"Oh?!"
Kakashi looked down at the book cover, his single visible eye instantly sharpening from a dead fish gaze to a laser-focused stare.
"Finished... huh...hehehe... mmm... not bad. The production value is high."
The cover art was... something else.
It featured a curvaceous, dark-skinned "onee-san" type with massive boobs, standing back-to-back with an adorable, petite white-haired loli.
"Hehehe..."
The closet pervert let out an eerie, muffled chuckle.
He quickly shoved the book into his ninja tool pouch, right next to his kunai and shuriken, saving it for a private reading session later.
As for the ghostwriting payment, Kakashi slipped the envelope to Makoto when they had a moment alone before the team departed back to Konoha.
"Oh, right," Kakashi asked casually, adjusting his headband. "Those Snow Ninja who's suddenly dead... and Doto. Did you deal with them?"
He remembered the bizarre way they died. Limbs snapping off, tongues falling out. It was too clean. Too spooky.
"Oh, that?" Makoto waved his hand dismissively. "That's just our organization member's secret technique: Death Controlling Blood Possession."
"The effect is pretty simple. You get a drop of the target's blood, ingest it, stand in a special symbol, and boom—you're become a voodoo doll. Any damage you take, they take. Since our guy is immortal, he just stabs himself in the heart, and the enemy drops dead. It's a great technique ngl."
Kakashi stared at him.
"..."
"I... I was just asking casually," Kakashi's mouth twitched under his mask.
Usually, when you ask a ninja about their secret techniques, they tell you to get lost.
Or they lie.
But Makoto? This guy just give him all the detail!
'Great,' Kakashi thought, his mood plummeting. 'This is troublesome.'
His joy from obtaining the new "adult masterpiece" vanished instantly. Now he possessed S-rank intelligence on a rogue organization's capabilities.
'I have to write a report about this when I get back. The Hokage is going to ask so many questions, Dammit.'
...
Several months passed in the blink of an eye.
The "Council for Mutual Economic Assistance"—the trade bloc formed by the Land of Snow, Earth, Water, Waves, and Rain—was booming.
The Akatsuki's tax system was running smoothly, filling the war chest.
As for the Raikage, A? He actually listened.
After returning to Kumogakure, he stormed into the Daimyo's palace, slammed his fist on the table, and seized considerable executive power.
He began developing the Land of Lightning with military efficiency.
However, unlike the Council countries that had Makoto's cheat-sheet plans, the Raikage was flying blind.
Initially, he focused solely on grabbing power.
He forgot the "delegation" part.
He worked himself to the bone. If he weren't a biological tank with insane stamina, he might have literally died from overwork.
Fortunately, after his spies stole some management tips from the Land of Earth, the Raikage realized he could just dump the boring paperwork on his subordinates.
Only then did A get a chance to breathe.
...
One afternoon, the Raikage was walking through the streets of Kumogakure in civilian clothes.
He needed fresh air.
"Did you hear?"
"Yeah, about Raikage-sama and Bee..."
"It's tragic..."
His ears perked up. Villagers were whispering in an alleyway.
The Raikage tensed.
In recent days, his political purge had ruffled feathers. He had faced several assassination attempts by idiot traditionalists.
He wasn't afraid of fighting, but he feared betrayal. Were his people plotting against him? Were they targeting Bee?
He stealthily moved closer to eavesdrop, hiding his massive frame behind a vending machine.
"I can't believe Kirabee died like that..."
"And Ai... he suffered so much."
"That book is crazy."
"..."
The Raikage froze.
Turns out, they were discussing a novel not a coup.
He felt a mix of relief and crushing disappointment.
'I wasted a Body Flicker for this?'
But then he frowned. 'Why are my brother's name and my name in a book?'
Curiosity got the better of him.
He used a Transformation Technique to turn into a villager, walked into a bookstore, and bought a copy.
He looked at the cover.
Author: Hatake Kakashi.
"Hmph. Fucking tree hugger..." The Raikage snorted, his mustache twitching with disdain.
"Its probably a propaganda trash."
...
Half a day later.
In the Raikage's office.
A sat at his desk, the book open in his hands. His face was as dark as the bottom of a well.
He slammed the book shut.
"GUARD!"
A Kumo ninja shunshined into the room. "Sir!"
"Tell Killer Bee he can leave Mount Kumogakure," A grunted, staring at the wall. "He is permitted to move freely around the village outskirts."
"Sir?" The guard blinked, stunned.
Since the Third Raikage died holding off 10,000 enemies, A had kept Bee locked down tight.
He protected his brother with suffocating strictness.
Why the sudden change?
"Just do it!"
"Yes, sir!"
After the guard left, the Raikage glanced at the trashy novel on his desk.
His eyes were filled with disgust, yet... he didn't burn it.
The novel had shaken him.
First, the story featured characters clearly based on him and Bee.
And in the "ending," the Bee-character died.
It was a tragic, lonely death.
This explained the rumors, the villagers thought Bee was dead because he had been locked away for over a decade.
The book just fueled their paranoia.
But the main reason was a specific scene.
In the book, the protagonist feels an emptiness that power cannot fill.
It reminded A of what Minato Namikaze—the Yellow Flash—had told him years ago on the battlefield.
"You need to find something to fill the void in your brother's heart. Or he won't be a perfect Jinchuriki."
"Damn you, Hatake Kakashi," A muttered, shoving the book into a drawer. "You write utter shit, but you make a point."
...
Hidden Leaf Village.
Team 7 was gathered at the training ground.
"Congratulations," Kakashi eye-smiled. "I've registered you three for the Chunin Exams. Here's the schedule. Don't die okay."
He poofed away before they could ask questions.
Walking home, Kakashi pulled out the book.
The book.
Today, he finally finished it.
Usually, Kakashi could read a single volume of Icha Icha for months, savoring every word.
But this... this thing Makoto wrote? It took him months to finish for a different reason.
He had to put it down every ten pages to bleach his brain.
It took intense mental fortitude to turn the page. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion—horrifying, yet captivating.
The novel was titled: "Vigorous Paradise." (A shameless rip-off of his own favorite series).
The setting: A fantasy world with Five Great Guild instead of Villages.
The protagonist: Ai. (Obviously the Raikage).
The backstory:
In his youth, Ai was a powerful man.
But while rescuing a female ninja from his guild, he suffered a "critical injury" on his dick.
He lost his ability to reproduce.
He lost his manhood.
The female ninja was filled with guilt.
To repay him, as she lay dying from her own wounds, she begged the medical ninja to perform a forbidden transplant.
She donated her "Vagina" to Ai.
Weeping, Ai accepted the transplant.
He vowed to live on for both of them.
...
After obtaining a "Vagina," Ai underwent a transformation.
The union of Yin and Yang caused his power to surge.
He... she... became the leader of the Kumo Azure Guild.
Ai transformed into a 6-foot-something, dark-skinned, muscle-bound Amazonian beauty with a chest so huge that defied physics.
She was aloof, cold, and utterly dominant.
The "Ethereal Fairy" of the Lightning guild.
(This was the woman on the cover. The Raikage..... As a waifu.)
Then came the Guild War.
Ai 's father was killed by the leader of the neighboring Rock Night Guild.
The leader's name? Okenoki. (Onoki).
Okenoki was described as a petite, white-haired loli with a bad back and a terrible temper.
She flew around and threw rocks at people.
(This was the loli on the cover. The Tsuchikage.... As a loli.)
The plot devolved into a tangled web of love, hate, and politics.
At one point, Ai led her "junior sister" Kirabee (Killer Bee) into battle against the Leaf Raid Guild.
There, they met a handsome blond man with a gentle smile (Minato).
The blond man defeated them, but instead of killing Ai, he pinned her to the ground.
He looked deep into her eyes and whispered.
"You are the most beautiful girl from the Land of Lightning I have ever seen."
He then slapped her ass and told her to take better care of her little sister, Kirabee.
Kakashi shuddered as he read the finale.
The preview for the next volume hinted that Ai (Fem-Raikage) would let go of her hatred and team up with Okenoki (Loli-Onoki) to fight the ancient witch Radama (Madara), who had been resurrected by the resentment of the world.
"Makoto..." Kakashi whispered to the empty street, closing the book with a heavy sigh.
"You are a sick, sick genius."
He felt a lingering fascination.
The combat descriptions were weirdly detailed.
For example, Ai and Kirabi practiced a forbidden dual-cultivation technique called: "Thunder Fox Pressure Crush."
How it was executed:
First, both women would form "V" signs with their arms. Then, they would charge at the enemy from opposite sides.
The enemy's head would be crushed... between their huge boobs.
"Thunder Fox Pressure Crush," Kakashi muttered, visualizing the Fourth Raikage and Killer Bee doing this.
He stopped walking.
"I need a fucking drink."
(Arent we all).
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