breath, and addressed them, purpose filling my voice again.
"Thank you. I'm fine now. So, I came here to confirm some things, and it's time to get to work."
AUTHOR NOTE: Dear reader. I'd like to inform you that I'm a big fan of the band Rammstein. I always listen to them when I write. So, to give credit where credit's due, I'd like to recommend their song 'Lügen' to you, which I believe fits this part of the story very well. I hope you'll give it a listen and become a fan too!