065: Teacher, Please, Don't Abandon Me
Six days before Nero's scheduled return to Rome, after the completion of the Corinthian Isthmus canal.
The day was cold and overcast, a gloomy day from morning onward, with darkness mingled with cloud-like whites.
"It's raining, Locusta."
"Ah... yes, Your Majesty."
Nero, sipping the mushroom soup Locusta had prepared, watched with interest as raindrops began to patter outside the window, falling into puddles reflecting the gloomy sky. The ripples collided and soon melted away.
"I wonder if it's raining in Rome. But this level of rain shouldn't cause rivers to flood. Even if it did, it's no problem at all."
"Eh, is that so...?"
Hearing her voice, Locusta slowly turned her head to see a gentle face suddenly enter her view.
She didn't know what Nero was thinking, but the corners of Nero's mouth were curved upward, and her expression was incredibly gentle and calm.
"Locusta." Nero spoke with a smile. "Guess why?"
"Hmm... Is it because of Lord Novia?"
"Correct, correct." The Rose Emperor laughed in reply. "My teacher... is like a sea of stars amidst countless shadows and mire, immeasurably important. Not just to the empire, but to me. In short, he's very important."
Locusta didn't quite understand what the Emperor was saying, but she assumed it was praise for Lord Novia.
As they spoke, the sky continued to drizzle like mist. Both Locusta and Nero fell silent for a moment, gazing at the world before them. Beyond the gently trembling fine rain, the dark city stretched endlessly, with not a single person in sight.
"Locusta, take this."
After a while, Nero called to her again, handing over a bottle containing what seemed to be just a few drops of water.
"This is..."
Locusta looked puzzled. At that moment, Nero spoke clearly.
"It's poison. You must use this as a baseline to create a stronger, more easily controllable poison."
"...Your Majesty, is this perhaps..."
Though Locusta knew refusing now was inappropriate—this was the Emperor, after all—she couldn't think of any other suitable words.
Unsure if it would displease the Emperor, Locusta grew anxious. Sneaking a glance at Nero's expression, the golden-haired girl continued to give her a bright smile.
"It's an order, not a request."
Scary, scary eyes. This was the first time Locusta had witnessed such terrifying eyes from the usually cheerful and lively Nero—eyes that seemed to devour everything, like black mud.
Under such a gaze, even though Nero was smiling, Locusta felt as if she were instantly floating in a massive vortex, with invisible tides swelling around her.
Thus, out of fear, Locusta could only nod silently.
"Excellent. I've always wanted to do this. It's too late to start now." Nero tilted her head, smiling. "Although this was meant for me alone to enjoy, Locusta, since you need to create a better poison from it, I permit you to taste it."
Locusta's first thought was 'no,' but another thought immediately sprang to mind: 'The Emperor has become so strange and unfamiliar.'
Yet, despite this, Locusta, already frightened out of her wits by Nero, obeyed. She gently placed a drop from the bottle onto her hand, put it in her mouth to analyze the poison's contents. For some reason, it felt faintly familiar... But genuine confusion arose.
Locusta didn't know how to respond. Was Her Majesty deliberately toying with her, or did she truly not know?
So she remained silent. In the dim light of the room, Nero still wore a smile, as if cheerfulness were her true nature.
But because Nero's gaze was too terrifying, Locusta resolved to speak.
"Your Majesty, I find this strange."
"What is it? Can even you not do it?" Nero looked puzzled.
"No, it's because this... has no poison at all..."
The atmosphere fell silent instantly. Only the indistinguishable fine misty rain continued to drift down quietly from the gray sky. The darkness brought by the overcast weather stretched endlessly, spreading outward through the drizzle.
An unknown amount of time passed.
Locusta finally stole a glance at Nero. Her heart nearly stopped, for in Nero's black-mud-like eyes, tears fell like broken strings of pearls. She was crying silently.
I want to help Her Majesty. No matter what, I don't want her to be like this. Locusta racked her brains, thinking of what she could do now. The conclusion was to let her cry alone—she might have said something wrong.
"...Heh."
Nero suddenly let out a small laugh, then slightly moved her lips. It looked like she was saying 'Sorry, thank you,' but Locusta had no concrete proof.
"Leave me. I'm tired..."
She was forcing herself not to make a sound, but her sobs showed no signs of stopping.
"Yes, of course..."
After Locusta left, the girl's suppressed sobs instantly grew louder, piercing through the dense clouds, reaching the distant sky, and dissipating into the atmosphere.
Tears welled up in her eyes, but Nero did not understand the meaning of this single tear.
The rain that day was not heavy, yet it lingered for a long time. Late at night, in the courtyard of the emperor's temporary residence.
The air and clothing gradually grew damp. The golden-haired girl's wet hair clung to her face and neck—it must have been uncomfortable, but she paid it no mind. Indifferently, she lifted her face from where it had been buried between her knees and gazed up at the night sky. Countless cold droplets struck her cheeks.
After learning that her teacher, Novia, had not actually poisoned her—that it had always been her own presumptuous belief that she held insufficient weight in her teacher's eyes, that she… was still the same as before, someone who could be abandoned at any time, anywhere.
Amidst a tranquil clamor, Nero felt that only her own breathing sounded unbearably harsh.
The rain gradually intensified, droplets pattering down from her soaked hair and the hem of her clothes.
So cold, unbearably cold. The girl hugged her shoulders, curling her body tighter.
Why, why, why didn't you poison me, Teacher? Have you grown to hate me? Do you no longer want me? Are you going to abandon me…...
Nero felt her heart shatter piece by piece, as if she had lost the meaning of living. Through the cracks in her heart that had only recently been mended, darkness seeped in bit by bit. Alone, she felt it all.
In the days before Nero returned to Rome, whenever she fell asleep during this time, she would have strange dreams.
In the darkness, she would pick up a cold dagger and stab it toward her teacher.
Expressionless, emotionless, just calmly, repeatedly, incessantly driving the blade into Novia.
With an empty look on her own face, she kept stabbing him. Why, why—as if she could hear her own murmuring voice.
Because it was a dream, in this world that contained only her and her teacher, she quietly killed him again and again.
It was so painful, but what should I do?
Upon waking, Nero was in such agony that she tightly hugged the Aestus Estus her teacher had given her, which lay by her pillow.
When did falling in love begin?
It started from a day so distant she could no longer remember—from that day onward, he had become special to me.
Because I love my teacher, things have turned out this way. That is to say, if I had no improper thoughts about him, I wouldn't be like this.
Could it be that I was born bearing the fate of being abandoned?
Because when my mother was pregnant with me, her heart was filled with hope—as long as I was born, she could poison me, commit adultery, and then divorce my debauched, alcoholic father. My mother's hope was my despair.
"I didn't choose to be born into this world filled with filth either..."
The girl felt a violent surge of emotion suddenly rise within her.
Precisely because she was surrounded by endless filth, she longed even more intensely for a star so dazzling it was hard to look upon directly.
The blood in her veins gradually turned into light cotton. It wasn't an illusion—if she truly slit her wrists, cotton might indeed flow out.
I am just a puppet, a puppet with no value of existence.
No wonder I am always abandoned. It's not that I'm not valued, but as someone forced into birth, being discarded everywhere is simply my inevitable fate.
For Nero, living had felt like the dull clouds rolling across the sky since she was very young.
Neither emotion nor lingering resonance, nothing left a mark on her heart. There were only listed, meaningless, worthless words and harsh noise, with no desire to even look at them. She simply stared blankly.
Curling up in this disgusting world, she kept thinking, If only this could end quickly. Yet the world before her showed no intention of ending.
The content of life is probably different for everyone. Among them, there must be those filled with vivid colors, cheerful music, outstanding family, and incomparably joyful happiness. Such people surely wouldn't wish for life to end so soon.
But in her view, her own life had already ended. And it was flavorless, colorless, with only herself—crouching there, holding her head, arbitrarily discarded. How could such a world possibly bring her happiness?
Even if she wanted to remember, it was no longer possible. I already… have no reason to live. My past is exactly as described. It would be better if it all disappeared, letting me be at ease.
With dim eyes, Nero gripped the Aestus Estus and murmured:
"If only I had never been born..."
The moment she uttered these words for the first time, the girl felt as if she were in a sea of fire. Every minute, every second, her entire body was tormented by that thick, tangible sensation, as if swimming in a crimson sea of blood, constantly swallowing mouthfuls of filthy corruption.
The sea of blood slowly eroded the world before her eyes, already soaking the lower half of her body. She would likely be completely submerged, eventually dissolving into that scorching, turbid sea.
Nero didn't know why she was here, but her body was filled with dark emotions—resignation, pain, sorrow—leaving her with no strength to struggle or move. She wanted to disappear quickly.
When the golden-haired girl came to her senses, she realized the sea of blood had risen to her chest. Her legs and arms, swallowed by the dark sea of blood, were already numb.
I see… this way, it will be easier.
She thought this, but it was also an anger she couldn't vent.
It must be because I am someone who shouldn't exist that I ended up alone.
"All alone..."
Words spilled unconsciously from her mouth. The girl cried—not silent sobs, but wails like when she was a child.
"...But, even though I don't know why I should live, why does it still hurt when I'm about to disappear? Tell me, Teacher."
How strange. Even though the girl's mind had morbidly given up on functioning, this body that had endured for over a decade was now defying its owner's will, still yearning to see that person again. Thus, Nero's body moved once more.
And so, six days later, Nero returned to Rome and went to see her teacher, Novia, at once.
"Teacher, I'm back..."
She slightly opened her translucent green eyes and uttered a weak voice.
"Welcome back, Nero. Are you all right..."
Novia looked at the utterly haggard Nero. The girl's eyes were like those of a doll, devoid of emotional fluctuation.
In his vision, overlapping figures appeared—a petite, slender body holding something, and a face very similar to Nero's, their forms overlapping.
"It's nothing. I'm just a little tired. I'll be fine after some sleep..."
The girl's nasal tone clearly indicated she had been crying. Novia stood in the dazzling sunlight, gazing directly at her.
"Then rest here. After you've rested, I have something to tell you."
At that moment, Nero's mind was filled with noise, shouting a certain name.
Ah, I'm about to disappear. I'm going to lose myself.
It's so scorching. Why am I here?
What… am I? Why did I come here? Who is Draco? Why is this crimson sea calling me like this?
Nero's consciousness was gradually enveloped by darkness. She felt her body slowly falling—this was her last sensation.
In her mind, slowly losing everything, only an unfamiliar name and a single phrase kept repeating—
"Teacher, please, don't abandon me....."
Note: I'm new to translating so please be kind and tell me any mistakes you all find, I will try to release a chapter a day but don't expect much
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