"Stop! Don't! Ino!"
After being sucker-punched and sent flying into the next row of seats, Shikamaru curled into a ball, hugging the questionable book he was protecting like a holy relic.
"Shikamaru!" Ino stood over him, steam practically pouring from her ears. "I never expected someone as proper as you to be this kind of person! Forgetting to save me is one thing, but reading this kind of dirty book right after? In a public exam?"
"After today ends, I'm going to tell your dad!"
Ino gritted her teeth, punching her own palm.
She knew they still had the Chunin Exams ahead, so she couldn't afford to beat him into a coma just yet.
But the temptation was strong!
"Ouch... Ino, you've got it all wrong," Shikamaru groaned, clutching his swollen cheek.
He scrambled up from the ground, dusting off his vest. "Actually, just now..."
He briefly explained his conversation with Makoto—the "Dream Fulfillment Master"—and the experiment to avoid unwanted romantic attention.
"What?" Ino stared at him, incredulous. "Preventing beautiful girls from falling for you?"
"Shikamaru, since when did you become so narcissistic? If it were Sasuke, or even that Rain ninja from earlier, maybe it'd make sense. But are you even qualified for that kind of trouble?"
She was rendered speechless.
"It's not about being qualified or not," Shikamaru sighed, adjusting his ponytail. "It's probability. It's like if a suna ninja suddenly stabbed me with a kunai during the exam—it's a low probability event, but the consequences are catastrophic. I want to mitigate that risk."
"I don't get it," Ino crossed her arms.
"..."
Shikamaru felt helpless.
Sometimes having an IQ over 200 was a curse.
"According to what you just said," Ino asked, her expression turning serious, "that person was talking normally with you the whole time? While I was trapped?"
"That's right. Why?" Shikamaru blinked. "Oh, by the way, Ino... your Mind Body Switch Technique failed earlier. Are you hurt?"
"..."
Ino rolled her eyes so hard it hurt.
Now he asks?
"He was talking normally," Ino muttered, ignoring his belated concern. "That means he didn't even need to focus. He used his subconscious mental power to break my jutsu and imprison me in a custom-made mindscape."
"Are you worried he has secret techniques specifically countering the Yamanaka clan?" Shikamaru asked. "I think you're overthinking it. He might just be genuinely powerful. Remember what he reminded you about earlier? 'Can't you understand human language?'"
"How is that possible?" Ino bit her lip. "He's so young..."
"I heard Kakashi-sensei became a Jonin at twelve," Shikamaru shrugged. "Some people are just freaks."
"..."
Ino sighed.
Fine.
She was just weak.
"Whatever," Ino turned to leave. "Oh, right. A word of advice—you'd better cover that book's cover. It's a bit disgusting."
"Disgusting?"
Shikamaru looked down at the book.
The cover featured two muscular men in tight ninja gear, locked in a passionate embrace under the moonlight.
Huh.
The longer Shikamaru looked, the weirder it seemed.
"Wait a second."
Shikamaru stared at the cover.
Then he quickly flipped through the pages, scanning the text.
His eyes widened.
"Thank you so much, Ino!"
Shikamaru slapped his thigh, a grin spreading across his face.
Ino's casual remark had revealed the critical variable he'd overlooked.
Why did she find it disgusting? Because the key to repelling women wasn't just being boring... it was being unavailable in a very specific way!
By identifying the key elements of repulsion, he could unlock the path to an ordinary life!
And now, he had found it!
This book was a tactical manual for bachelorhood!
...
Half an hour later.
The arena had been scrubbed clean (thanks to the Hokage's Water Dragon). The audience returned, munching on snacks.
The second match began.
Temari vs. Nara Shikamaru.
Temari stood in the center of the arena, resting her massive iron fan on her shoulder.
She looked bored and dangerous.
"It still stinks here," she wrinkled her nose. "Your Konoha is disgusting."
She glared at Shikamaru as he lazily jumped down from the railing.
"Konoha ninja," she scoffed. "I suggest you forfeit. Don't make me beat you so badly you shit yourself like the last guy. I don't want to wait another thirty minutes for cleanup."
Sunagakure's goal was the invasion.
Kankuro was planning to forfeit later to hide his puppets. Temari felt she needed to win fast and loud to save face for Suna.
As soon as Shikamaru landed, he gasped inwardly.
'Another violent woman?'
This one seemed even fiercer than Ino. She had the same scary energy as his mother when he forgot to take out the trash.
'Thankfully, I prepared.'
"I'll forfeit," Shikamaru raised his hands in a placating gesture. "But I hope you can do me a small favor first."
He reached into his ninja tool pouch and pulled out a sealed envelope.
He walked over to her slowly.
"What is this?" Temari frowned, eyeing him suspiciously.
She took the letter.
'Is this a love confession? Or a surrender treaty?'
Seeing her accept the letter and start reading, Shikamaru breathed a sigh of relief.
His greatest fear was encountering a hothead like Naruto who would just punch him.
But Temari was clearly political since she cared about appearances.
She wouldn't tear it up without checking the contents.
Perfect! The strategy from page 42!
"..."
Temari opened the letter.
Her hands began to tremble slightly as she read the first line.
The letter was addressed to Gaara.
By giving it to her, Shikamaru clearly wanted her to pass it along to her brother.
But the contents...
At first, it praised Gaara as the "Prince of the Sand"—cold, powerful, and mysterious.
That part was weird, but acceptable.
But then it went off the rails.
"Your melancholic eyes hide a heartbreaking past that calls to me..."
"Your heart has a wall of sand, but my love will climb through the window and bloom like a cactus in the desert..."
"I want you to fill every hollow in my body with your sand... to feel your sorrow deep inside me..."
Temari felt nausea rising in her throat.
And finally, the closing line:
"I want to be more than friends with you. I want to build a special 'Hidden leaf Friendship' that transcends villages."
'Is THIS what Hidden Leaf friendship means?!'
A chill of horror ran down Temari's spine.
A bit perverted? This is depraved!
She glanced at Shikamaru. He was looking at her with an expectant, hopeful expression.
If the invasion fails, will Gaara end up being sold to perverts like this?!
This letter absolutely cannot be given to Gaara!
If he sees it, Shukaku might vomit and break the seal early out of sheer disgust.
Temari took a pen from her pocket.
She furiously scribbled a few lines on the back of the envelope.
She stuffed the letter back in, snorted coldly, and threw it back at Shikamaru.
SMACK.
It hit him in the chest.
"Huh?" Shikamaru caught the letter and froze.
'What's going on?'
This wasn't part of the plan. Why is there a reply? Did he use the wrong excerpts? Was the "Forbidden Love" chapter too strong?
With a worried look, Shikamaru slowly pulled the letter out of the envelope.
The first line of her scribbles read: "It seems you really need to be loved by my Ga—"
Shikamaru's heart stopped.
'No way? Did it fail? Did she approve?!'
Summoning his courage, he pulled the letter out fully to read the rest.
"It seems you really need my Gaara to use Sand Funeral to kill your horse." (A polite way of saying "Go die in a hole").
"Drop dead, you Hidden Leaf pervert!"
Temari screamed, her face flushed with secondhand embarrassment.
She swung her giant fan.
"Wind Style: Great Sickle Weasel!"
WHOOSH.
A fierce gust of wind slammed into Shikamaru.
With a relaxed and happy expression, Shikamaru was blown into the air.
He soared gracefully out of the arena bounds, landing on the grass with a soft thud.
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Yes the fight of Shikamaru and temari happen early, dont ask, this is a fanfic.