2
"—Not that he really asked me to buy time for him like this."
Otto made a pained smile as he kicked the surface of the ground, exerting himself in physical labor for which he was not suited.
He would have liked to forget the unsightly memories of him bawling his eyes out, but unfortunately, his memories of crying were all precious to him, so he could not forget them if he tried.
At the time, the beast man named Ricardo, who had saved him, had kept Otto's bawling secret, not telling a soul. That debt was one he had to repay someday in full.
And—
"A debt must always be repaid. —I am a merchant, after all." —So, too, the debt to the boy general who had saved his life.
Otto Suwen had a debt he had to repay to Subaru Natsuki as well.
He would make up for that obligation by wagering the life that Subaru had saved.
As a merchant, seeking to repay all his debts was only natural. And more importantly—
"—It's for my friend, after all!!"
As a merchant, and as a single human being, Otto wanted to step forward then and there—and add himself to the ranks of men.
Accordingly, Otto Suwen, on his own initiative, had challenged a battlefield upon which his chances of victory seemed slim.
He'd made the gamble by ignoring the odds and piled up every chip he had, including his own life, to bring about Subaru Natsuki's victory.
With his mercantile spirit, Otto would prove his friendship true.
"—!!!"
—In the distance, from the direction of the trap he had left behind, he heard an angry, bestial roar reverberate through the sky.
With that as the prompt, Otto continued to run as he unleashed his own blessing—devoting himself to that familiar hell to wring out the entirety of his power.
3
"Something incredible is coming." —I understand. Yes, I do understand.
"Behind, incredible, coming, right now."
—I told you, I understand! This is exactly as I predicted and expected.
"You'll die. You'll die, mm. Poor thing."
—I'm begging you, would you please stop with the pessimism already?!
With his blessing of language unleashed, countless voices flew into Otto's ears as he raced through the forest.
To take the voices of the various sentient creatures within the forest— birds, insects, small animals—and separate them from the voices directed toward him, while carefully discriminating between each one, was a punishing act that whittled away at the soul.
The time Otto spent with his blessing perfectly lined up with the twenty years of his own life. But even in those twenty years, never once had he attempted something so reckless.
The quantity of voices Otto's eardrums picked up from within the forest's expanses was…vast.
Countless living creatures existed in the sky, in the trees, in the soil, in the rocks. He heard all their voices.
The problem was that he could not simply listen to the great throng of voices and nothing more. The blessing of language compelled Otto to understand them. In other words, Otto's brain was working to process and interpret all the voices of living creatures coursing through it. This, too, was beyond its limit— "Bhh…!"
A sharp pain ran through Otto's head. He immediately leaned against a tree that was standing right beside him. When he wiped the sweat off his brow, he found there was blood upon his sleeve. A nosebleed. The oozing nosebleed might have been from pushing his brain beyond its capacity. Come to think of it, the ringing in his ears was continuing at a vociferous rate.
"Ahh, I didn't know. So this is what happens when I keep on using my blessing like this. So this is what they mean by being difficult to use…not
being convenient really places the user in a bind, doesn't it."
In the brief span of time since the preceding night, he'd continued using his blessing virtually without cease. He'd conversed with the creatures of the forest, implored them for aid, set traps, and formed plans with all his strength, enough to make him heave blood.
Gruffly wiping his nosebleed, Otto let his grumbles trickle out as he set off running once more.
His gait was unreliable. But he could not stop using his blessing. Without his blessing to create not sea of people, but a sea of creatures, his chase scene would not continue for long.
Relying on the eyes and the voices of creatures within the forest, he could do nothing except buy time.
"Mr. Natsuki…this will let you speak with Lady Emilia, won't it…?"
He was buying time so that Subaru could exchange words with Emilia, whose whereabouts were unknown.
Everything that Otto desperately endured, from his splitting headache to the alarming nosebleed, was for this sake. This action of his was linked to victory—no, victory did not loom large among his motives.
In the end, he wanted to give Subaru time to meet Emilia face-to-face. That motive was strong in him.
He was not worried that Subaru would not find Emilia. He probably would find her. Whatever he would do after finding her was up to him. All Otto could do was help.
—Why was he taking Subaru's side to this extent, he pondered?
Perhaps it was due to the distraction of the headache and the ringing in his ears that this question wedged itself into Otto's thoughts.
It was indeed fact that he wanted to cooperate with Subaru so that he might repay his debt to the savior of his life.
Nor was it a lie that he was doing this for the sake of his friend Subaru, lending his own power as a friend.
However, he wondered: Was he such an earnest human being to ignore profit and loss, seeking nothing more as he labored out of care for others alone?
"…Ahh, I see."
Otto suddenly smiled, feeling like a path had opened amid his worries.
He realized it. He realized just why he was desperately taking Subaru's side like that.
"Incomprehensible suffering…that's something I understand better than anyone, isn't it?"
The blessing of language, which made him hear voices others could not, had forced Otto on a lonely path.
The blessing had made Otto temporarily distance himself from his family's love, created a chasm between him and many friends, and had landed him in predicaments others could not comprehend. He bore the suffering of not being able to convey to others words known only to him. He had become resigned to this, which eventually coalesced into despair he felt toward himself.
—This was the same anguish Subaru had harbored before revealing his troubles to Otto.
That was why Otto trusted in Subaru, and why it was both the sight of him and his past self that had sent him running.
That moment, he understood. He finally understood.
It wasn't complicated. Otto did not want to save just Subaru Natsuki. Otto wanted to save his past self. He wanted to save Otto Suwen.
"Found ya…!!"
"—?!"
The instant he realized the other true intention inside himself, an impact sent Otto flying. He'd sustained the blunt attack while his headache had set his ability to concentrate awry. He fell down face-first onto soft soil.
"Bah, ptoo! Is this as far as I…nghh!"
"Won't let ya! Won't let ya do anythin' ever again!!"
He was spitting out a fallen leaf and trying to get up when claws dug into his flank. His breath caught, and he let out an anguished cry as the contents of his lungs were wrung out of him. Otto tumbled onto the surface of the ground, faceup.
His limbs were sprawled as he gazed up at the sky. He felt the rays of the sun through the gaps in the forest canopy—whereupon Garfiel's sour, upsidedown face thrust into Otto's field of vision.
Garfiel pushed up his soil-stained forelocks, scratching his nose with his finger.
"…Man, ya really laid into me with all those lil' tricks. Nose wouldn't work, bugs made my eyes not work, hid yer sound with all the bugs yappin'…was rough. But it's all over now."
"I—I wonder about that…the match is not yet deci—mnff!"
"I told ya, I ain't lettin' ya do anythin'. —Takin' ya too lightly is how I got into this mess."
Not even letting him air sour grapes, Garfiel put his foot on the fallen Otto's stomach. He proceeded to put strength into that foot; this strength, which was completely at odds with his small frame, made Otto's entire body cry out.
The creaking of his bones made Otto himself cry out in agony as his limbs flailed against the ground.
"Gu, ugh, gahh…!"
"I don't wanna be rough with ya. I ain't got no time. Gimme my stone back now. This is enough, ain't it?"
Increasing the strain bit by bit, Garfiel was trying to seize the stone back from him. Otto was in agony, froth bubbling from the corner of his mouth, rummaging in his side pocket and grasping hold of the crystal he had pickpocketed.
Who was strongest was so clear, it was laughable. As living beings, they stood on different platforms. After such terrible pain, what was wrong with acknowledging defeat? He'd fought hard enough to buy time. If he only returned the stone—
"Hhah!"
"…Why are you laughing, damn it?"
Garfiel grimaced as Otto, who was being stepped on with his face marred by a nosebleed, suddenly laughed. He'd seen that creeped-out reaction when he was a little boy. Otto concurred with the eyes viewing him as a foreign entity.
What was wrong with him? He had spent so much time in a cold cave in so much despair that he'd wanted to die. It had only been several days since then, and here he was—cheerfully placing his own life into peril.
"It would be a waste to give up here… For at long last, I have a thrilling role to play…"
Garfiel immediately realized that the exchange at the facility was the cause behind Otto's words. Otto was paying him back for saying he didn't have what it took.
"Why you little…!"
It was just as Subaru had said. He found it amusing to do things people firmly thought he could not. It was the mark of a bad personality, but there was no mistake: It felt so good, it hurt.
When Otto laughed, deeply appreciating what a bad friend he was, the air
Garfiel gave off completely changed.
The coarse anger in his jade eyes was stripped away. In its place rested polished, refined hostility. This was proof that Garfiel had acknowledged Otto as his foe.
It was proof that Garfiel regarded Otto as someone he had to take down without delay.
"…May I say one last thing?"
When Garfiel removed the foot on his belly, straightening his posture in a display of respect, Otto addressed him. Receiving his words, Garfiel went "Ahh?" and quietly scratched his head.
So Garfiel had enough mercy in him to listen to Otto's last words. Had he been savage to the core, he would have simply finished Otto off.
Garfiel was a warrior. —Hence, he'd fallen for it, giving Otto enough time to lay one final trap.
"I may have induced you to…but you have disturbed these woods quite a bit on your way here, Garfiel."
"—The hell?"
"The residents whose homes you have disturbed say this. —You must be punished."
He touched a hand to his belly as he sat up. Then, as Otto spoke, the air around him was enveloped by light.
This was an accumulation of mana so vast that it became visible to the naked eye. Those cooperating with Otto had allotted him the building blocks of magical energy—all for the sake of a single, grand blow.
Garfiel realized that something was wrong. He bared his fangs. He moved. But it was too late.
"—Al Dona."
Otto chanted, relaying the mana filling the forest through his own Gate, causing it to interfere with the world around him.
The explosively welling magical energy sank into the earth, creating a flow of sediment with enough intensity to pulverize the trees. This incredible force danced toward Garfiel, who was standing atop the ground, smashing him all at once with the violence of its sheer mass.
"Gaaghhhhh—!!"
His howl echoed into the sky until even this was swallowed by the wave of sediment and crushed.
As a result of employing magic that should have been beyond his reach in this lifetime, Otto was out of breath.
This. It was this that was his final trap, triggered by the ace up Otto's sleeve.
Having been in contact with the living creatures in the forest for an entire day, alongside ascertaining where Shima had holed up, he'd laid numerous traps—all laying the groundwork for this final, great magic.
He had not immersed himself in the blessing of language to merely to use it as a tool for his escape. Nor did he use it only as a trap, revealing his hand to put his opponent off guard. He had combined tool and trap to create a weapon.
Garfiel had swallowed Otto's scheme hook, line and sinker. Scorned as small fry, Otto gained his recognition with a layer of traps, only to use Garfiel's acknowledgment of him as a warrior itself to create an opening for his true attack at the very end.
All of it had gone according to Otto's plan. In other words, this time, it truly meant that—
"—All out of schemes now, ain't ya?"
"Give me a break, would you…"
When the torrent of earth abated, a cloud of soil erupted. Clawing his way out of the dense curtain of dirt and trampling the disturbed ground of the forest was Garfiel, messy but quite intact.
Seeing Garfiel like that caused Otto to sigh in grudging respect.
"T' be honest, I'm surprised."
"That I resisted you with little regards as to the means?"
"Not that. Even after ya did all that, I didn't think ya were serious. Not only that, I looked down on ya and assumed you'd just give up. —Forgive me. That's bad o' me to do to a man."
Otto greeted the meek look on Garfiel's face with a shake of his head. No apologies were necessary.
What he wanted to hear was Darn it. However, even when Otto was committed to fulfilling his role with his entire body and soul, it was not enough to overcome Garfiel's raw strength.
He had no moves left. Otto's defiance had come to an end.
"I did everything I could…didn't I…?"
So he murmured. He'd played every card he had. He felt it in his bones.
That he could not reach all the way even so could not be helped. Not anymore.
That was why—
"See ya. —It'll be all over by the time ya wake up. "
"Let us hereby put my solitary battle to rest, shall we…?"
When Otto drew in his breath and murmured, Garfiel snapped his eyes wide.
The statement did not sound like it came from a man throwing away victory or bearing any sense of defeat— "Don't tell me that…"
There's still something more, thought Garfiel, aghast as he searched the surrounding area for any presence. Every hair on his body was standing up, his wariness plain as his eyes roamed the area. There was no presence on any side around him.
Just paranoia… Rather than lazily dismissing it as such, Garfiel looked up.
And there—
"—!!"
Garfiel bared his fangs, moving as if to howl at the approaching figure. But his reaction instantly slowed. Shock left his howl stuck in his throat and even impeded his actions thereafter.
He bellowed. Not enmity, not bloodlust—but a name.
"Why are you here?! Raaaaam—!!"
"—El Fulla!"
The chant from the girl descending from the treetops—Ram—overlapped with Garfiel's cry.
The next instant, an explosive blade of wind mercilessly slammed onto Garfiel.
4
The chant rewrote the world around it, weaving wind into a blade that bore down upon its intended prey before it exploded.
The invisible blade of wind raged up and down, left and right as it pleased, grandly slicing through forest, earth, and flesh.
It was a decisive, well-aimed blow that would inflict a mortal wound on anyone it struck. However— "Ain't no way—!!"
The howling Garfiel slammed his foot down, his heel pulling up a block of the forest floor. This became a wall, dulling the wind blade's advance as it bore in on Garfiel. Of course, this was not enough to completely fend off magic of such force, but it created a momentary opening sufficient for him to evade it.
Leaping powerfully behind him, Garfiel distanced himself from the impact point of the wind. Seeing this as she landed upon the ground, the girl —Ram—made a small hmph through her nose, glancing sidelong at him.
It was then that Otto, driven into a beat-up state as a result of his valiant fighting, wilted.
"I expected as much, but such a pathetic sight is unfit for my eyes."
"Even for you, that is a little too harsh a thing to say to someone fighting to the brink of death…"
"The brink of death? Even though Garf has the blessing of earth spirit, you chose an earth-element Dona spell as your trump card? …That is no good."
"Never before have I seen a maid as little comforting as you!"
Ignoring Otto's laments, Ram kept her attention to the front, the tip of her wand never wavering. There, as he glared at the pair's exchange, Garfiel was crinkling his nose and keeping his guard up. He audibly clacked his sharp fangs together, staring at Ram in anger.
"I'll come right out and ask, Ram. Why are you takin' their side, ahh?"
"Is there something strange about that?"
"Don't ya get it? Goin' with them means turning yer back on what that Roswaal bastard wants. At the very least…the bastard has no intention of lettin' the princess take the Trial."
"You have grown quite impertinent, speaking to Ram of what Master Roswaal thinks. Surely, you have known me long enough to know? Ram
never lends her ears to such attempts at persuasion."
Puffing out her chest, Ram proudly proclaimed her own obstinacy.
"I know you were a hardhead to the bitter end. That's what I love about ya. That's why I can't understand it. You're that bastard Roswaal's maid, ain't ya?"
"Of course. That is why I shall exhaust all efforts for my master's desire.
—However, I will do it in my own way."
Ram had no intention of cordially replying to Garfiel's question.
She sighed heavily, turning her gaze toward Otto and leaning against a tree as he stood.
"So weak in the knees. Do you intend to make a woman fight by her lonesome?"
"Y-you're a slave-driver! Terrifying! …Is this person's younger sister, the sleeping girl, truly so kind? I am tempted to think Mr. Natsuki has lied to me…"
"Such a noisy complainer."
His body was wobbly; his nosebleed had finally stopped. Of course, he was in no condition to stand, let alone meaningfully participate in battle.
Even so, Otto stood, which Ram considered only natural.
Garfiel clicked his tongue in annoyance at the pair's attitude.
"Don't get carried away, ya hear?! What are ya tryin' so hard to slow me down for? What's he plannin' to do while you keep me here?! And more importantly…that bastard got enough value for ya to trust him?!"
"Mr. Natsuki's value? Ah, if we are discussing whether he has worth, the answer would be no, I suppose."
"…Huh?"
Garfiel was dumbfounded at the unexpected reply. But when Otto scratched his now hatless head, he brushed his hair off his forehead as he made a rather smug smile.
"I am saying, at this time, Mr. Natsuki does not hold all that much value. But I am a merchant. I think of this as an investment. Ensuring the future of one's investment is not ruined, brushing the insects aside and pruning the flowers, eagerly awaiting how they shall bloom—that is how I feel at the moment."
He is truly a time-consuming person, Otto seemed to say, his shoulders sinking as he gave off an air of fatigue from the bottom of his heart. Otto's words brought an audible snort out of Ram.
"Hah! To be honest, Ram cannot understand why he expects so much of Barusu, either. Barusu is weak, useless, and his talent is insufficient even for pouring a single cup of tea. My opinion is the same as yours, Garf."
"That is going too far...though, on second thought, perhaps not…"
"But when he is most needed, Barusu is a man with oddly good timing."
Ignoring Otto's nervous attempt of support, Ram maintained a casual tone as she made that firm declaration.
Her words made Otto widen his eyes, and Garfiel grimace.
"It's timing. A man who's there when you need him. That is Barusu."
Even though, in normal times, he was a useless man with seemingly no redeeming features whatsoever, the human being named Subaru Natsuki was a man who was mysteriously at exactly the time and place you wanted him.
There was nothing attractive about him, and he was without a single shred of charm as a member of the opposite sex. Ram didn't understand what part of him was any good; indeed, she found him irritating. —When was it that…?
At the moment, it didn't matter.
Either way, that was all there was to the man called Subaru Natsuki.
That was why, once more, Ram did as he'd asked. —When Otto had revealed Subaru's plan to her the night before, she made the decision to trust him.
"Barusu's good timing is reason enough to believe in him. —If Barusu sees an opportunity and has taken action in order to seize it, then it must be the one and only chance to obtain victory."
"…After all that, it seems you trust Mr. Natsuki as well, Miss Ram."
"That is Lady Ram to you."
"Are you hiding a blush with incredible aggression?!"
Not caring for the grin that had appeared on the face of the man standing beside her, Ram shot a scolding gaze at Otto to silence him.
But their views were one and the same. They had formed a pair, comrades in the common pursuit of Subaru's aim. They had mutually agreed to keep quiet to Subaru about their fight to buy him time.
Many would say they had already bought sufficient time, but—
"—Ya don't intend to move aside, do ya?"
" "
When Garfiel posed his question, Ram and Otto replied to it without a word.
Otto brushed off his knees. Ram made sure her wand rested comfortably in her hand.
With neither lowering their guard, Garfiel shook his head from side to side. The hard clattering of his fangs was the only thing echoing through the forest. Then, gloom fell over Garfiel's face.
"—Enough."
He wove that single word with a raspy voice. Otto and Ram simultaneously knit their brows.
In front of the pair, Garfiel seemed to hug both his shoulders as he balled up his body and howled.
" !!"
The bestial roar, which seemed to echo across the entirety of the Sanctuary, made the very air shudder.
" "
The sudden appearance of a fiendish beast, its entire body covered in golden fur, struck Otto with the force of a gale. But his body did not tremble. Nor did he shudder. Perhaps he was simply all out of fear.
Moreover, right beside him, he saw a pleasant smile come over the face of Ram—a girl smaller in size than he.
"Garf's easy-to-understand decision is mistaken. —In this match, victory belongs to us."
You Serious…? internally retorted Otto, forgetting his usual formal manner of speech.
At that very Otto's side, Ram lightly hopped from heel to heel, repeating the warm-up exercise several times over. After that, she walked straight ahead toward the enormous beast, her gait looking as if she was out on a pleasant stroll.
"Wait a—! Miss Ram?!"
Her bold action made Otto's eyes bulge. However, Ram did not cease her feet as she moved in front of the ferocious tiger.
Garfiel, transformed into a fiendish beast, had no glint of reason left within his eyes. To the beast, she was not a lovely girl standing before him, but a weak, fragile being—a walking mass of soft flesh.
The beast reacted accordingly, smashing its upraised claw onto the small, pathetic figure.
That instant—
"Too weak, Garf. —Who do you think you are facing?"
As Ram crouched, evading the bestial claw, she spoke words of pity as she slammed her fist into the beast's wide-open lower jaw.
It was a slender, delicate girl's fist—and with this, she sent the ferocious creature flying high into the air with all the force of a cannonball.
"—?!"
"I wonder, have you won against Ram in a fistfight even once?"
The beast turned over in midair, landing upon the ground. The beast understood that the girl was not helpless prey. Raging wildly, it leaped, four limbs lashing out…only to sustain another punch to the face, crashing to the ground once more. "No way."
The astonishing scene left Otto unwittingly gaping.
Even to an amateur's eyes, Ram clearly had the upper hand, using their difference in physical stature to circle into her opponent's blind spots; the terrifying beast was waving its burly arms without the slightest technique, hitting nothing but air as the one-sided pounding continued.
"It…it's working! With this, Garfiel can be…!"
Never mind buying time—did this development not bring outright victory within sight?
As if to bolster that glimmer, Ram plunged her fist into the side of the tiger's face. Snapping back from the sheer force, the beast kicked up a cloud of dirt as it was sent flying in spectacular fashion.
And then—
"—Pff."
Along with a moan of being able to endure no more, a ferocious torrent of blood scattered into the air from Ram's forehead.
—Her limit, which had been reached far too soon, made Ram grit her teeth, halting her steps there.
With her horn long broken, she knew making her blood awaken would instantly bring her to the brink. Even so, having waited for the conditions for a short, decisive battle to align, she'd intended to win nonetheless.
"—You've grown strong, Garf."
Haltingly, Ram murmured, her voice flowing with emotion that she rarely let others hear.
Still smiling softly, Ram leaped in and drove a knee into the great tiger's torso. She bounced off hard; the damage to her kneecap was severe. She'd already run dry of the mana she'd used for physical enhancement; now, her body was only as strong as her petite appearance suggested.
She relied on intuition and talent to evade the countless claw swipes coming her way as she leaped backward.
"—Ngh, phew."
She took a deep breath and coughed. The next moment, the clot of blood made a sound as it fell to the ground. As if that had been all the strength her body had left, her posture crumbled as she went down on one knee.
This time, the ferocious tiger did not let the opportunity slip. Opening its maw wide, fangs bared, it leaped to the front.
And then— " !!!!"
Otto, his fist clenching the crystal, let up a ferocious roar unthinkable from his slender throat.
It was the same roar a fiendish beast erupted with at the moment it began to consume its prey.
This was the power of Otto's blessing, which Ram had heard of beforehand. The power of his blessing allowed him to converse with any creature; with it, Otto was using bestial words to speak to the beast that had lost its mind.
Ram did not know what meaning the roar held.
For but a single moment, there was hesitance in the ferocious tiger's movements, with that slight pause giving Ram just enough opportunity to evade the blow. The great exploit made Otto smile in admiration of his own achievem—
"Er, whoaaaa—?!"
Faced with the fiendish beast's charge, Otto was sent flying by the fierce collision. He spun as he plunged into thorn bushes, vanishing from sight.
At that point, whether he survived or perished was completely up to Otto's resilience.
Ram expended no thought on the results of his decision or action, for she had judged that this was the best way to repay Otto for what he had done.
And Ram used the time provided by Otto's honorable death to draw her wand once more.
The tip of that wand glowed with an aura from the mana she had poured into it even at the height of the fistfight.
" !!"
The ferocious tiger realized it might too late. It charged toward Ram. Too slow.
"—Al Fulla."
Incredible light gushed forth. Bathed in wind, the fiendish beast opened its great maw, its roar echoing through the sky.
—And so, the Battle of the Lost Woods of Cremaldi came to its conclusion.
CHAPTER 6
THE REASON I TRUST YOU
When he found Emilia, cowering and clutching her knees, Subaru felt relief, which seemed out of place.
Having found Emilia was the first part of it. That Emilia was here was the second. As he had firmly believed she could be nowhere else, her being here had fulfilled both his wishes.
"Though, I have to say, you really thought about this, Emilia-tan."
" "
"Sure, here's a place you can hole up without anyone finding you… especially since the people who can enter are limited in the first place, and none of the ones who could were likely to do it."
At the very least, besides Emilia, there were three candidates to enter this place—Echidna's tomb. One rejected the Trial with every hair on his body, one had lost her role as the price for going against her creator, and the last had been stripped of his qualifications after earning the Witch's ire.
Beyond those three, the others possessing qualifications were forbidden to enter under the terms of the pact they upheld. Truly, it was the perfect place for Emilia to hide in.
Emilia hung her head at Subaru's words of praise. Then, with her head still lowered…
"Subaru…why are you here?"
"If you have to ask why, that's a tough one. Probably because I'm always thinking of Emilia-tan, so I'm the one with the best grasp of Emilia-tan's feelings?"
Though, if that was truly the case, none of this would have happened to begin with. Emilia wouldn't have passed the night with enough worry to wind up so backed into a corner that she was cowering in a place like this.
And this time, too, Emilia replied "No" to Subaru's answer, shaking her head.
"That's not what I… Subaru, I don't mean the reason you're here… Subaru, you're in a place people without qualifications can't enter, you know?"
"Oh, you mean why my body didn't get thrown back like Roswaal's? Fact is, even without being thrown back, I had to put up with a lot. It wasn't bad enough to make me collapse, thanks to my Gate being so puny. I suppose I
should be grateful that I have no talent for magic."
"Is that how it is…"
When Subaru replied that he'd put up with a lot, Emilia's eyes became filled with gloom. Tilting her head as she rested her chin in the gap between her knees, Emilia turned her gaze toward Subaru.
Her gaze bore the colors of uncertainty and resignation—an un-Emilia emotion he had never before seen on her.
"…I half believed and half hoped that you'd be here, Emilia-tan."
"Half, half…"
"Since I ran around here, there, and everywhere and couldn't find you, I had to turn my thinking on its head…not where, but why. Then, after I figured you were probably here, I'm relieved I actually found you."
"…You were relieved?"
"Hm?"
As Subaru smiled to try and put her at ease, Emilia posed that brief question.
Her voice was quiet, ready to vanish at any moment. When Subaru raised his eyebrows, Emilia stared straight at him.
"You're saying that finding me here makes you relieved? That's all? … You're not angry?"
"What, Emilia-tan? Don't tell me you were scared you'd made me angry?"
Emilia's meek, trembling voice made Subaru loosen his lips without thinking. Having set off without telling anyone where she was going, she was scared of being scolded the instant she was found, just like some little kid.
"I'm not angry at all. I was nervous, and to be honest, it didn't exactly make me comfortable, but I'm not angry. I'm just really glad about everything, finding you here included, I'm just really glad."
"…That so?"
Subaru had exhausted all the reassuring words at his disposal, trying to loosen Emilia's tense heart.
"You're…not angry."
And yet, there was no relief infused into Emilia's murmur. "Emilia?"
"You're not angry with me. —You won't even get angry." Her small, raspy voice was trembling.
When Subaru, suspecting something, drew his eyebrows together, he had already realized too late.
Emilia was looking down, biting her lip, her eyes wide open.
It was as if she was trying to keep the tears filling her eyes from coursing…
"Why won't you get angry with me?"
"Ah—"
"I did something selfish, didn't I? I bothered you, didn't I? I left without saying anything, so you worried… I made you unsure if I'd run away…that's what I did. That's what I did, right? It's natural to be angry, isn't it? Subaru, even you must be…"
When Subaru tried to interrupt by calling out her name, Emilia poured out her emotions with a rapid flood of words.
Emilia was asserting her own selfishness, apparently to draw blame to herself. Overwhelmed by the sheer force of her negativity, Subaru came to realize the error in his thinking.
Emilia hadn't been afraid of angering Subaru. Emilia was afraid he would not blame her for her actions.
After all, that meant—
"Why won't you get angry…? Are you not angry because you d-didn't expect anything in the first place? You being kind to me when I fail like this means…my failing didn't disappoint you at all? Isn't it because you…thought I wouldn't do well?"
Perhaps, just perhaps, this was an insecurity that had always rested at the bottom of Emilia's heart, one she had never before put into words.
Over and over, Subaru had greeted Emilia with warmth when she failed
in her challenge of the Trial, crushed by her own, cowardly heart. As he did so, he had both aided Emilia and instilled anxiety within her.
She was despondent over betraying his expectations. But Subaru had never showed that to Emilia, not even once.
As the failures added up, continuing to gently console her might have saved her heart temporarily, but only by searing ever-greater anxiety upon it.
All that time, Emilia had been frightened of Subaru and Puck's kindness.
"You're wrong, Emilia. That's not how I think of you."
Subaru earnestly tried to reach out to the great ripple arising in Emilia's heart. If he let go of her heart there, it would be lost for good; he would never be able to capture it again.
"It's not because I think that way that I'm not angry with you…"
"Then…! Then why…why didn't you…keep your promise?"
She instantly raised her voice. The word promise held him in its snare.
When Subaru, who was hit right where it hurt, was cowed into silence, Emilia shook her head in rejection. He could offer no response. —It was a fact that Subaru had let go of Emilia's hand the night before.
"I asked you to hold my hand until morning…! Subaru, you promised …!
Why did you let go of my hand? Why didn't you keep your promise…?" Her tearful voice strictly levied blame on him for not keeping his word.
He could have listed reasons if he wanted. To liberate the Sanctuary. To learn more about Garfiel. —But those words were thin, light. Besides, it wasn't just that.
Subaru's reasons for breaking his promise, for leaving Emilia's side, were not limited to those things.
"Subaru…Puck…you all break your promises and go off somewhere else. You go off somewhere and leave me behind…liars. Subaru, you liar. Puck, you liar. Liar, liar…!"
Face lowered and tears flowing, Emilia bumped her head against Subaru's shoulders, her hands powerlessly pounding his chest. There was virtually no force behind them. And yet, the pain felt like it was enough to tear his body asunder.
That was probably the same pain Subaru's insensitivity had caused Emilia.
"I—I told you before how important promises are to me…! How to spirit mages, to me, promises are so important… That's why I wanted you to keep them… Subaru, you apologized for not keeping them before…so why did you break your promise again…"
"Emilia…"
"You mustn't break promises…you mustn't lie. You have to keep your promises… I mean, if you don't…if I'd only kept mine, I… Mother and Geuse wouldn't have…"
Her face still pressed into Subaru's shoulder, Emilia slammed emotions into Subaru that had nowhere else to go. Her upsurge of sadness and anger over his betrayal had sliced her thought process into thousands of tiny pieces.
"You mustn't lie…you mustn't…!"
The grief-filled voice that spilled out tore at Subaru like a claw to his heart.
Promise—that was a word that had passed between Subaru and Emilia, bearing different meaning to each. He'd hurt her before by taking their promises too lightly, and the memories of that were still fresh.
And yet, once again, the word promise held no gentle echo but instead a crippling weight that bound them both, enough to make Emilia bury her head between her clenched knees and continue crying even that very moment.
With every second that passed, seeing her like that carved feelings of guilt into Subaru's heart. As he listened to her sobbing voice, he desperately pondered what he should say.
Was it right to apologize? Was it right to act as if he understood? Should he earnestly console her?
The thoughts went round and round inside his head, but try as he might, he could not grasp which answer was correct.
What should he—ought he—did he need to do? What he needed most— How could Subaru best convey how he felt?
Subaru thought and thought, searching for the best words he knew, the ones that could reach the heart most— "Emilia. —I love you."
What he voiced was a confession that was clashed enormously with the time and place.
"…Eh?"
Subaru's confession made Emilia lift up her face, as if wondering if she had misheard him.
She beheld Subaru with her violet eyes, which were dotted by tears even then. He saw himself distorted by the droplets—and yet, he held something strong within him that absolutely would not waver.
For then and there, he bore no uncertainty whatsoever about the words he needed to convey.
"You're trying to take the same Trial over and over, night after night. I don't know what past you're seeing, but the past isn't something to squirm about forever."
"…Agh, gah."
"And instead you're all like I'll try my best, I have to do it, all stubborn and everything. If you cleared it, that'd be one thing, but the result was that you failed after running your mouth, wasn't it?"
"S-Subaru…"
"In the end, with your pet and your guardian gone, you can't even walk properly by yourself. So what, you're gonna drown your worries in tears,
abandon your duties, and go to sleep? I can't watch you like this."
The abuse Subaru seemingly spat out made Emilia open her eyes wide and still. Her surprise was such that he could see few tears left in her moist eyes; she trembled weakly, her lips unable to speak even a single word.
Without doubt, never had Subaru hurt Emilia's heart more than he did that moment.
This was the malice and disgust that Subaru Natsuki had never once turned toward Emilia to date. Receiving this, Emilia's expression slowly dried up as a smile came over her.
"That's…right. E-even Subaru…thinks about me that way. It's only nnatural…"
" "
"I've done…terrible things, even though I was told better, haven't I? Ever since I came here…no, since long before…I've caused nothing but trouble… that's why I…"
Without a word, Subaru accepted the trembling Emilia's self-deprecation. Emilia's throat contracted, seemingly swallowing down her sobs, yet a painfilled smile remained upon her even so.
"That's why it's natural to…abandon me…Puck and Subaru both…"
"—Got that right. After failing this many times, I still don't see any sign of improvement. It's only normal to think that this is less I'll manage somehow and more Who cares what happens."
At the end of her self-denunciation, Emilia tried to conclude that she was hopeless. With bitter words, Subaru was in full agreement, stealing the conclusion from right under her. And then— "—But."
One step before coming to that exact conclusion, Subaru cut off his words.
Emilia lifted her face. Subaru understood the emotions hovering in her eyes so much that it hurt.
He understood, for this was the same despair he had once harbored toward himself.
That was why—
"Emilia. —I love you."
Subaru would not let Emilia escape, using the same words that had once cast an inescapable curse upon him.
" "
Subaru made his confession, staring into her eyes, bordered with long eyelashes, which shuddered from the impact.
"I love you. I love you I love you I love you. I'm hopelessly in love with you."
"Why are you…all of a sudden…?"
"I love your super-pretty silver hair, I love those purple eyes that are like glistening gemstones, I love that voice that makes you feel good just from hearing it, I love those long, slender limbs, the white skin, the height difference and stuff is so ideal I can't stand it, I mean, just being with you makes my heart beat like crazy, and it's really bad."
"Agh, aah…"
"I love the fact that you're a little ditzy, it's cute how you try so hard at everything, I really respect how you're so frantic to help other people, I think how you put others before yourself is adorable, and I want to see all your emotions right by your side, forever."
"A-at a time like this…stop messing around!"
The words seemed to slide out of his mouth as his feelings for Emilia poured out.
Subaru passionately confessed, but Emilia loudly and angrily shouted back.
"Why are you saying this all of a sudden?! This isn't what we were talking about! S-Subaru, even you think I'm no good! You can't watch someone like me…that's why!"
"Yeah, I suppose so. By rights, seeing you failing and giving up like this would make anyone's love run out. Normally, even I'd abandon you, turn tail, and run. And if you weren't Emilia, I would."
"Why?!"
Even as Subaru concurred that the results were hopeless, he denied the most important part at its root.
As if to say it settled nothing, it was unforgivable, Emilia rose her eyebrows anger.
"Even though you know I'm no good and unsalvageable…why do you forgive me despite that?!"
"If you're looking for an answer, I'll say it as many times as you want.
Because—I—love—you!"
When Emilia pressed close with a tearful voice, Subaru once again raised his own, their foreheads close enough to touch.
Overwhelmed, Emilia recoiled, but this time, it was Subaru who closed the distance. With the two close enough to breathe each other's breaths, black eyes mingled with violet as he threw his words at her.
"I love you. That's why no matter how sorry you look, I only feel like I've discovered a new side to you. The way you keep trying even when you don't stand a chance makes me wanna cheer you on, and no matter how much you
get disgusted with yourself, I will never hate you."
Subaru absolutely would not allow Emilia's wavering eyes to escape.
"Even if you hate yourself for your own shortcomings, even if you worry that the people around you can't help but hate you…I'll keep expecting things from you, and I'll never use your weakness as a reason to hate you, or ever abandon you. Never."
He understood how Emilia felt. But he also knew how to take her hand and pull her out of it.
For once, someone had refused to abandon him, even when Subaru tried to abandon himself.
"My love for you runs deeper than you'll ever know. All of you is like a shining light to me. Of course, parts of you are no good. You're not an angel or a goddess; you're just a normal girl…you'll cry when things are tough, and you'll feel like running away when things happen that you don't like. I get all that."
But. But even so.
"But even with those weak parts, even with the parts I said terrible things about, I love all of you, Emilia. That's why…even now, I'm not disappointed in you."
"—! That's! That's so self-serving, isn't it?!"
Emilia stubbornly refused to listen to the myriad claims that feel from Subaru's lips.
Unable to push her confusion aside, she kept on tossing out words of denial, and therein lay his hope.
"After saying I'm no good in a way like that, you say you love me even so…that's unbelievable! Why do you believe in me like that, Subaru…? I don't understand it at all!"
"You're wrong! You've got this wrong from head to toe. It's not I love you 'cause I believe something. —It's not like that. I love you. That's why I believe in you!"
"Love alone isn't a reason to believe in someone!"
" ! If love wasn't enough for me to believe in you, then why else would I go through such horrible shit just to save a troublesome girl like you!!"
Their voices loudened as their mutual feelings clashed.
When Subaru put his hand against the wall and rose to his feet, Emilia did the same, standing so that she might face him. At a range close enough to butt foreheads, both had furrowed eyebrows as Subaru and Emilia vented their feelings at each other.
Never before had the pair launched spittle, faces red, as they exchanged ragged words that all amounted to You're wrong!
"I love you! I love you enough to make my head go nuts, enough to be happy to die for you! That's why I'm putting up with the pain and suffering, standing in front of you even though I wanna hurl right now!"
"That's…! I never asked you to! I never asked you to say all those selfish things… Subaru, you're not thinking of my feelings at all, are you?! This is how you…take the brunt of everything, always getting hurt because of me… you don't understand anything about how that makes me feel!"
"Like I could, like I've even thought about it! What I think of all the time is just ways to look good in front of you! I think about what I should do that'll make you think the best of me, what I should do that'll let me see your happiest face …it's hard work, damn it. Put on a cute face like I want a little more often, would you?!"
"Don't talk about me like I'm some sort of doll! If you're thinking of my happiness…wh-why do you break your promises?! I asked you to keep them and everything! Why? Why won't you?! You actually hate me, don't you?!"
"I love you!!"
"Liarrr!!"
Subaru's desperate attempts to slam how he truly felt into her overlapped with Emilia's loud voice.
Just how much had he once told himself to put off conveying his feelings to her? Just how many obstacles had Subaru overcome so that he could tell her the words that would convey them?
He piled on his confessions of love so much that they must have come off as cheap, empty words. But to Subaru, they were his true feelings, a confession that came once in a lifetime with his entire body and spirit—the real deal infused with all of his being.
"I'm not lying! I love you! What do you think about me anyway?! You always act like you know it all! How much do you think you've shaken my heart, stringing me along with that cute face of yours like I've got a chance?! Stop toying with me!"
"I-I'm not toying with you! All I did was act normally. Don't say weird things about it! Even though I have so much to consider right now, you're asking me how I feel about you… I can't think about that, Subaru! Stop it!
Don't make this hard for me!"
"Who's making this hard for who?! You're making it hard for me!!"
"You're the one making it hard for me, Subaru!!"
Like little children having a tantrum, both were reduced to emotional arguments without a shred of logic between them.
With irreconcilable force, Subaru and Emilia slammed their fierce emotions into each other with loud voices.
Inside the tomb, purportedly a place of tranquility for many years, the pair's irrational arguments continued to echo without pause.
"I don't know how many times I've said it! Subaru, you're a liar! You break your promises, but you come to me with a calm look on your face… Yyou thought I wouldn't notice, didn't you?! I've been watching you! I've been watching to see if you keep your promises with me, Subaru!"
"That's a bad personality right there! Testing people like that… What are you, a Witch?!"
"A liar who breaks his promises has no right to talk!"
"This and my breaking promises are two different things!"
The unconcerned way Subaru changed the subject left Emilia so angry, her words caught in her throat. She was so seized by emotion that she couldn't give voice to her thoughts.
She made ragged breaths. Breathing in and out multiple times, Emilia's eyes were in tears as she asked him.
"Why…why did you break your promise…?"
"…I feel bad about breaking my word. I really wanted to keep holding your hand and stay with you until morning. That's the truth."
"That's not what I asked. —Why did you break your promise?"
"…I can't tell you."
Clenching his teeth, Subaru responded to Emilia's question with a low, anguished groan and a shake of his head.
Subaru refusing to give her an answer at this point made Emilia cover her face with her hands.
"You won't keep your promises. You won't even tell me why you broke them… What do you want me to do now? If you have something to tell me… just come out and say it! If you don't, Subaru, even I can't believe you…!"
"Emilia."
"If you'd only kept your promise and stayed with me until morning, I'd probably believe you, Subaru! I'd believe you and probably have given you everything! Instead, you broke your promise…"
Her face disheveled, Emilia embraced her own, slender shoulders. Anxiety and fear rested in her quavering, violet eyes, for Emilia was speaking not to Subaru, but herself.
"After Puck was gone, my memories…they're coming back, little by little. Inside me, scenes I don't know and conversations I don't remember are gushing up one after another."
" "
"All these things I didn't know until now, things that by rights I should have remembered…just how much have I forgotten? I forgot them and then acted like they never happened…!"
These were the memories Puck had called back in exchange for his pact with Emilia: the true memories kept under a lid that she had turned her back upon long ago.
The lid had been removed, and scenes of a past she did not wish to remember had been restored. However, to Emilia, this came with the fear that she would no longer be able to be certain what was her true nature.
"When all those memories come back…what will I do then? Is who I am right now really me? I forgot so many precious things, I forgot about
Mommy…is who I am right now wrong?"
Nature dictated that everyone accumulated memories over the course of their lives, binding each person to others around them.
If that was so, was a life underpinned by false memories not wrong in every respect?
If the point of origin was wrong, did that not make the path walked and the destination reached all wrong as well—?
—What's important is not where you start, or what happens midway, but how it ends.
Suddenly, a voice reverberated in the back of his mind.
The distant voice, one that was very familiar to Subaru, was the voice of someone who was very close to him yet would never meet again.
When they were parting, at the very, very end, in the name of homework, she had given Subaru a gentle present.
—Yeah, you're right, Mom.
However it started, whatever path one walked, who had the right to decide what was right or wrong until the very, very end?
"Emilia, no matter what memories you remember, nothing's gonna change.
I love you. I'll always love you."
"—! I can't…believe you. Subaru, the version of me you say you love… m-might not be here anymore. You can't…say something like…"
"I can. No matter what happens, you're not going anywhere. I…love you."
"…Those are…the words of a liar. Coming from someone…who can't even make me believe him…"
"—Then…I'll make you believe."
With trembling eyes and a trembling voice, Emilia rejected Subaru.
Words weren't getting through. His demeanor couldn't convince her.
But words weren't the only way to convey feelings. That was why—
"Suba…"
"If you don't like it, dodge."
They were at a distance close enough to breathe each other's—no, there was not even a breath's distance between the pair.
Reaching his hand to Emilia's shoulder, Subaru brought his face close to her. When Emilia saw Subaru approach, bewilderment rose into her eyes as her body went rigid.
For one second, he waited. It was the only chance he gave her to throw him off.
" "
But Emilia closed her eyes.
Whether this was surrender or the product of hesitation, Subaru knew not.
"—Mm."
Their respective breaths became one. Emilia's breathing caught as Subaru knit his brows in pain.
For the tiny sound that resounded was that of the pair's teeth forcefully bumping against each other. The first thing they tasted was a faint, throbbing pain. However, the powerful heat that followed erased it even from the most remote corners of their heads.
Her lips were so soft. It was a kiss where they simply touched.
To Emilia, it was her first. To Subaru, it was the second time he had kissed her.
It was not like the first time, which carried the cold taste of death. The second kiss…bore the hot taste of life.
"—Ah."
"I love you."
When their lips mutually pulled apart, blood rushed to Emilia's cheeks as Subaru unhesitatingly spoke those words.
"No matter how sorry you look, no matter how we argue like this, I'll still love you the same way, Emilia. No matter what happens, that'll never change. It'll probably make me love you even more than before. —That's why I'll believe in you, forever. And if you have to ask why…
"Because you love me…"
In a daze, Emilia finished Subaru's sentence as she touched her own lips. She stroked her soft lips with her fingers, as if the touch of what had been there yet lingered. White tears coursed down her cheeks.
"It's natural to be anxious when memories you don't know about come gushing out. I understand why you'd feel scared that a version of you that you never knew is coming out. But it won't erase the path you've walked. You'll be all right, Emilia."
"How can you talk…like that…?"
"Because it's not important where you start, but where you end. —The woman I respect most in the world said that."
Normally the worst guesser that could be found around the globe, his mother had taught him the most important thing he would ever learn.
It wasn't that he truly understood the answer to her homework assignment, but she'd made him want to understand.
At the very least, he wanted to show Emilia his good side when anxiety was making her stand still.
"It's all right, Emilia. No matter what you remember, I'm on your side. Whether you forget or remember, it's all fine. If you're still scared even so, we'll find it."
"Find…find what…?"
"Just like I sent you my feelings of love full speed, I'll send your worries packing full speed, too. That's how we'll find your precious feelings."
Emilia did not fear any choice that hurt her for the sake of others. Through these, she prioritized the people around her, a stance that was noble and beautiful and that Subaru deeply respected.
But though the words It's for someone else's sake were gentle, they were also sad…because how she felt for someone whose face she couldn't see did not even come close to how she felt about those she could see.
"All that said, I was kinda hoping you'd turn some of those precious feelings my way…"
"My…precious feelings."
Perhaps Subaru's words had not really sunk in as Emilia touched her hand to her breast. Her fingertips were touching the crystal where Puck had once been, cracked with its light long lost.
It was a vestige of a bond that should have been there. However, Emilia grasped it firmly nonetheless.
"If I get all my memories back…will my precious feelings be among them?"
"Yeah. I'm sure they will. Along with a reason to keep on walking."
"—Mm."
He wouldn't call it half trust and half doubt, but Emilia certainly didn't agree completely as she nodded.
Seeing Emilia like that, Subaru closed his eyes and turned his face skyward.
—He felt like the words that had previously saved him the same way had been…gentler.
He felt like he was saved by words that were gentler. Harsher. Stronger. —Can I really be there for Emilia like that?
" "
Asking that out loud would have been too uncool, though, so he didn't actually say it.
He exhaled, exhausted. Then, the very instant he forgot about it, the tomb's rejection slammed directly into Subaru's spirit. Putting his hand to a wall without thinking, he barely managed to avoid tumbling to the floor.
"Subaru! A-are you all right?"
"It's nothin'…well, that's what I wanna say, but it's definitely somethin'. It's pretty bad right now. For the time being, if we're gonna continue this lover's quarrel, I'd like to do it outside."
"Goodness…as if I have any intention of that."
When Subaru, blue in the face, tried to put on a strong front, Emilia faintly smiled.
It was a strength bereft of strength, but the sight of Emilia returning to normal was a sign to Subaru that she had become more positive, if only ever so slightly. She was still anxious, and answers were yet to come. Even so, she smiled.
" "
When the wobbly Subaru rested his weight against the wall as he walked down the passage, Emilia hesitated to lend him a supporting hand. Perhaps this was an aftereffect of having earlier touched each other's lips.
Thinking back, the sheer boldness of it made his face run hot.
But for that one moment, he set a number of such deep sentiments aside.
" "
At the end of the passage, orange-colored sunlight was entering at an angle.
And there—
"—Heya. Sorry we kept you waiting."
"Tch."
When Subaru spoke those words, there, raising a hand— "—Not like I was waitin' for you."
—and clicking his tongue in annoyance, was Garfiel, waiting for the pair, his entire body drenched in red by blood and the setting sun.
CHAPTER 7
NONE CAN LIFT THE QUAIN STONE ALONE
1
Garfiel stood in front of the tomb with wounds all over.
His entire body was smeared red with blood, and his shoulders rose and fell with ragged breaths. His head and body showed traces of blunt trauma all over, and only his loincloth remained upon his honed physique, leaving him close to naked.
Without even shoes on his feet, he stood barefoot and still before them as Subaru lowered his hand.
"…That's a pretty primitive style to go with. Took a bit too much of a liking to war paint?"
"Never mind 'bout that. Only place that'll get ya is rollin' on the ground."
When Subaru shot the breeze with him, Garfiel snorted through his nose and gave him a sour look.
Jokes aside, the fact remained that Subaru was surprised to see Garfiel wounded. He'd expected Garfiel to show up at the tomb, but being covered in injuries was beyond his expectations. And the cause was— "That stupid bastard Otto. I told him not to do anything crazy…"
"I underestimated 'im. I never thought he'd put up that much of a fight. On top of that, he sweet-talked Ram…that's how I ended up like this!"
"Ram, with Otto?"
Garfiel twisted his cheeks in disgust as he nodded and confirmed what Subaru had guessed.
If his words were to be trusted, the wounds carved into his body were the results of Otto and Ram's exploits. Just how hard had those two noncombatants fought him? They'd probably done it simply to buy time.
They'd made time for Subaru and Emilia to talk. That was what the pair had fought so hard for.
"But if you two die, it doesn't mean anything…"
Subaru imagined the worst possibility as cold sweat trickled down his brow.
Given the state Garfiel was in, it would not be strange if the difficult battle of which he spoke had resulted in him putting an end to their hard fighting with his claws. This, Subaru feared deeply.
"—Subaru."
When Subaru clenched his fist and bit his lip, a voice like a silver bell called out to him. When he looked, Emilia, standing right beside him, was touching his shoulder, her concern-infused gaze peering into his black eyes.
Those eyes of hers had not yet come to terms with the emotions inside her. Emilia couldn't have had any way of knowing what the situation meant. Of course it would throw her for a big loop.
Even so, Emilia was more concerned than doubtful, putting her consideration for Subaru first.
"…Sorry I looked pathetic. Now that I've remembered who's standing beside me, I'm all fired up."
"Mm, I understand. Don't do anything rash."
Replying to her gentle words with a nod, Subaru once more looked at Garfiel, who was standing on the grassy field in front of the tomb. With the stone steps between them, Subaru looked down at Garfiel as the latter crinkled his nose.
"Garfiel, what happened to Ram and Otto?"
"Ya don't think…me bein' here is answer enough?"
"Unfortunately, I'm considered a poor guesser. I'd like to hear it straight from your own mouth."
Garfiel clacked his sharp fangs, his fierce response making Subaru grimace. The two exchanged sharp gazes. Garfiel made a low growl in his throat.
"It don't matter what y'all are plannin'. I'll cut off whatever stupid things ya want right here."
It was not a reply to his question, but rather, he was making plain that he had no intention of giving a straight answer. In its stead, Garfiel was referring to the real reason he was baring his fangs toward the pair.
If the man named Garfiel was the man Ryuzu and Shima said he was, then
—
"You didn't kill them, did you?"
"I said that's got nothin' t' do with this! Livin' or dyin'…livin' or dyin' has nothin' to do with it. If I smash the entrance to the tomb and end it all right here…"
Irritated, Garfiel put a hand to his forehead and spat out his words. His blunt, violent conclusion was the optimal method of putting an end to the Trial for good. But to Subaru, it sounded like nothing more than an excuse.
Garfiel was searching for an excuse not to have to kill Ram or Otto, or Subaru, either.
"If you do that, the Sanctuary will be a closed, fenced garden for eternity.
You all right with that…?"
"—It's fine. Every other option's worse."
Brushing Subaru's words aside, Garfiel put a foot against the tomb's stone steps. His advance, seemingly to cast aside all doubt, made Subaru feel he could see the gap between the determination and anxiety inside Garfiel's stubborn mind.
His body bloodied, covered in wounds, Garfiel was determined to destroy the tomb, seeking nothing beyond a definite conclusion.
But—
"…What do ya think ya doin', ahh?"
Halfway up the stone steps, Garfiel halted as his pupils narrowed. His feline gaze, reminiscent of a beast's, shot right through Emilia, the one standing before him to bar his passage. To Garfiel, Emilia's strength as a combatant was unknown; and so, seemingly by nature, he strongly clacked his fangs and gave off a wary growl.
"Outta my way. I'll get rid o' what's worryin' ya with my own bare hands. Once I do that…"
"Garfiel. —What are you so afraid of?"
Pheeew went Garfiel, Emilia's assertion leaving him short of breath. For a second, he was taken aback; however, Garfiel immediately reddened with anger. His fangs were shaking.
"Me, afraid…?"
"You're afraid, aren't you? That's why you're speaking so loudly, stretching your arms as far as you can, stomping the ground with your feet…
You're pushing yourself, aren't you?"
"What are you—?! You! Don't know nothin' about me…!"
"I do know. —I mean, I've lived in fear of so many things for all this time."
Because she was weak, because she was afraid, she knew.
Putting a hand to her own breast, Emilia touched the broken crystal to make sure it was still there. Her violet eyes did not conceal her sorrow for the past, even as she pleaded to Garfiel, his eyes wide open.
"Up to today, I've lived in fear. When Puck was with me, I put all the bad things onto him, relied on him, and forgot… I think I understand a little now that I finally remember them."
"Shaddap."
"Right now, I only just started remembering everything I wanted to forget. I don't really know what it is I really need to do. But there's something there. I have to find out what that something is. Most likely, to me, it's something to
be found inside the tomb…that's why I cannot move aside. But."
"Shut up. Get lost. I…I'm not listenin' to any of this."
"But you've already found that something for yourself, haven't you?"
When she posed the question, Garfiel's endurance was already nearing its limit. An emotion beyond anger rested in his two eyes; it seemed like Garfiel was ready to train his claws on Emilia. But— "—Everything you do is half-hearted, Garfiel."
With Emilia's assertions stabbing him, Garfiel was left with violence as his only resort. Subaru slowly shook his head from side to side at the immaturity and shortsightedness of his actions.
Subaru meant for Garfiel to turn the brunt of his anger toward him. —No, such intent was not necessary.
There was no plan or calculation involved. It was something Subaru wanted to say, something he needed to say; and so, he did.
"If I can't do it, no one can. That's how I think, and there's no mistaking he's someone like that, too. —Just how much of a conceited brat are you?"
" "
"Certainly, it's just like you said. Emilia's failing at the Trial over and over. I can't deny she's all crying and sobbing over being made to see a past she doesn't want to. It was hard to watch her lose herself after Puck was gone. I can't even say with a straight face she's bounced back yet."
Standing right beside Emilia, Subaru motioned to her with his chin, mercilessly critiquing her disgraceful behavior.
It was a sudden topic, one that put a suspicious look on Garfiel's face, but Emilia received it with dignity. The assessment was certainly not one that was pleasant on the ears, but it was correct nonetheless.
She would stand, face her own shame, and take it head-on, for that was what she thought would make Subaru proud of her—
"If she challenges the Trial right now, the results might not change. She might fail again, too, coming back in tears once more."
"If ya know that already, why make her do it over an'…?"
"But Emilia will challenge it, as many times as it takes. —Unlike you, who lost and ran."
She had recoiled from her past. She feared the Trial. Her legs cowered from it over and over. But he could not lie to his own heart.
He believed that whatever it was Emilia wished for, it was not a wish beyond her reach.
"That's just you glossin' things over with words o' hope, makin' the girl ya love see Hell over and over…!"
Declaring thus, Garfiel's teeth creaked, and he chipped a fang. Heedless, he howled.
"Who the hell can win against yer own regrets?! The Trial was set up by a foul-minded Witch to teach people that! Don't ya get it?!"
"…Regrets are hard, painful things. I think they're pathetic things you can't face, either."
"Ahh?!"
"The pain of looking at the past is real. But that said, I intend to swallow it all down. Just like you said, the Witch has a foul personality. I'll never forget my grudge for her betraying my trust."
Even though it was a fraudulent farewell, with his parents fabricated from nothing but his memories in an illusionary world…
Subaru had faced the greatest regret inside himself; from it, he had gained one farewell, and one answer.
—His grudge toward the Witch who had granted him this would never fade. But these feelings, too, were real.
"I'm grateful to the Witch. I'm glad I faced my past. I ran, and I ran, and I kept running from it…but I'm glad I couldn't run from it."
Neither Emilia nor Garfiel could comprehend Subaru's gratitude toward the Witch. Perhaps they took his words as wild delusions. It was fine even so.
For at the very least, inside Subaru, his stance toward the past was set.
And—
"Garfiel. —Do you hate your mother who left you behind?"
"Wha…?!"
Subaru's question caused the color of Garfiel's face to change dramatically.
From red with anger, it turned pale with shock, and finally, when it lost all color, he closed his eyes.
"From the old hag…? Damn you, buttin' into other people's pasts…!"
"Sorry. Even though we take off our shoes when entering someone's house, we keep them on when stepping into someone's heart. It's a Natsuki family tradition."
There were the words of the Witch, the words of his biological sister, the words of his grandmother, and the words of yet another grandmother.
The night before, Subaru had heard straight from the lips of Shima, who held Garfiel dear to her, confirming that Arma's speculation was correct. — The past Garfiel saw had indeed been the moment he and his mother parted.
He openly confessed to trampling all over Garfiel's heart in order to learn more.
"I have some notion of what past you saw. Frederica and your mother left you both in the Sanctuary and went out into the world. So you saw that, and then what?"
He told him of what he'd heard from Shima. However, he left the conclusion blank as he tossed the question.
The question Subaru posed made Garfiel shake his head, repulsed. Subaru heard his fangs clattering nonstop. This was no act of intimidation, but simple shaking from fear.
Seeing this, Subaru took a step forward, not allowing any escape as he redoubled his question.
"Frederica left the Sanctuary. She believed you'd open the Sanctuary someday, so she left to make a place in the outside world for the people here. So what have you been doing on the inside?"
Garfiel had rejected the warmth of the hand his sister had offered him, continuing to cower within the Sanctuary instead.
Feelings of guilt sprung up for digging into the scars on another person's chest. Subaru forced down the feeling, pressing Garfiel for the truth, his fingers digging into the wounds, drawing blood in the process.
"Was it that your mother abandoned you, so you hated your mother, so you hated the world that had stolen your mother from you, so you stayed shut
inside the Sanctuary? Here, because you didn't want to get hurt!"
"That ain't…! What do you know…? Don't flap yer damn lips like ya understand!"
"That's right! All I'm saying is my own arbitrary guess, flapping my lips like I know what I'm talking about. Only you know what you really think. I'm not your family, so I'm not gonna know unless you come out and say it!"
When Garfiel retorted on reflex, Subaru harshly scolded him, pummeling him with words.
"If you don't say it, we won't know! If it's not in words, no one'll get it!"
"—!"
"If you hate your mother for abandoning you, go outside and get revenge or whatever right this minute! Don't pin this on us people on the inside!
That's what it is, isn't it? You're just lashing out?!"
Garfiel's expression contorted. He went down the stone steps, as if trying to put distance between them.
There was no escape. Grasping Garfiel's arm, Subaru brought his face close enough to take a bite out of him.
At breathing distance, he glared into that sad, blood-smeared face and asked. And kept asking.
"You hate your family. If you didn't, you wouldn't be…"