Let's say, in the end, my grand master plan to print a photo of Commander Diablos Nacho sucking his thumb and stick it on the gym bulletin board had to be scrapped.
Mainly because Diablos Nacho is no longer with us.
After returning to base and handing in our report, Dr. Blakk called the three of us into his main office: me, Twist, and a very bruised Nacho. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife.
"You have failed me for the last time, Nacho..." were the cold, final words that came out of Blakk's mouth.
The giant tried to stammer an excuse, but he didn't have time. Blakk pressed a button on his desk, and a device at the back of the room roared to life. The air distorted, and a dark, swirling portal crackling with evil red energy ripped open out of nowhere. Two elite guards shoved the terrified, screaming mutant straight into the vortex.
I don't know what kind of hell he got sent to, but something tells me it wasn't a vacation resort.
When the portal snapped shut with an electrical crackle, Dr. Blakk turned and looked me dead in the eye. There was a calculating intensity in his expression.
"Do you see, Alex?" Blakk said, hands clasped behind his back. "I am making slow but steady progress. Soon, I will perfect this technology so I can open a portal directly to the Surface... and send you home."
I stared back at him, keeping a deadpan expression, and nodded silently. It was a raw display of power. Blakk was telling me two things without saying a word: first, that he was keeping his end of the bargain; and second, that if I screwed up like Nacho, I'd end up in that exact same dark vortex.
Then he kicked us out of his office. Twist lingered in the upper hallways. From what I've gathered, the blond kid seems to be Blakk's personal apprentice or something. He's sneaky, quiet, and clearly doesn't trust me. The feeling is mutual.
Anyway, shaking those dark thoughts from my head, I am now enjoying the peace and quiet of my room, completely shirtless.
My tactical uniform is washing in a compact mini-washer I bought a couple of days ago with my commander's salary. It's loud, tiny, and vibrates like it's going to explode, but it gets the job done perfectly.
I was just about to crash on my bed and scroll through the Slug-net when the sound of knuckles rapping against metal interrupted me.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Hey, 'A'! Hey, 'A', open up, it's me!" Valentina started yelling from the hallway, banging on the door way harder than necessary.
I sighed, walked barefoot to the entrance, and hit the button to open the automatic doors.
"You know 'Alex' is already short for my real name, right, Val? You don't need to shorten it to a single letter," I said, leaning against the doorframe.
Valentina, who was winding up to pound on the door again, froze with her fist in the air. She looked down, immediately noticing I was shirtless. She blinked a couple of times, her eyes scanning my torso for a fraction of a second before darting up to the ceiling, feigning total disinterest.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever... 'A'," she replied, clearing her throat and slipping right back into her bossy attitude. "I've got a surprise."
She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out two glossy paper tickets, waving them in my face like a trophy.
"Look what I scored thanks to my Intel contacts. Two VIP passes for the premiere of Attack of the Giant Slug," Valentina announced, flashing a triumphant ear-to-ear grin. "It's the most anticipated movie of the year in the caverns. And you're coming with me. Think of it as... a date."
I froze for a second, my brain short-circuiting on that last word.
"A... date?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow in genuine confusion and crossing my arms. "Val... you know I just see you as a friend, right? And, to be honest, a pretty messy friend who hoards empty soda cups in her office."
Valentina's smile vanished instantly, replaced by a look of pure, unadulterated outrage. Her cheeks flushed a furious shade of red.
"Do you seriously think we're gonna screw?!" Valentina blew up, raising her voice so loud that a couple of guards passing down the hall stopped to stare, then practically ran for their lives when they saw how pissed she was. "For the love of the caverns, Alex! We're just going to see a damn movie at the Ice Cavern Drive-In!"
She took a step forward, jabbing her index finger right into my chest.
"Your ego is so huge it barely fits in this base if you think I'd let you lay a finger on me," she growled, completely offended.
I couldn't help but burst out laughing, enjoying her reaction way too much.
"Oh, really?" I smirked, leaning in a little closer. "Just like that time you threw yourself at me in your office..."
"I was trying to strangle you!" Valentina yelled, her fists clenched.
"That's a very aggressive way to hug, Val. I felt the chemistry," I teased, giving her a wink.
Valentina let out a growl of pure frustration, spinning on her heel like she was about to storm off and leave me standing there.
"Wait, wait!" I laughed, throwing my hands up in surrender. "Alright, I'll go with you. I don't have anything else to do anyway, and a movie sounds a thousand times better than listening to Dr. Blakk's speeches about world domination."
Valentina paused, looked at me over her shoulder, and a smug little smile crept back onto her lips.
The next day, we rolled out of the fortress mid-afternoon.
I used to think my new Bengal Tiger-model Mecha-beast was the pinnacle of speed. I thought nothing could beat that roar and raw horsepower. But Valentina's Horse-model mecha... holy crap, that thing looked like it had two nuclear rocket thrusters strapped to the chassis.
We tore through the dark tunnels like a pair of meteors. I only managed to catch up and pull even with her on the tight corners, thanks to the claws and suspension on my Tiger, but the second the road straightened out, Val literally left me eating her dust.
I could hear her laughing over the comms as her metallic steed disappeared into the horizon.
After half an hour of motorized humiliation, we finally reached our destination: the Ice Cavern Drive-In.
The place was a visual spectacle. It wasn't a traditional building, but rather a massive, freezing natural cavern where the walls were coated in ice so thick, smooth, and pure it looked like glass. They were using one of the massive, flat walls at the back of the cave as a giant screen to project the movie.
The concept was brilliant. It was the underground equivalent of a classic 50s drive-in on the Surface, except instead of convertibles, people were parked on their respective mecha-beasts, bundled up in heavy coats to brave the cold.
I'll admit with zero shame that those VIP tickets were a godsend.
Not only did they score us prime front-row parking, dead center with the best acoustics, but they also included access to the open bar. And when I say open bar, I mean it.
Taking full advantage of our VIP diplomatic immunity, we hit the concession stand and loaded up with everything our hands could carry: butter-drenched popcorn, giant sodas, candy bars, and a massive tray of nachos.
(I have to admit I hesitated for a second before ordering the nachos. The name brought back traumatic flashbacks of a giant, whining mutant falling through a dark portal, but the smell of melted cheese quickly cured my PTSD).
We settled back onto our mecha-beasts, using the heat from the idling engines to keep us warm in the middle of the freezing cavern.
Suddenly, right as the screen lit up with the production studio's logo, a dark, pudgy silhouette blocked half the projection. It was the unmistakable shadow of a Molenoid wearing a weird hat, slowly waddling in front of the projector with a bucket of popcorn, looking for his seat.
"Hey, tubby, sit down already!" a furious moviegoer yelled from the back rows.
"The great Pronto will sit when he finds his seat!" the shadow shot back in a squeaky, arrogant voice, before tripping and quickly disappearing into the crowd.
I shook my head, chuckling under my breath. This world was full of weirdos.
As the trailers started playing, Val leaned toward me, her eyes shining in a way I'd never seen back at the base.
"Hey, did you know Max Jackson did all his own stunts in this movie?" Valentina whispered, shoving a handful of popcorn into her mouth. "He's an incredible actor. His bio says that before he hit the big screen, he was a pro slinger in the Eastern Tournaments. And he has a Tazerling slug he trained himself!"
I glanced at her from the corner of my eye, genuinely surprised. The Commander of Intelligence, the woman feared by everyone at Blakk Industries, the one who hoarded dirty soda cups and took down scientists with wrestling moves... was swooning over a movie star. She sounded exactly like a high school girl gushing over her favorite pop idol.
"Well, well... so you're a fangirl," I teased, giving her a friendly nudge.
"Shut up! I just appreciate fine cinematic art," she defended herself, blushing slightly and swatting my arm hard enough to almost knock me out of my seat.
I smiled, taking a sip of my soda. Turns out, despite the monsters, corporate villains, and constant warfare, there's apparently a sort of "Hollywood" down here in these 99 caverns too. And for a couple of hours, I could pretend I was just a normal teenager on a normal weekend outing.
Of course, my dream of having a normal teenage afternoon lasted exactly as long as a heartbeat. Or, to be more precise: five minutes.
The opening credits had barely finished rolling on the giant ice screen when the classic, loud Slugterra chaos broke out a couple of rows behind us.
"Hey, you're blocking my view with that piece of junk!" an outraged spectator yelled.
"I park wherever I want! And I want this spot!" an arrogant, youthful voice shot back.
"Shhhhh! Shut the hell up, we're trying to watch the movie!" someone else hissed.
"Shane Gang! I challenge you to a duel right here, right now!" he roared, looking for trouble.
The voices from the other side of the audience escalated, turning into full-blown shouting. In less than ten seconds, the unmistakable whistle of slugs being fired ripped through the air, followed by the crash of small explosions and impacts against the ice.
I sighed, popping a cheesy nacho into my mouth. Typical... I thought. They can't go a single day without shooting at each other.
Beside me, Valentina wasn't nearly as understanding.
"Ahhhh! What the hell is wrong with these idiots?!" Val growled, visibly frustrated. Her brown eyes blazed with fury.
Without a second thought, she vaulted off her mecha-beast with an agile leap, tossed her drink aside, and started marching with giant strides straight toward the epicenter of the conflict. She was livid that they were ruining her highly anticipated Max Jackson movie.
"Hey, morons!" Valentina bellowed, her Commander voice cutting through the racket. "Who do you think you are, interrupting my mov—?!"
Fwooooo-SWOOSH!
Before she could finish her sentence, a Ramstone slug mid-transformation into a rock beast flew directly at her head.
With reflexes that left me genuinely impressed, Val ducked at the very last millisecond. The massive stone beast grazed her hair, smashing into a wall of ice behind her and shattering it to pieces.
That was her limit. The Commander of Intelligence's patience had hit zero.
"Oh... so that's how you want to play," Valentina growled, her voice dropping to a low, dangerous octave that sent shivers down my spine from where I sat.
In one fluid, lethal motion, she drew her own custom blaster. She grabbed a vial from her belt and loaded a Torpedo slug... but not a normal one. It was a Ghoul.
She pulled the trigger. The dark, corrupted creature shot out, leaving a red and black trail in its wake, and transformed into a devastating explosive projectile. The impact wasn't a direct hit on the attacker, but right at his feet.
KABOOM!
The force of the explosion sent the brawlers who were causing the scene flying into the air. Among them, I spotted a black shirt and a shock of blond hair flying like a ragdoll, crashing heavily onto the icy ground a couple of meters away from Valentina.
Before the blond kid could even figure out what hit him, Val was already on top of him.
With absolute brutality, she planted her uniform boot firmly onto his chest, pinning him to the ground so he couldn't get up. At the same time, the mechanical click of her blaster reloading echoed in the air.
This time, Valentina's barrel was aimed right at the blond kid's forehead. And peeking out of the chamber, hissing with a mouth full of spinning fangs, was a Thresher Ghoul, ready to turn him into mincemeat.
The silence in the theater was instantaneous. Nobody dared to breathe.
I leaned forward a bit in my seat, squinting to get a good look at the downed attacker.
Pinned under my furious date's boot, coughing from the smoke of the explosion, and with his eyes wide in sheer terror at having a Thresher two inches from his face, was Billy.