"Kazekage," Sarutobi Hiruzen said, sweatdropping. "That's going too far..."
"Too far?" The "Kazekage" scoffed, his voice dripping with venom.
"The mighty Nine-Tails Jinchuriki just won a Chunin Exam match by throwing a bag of shit at his opponent. Hokage, are you planning to revolutionize warfare? Replacing Tailed Beast Bombs with 'Shit Balls'?"
"It's certainly... cost-effective," he added, mocking.
Orochimaru launched the Leaf Destruction Plan for three reasons:
1. He hated his old teacher.
2. He wanted Sasuke.
3. He hated his old teacher.
But there was also a philosophical reason.
Orochimaru loved change.
He wanted to be the wind that turned the windmill.
Or, in this case, the storm that flushed the toilet.
"The Nine-Tails?!" Hiruzen's eyes sharpened.
He dropped the awkward act. "I never expected Your Excellency Kazekage would even know about that."
He had been relieved that Sunagakure wasn't part of the Iwa-Kiri alliance.
But now? The Kazekage knew classified secrets.
"Please," the Kazekage rolled his eyes. "Even the drunkest villager in your precious Konoha calls him 'Demon Fox' in the streets. Is this really difficult information to obtain? Your operational security is a joke."
"Haha... right," Hiruzen laughed nervously, scratching his head.
He realized the Kazekage was right.
If you looked at it objectively, Konoha was weird.
They bullied the White Fang until he killed himself.
They bullied the Uchiha until they plotted a coup.
They bullied the Hyuga heiress.
They bullied the Jinchuriki.
The villagers bullied everyone equally!
It was a truly a society full of assholes.
Even the Uchiha Police Force—law enforcement—was hated. In a normal society, only criminals hate the police.
But in Konoha? Everyone hated them.
'Maybe I really am a terrible leader,' Hiruzen thought, depressed.
"Mizukage-sama," Hiruzen changed the subject, turning to Mei Terumi. "Could you help... clean ulp the arena? My Water Style isn't what it used to be."
"Don't even think about it," Mei snapped.
She covered her nose with a delicate hand, her face full of disgust.
"You want me to use my chakra to wash away... that?"
"What do you think I am? A bidet?"
"Sandaime Hokage-sama," Kurotsuchi chimed in, leaning back in her chair. "My grandfather told me that as the 'Professor', you mastered all five nature transformations. You shouldn't need to beg for help to clean a floor, right?"
Hiruzen sighed.
'Kids these days. 0 respect for their elders!'
"My apologies," Hiruzen smiled stiffly. "I'm getting old. My memory is slipping. I only remembered that I am the Hokage and she is the Mizukage."
He stood up, took off his Kage hat, and placed it on his seat.
He walked to the railing.
"Everyone withdraw!" he announced to the proctors below. "The match will have a thirty-minute intermission for... sanitation."
After the arena cleared, Hiruzen formed hand signs with lightning speed.
"Water Style: Water Dragon Bullet!"
A massive dragon made of pure water erupted from thin air. It crashed into the arena, scrubbing the floor with industrial force.
The "filth" was washed away into the drains.
...
The crowd filed out to get snacks.
Makoto stood up.
He planned to go to the street to buy some drinks. He hadn't bought any earlier because he suspected Naruto's match would ruin his appetite.
He was right.
Just as he reached the exit, a lazy voice called out to him.
"Friend from Amegakure. Please wait a moment."
Makoto turned around.
It was a boy with a pineapple hairstyle and a look of perpetual boredom.
Nara Shikamaru.
"Hmm? What is it?" Makoto asked. "Is something the matter?"
He didn't recall interacting with Shikamaru before.
"A friend asked me to inquire about some matters with you," Shikamaru scratched his head, looking like he'd rather be napping. "Could you spare some time to chat privately over there?"
He pointed toward the empty spectator stands.
"Alright," Makoto nodded.
He turned to Konan. "Get me two bottles of ice water. And a few bags of potato chips. The seaweed flavor."
"Mm," Konan adjusted her hat and left.
"Potato chips?"
Suddenly, a chubby boy emerged from behind Shikamaru.
His eyes sparkled. "Shikamaru! Someone who likes potato chips can't possibly be a bad person!"
"..."
Shikamaru face-palmed. "Choji, shut up."
Before Choji could leak any more tactical intel (or ask for chips), Ino Yamanaka grabbed him by the ear and dragged him away.
Makoto and Shikamaru walked to the empty seats and sat down.
"The one who asked me for help was Hyuga Hinata," Shikamaru said, cutting straight to the chase.
He looked at Makoto with sharp, analytical eyes. "You probably know the reason too, right?"
The backstory:
Last night, after Hanabi returned home, she told Hinata: "Sister, Father says if you lose tomorrow, he's sending me to Amegakure as a hostage. So you have to win!"
But then she added: "Actually, I really want to go! I want to see the world! So don't worry about me. Just do your best!"
It was reverse psychology to relieve Hinata's guilt.
Hinata, being Hinata, panicked. She didn't want her little sister sent to a "Rainy Hellhole." She suspected Hanabi was being deceived.
So she asked Shikamaru, the smartest guy she knew, to investigate the "Amegakure Envoy."
"Oh, Hinata?" Makoto nodded, unbothered. "It's about her younger sister Hanabi, right?"
"The Hyuga clan's Byakugan has its own secret training methods," Shikamaru said, his voice tense.
"There's no reason to send a Main House heiress to study in Amegakure. It doesn't add up."
"What exactly are your intentions?" Shikamaru stared nervously at Makoto.
His brain was running 200 simulations a second.
"I can answer you," Makoto said calmly.
"But first... could you ask the little girl hiding behind the seat to lower her hands? She might hurt herself straining like that."
"..."
Shikamaru froze.
Makoto didn't even turn around.
Behind the row of seats, Ino Yamanaka was crouching, sweating bullets. She had her hands formed in the Mind Body Switch seal, aiming directly at Makoto's back.
It was the classic Ino-Shika-Cho formation.
Shikamaru talks, Ino snipes, Choji tanks.
But Makoto had dismantled it with a sentence.
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