Dragonspeak Farm, 5:30 AM.
Daeron was peacefully watering the Ancient Fruit vines when a golden wheelhouse crashed through the hedge like a runaway bull.
Cersei burst out in a "farm girl" costume she'd clearly designed herself: crimson silk overalls, golden tiara, and a pitchfork that was actually a Lannister spear with the tip filed down.
"My Prince!" she announced, striking a pose. "Today I shall master your peasant arts and prove I am the only woman worthy of ruling at your side. Starting with… milking!"
She marched straight to the Deluxe Barn, hips swaying like she was entering a throne room.
The two goats took one look at her and bolted behind the sheep.
Cersei grabbed a bucket and a stool with the confidence of someone who had never touched livestock in her life. "Come here, you filthy little beast. I am Cersei Lannister. You will give me milk or I will have your hide for a cloak."
The goat (named Buttercup, Level 8 Happiness) headbutted her directly into a pile of fresh manure.
From the farmhouse porch, Jaime watched with his face in his hands. "I told her this was a bad idea."
Daeron sighed and kept watering. "She'll learn."
Ten minutes later Cersei emerged victorious, covered in straw and something that definitely wasn't milk, holding half a bucket of… greenish liquid.
"I did it!" she declared. "Special goat milk for your special cheese, my Prince!"
She proudly poured it into the Cheese Press.
The panel chimed:
> [You have received: Poisonous Slime Cheese (Quality: Horrifying)]
> [Effect: Anyone who eats this will speak only in High Valyrian for 24 hours]
Caraxes sniffed the wheel, sneezed, and accidentally set the entire cheese press on fire.
Cersei stared at the flaming disaster, then at Daeron's completely straight face.
"…This is how you make dragon cheese, right?"
Daeron finally cracked a smile. "Sure. Let's go with that."
Omake 2: The Great Pumpkin Pie War
Noon. Harvest Festival (Daeron's private one, because he refused to invite the court).
Cersei had spent three days "helping" in the kitchen. Translation: she'd ordered the Red Keep's entire staff to bake pies using only Gold Star Pumpkins she personally selected (by pointing dramatically and saying "that one looks regal enough").
She presented her masterpiece to Daeron on a golden platter: a pie so perfect it glowed.
"My Prince, I baked this with my own two hands."
Behind her, Jaime mouthed she watched the cook do it and threatened his family.
Daeron took one bite.
His eyes widened.
The panel exploded:
> [Legendary Pumpkin Pie (Perfection)]
> [+50 Energy, +Love Points with all farm animals, +Permanent +1 Farming Skill]
Caraxes immediately stole the entire pie in one gulp, plate and all.
Cersei's face went from triumphant to murderous in half a second. "That oversized lizard just ate my declaration of love!"
She grabbed a pitchfork (real one this time) and charged the dragon.
Caraxes, thinking it was a game, happily chased her around the farm while she screamed creative threats about turning dragon hide into boots.
Daeron watched from the porch, eating a normal apple. "Ten gold dragons says she lasts five minutes before she trips into the pond."
Ser Jon Connington, now wearing a straw hat, took the bet. "Fifteen. She's wearing heels."
She lasted four minutes and thirty-seven seconds. The splash was magnificent.
Omake 3: Cersei Tries "Courting" With Crops
Evening. Daeron was finally alone, harvesting Starfruit under moonlight.
A soft voice behind him: "My Prince…"
Cersei stepped out of the shadows holding a single perfect Gold Star Daffodil she had clearly stolen from his own flower garden.
"I read in a book that flowers are the language of love in the East. So I picked this for you. With my own hands."
She had dirt under every fingernail and a leaf stuck in her perfect golden curls.
Daeron accepted the flower. "Thank you, Cersei. It's lovely."
Her eyes lit up like wildfire. She stepped closer. "Now that we've exchanged gifts, the next step is—"
A tiny green Junimo popped out of the soil between them, holding a bundle of Ancient Seeds, and offered them to Daeron with a happy bloop.
Cersei stared at the little creature.
The Junimo stared back.
Cersei narrowed her eyes. "Is that… a spy?"
The Junimo, sensing danger, immediately threw a tomato at her face and vanished in a puff of sparkles.
Cersei stood there, tomato pulp dripping down her cheek, looking more offended than when Robert had called her "the lioness with the loud roar."
Daeron couldn't hold it in anymore. He laughed so hard he dropped his hoe.
Cersei wiped her face with the back of her hand, then pointed at him. "You will pay for this humiliation, Daeron Targaryen. I will learn to speak Junimo and turn them all into my personal army."
She stormed off, muttering, "First the goats, now the vegetables have minions…"
Daeron wiped tears from his eyes and looked at the sky. "I just wanted to farm in peace."
The panel chimed one last time:
> [Cersei Lannister's Affection: ♥♥♥♥ (She is now plotting to kidnap your Junimos)]
> [New Quest: "Survive the Lannister Farming Invasion" – Reward: One (1) very large dragon-proof fence]
Bonus Scene (because Cersei never quits)
Later that night, Cersei dragged Jaime to the edge of the farm with a sack.
"What are we doing?" Jaime hissed.
"Stealing one of those green things. If I can train it, Daeron will have no choice but to marry me."
A single red eye opened in the darkness. Caraxes loomed over them like a very judgmental garden snake.
Cersei froze.
Caraxes gently, almost politely, picked her up by the back of her dress and dropped her outside the fence.
Then he sat on the sack.
Jaime saluted the dragon. "Good lad."
Cersei's muffled scream of frustration could be heard all the way to King's Landing.
Daeron, tucked in bed with a Gold Star Cheese sandwich, smiled in his sleep.
Farming was hard.
But watching Cersei try was the best entertainment in the Seven Kingdoms.