Chapter 26: Opening an Account
Chandler shrugged, sounding self-deprecating: "Because I already bought Apple stock!"
"What?" Joey's eyes went wide. "How come none of us knew you were investing in stocks?"
"Because I'm basically holding a losing lottery ticket," Chandler said, spreading his hands dramatically. "Ever since I bought Apple, it's done nothing but go down—not exactly something to brag about at parties."
Bruce leaned forward. "What's Apple trading at now?"
"Around... under a dollar?" Chandler scratched his head. "I haven't had the guts to check. I bought in at over three bucks, invested five grand, and now it's worth maybe eight hundred."
Before Bruce could respond, Monica jumped in, shocked: "It dropped that much? Are we sure we should still buy it?"
Rachel nodded, her hair bouncing. "Yeah, Bruce. Even if we're investing, shouldn't we pick something safer?"
Bruce looked around at all of them, his voice steady: "No. We're sticking with Apple. I said we're holding long-term—five, ten years, maybe longer. Apple will fluctuate in the short term, but I'm telling you it'll go up dozens, even hundreds of times what it is now." He paused for emphasis. "So one last time: do you trust me? Are you in or out?"
"I'm in!" Rachel practically bounced on the couch, eyes bright. "Consider that thousand spent! If it really goes up a hundred times in ten years, I'd make a hundred thousand dollars!" She was already daydreaming about it, grinning from ear to ear.
Monica finally decided: "Okay, I'm buying too."
Bruce turned to Chandler, his voice gentler: "Chandler, what about you? Want to add more? I promise you'll get back what you lost."
Chandler stared at Bruce for a solid ten seconds, making Bruce slightly uncomfortable. Suddenly he slapped his hands together. "You know what? Fine! I'll throw in another two grand—but that's it!"
Everyone's attention turned to Joey, the only holdout.
Joey patted his pockets and pulled out a few crumpled bills, looking glum: "I haven't booked any acting jobs lately—all expenses, no income..."
Bruce didn't hesitate: "If you want in, I can lend you the money."
Joey waved his hands quickly: "No, no, I already owe Chandler a bunch; I don't need another person waiting to collect. The way things are going, who knows when I could pay you back."
"Let me finish," Bruce smiled. "You don't have to pay me back right away. I'll lend you two grand to buy in with us. When it goes up a hundred times, you give me twenty grand. Sound fair?"
Joey blinked: "If it really goes up a hundred times, yeah, of course I'll pay you twenty grand. But what if it doesn't, or it goes down?"
"Then you just pay back the original two thousand."
"Deal!" Joey grinned. "Lend me two grand!"
Rachel immediately spoke up: "Wait! Bruce, how about lending me another grand too? I'll pay you back ten thousand later! Please?"
Bruce laughed: "Sure, why not? Okay, it's settled—tomorrow we're going to the brokerage to open accounts!"
Joey suddenly remembered: "Hold on, shouldn't we ask Ross and Phoebe if they want in?"
Monica said quickly: "I'll call Ross; Joey, you go call Phoebe from your place."
Joey's eyes lit up: "Better idea—Monica, you call Phoebe. Bruce, let me borrow your new car. I'll drive over to Ross's place and convince him to invest with us!"
Rachel excitedly raised her hand: "I'm going with Joey! I want to ride in the new car!"
The next day—New Year's Eve, December 31st, 1994—Bruce followed Chandler's directions and drove Joey, Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe to 140 Madison Avenue in Manhattan: the Charles Schwab office where Chandler had opened his account.
Chandler didn't come along; he'd already added to his investment over the phone that morning.
Ross didn't show up either. He flat-out refused to believe a stock on the verge of bankruptcy could rise hundreds of times. Joey had almost convinced him the night before, but after Ross went home and researched Apple's financials and stock charts, any interest completely evaporated. In his words: "They're not getting one penny from me!"
Bruce walked into the Schwab branch—a classic mid-'90s brokerage office: wooden counters, brokers in suits and ties, quote boards on the walls, phones ringing constantly.
There Bruce finally saw Apple's post-split real-time price—an almost ridiculous 32 cents per share. Hearing Chandler place his phone order that morning, he'd found it hard to connect this number with the triple-digit price it would reach decades later.
The woman behind the counter, learning they wanted to open accounts, handed over a stack of forms with a professional smile: "Cash accounts require a minimum deposit of one thousand dollars; margin accounts need five thousand."
Everyone checked the cash account box without hesitation. Then came the paperwork: IDs, Social Security numbers, risk tolerance questionnaire, linked bank information... every line requiring a signature.
After paying the sixty-five-dollar account opening fee, the representative told them to go home and wait. In about a week they'd receive their account documents in the mail, and then they could place orders over the phone like Chandler.
"Wait, I thought we were buying today," Joey said, disappointed.
Bruce patted his shoulder: "Don't worry about it. Waiting a week might get us an even lower price. Just make sure you deposit your money into the linked bank accounts ahead of time; once the papers arrive you can call and trade right away."
A week later, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Bruce, and Joey gathered in Monica's apartment and placed phone orders for Apple stock at 30 cents per share after fees. Each invested two thousand dollars—except Bruce. Figuring such a bargain-basement price deserved way more capital, he put in twenty grand and made a mental note to keep adding whenever he had extra cash.
But that's getting ahead of the story. After leaving Schwab that day, there was still plenty to do—tonight was New Year's Eve and Monica's apartment was hosting a party, so everyone had to help with preparations.
Plus everyone had to get ready for their New Year's dinner dates—everyone except Ross, that is.
Rachel was going out with Paulo, the Italian guy. Chandler with Janice. Joey with Audrey. Phoebe with David, the scientist. Monica with Bobby, a guy she'd been seeing. And Bruce with Grace.
[500 PS unlocks 2 Extra Chapters]
[10 Reviews unlock 1 Extra Chapter]
Thanks for reading—reviews are appreciated.
P2treon Soulforger has 20+ advance chapters