Ningning sat in silence, the mirror in one hand and the sex guidebook in the other.
She wasn't sure which one shocked her more. Her reflection, or page seventy-nine of the guidebook.
[You accepted very quickly, hehe. I selected the most efficient baby-making position.]
…
"Can we talk about my face first?" Ningning said slowly. "I'm… really beautiful."
[…]
[I smell cockiness.]
Ningning shook her head. This wasn't arrogance. She was genuinely stunned.
"I'm serious. I've never been this pretty before. This body is beautiful. No wonder Weijie got hooked. If I were him, I would've been hooked too."
[Haha. Don't make me laugh. From my calculations, he's more interested in your personality than your face. Your appearance is merely an added bonus.]
Ningning chuckled and quickly stored both items back into her system space. She had no idea how she would explain their sudden appearance if Weijie walked in.
[So? How does it feel, seeing your face?]
She didn't answer immediately.
Her whole life, she had wanted to be pretty. She had spent her first life chasing that feeling—dieting, failing, hating herself, starting over, and failing again.
Now, in this second life, she had the face she always wanted.
Yet she felt nothing.
No joy.
No pride.
Just shock.
Because it wasn't her face.
It was just a borrowed body.
Inside, she was still Fatty Shen. Still the girl boys laughed at and girls demeaned in high school.
Still the one who took up too much space.
That hadn't changed.
"…Nothing.." she finally said. "I don't feel anything."
Doudou was silent for a long time.
Ningning stared at her reflection again, unable to reconcile the person she saw with the person she felt like.
[Do you know why? Do you want to know why you feel no joy or sense of accomplishment?]
"…Why?" she asked quietly.
[Because you didn't work for it.]
The system's voice turned oddly precise.
[January 1st, 2020. Twenty-year-old Shen Ningning resolved to lose thirty pounds. By the end of the year, she had gained twenty pounds and lost nothing.]
[April 15th, 2021. Twenty-one-year-old Shen Ningning lost thirty pounds—then broke up with her boyfriend and gained thirty-five by December.]
[September 30th, 2022. Shen Ningning collapsed during a marathon attempt and died of cardiac arrest at two hundred and thirty pounds.]
A pause.
[What am I trying to say?]
Ningning swallowed.
"…That I failed?" she said softly.
[Incorrect.]
[What I am saying is this: you never hated effort. You hated failure. And when failure came, you punished yourself instead of trying again.]
Her fingers tightened.
[You wanted the result without forgiving the process.]
Ningning laughed bitterly. "That's harsh, you don't have to go that far."
[I am a system, I'm here to tell you the truth. Accept it, accept it Ningning. You were fat and unless you put in the work to shed this weight, you will never feel beautiful or healthy..]
Ningning's laughter faded.
The cave felt quieter all of a sudden, the crackle of the fire louder than it should have been.
She didn't argue.
For once, she couldn't.
"…You say it like it's a crime." she murmured.
[It is not a crime.] Doudou replied flatly. [It is a condition.]
She played with her fingers, her palms hurt from clenching too hard.
"I know I'm fat.." she said. Her voice wasn't defensive anymore, it was just tired. "I've always known. People made sure I knew. Doctors, relatives, classmates… even strangers felt entitled to remind me."
She paused, her eyes unfocused.
"But knowing didn't make it easier. Trying didn't make it kinder. Every time I failed, it felt like proof that I deserved the way people treated me."
The fire popped softly.
[And so you stopped believing effort was worth it.] Doudou said.
"…Yeah, I mean who wouldn't."
For the first time, the system didn't respond immediately.
When it spoke again, its tone had shifted still blunt, but quieter.
[I am not telling you this to humiliate you.]
Ningning scoffed lightly. "Really? Because it kind of feels like that."
[I am telling you because this world will not be gentle with you either.]
[But unlike your old world, effort here has immediate consequences.]
She looked up.
[If you do not build stamina, you will die.]
[If you do not strengthen your body, you will be injured.]
[If you do not learn restraint and discipline, pregnancy, sickness, and exhaustion will consume you.]
Each sentence landed heavily.
[This body is beautiful.] Doudou continued. [But beauty without health is temporary. And beauty without confidence is meaningless.]
Ningning's throat tightened.
"So what.." she whispered. "You want me to hate myself into changing?"
[No.]
The reply was immediate.
[I want you to respect yourself enough to survive.]
She stared at the fire, the flames reflecting faintly in her eyes.
"…I don't know how to start." she admitted.
[You already have. Can't you see it?.]
She frowned, what did he mean by she had always started? She hasn't done anything.
[You walked barefoot, confronted your self consciousness across the settlement to look for Weijie. It may not look like much but that's something.] Doudou started.
[You confronted danger instead of hiding.]
[You chose a mate who protects you rather than one who merely desires you.]
[Heck you even climbed a tree and you faced your fear of heights and jumped down.]
[And you are still here.]
A long pause.
[That is effort. You're doing okay Ningning and you can always do better.]
Ningning's chest felt strange, it was tight, warm and uncomfortable.
"So you're saying…" she hesitated, "…I don't need to feel beautiful yet?"
[Correct.]
[You need to feel alive, to feel happiness, in time you will grow to accept this body that you will work for.]
She let out a shaky breath and smiled.
This conversation felt like a hard pill to swallow.
"…You're really annoying.." she muttered.
[I know.] Doudou said calmly. [But I am effective.]
A faint, reluctant smile tugged at her lips.
Outside the cave, footsteps crunched against stone.
Weijie was coming back.
Ningning wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, straightened her shoulders, and stood up.
Pretty or not.
Fat or not.
She didn't care, at this point she was happy to be alive and she was grateful that Weijie had found her.
Weijie ducked inside, carrying the clay pots he had gone to fetch.
The cool scent of lake water followed him in, along with the damp smell of stone and earth.
When he noticed Ningning sitting quietly instead of moving about, his steps slowed.
"Did something happen?" he asked, setting the pots down.
"No.." she replied after a brief pause. "I was just thinking too much."
He studied her face for a moment, then accepted her answer without pressing further.
That simple act of trust eased something in her chest. He poured the water carefully into a smaller container and placed it within her reach before sitting down nearby.
"Papa talks too much.." he said, his tone casual. "But he has already begun preparing for the bonding ceremony. He says it will likely be in three days."