The Grand Auction House of Greed was a palace built of gold bricks and red velvet. It sat in the center of Floor 5, floating above the lava pits on anti-gravity disks. Inside, the richest warlords, demon merchants, and inter-dimensional criminals gathered to bid on captured souls and illegal artifacts.
Tonight, the security was tighter than a clam's shell.
[SYSTEM ALERT: HEIST IN PROGRESS]
[DISGUISE STATUS: ACTIVE]
At the service entrance, a goblin guard squinted at Aryan's ID badge.
"Name?" the goblin grunted.
"Chef Ramsey," Aryan lied smoothly. He pointed to his uniform. It was white, crisp, and suspiciously perfect. That was because five minutes ago, it was his trench coat. He had used [The Red Pen] to edit the texture file from [Leather] to [Cotton: Chef Grade].
"And the appliance?" The goblin poked the Talking Stove, which was sitting on a floating trolley pushed by the First Son (who was wearing a giant bowtie).
"That is the... Sous-Chef," Aryan said.
"I AM NOT A SOUS-CHEF!" the Stove roared, its grate rattling. "I AM THE CULINARY GOD OF THIS SECTOR! OPEN THE GATE BEFORE I ROAST YOUR GREEN EARS!"
The goblin shrank back. "Okay, okay! Chefs are always so temperamental."
He stamped the pass. They were in.
The Kitchen of Chaos
They wheeled the Stove into the massive industrial kitchen. It was chaos. Orcs were chopping meat with battleaxes. Slimes were being used to scrub dishes.
"Alright, team," Aryan whispered, checking the [System Clock]. "The Auction starts in 30 minutes. The Architect's Fragment is in the Vault behind the stage. The guards are high-level Elites. We need to knock them out."
"With violence?" Barnaby asked, peeking out of a soup pot where he was hiding.
"With dessert," Aryan corrected.
He pulled out a bag of [Dream-Shrooms] they had looted from Floor 2.
[INGREDIENT: DREAM-SHROOM]
Effect: Causes vivid, euphoric hallucinations. Consumers may believe they are clouds.
"Stove," Aryan commanded. "Do your magic."
"Finally," the Stove clattered. "Clear the counters! I need butter! I need eggs! I need the tears of a disappointed lover!"
"We don't have tears," Sarah said, checking her inventory.
"Salt will do!" the Stove shouted. "Begin the Soufflé!"
It was a masterclass in efficiency. The First Son cracked eggs with surprising delicacy using his massive wooden fingers. Rhea hummed a "Song of Rising" to make the dough expand faster. Aryan used [The Red Pen] to edit the temperature of the oven in real-time, ensuring perfect heat distribution.
The scent that wafted from the Stove was not of this world. It smelled of nostalgia. It smelled of a warm bed on a rainy day.
"It's ready," the Stove declared. "The Soufflé of Eternal Slumber."
Aryan loaded the trays. "Sarah, you and Rhea serve the guards. First Son, guard the exit. Mira... you're with me."
The Dragon at Table 1
Aryan and Mira pushed the golden serving cart into the main Auction Hall. The room was filled with terrifying figures—Shadow Liches, Vampire Lords, and Cyborg Assassins.
But the center of attention was Table 1.
Sitting there was a man who radiated pure heat. He had hair like burning embers and eyes with vertical slit pupils. He wore a suit made of dragon scales.
[BOSS: LORD IGNIS (LVL 50)]
[RACE: ANCIENT RED DRAGON (HUMAN FORM)]
[TRAIT: GLUTTONY - Will eat anything, including people.]
"That's the VIP," Aryan whispered. "If he wakes up, we're dead. He's Level 50. I'm Level 5."
"Then we make sure he enjoys the meal," Mira whispered back. She was disguised as a waitress, her [Shadow Step] allowing her to move silently between tables.
Aryan approached the table. He placed a steaming ramekin of soufflé in front of Lord Ignis.
"Compliments of the chef, my Lord," Aryan said, bowing.
Ignis looked at the soufflé. He sniffed it. A puff of smoke escaped his nostrils.
"I did not order this," Ignis rumbled. His voice sounded like grinding tectonic plates. "I ordered the soul of a virgin."
"This is better," Aryan said boldly. "It is the... Soufflé of Lost Dreams."
Ignis raised an eyebrow. He picked up a spoon. He took a bite.
The room went silent.
Ignis froze. His eyes widened. The scales on his neck rippled.
[SYSTEM: CRITICAL FLAVOR HIT!]
[TARGET STATUS: ECSTASY.]
"Oh..." Ignis moaned. "Oh, by the hoard."
The Dragon slumped back in his chair. He didn't hallucinate. His constitution was too high for the poison to knock him out. Instead, the flavor overwhelmed his senses.
"This texture..." Ignis whispered. "It's like eating a cloud made of angels. It's... exquisite."
Around the room, the guards who had eaten the soufflé were already passing out, giggling about being butterflies. But Ignis was just getting started.
"CHEF!" Ignis roared, slamming his fist on the table. The plates rattled. "BRING ME THE CHEF!"
Aryan froze. "My Lord, the chef is shy..."
"I DON'T CARE!" Ignis stood up, towering over Aryan. "I must meet the genius who cooked this! I want to hire him! I want to kidnap him and keep him in my dungeon forever!"
The Stove's Big Break
Aryan touched his earpiece. "Stove... we have a problem. The Dragon wants to marry you."
"Excellent," the Stove's voice crackled back. "I have always wanted a wealthy patron. Wheel me out."
Aryan signaled the First Son. The giant wheeled the Talking Stove into the dining hall.
Ignis looked at the cast-iron appliance. He looked at the empty grate. He looked at the [Vorpal Spatula] stuck to the side.
"A construct?" Ignis asked, confused. "You... you cooked this?"
"I did," the Stove declared. "And you ate it too fast. You have no palate. You are a savage lizard."
The room gasped. You do not insult Lord Ignis.
Ignis stared at the Stove. His face turned red. Smoke poured from his ears.
Then... he laughed.
"HAHAHA! A Stove with a spine! I love it!" Ignis grabbed the Stove in a hug. "You are coming with me! We will roast knights together!"
The Heist in the Background
While the Dragon was busy bonding with the kitchen appliance, Aryan looked at Mira. He nodded toward the stage.
The Auctioneer (a goblin in a tuxedo) was currently hallucinating that he was a pineapple. The guards were asleep.
Mira activated [Shadow Step].
Zip.
She appeared behind the velvet curtain.
There it was. Sitting on a pedestal in the Vault.
[ITEM: ARCHITECT'S FRAGMENT #1]
Description: A shard of the Architect's glasses. Contains the concept of "Perspective".
It glowed with a cold, intellectual blue light. Mira reached out.
[SYSTEM WARNING: ALARM TRAP DETECTED.]
She froze. The pedestal was pressure-sensitive. If she lifted the shard, the alarm would sound. And if the alarm sounded, the Dragon would stop hugging the Stove and start breathing fire.
"Aryan," Mira whispered into her comms. "I need a swap. I need something that weighs exactly the same as a pair of glasses."
Aryan looked around the dining hall. He saw Barnaby hiding under a napkin on the cart.
"Barnaby," Aryan whispered. "You're up."
"Absolutely not," Barnaby squeaked. "I am not an Indiana Jones prop!"
"It's for the loot," Aryan hissed.
He grabbed the fishbowl (with Barnaby inside). He calculated the weight. Too heavy. He poured out some water until it felt right.
He slid the bowl across the floor to Mira.
Mira caught it.
"Sorry, Barnaby," she whispered.
She performed the swap.
Swish.
She grabbed the Fragment and placed the fishbowl on the pedestal in one fluid motion.
The pedestal clicked. It accepted the weight.
[HEIST SUCCESSFUL.]
Barnaby sat on the pedestal in the dark vault. "Well," he bubbled. "At least it's quiet in here."
The Escape
Mira [Shadow Stepped] back to Aryan's side, the Fragment hidden in her apron.
"Got it," she whispered.
"Stove!" Aryan called out. "We're leaving! The soufflé needs... to rest!"
"But we were discussing marinades!" Ignis complained, letting go of the Stove.
"I shall return!" the Stove promised. "But art cannot be rushed! I must go meditate in the dishwasher!"
They backed out of the hall, bowing profusely.
As soon as they hit the corridor, they sprinted.
"Run! Run before the shrooms wear off!" Aryan shouted.
They burst out of the service entrance, collected Barnaby (who Mira had re-summoned to her inventory), and jumped onto the elevator to Floor 6.
Just as the doors closed, they heard a roar from the auction hall.
"WAIT! THIS ISN'T A SOUFFLÉ! IT'S A DRUG! I FEEL FUNNY!"
ROAAAAR.
A stream of fire blasted down the hallway, scorching the paint off the elevator doors just as they sealed shut.
[FLOOR 5 CLEARED.]
[FRAGMENT COLLECTED: 1/5]
[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: CULINARY CRIMINALS.]
Aryan leaned against the wall, laughing. He held up the glowing blue shard.
"One down. Four to go."
"I think the Dragon actually liked me," the Stove mused. "He had a very warm personality."
"He wanted to kidnap you," Rhea panted.
"I'm irresistible," the Stove clanged. "It's a burden I must bear."