Saint, You're So Vulgar! – Chapter 9
Versia lay there silently for a moment longer, gazing up at Asher.
The longer that silence stretched, the darker his frown grew.
Once the absurd moment had passed, she finally regained a bit of composure.
Versia managed to muster a rational response.
"Like it?"
"S-Sorry...!"
"It hurts."
"Ugh...!"
Which meant she was well enough to mess with him now.
Asher squeezed his eyes shut, trembling.
It was a pretty satisfying reaction, and as he'd said, the technique itself wasn't all that painful.
Should she be impressed that her body felt so little pain even after being slammed to the ground?
Or should she marvel at the technique that overcame the gap in their builds?
Versia ended her feigned whining, claiming it was just a joke, only to receive a sulky glare from Asher.
Then she asked.
"What was that? Just now?"
"Ah, that technique is from the East! It uses the opponent's force against them to subdue them...!"
Asher excitedly rattled on, but Versia couldn't follow much of the theory.
It was only natural. She'd never lived a life that involved physical labor.
Still, one thing piqued her curiosity.
"How do you know Eastern martial arts?"
As far as Versia knew, the continent called the East was extremely secretive about passing down their martial arts.
They had virtually no with this continent at all, so it was surprising that someone who'd lived here his whole life had learned Eastern techniquesbizarre ones at that.
Asher replied with an awkward smile that carried a hint of wistful longing.
"Ah, I was raised by mercenaries as a kid. One of the people who looked after me was an Eastern martial artist..."
Versia understood.
Best not to dig deeper into this topic.
Everyone has things they'd rather not recall, and she was no exception.
So she just responded with a simple, "I see."
"Anyway! Now that you've experienced the technique firsthand, it's time for you to learn it! It'll be easy!"
Asher threw himself back into the lesson with renewed enthusiasm.
Versia didn't share his zeal, but she went along with itcomplete with her teasing, of course.
"Force travels in straight lines. Once a punch is thrown, it's hard to control its direction. What you need to do is redirect that force. Strike the side of that straight line and curve it..."
"Where are you touching? That's..."
"Your elbow!"
"It's sensitive."
"I know it's not!"
To describe it as jujitsu, the martial art Asher was teaching involved grabbing and flipping the opponent's body.
Just as he'd said, Versia grasped the principle easily and picked it up quickly.
For one thing, the theory was simple. For another, Asher's body was exceptionally responsive.
"Ah! Well done!"
Versia thought I need to flip him and movedand her body reacted almost automatically, leaving her stunned.
She redirected his attack, spinning him around effortlessly, and just like that, she got the hang of the technique at lightning speed.
Of course, Asher wasn't just taking it lying down.
"If you're gonna say that, at least let yourself hit the ground when I flip you!"
"Haha, the Saintess's body would get hurt! That's not allowed!"
What kind of skill was that, anyway?
Asher twisted his body mid-fall, landing perfectly upright.
Whether flipped forward, backward, swung sideways, or thrown diagonallyit made no difference.
Like a damn fly.
His skills were mediocre in every other way, but his physical prowess was infuriatingly top-notch.
So she kept trying technique after technique.
"Good! Keep doing it just like that!"
"..."
Versia had to admit it.
This isn't working.
She wasn't going to take him down that easily.
"Phew! At this point, you could easily handle street thugs!"
Asher puffed out his chest proudly.
Versia took the easy way out.
"Thanks for teaching me how to use my body."
"Of course! You were an excellent student!"
"Then, will you teach me some other stuff too?"
"?"
"You groped all over my body the whole time. Mine's all stiff..."
"Ah, seriously!"
Now was her chance.
Thwack!
Versia stepped forward and snatched Asher's wrist.
His face bright red, he let out a squeak and tried to pull away with a panicked look.
That was the turning point.
They were closewhisper-close.
Versia blatantly shifted her gaze.
"Whoa, cleavage."
"Eek...!"
Asher flinched in shock, shoulders hunching.
His balance shifted.
One good flip, and she'd plant him into the ground.
Just thinking it sent her body tracing the perfect path.
She was about to slam Asher down when...
"Seriously...!"
His trembling voice dripped with grievancepitiful, really.
But his technique was anything but.
Whirrr!
Something Versia couldn't comprehend happened again.
Asher, who should've been flying toward the ground, was suddenly planted firmly on his feet, while Versia's body hung in midair, spinning round and round.
Her vision blurred, dizziness setting in.
Right after.
Thud!
An impact incomparable to before hit her.
It was just a normal "ow," though.
"...Ow."
"Reflect on your actions! Did you have to do that right up to the end?! It's not honorable! Vulgar! Even street thugs don't fight like that!"
Asher clutched the front of his tunic with both hands, yelling shrilly.
Versia felt the stinging sensation on her back and asked.
"What was that?"
"An advanced technique!"
"Hey, teach it to me too."
"No way! I'm not teaching someone with such a bad attitude!"
Asher stomped off with loud thuds.
Then he suddenly stopped, whipped his head around, and declared.
"Reflect on it! Write a reflection essay too! I won't speak to you until then!"
His eyes looked all tearywas she imagining it?
Versia waved from the ground.
"Good work."
Anyway, it had been fun. That was enough.
It suddenly occurred to her that Asher was bringing some much-needed color to her otherwise boring life.
Did I pick a good bodyguard?
At least she didn't regret it.
Not yet, anyway.
Versia slowly got up and brushed the dirt off her body.
Then she headed back to her tent to rest.
* * *
The next day, Versia made an effort and brought a reflection essay when she went to find Asher.
If he wouldn't even respond, she couldn't tease him, after all.
The content was something vague like, "From now on, I'll use more medical terms when referring to body parts."
She could picture it already.
He'd snap that she just shouldn't mention body parts at all.
Then she'd counter with, "Isn't banning all mention of body parts a bit too authoritarian?" His reaction would be priceless.
With that in mind, Versia arrived at what used to be her bedroom.
And immediately faced...
"What is it?"
"..."
"Hm."
Asher was sprawled face-down on the bed with a steaming hot towel draped over his back.
Gazing at the sight, she saw him trembling with embarrassment, mumbling in a pitiful voice.
"...Sore."
"Pardon?"
"...Muscle soreness."
That was it.
Asher had been flipping and flying around using advanced techniques with Versia's untrained bodya body that had never exercised a day in its life.
Against a trained knight's build, no less.
No matter how much it relied on redirecting force, it still required some baseline strength, and Asher had dismissed the resulting pain as negligible.
A miscalculation. Now he was paying the price.
Versia watched him for a moment, then grinned.
Something he'd said came to mind.
"Don't underestimate me. I was top of my class to be chosen as the Saintess's bodyguard."
Flinch!
"Haha, the Saintess's body would get hurt! That's not allowed!"
Flinch!
Each word drew a vivid reaction.
His neck and ears were turning red now.
His body was quivering.
Versia perched on the edge of the bed.
She tapped the towel on his back with her fingers.
Asher writhed with a choked sob of pain.
"You handled my body so roughly."
"I'm sorry...!"
"Looks like the final inspection will have to wait now."
"Th-That... Ack?!"
She pressed down on his lower back, and he jolted like a fish.
Versia felt genuinely amused.
A crooked smile tugged at her lips for that reason.
Asher seemed truly ashamed, not saying a word about the reflection essay.
Maybe she'd save that for later.
With that thought, Versia drove the nail in.
"What are you going to do if you overwork my body and it turns into a mass of muscle?"
That was the moment.
Asher suddenly whipped his head around.
Versia panicked.
Uh-oh.
A stern look of disdain had appeared on his face.
"Saintess."
"...?"
"Muscles don't form from one day of hard work."
"...?"
"A sculpted physique requires years of consistent training and a grueling diet."
There was steel in his voice.
Versia's mouth snapped shut.
"Don't underestimate training."
"...Sorry."
Versia apologized sincerely.
It felt like the right thing to do.