The room was filled to capacity with beings of all races that belonged to the Federation of Planets. Waiters wandered amongst the guests of the gala event, a fund raiser for the deserving poor who did not have the resources to go hunting and so could do little else than be a nuisance to the civilised masses. This event was the regular Non Compatible World Auction where all the newly discovered planets which did not meet the rigid sentience and Federation compatibility tests were auctioned off to the highest bidder. This was deemed to be the fairest way to allocate these new resources. In past times, before the Imperial Exploration Service took on the role, independent operations set exploration ships in all directions. At times conflicts developed among competing interests for new planets and once more civilisation was threatened. The Emperor of the time had stepped in and developed the Imperial Exploration Service and gave everyone an equal chance to bid for the development rights of new planets.
Technically the new planets still belonged to the Emperor and the bidding was for a development license, but in practice the purchaser had full rights. Historically in only one case did the Empire step in and that was a case where the purchaser had turned the inhabitants into unpaid slaves. This was resolved by paying the inhabitants and making them citizens and then everything was back to as it was but with more appropriate titles.
The funds raised by the auction, less a generous commission to the auctioneer and to cover the event costs, were used to fund the IES. There were some misinformed complaints that this led to a conflict of interest in the Directorate of the IES with funding effectively dependant on the declaration of planets Non Compatible, but all investigations had shown the impartiality of the service. In fact this was very true of the operational arm of the IES. These members of the service took the Imperial Exploration Service motto of "To Seek and Find New Friends" very seriously and had a very long tradition of loyalty to the Federation and the Emperor. The administration and directorate of the IES was a different case, having become corrupted by the rewards which flowed their way from auction fees, event reimbursements, Non Compatible planet sales and "sponsorship" from various corporate interests.
The lights in the room dimmed and an announcement was made over the public address system, "Please gather in the main hall. The auction will begin in ten minutes."
Patter smiled to his companions and with the rest of the crowd made his way into the main hall.
In the main hall the Director of the Imperial Exploration Service was seated on a plush chair to the side of the stage with a number of Imperial and Service dignitaries, scanning the crowd casually. She gave a slight nod of her head when her eyes met Patter's glance and continued to scan the room.
A rising sound of drums grew as the crowd seated themselves in the various seats and stools to suit each body shape and size. The drums stopped and a small creature rose from a hole in the centre of platform at the front of the room. She raised her wings high in the air and then spread them wide showing a glorious colourful plumage which impressed the crowd. She then dropped her wings by her side, raised one of her two extra arms to her beak and announced, "Greetings. We mean you no harm."
The pleasant murmur among the crowd showed the appreciation of the traditional IES greeting.
"Today we have a good collection of new Non Compatible planets to present to you. These range from mineral rich airless planets, large gas giants with abundant resources and, " then she paused for effect, "A new Non Compatible inhabited planet."
Clapping started in the crowd. There was an information blackout before the auction as to what planets were being offered. This was said to help increase the prices being paid as everyone had to be prepared for anything and it certainly improved the ratings for the live entertainment network coverage. On the other hand, certain special interests somehow were able to hear of the more interesting planets on offer and so were prepared accordingly. But everyone in the crowd pretended to be surprised and interested.
Patter provided polite clapping.
The presenter continued, "Without further ado, I would like to introduce the esteemed director of the Imperial Exportation Service, Lady Penelope Hiss." The presenter then stepped back as the Director stood up, smiled at the crowd and walked towards the centre of the platform where a podium rose to meet her. The Director's green and gold scales glistened under the carefully selected lighting, enhancing her soft curves and glinting carefully off her talons which were not quite fully retracted, giving a hint of strength and control. Her tail swept regally behind her, adorned with precious jewels, offsetting the red cloak of office that swept around her.
"Ladies, gentlemen and others," she began, sure to include all of the many aliens in the audience, "Today we have a special collection of planets. Our brave and steadfast Exploration Teams have been continuing their search of the edges of the Federation to find new planets which will prove of benefit to the Federation of Planets and our grand civilisation."
The director paused and the audience dutifully applauded the brave explorers.
"Our never ending dream is to add new member planets which can enrich our culture, broaden our horizons and show how truly inclusive and understanding is our Federation. We also know this is a very rare thing. It takes special qualities to be part of the Federation of Planets. Qualities that you have all shown and that make the Federation the great civilisation it is today."
Everyone applauded again. It is nice being complimented.
"Other than the many resource rich planets we have on offer, we have a new planet which is inhabited. We applied the standard intelligence tests which have proven so effective in over five hundred years of our exploration and this planet did NOT make the grade. This planet has been declared Non Compatible after a exhaustive study and vigorous review process. Our preferred option for these planets would be Off Limits, allowing the planet's inhabitants to develop in their own time and perhaps join the Federation of Planets in the future. But this planet will never get there."
The Director paused again, but no-one applauded yet, realising this was for dramatic effect and they all liked a good show.
The Director waved to a creature that was shaped like a small blue ball with long ears who had four eyes at regular intervals around her middle, "My assistant will present all of the resource planets for your interest. When she is complete, we will provide a full background of the new planet. Beatrice, let us begin."
Beatrice rolled across the platform, stopped and stood up and pointed behind her. The curtains moved back and a three dimensional display of dozens of planets appeared around the edges. Using a small control in her hands, a planet rushed forward and stopped about 20 feet above her and rotated slowly in all directions, allowing everyone to see the planet.
"This is planet 45E74Q in the Tiersdale sector…" and so the auction began.
As each planet was brought front and centre, each of the audience who had registered beforehand was sent the planet details to their hand held tablets. While Beatrice described the general information of the planet, each purchaser quickly forwarded the details to their assistants - whether in the room or back in their offices - and quickly analysed the potential rewards and costs. Once Beatrice has finished her banter, calculated so that all purchasers would have time for a quick analysis and ensure ratings for the broadcast of the event would continue to increase, she called for bids.
The bidding then proceeded quickly with interested parties utilising the application on their tablets and the results quickly showing in mid air in front of the slowly revolving image of the planet. Once the numbers stopped increasing, Beatrice would ask for any last bids and after thirty seconds declare the planet's development license sold. The name of the new licensee would then appear above the bid and the image of the planet would move across to the far wall of the hall, retaining the purchaser and price. The viewers at home that were interested were then able to see all the publicly available data of each planet, by tapping the planet image on their screens. The more innovative purchasers quickly provided links to the image which directed suitable enquirers to their information portal for contractors, employees, purchasers and more. This was all a very sophisticated process, benefitting and impacting a great many people.
"Finally, we have the great prize of this evening," announced Beatrice to a hushed audience, and pointed dramatically at the image of the last planet in the corner. She could have used her finger on her tablet, but Beatrice had a flair for the dramatic and this was one of her best opportunities to show off.
Beatrice swept out her large ears with a flash of colour and waved them as if to coax the planet into position above her. A slowly spinning planet with lots of cloud cover, water and about thirty percent land mass moved above her, with a smaller grey moon spinning around it.
"I present you the planet … Dirt!" Beatrice announced majestically.
She heard a few rumbles in the audience questioning the unpoetic name for a newly discovered planet and quickly moved on, "Dirt! A planet in a remote edge of the Federation with a variety of life forms."
Near the floating planet appeared images of lions, tigers and bears, then more of fish small and large, then birds and reptiles.
"These are just some of the wildlife. The creatures atop this chain of life are two main creatures in a symbiotic relationship. The primary one is this," and a picture of Cow appeared in a field being tended by the farmer, then up in the Explorer ship panicking and leaving a deposit on Heron and causing chaos before being beamed back down. Beatrice had a quick look at the ratings and they rose quickly as the viewers enjoyed the explorers getting into a mess with the creature going berserk in the explorer ship. This was just what she had planned when they had prepared this presentation.
The potential purchasers of this planet were fewer in number than the resource planets. Inhabited planets were a more specialist development license as they had very few uses. If the developer tried to use the locals as labour or anything useful, the classification as Non Compatible would be questioned. After all, if they were truly Non Compatible how can they provide useful labour? So if an inhabited planet was declared Non Compatible it was pretty much left to the hunting corporations.
Beatrice continued after the laughter had died down, "The other member of this symbiotic relationship are what are considered the Dirtlings. Here are some of the samples we tested."
As the first images of the Dirtlings were shown, there was a quick wave of revulsion from the audience. "Only two legs?" ,"No colour - they are all brown!", "Weird looking" were typical comments before quieting down as the videos of the testing began.
Scenes of George getting intoxicated with one taste of Fizzy (with the brand displayed carefully to ensure appropriate royalty payments), Jonni doing his snow angel impressions on the floor of the Explorer ship and Nix!a, the short dark Dirtling trying to give a bottle back to the explorers and hiding in the cupboard. The ratings continued to climb as viewers enjoyed the discomfort of the explorers trying to deal with obviously inferior Dirtlings.
By the time the testing footage was complete, what little sorrow or revulsion may have been felt by the audience was replaced by a sense of the ridiculous.
"Four tests. Four failures. Initial reports showed that there could be some hope for the Dirtlings based on transmissions, but they also proved to be of limited value," continued Beatrice, showing very carefully selected footage from the transmissions that had been sent back. There were no scenes of war or invention or industry. Just scenes of documentaries, especially of wildlife fighting and of Dirtlings doing various silly antics. The sense of the ridiculous was reinforced.
"Naturally, we had the report of the Exploration Team that conducted the tests which backed the results completely. So, Dirt is declared Non Compatible! What are we bid?"
Bids began to populate the air in front of the planet but quickly slowed down. Unseen from the platform, various bidders were approached by tall, strong looking individuals similar to Harrick and spoken to in soft voices. As each bidder was spoken to they slowly stopped bidding and looked at the individual next to them. The individual nodded slowly and stepped away into the crowd.
The final result was in the air. Beatrice was surprised at the value and asked the audience, "Surely we have more bids? Any more bids for this fine planet with such opportunities for development?"
There were no more bids.
"Sold!" said Beatrice, "To Hunting Tours Incorporated."
There was an initial smattering of applause until a few key individuals started clapping and looking meaningfully at their neighbours and the applause picked up.
Beatrice stepped back with a sweep of her ears and the Director came forward to stand under the still spinning image of the newly sold planet Dirt, spinning slowly behind the Hunting Tours Incorporated name and logo with the price underneath.
"Thank you for all your attendance this evening. Your support has been a great help to not only us at the Imperial Exploration Service, encouraging us to go forward and Seek and Find New Friends. Tonight your kind donations have also helped so many poor unfortunates who can now enjoy the relief of their natural tendencies in a productive and safe way. Thank you."
The Director let her hands fall and stood still as the crowd slowly moved away. The night had been a success. Her glance caught Patter's and he nodded a silent thanks to her. She grinned. Tonight had been rewarding for everyone.
And the spinning Earth above her head did not know what was in store.