Today is August 21. My birthday is on the 29th of this month.
You greeted me. You did.
—I didn't.
I sit still with a heavy heart, not knowing what to say to you or what the right words are. I never thought that getting to speak to you again, simply because you greeted me a happy birthday, would alter my heart in ways I never thought possible. Somehow, I changed.
I became relieved.
Free.
At peace.
These past few days have been quiet and calm. They're definitely some of the few days that I enjoy, though I'm well aware they won't last forever. I want to enjoy every last bit of them while I still can.
I asked how you were.
You said you were doing well, and it looks like you are, too.
I'm glad.
These past few days have also made me realize that maybe love, relationships, or even teenage love, simply aren't meant for me. Maybe I'm bound to be alone, just like I've always prayed to be when I grew older. Now, I'm old enough to understand that that prayer kind of sucks, because it truly went through.
I want to experience what it's like to love, to care, to miss, and to yearn for someone who does the same for me. I yearn for someone genuine. Someone with a kind heart.
I have a few crushes, yes.
They, however, are not you.
In every single one of them, somehow, I subconsciously look for pieces of you. It makes me feel terrible, but I just can't help it. It simply happens, just like how breathing happens.
Maybe the reality is that it's still you.
Maybe it has always been you.
Why is it that I always end up loving you, and loving you all over again?
Yours truly,
A