Chapter 203: Art (Buff Man) Comes from Life
Kakashi felt like he had really been screwed by fate.
How could something like this happen to him?
Wasn't this supposed to be a story from 'Buff Man Paradise'?
Could it really be that art comes from life?
What made Kakashi feel even more miserable and humiliated was, this time he had experienced everything, suffered the insult, yet gained no "benefit" at all.
Shadow clones couldn't bring back Hashirama cells.
It was like when a shadow clone eats ramen, you can only bring back the memory of being full, but you can't bring the noodles back into your stomach.
Kakashi noticed that every time he woke up from unconsciousness, he either felt extremely uncomfortable, or extremely good.
Sometimes he even felt both extremely uncomfortable and extremely good at the same time.
On top of that, after each chapter in 'Buff Man Strategy Guide' there were little real-life stories.
One of them talked about how the Land of Water was humid all year round, and people there loved spicy food.
There was a place that developed an ultra-spicy curry called "Curry of Life."
Someone traveled there just to try it, and sure enough, it was delicious.
While eating happily, he also had a few drinks with some new friends.
The next morning when he woke up, he felt a burning pain.
But he didn't take it seriously, thinking it was because the Curry of Life was too spicy, or because of the alcohol.
As a result, during those days of traveling, every time he ate and then woke up hungover the next day, he would feel that burning pain again.
After a few days of this, he couldn't take it anymore and decided to eat lightly for a while.
He swapped the Curry of Life for ordinary curry, and replaced alcohol with sparkling water.
Then in the middle of the night, he woke up in shock and discovered a horrifying event he would never forget for the rest of his life.
From then on, that man never dared to drink to the point of being hungover again, and lived a healthy (big lie) life.
( Terumi Mei: The naturally evil Konohagakure Village asshole ninja Kakashi actually dares to slander the innocence of the Land of Water out of thin air! The tourism industry of the Land of Water died before it even took off, Kakashi, you deserve death...)
It was precisely this little story from 'Buff Man Strategy Guide' that warned Kakashi, and that was why he came up with this plan.
After this bout of unconsciousness, the moment he regained awareness on the medical ward bed, he hurriedly used the small amount of chakra he had just recovered to release a shadow clone to lie in bed in his place.
His real body ran into the empty room next door.
As for why he didn't use the lightning clone he was better at,
First, lightning clones required much more chakra, and that wasn't something skill alone could make up for.
Second, Kakashi didn't know who would appear.
What if it was Might Guy?
He couldn't very well electrocute the few remaining little acorns Guy had left, right?
This time was only for gathering information, not for solving everything in one go.
Yet it was precisely this cautious move that made Kakashi miss a golden opportunity.
He suffered humiliation for nothing, and didn't even get the benefit of Hashirama cells.
Just thinking about that strange white tube the masked man used made Kakashi feel nauseous.
He didn't want to drink soy milk or regular milk anymore, and didn't want to eat sausages either.
And that weird grainy texture, he didn't even want to drink milk tea anymore.
Still, even though Kakashi felt disgusted, he didn't blame the masked man.
He knew.
Obito had let everyone down, except Naruto Mobile (crossed out).
Obito had let everyone down, except him.
He had never once thought about taking back the Mangekyō Sharingan.
Kakashi had overused Kamui, and for his sake Obito even risked exposing himself to inject him with Hashirama cells.
Injecting Hashirama cells, meow, injecting Hashirama cells, thank you, meow.
Huh?
That's not right.
Why am I saying whatever line pops up in my dreams?
Kakashi realized where the problem was.
The fake recovery sensation from the shadow clone's Hashirama cells had already faded, and the dizziness started coming back.
Thump.
Kakashi collapsed headfirst onto the floor.
Fortunately, there is true feeling among people, and true love in the world.
When Yamato and Might Guy came to visit Kakashi, they discovered that Kakashi was gone.
Knowing there was no way Kakashi could have been discharged so quickly, the two of them hurriedly started searching.
In the end, after searching all over Konoha, they finally found the unconscious Kakashi in the neighboring room at dusk.
After bringing Kakashi back to the ward, the two of them took out the nutritional supplies they had prepared for him.
"Why did Kakashi run next door? And even faint there?"
Might Guy was confused.
"No matter what, we've been looking all day, and Kakashi-senpai has been unconscious all day without eating. We have to replenish his nutrition quickly."
Yamato pulled out a funnel from behind him.
It looked like the same kind of funnel Naruto used back during the Chūnin Exams to pour… stuff into balloons.
"Guy, hold him steady."
After inserting the funnel into Kakashi's mouth, Yamato started tearing open the packages.
He mixed the most nutritious milk with soft little glutinous rice balls and began to pour it in, uh, inject it in.
"Kakashi-senpai, drink slowly, don't choke."
"Huh, why does Kakashi look so miserable just drinking milk? Could the milk have expired?"
Sensing something was wrong, Yamato hurriedly took a sip himself to check.
It couldn't be expired.
The scariest thing in life was having diarrhea while unconscious.
After confirming the milk hadn't expired, Yamato let out a sigh of relief.
Then he cast a suspicious look at the rice balls.
Could it be that the rice balls were still too big and were choking Kakashi-senpai?
Yamato thoughtfully used Wood Release to mash the rice balls up, mixing them with the milk into a thick paste, and poured it in again.
But Kakashi seemed to be having some kind of nightmare, he struggled even more, his hands and feet starting to move unconsciously.
This left the two of them completely confused.
But nutrition still had to be given.
So Might Guy directly used a full body hold from behind, locking Kakashi's limbs in place.
Yamato continued pouring, while gently stroking Kakashi's body to soothe him.
"Kakashi-senpai, I know you're having a nightmare. Calm down, we're here. You don't have to be afraid."
As if hearing Yamato's words, Kakashi really did stop struggling, and two lines of tears slid down from the corners of his eyes.
"By the way, did Kakashi-senpai eat breakfast before he fainted?"
Yamato suddenly thought of something.
"I don't know. He probably did. Kakashi's schedule is pretty regular, he often cooks for himself."
Might Guy said while holding him down.
"Then if Kakashi-senpai has been unconscious all day, could he have pooped his pants?"
Yamato looked worriedly toward Kakashi's lower body.
"No way? When we carried Kakashi over, there wasn't any smell, was there?"
Might Guy was shocked, but didn't quite believe it.
"Let me check."
Yamato picked up a towel hanging nearby and reached in.
He wiped, then his middle finger moved, he scraped a bit and pulled it out.
The towel wasn't dirty.
"Good thing. Looks like Kakashi-senpai didn't poop his pants."
Yamato tossed the towel into the nearby bucket of water.
When he turned back, he saw Kakashi lying on the bed, still unconscious, and crying again.
What kind of tragic dream was this, that he kept crying?
Could it be that Kakashi-senpai dreamed about killing his teammate with his own hands back then?
Sigh… poor Kakashi-senpai. My condolences, uh, silent mourning.
(End of this chapter)