"No, Sandaime-sama, believe me! That's really what he said!"
Kakashi waved his hands, looking genuinely distressed.
"What does this have to do with Icha Icha Paradise? Besides, there aren't even any scenes like that in the books!"
"That's true," Hiruzen stroked his beard thoughtfully, nodding. "Jiraiya's novels are strictly about men and women. So... it really wasn't something you made up?"
"Uh, so you've read them too, Sandaime-sama?"
Kakashi's eye twitched beneath his mask.
The fact that the Hokage knew the specific content of Jiraiya's smut book was concerning.
"Don't focus on meaningless details, Kakashi," Hiruzen coughed, waving his hand dismissively.
"Since you insist, it's possible that the traitor Orochimaru has achieved some bizarre research result. In any case, this method won't harm Naruto. Drinking milk is... harmless. Trying it won't cost us anything."
Hiruzen leaned forward, his face serious. "Kakashi, I'll leave this matter to you. But remember, monitor it closely. If any abnormalities occur—if Sasuke starts growing gills or spitting snakes—stop immediately."
"Ah? Me? Alright then."
Kakashi accepted the mission reluctantly.
He thought reporting this to the Hokage would pass the headache to someone else. Instead, he just got assigned as the official supervisor of the "Milk Protocol."
...
Evening, Yakiniku Q.
After the four of them enjoyed a satisfying barbecue meal, Kakashi stopped Sasuke before they went their separate ways.
He handed the boy a thermos and a crumpled piece of paper.
"This is a recipe I... found," Kakashi said, looking away. "Quince and lotus root powder. It thickens fluids. The thermos contains a batch I tried making."
"Sasuke," Kakashi placed a hand on his student's shoulder, his expression painfully awkward. "If you really want to use that method... you can drink one cup of this daily. It has a similar... texture. Once you get used to swallowing something viscous, the real thing might be psychologically easier to handle."
He really wanted to say: Maybe we should just stick a needle in Naruto instead.
But Sasuke had no such concerns!
"Thanks, Kakashi," Sasuke took the items with a solemn nod and headed home, his face filled with determination.
Kakashi watched him go, then sighed deeply.
He wasn't sure whether to believe Makoto's lore or Hiruzen's analysis.
But improving strength was never wrong.
'First, I need to test my own eyes,' Kakashi thought, touching his left eye. 'Tomorrow morning... to the septic tanks.'
...
Kirigakure.
After the rebellion succeeded, Yagura regained consciousness.
Upon realizing he had been puppeteered for years and had ruined his beloved village, he resigned immediately.
He moved to a remote seaside cottage to recuperate, though everyone knew his body—ravaged by years of Tailed Beast strain and mental trauma—wouldn't last much longer.
Meanwhile, Mei Terumi wasted no time.
Following Makoto's advice, she approached the Elder Genshi directly, stating her intent to become the Fifth Mizukage and reform the village.
Genshi was surprised. He knew Mei. She was outwardly extroverted but inwardly passive, usually hesitating when it came to big decisions.
This proactive attitude was new.
Genshi didn't refuse. In fact, he happily agreed.
He had been grooming her for the role anyway; this just sped up the timeline by a few years.
"I'm too old for this," Genshi chuckled, promising to notify the Daimyo the next day.
Returning home, Mei collapsed onto her bed.
It had been a long day.
She pulled the cassette tape out of her pocket. Curiosity gnawed at her. She wanted to hear more about the future—maybe pick up some more political intel.
She pressed the play button.
Hearing her future self slur about being an "old unmarried woman" again, Mei winced.
"Hmm?"
She grabbed a notepad and started transcribing the audio. Putting it into text might reveal hidden clues.
She listened until the part where she thought it ended.
She reached out to stop the tape, but then realized there was still more magnetic strip left.
'There's more?'
Why hadn't Makoto let her listen to the end?
Curious, Mei let the tape roll.
"...Didn't I just tell you about this? Back then, Madara performed the Infinite Tsukuyomi... hic... everyone entered a beautiful dream... dreaming of what they desired most..."
Mei leaned in.
This was vital intel on the enemy's ultimate technique!
"I dreamed I got married..."
"And the groom... hic... looked exactly like you..."
Click.
Mei slammed the stop button.
Her face flushed bright red.
Goosebumps rose on her arms.
'What the hell is this?!'
'Did her future self actually dream of marrying Makoto? Or was she just drunkenly flirting with him in that bar?'
'Or maybe...'
The phrase "didn't I just tell you" implied she had already confessed this to him before the recording started.
Mei buried her face in her pillow, kicking her legs in frustration.
No wonder Makoto recorded it as "evidence."
If she woke up sober and accused him of taking advantage of her, he'd just play this tape and destroy her dignity.
'Am I really that desperate in the future?!'
After five minutes of screaming into her pillow, Mei calmed down.
She had to know the rest so she pressed play again.
What came next was even worse.
Makoto's voice asked, "So... did you have a baby shower in your dream?"
Her future self laughed drunkenly. "Don't be stupid! People can't imagine things they've never seen! I don't know what a baby looks like!"
"The best part of the dream... hic... was finding out all the other kunoichi were single too!"
"I laughed at Tsunade for being an old hag! Hah! And Kurotsuchi, Samui, Temari... they were all jealous of my wedding!"
Mei Terumi: "..."
What she thought would be a romantic tragedy turned out to be a petty power-fantasy about winning a bridal competition against other single women.
"This Infinite Tsukuyomi... actually sounds pretty damn good," Mei muttered, a small chuckle escaping her lips.
Of course, she was joking.
A dream is just a dream.
She ejected the tape and placed it carefully in her drawer.
She turned off the light.
'Starting tomorrow, forget about men. Forget about marriage. Devote your heart to the village!'
...
Amegakure.
Makoto had returned.
The core members—Konan, Sasori, Zetsu, and Makoto—gathered for a meeting.
Deidara had gone rogue and gotten himself trapped in Iwagakure.
Sasori hadn't known at first, but despite his "I have no human heart" shtick, he had come to see if they could rescue his bratty partner.
Zetsu reported their success.
They had collected "biological material" (blood/hair) from their targets in all major villages.
Even the Tsuchikage, Onoki, had been sampled.
"If we want to rescue Deidara," Makoto said, "we can use the samples. This is a chance to let Hidan shine."
"To achieve the 'Hidan Deterrence,' we need a public demonstration," Black Zetsu rasped. "People need to know what his ability does to fear it."
"Is it really a good idea to expose ourselves so proactively?" White Zetsu asked.
"Black Zetsu is right," Makoto nodded. "Do you know why a person's feet are whiter than their face and hands? Because they're always hidden."
"Then why is the dick in your pants so dark?" White Zetsu retorted instantly.
"!!!"
Hidan, who had just walked through the door, froze.
"What the hell are you guys talking about?! There's a girl here!" Hidan shrieked, pointing at Konan.
"Pfft. A girl."
Konan's face remained cold, but she glared at Makoto. "Strategist. Care to explain your thoughts on the word 'girl'?"
Makoto couldn't help but laugh. "Nothing. I was just thinking... compared to young girls, I prefer older woman."
He regained his composure quickly.
Meanwhile, the plant-men were still arguing.
White Zetsu explained Makoto's metaphor ("feet are white because they are hidden") to Hidan and asked for his opinion.
Hidan stroked his chin thoughtfully. "That actually makes sense. Feet are usually paler."
"Right?" White Zetsu said smugly. "But then, if hiding makes you white, why is Black Zetsu so dark? He hides all the time!"
"Because he's a stepdad!" Hidan answered without missing a beat.
Black Zetsu, felt his pitch-black face somehow get darker.
'It was one thing for Hidan to be an idiot. But being roasted by White Zetsu? That was a low blow.'
And what happened to "watching our language in front of the girl"?