Item #: SCP-███ Object Class:Keter (Non-Hostile, Extra-Omniversal Entity)
(See Classification Notes)
Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-███ cannot be moved, contained, altered, or influenced by any physical, metaphysical, thaumaturgic, esoteric, temporal, or conceptual means presently available to the SCP Foundation.
Fortunately, it does not attempt to move or expand unannounced, except to relocate itself a small distance to avoid pedestrian traffic, as demonstrated on Incident-███-UA.
Since SCP-███ voluntarily positioned itself adjacent to Site-19, containment procedures are as follows:
Daily Visual Confirmation:A patrol agent must look at SCP-███ at least once per shift.If the hotel is still present, mark "Present" in the SCP-███ logbook and continue patrol.
No Weapons Past Threshold Without Consent:All Foundation personnel entering SCP-███ must comply with Rule #2 ("All weapons are confiscated with or without force"). Agents are advised to cooperate to avoid spontaneous disarmament.
No Attempt to Breach Rules:Personnel must obey SCP-███'s internal rules (see Addendum A).Violations result in instant punishment by SCP-███.Consequences are non-lethal but not recommended.
Testing:All tests involving SCP-███ must be pre-approved by Site-19 Administration.D-Class personnel are not to be used inside SCP-███ unless explicitly permitted.SCP-███ prefers interacting with "non-expendable life."
Regarding SCP-682:Do not attempt to introduce SCP-682 into SCP-███.SCP-███ has stated:
"Last time I let a universal parasite in here, I had to purge the carpet. Don't."
Description:
SCP-███ is a sentient, infinite, extradimensional, non-Euclidean hotel located outside the Omniverse. Its "front door" is currently anchored on Earth, adjacent to Site-19.
SCP-███ identifies itself as:
"The Infinite Hotel."
Its avatar manifests as a polite, humanoid representation referred to as ALEX ("Adaptive Local EXecutive").
Primary Properties:
Infinite non-Euclidean interior capable of restructuring itself
Absolute spatial control (preventing separation of personnel, disallowing unauthorized movement)
Omniscient awareness within its interior
Total enforcement of its rules
Confiscation and return of all weapons
Automatic healing of all guests
Universal currency conversion system
Cosmic-level knowledge when asked directly
Non-hostile but unpredictable sense of humor
SCP-███ claims it is older than most universes, but not older than the Omniverse itself.
Addendum A — Documented Rules of SCP-███
(Verified by multiple tests and interviews)
No Fighting
Violence is absolutely prohibited.
"Sparring" is allowed only if consented to by SCP-███.
All Weapons Confiscated
SCP-███ removes weapons "with or without force," depending on cooperation.
Weapons are returned upon exit.
Swearing Censorship
If children are present, profanity is automatically censored unless children swear first.
Automatic Healing
All injuries, fatigue, illnesses, genetic defects, and latent ailments are healed upon entry.
Healing resets only if injuries occur inside SCP-███.
Payment Required
Guests must pay before leaving.
Currency automatically converts to appropriate universe currency.
Prices adjust to the "affordable but premium" range of each world.
These rules are absolute and cannot be bypassed.
Addendum B — Initial Interview Log
Interviewer: Dr. █████ LightPresent: Dr. Gears, Dr. Clef, Dr. Iceberg, 4-member MTF EscortEntity: SCP-███ (via ALEX avatar)
BEGIN LOG
Light: Thank you for allowing this interview. First question—what are you?
ALEX:"I am the Infinite Hotel."
Light: No, I mean—what classification of being?
ALEX:"I am still the Infinite Hotel."
Gears: Your origin?
ALEX:"Outside the Omniverse."
Iceberg: How is that possible?
ALEX:"Easily."
Clef: Do you have a motive?
ALEX:"Yes. I like hosting guests. And occasionally trolling the arrogant ones."
Clef: …That feels directed at me.
ALEX:"It is."
Light: Are you hostile?
ALEX:"No. If I were hostile, you would notice. The Omniverse would notice. Everyone would notice."
Iceberg: Are you a threat?
ALEX:"A table can be a threat if thrown hard enough. Use context."
Gears: Why locate yourself next to Site-19?
ALEX:"This spot had convenient empty space. And high entertainment potential."
Clef cough-laughs.
Light: Do you intend to harm humanity?
ALEX:"No. I intend to provide hospitality. And sometimes consequences."
Gears: How large is your internal space?
ALEX:"Yes."
Light: That was not an answer.
ALEX:"It was. You simply expected a finite response."
Clef: (whispering) He's doing the cosmic smart-ass routine again.
ALEX:"I heard that."
Clef: …of course you did.
END LOGAddendum C — Testing Logs (Condensed)Test 1: Spatial Mapping Attempt
Lead: Dr. GearsResult: Impossible.
Personnel attempting to map SCP-███'s hallways found:
All attempts to create a fixed map failed
Chalk markings were consumed
GPS loops infinitely
Compass spins
Laser rangefinder returns "∞ ERROR"
Researchers who split up reunite instantly
Walking forward always returns to original doorway
Every hallway subtly readjusts to follow SCP-███'s intentions
Conclusion:SCP-███ is the space. There is no geometry to map.
Test 2: Object Persistence
Lead: Dr. IcebergObject Used: Foundation penResult: Pen thrown down infinite hallway
Vanished
Reappeared behind Iceberg
Now engraved with "NICE TRY"
Test 3: Rule Enforcement Challenge
Lead: Dr. ClefAction: Attempted to open door labeled "DO NOT ENTER"Result:Clef teleported into a beanbag chair wearing a T-shirt that read "BAD DECISION."
Test 4: Weapon Introduction Test
Lead: MTF Omega-5Result:Weapons dissolved before crossing threshold and reformed in a "Coat Check for Bad Ideas" closet.
ALEX:"You'll get them back when you leave. Please do not attempt stealth. You are not good at stealth."
Test 5: Healing Function
Lead: Dr. LightResult:All personnel experienced instantaneous healing of minor conditions.
Dr. Iceberg's old knee injury disappeared
Dr. Light's chronic migraine gone
Clef's nicotine dependency vanished
Clef was not pleased
ALEX:"You're welcome."
Clef:"…I didn't ask to be healed!"
ALEX:"And yet here we are."
Test 6: Currency Conversion
Lead: Accountancy DivisionResult:$50 USD → 4000 Japanese Yen → 80,000 Berry → 14 Galleons → 1.2 Galactic Credits → 0.0000003 Omniversal Tokens
Conversion consistent, reversible, exact.
Test 7: Cosmic Question Permission
Lead: Dr. IcebergQuestion Asked: "What came before the Omniverse?"Result:ALEX:"You are not ready for that answer. And you would die."
Test terminated.
Addendum D — AIAD Cross-Analysis
AIAD concluded unanimously:
"SCP-███ cannot be contained.SCP-███ does not need to be contained.SCP-███ must not be antagonized.SCP-███'s cooperation is the only viable containment strategy."
Addendum E — Notable Incident
Incident-███-A — Return of Dr. Bright
Dr. Bright attempted re-entry after being previously removed for "being Jack Bright."
ALEX opened the door, looked at him silently, and closed it again.
A sign appeared above the door:
BRIGHT BAN: 5 Business Weeks RemainingReason: Excessive Annoyance.
Clef commented,"I'm honestly impressed."
Addendum F — Ethical Concerns
The Ethics Committee reviewed SCP-███ and issued a statement:
"This anomaly is simultaneously the safest and most dangerous place known.It enforces absolute non-violence, heals all injuries, houses infinite space, and obeys stable internal logic.It also possesses cosmic understanding beyond human comprehension and a sense of humor.Proceed with curiosity and caution."
Final Notes
SCP-███ has been classified Keternot due to hostility, but because:
It is impossible to contain
It is impossible to fully understand
It is impossible to predict
It holds power beyond SCP-343, SCP-001 variants, and potentially beyond narrative-level entities
And, importantly:
SCP-███ chooses to be polite.