She woke late the next morning to a soft sound that had her heart aching in need to comfort whoever, or whatever it was that was making it. It was strange, and her eyes snapped open, confused, and peering around to find Kai.
She had been lying cradled against his side, his body trembling as he did his best to remain still and silent while his heartrending sobs tore out of him.
Lifting her head, she looked up into his face, but he didn't seem to have noticed right away, his eyes clenched shut and the muscles in his jaw straining to keep his pain inside.
Pushing herself up, she wrapped her arms tightly around him and pulled him against her, his head landing on her shoulder and his silence broke as his pain mounted.
Stroking his hair gently, she closed her eyes and held him tight to her, comforting him as he had done for her so many times before, but it felt painfully insufficient.
"Hey now, don't cry…" she whispered, resting her cheek against his ear. Her body shook with his and she swallowed hard as tears filled her eyes. She hated that he was in pain, and she didn't know how to fix it. She wanted to make it all go away, but she didn't know where to start.
"I'm sorry…" he managed to get out between sobs, and she squeezed him hard.
"You have no reason to be sorry, Kai," she said gently, placing her hand lightly on the back of his head. She shifted to sit more comfortably on the bed with him and he curled up against her, trying to get closer but unable to. His arms wrapped tight around her middle to make her ribs ache.
"I failed you… I couldn't protect you from Jaia… I couldn't protect you from Drizdan, and I can't protect you from Epharis…" His broken voice shattered her, and she kissed his head hard, unable to stop her own tears from falling at his pain.
"It's not your job to protect me, love."
"We promised to help you get away from Epharis… we couldn't even do that… we swore to help you and if we had… you would have been able to get away… you would never have been forced to endure any of that… you could have gone and never faced any of the horrors… you would never have had to face Jaia…"
He broke off as his body seized with pain, and she shook her head, not wanting him to ever think like that.
"It's not your fault, Kai… none of this is your fault."
"If I had of just tried… but I didn't… I was so curious about you that I never even tried to hold up our side of the deal… I never dreamed that any of this would happen…"
"No, Kai, don't think about any of that," she whimpered, her voice breaking as she turned him, clutching his face and forcing him to look up at her. "Stop thinking that, you aren't to blame."
"I could have done it… I could have found a way to get you free… But I was so selfish and then he had a tighter hold on you… and then you were just trying to survive, and I was so caught up in watching that I didn't try to stop anything… and you're so addictive… after a while I couldn't bear the thought of seeing you leave… and then when the hold on us faded… I just wanted you to run and not look back, but you couldn't… you just kept getting dragged back and everything got worse and then… then Jaia…" He broke down into incoherence and she pressed her lips against his forehead, wishing she could take all his pain and make it go away. "Please forgive me…" he pleaded, his broken little boy's voice tearing at her soul, but she couldn't forgive him if he had done nothing wrong.
"You don't need my forgiveness, Kai, you've done nothing wrong," she said gently, wanting nothing more than to make it all better, but he was only half listening to her, only half able to hear her through his own pain.
"If I had just not been selfish, you would never have had to suffer…" he whimpered.
"Kai stop… please stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault."
Taking his face in her hands, she kissed him hard on the cheek, her fingers trembling as she tried to think how to make it better. "Stop blaming yourself, you did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. You've been there for me every time I needed you, and you have done your best to keep me safe. I love you so much, you're a wonderful man, Kai." She had to make him hear her, and his eyes opened, looking up at her, though she wasn't sure he could see her through the tears. "Stop blaming yourself, love. You're perfect and you have no blame on you."
He stared at her and she wiped gently at his cheeks, desperate for it to stop and to see him smiling again.
"You are wonderful, Kai, you're perfect as you are, please don't be sad…"
He hiccupped once, and she smiled at the sound, a hitching laugh escaping him that dissolved back into tears. She held him hard against her, comforting him as best as she could.
***
It was a long time later that he had fallen into an uneasy sleep, and she had slipped out of bed, a soft knock alerting her to someone wanting attention. Careful not to wake Kai, she slipped out of the room and her face brightened as she found Uzo waiting for her.
He looked down at her wet shirt, but she could only shake her head. It was a small miracle that he didn't try to attack her, or run away, though he did seem slightly tense.
"Why do you look different?" he asked after they had stepped away from the door. "What's changed?"
She lifted her hands, and he looked down at her wrists, scowling at the sight of the gold bands.
He ran his hands over them and pinched the skin lightly, just the same as she had done, to see if there was actually metal in her flesh as it looked, but there was nothing.
"Who did that?" he demanded.
"Sobek. Bast is off chas—" she broke off as the Goddess cleared her throat and Etani turned, first looking at the Goddess, and then down at her lap where there was a tiny ball of fur.
"Cat…" Etani said blankly, staring at the little thing. Turning her eyes, she found her sister who was sitting in the comfiest chair, much to the disgust of Dirdos.
"Yes love, cat," Uzo said with amusement.
"Why is there a cat?" Etani asked, fascinated by the thing that was staring her down with a tiny ferocity.
"He's for you," Uzo said gently. "He's a runt who was abandoned by his mother, so he'll need looking after, but he's yours."
"You got me a cat?" she asked, thoroughly confused.
"We got you a cat," Bast said and Uzo looked indignant.
"I got her a cat, you helped, a little," the Fae said, but she had stopped listening.