"When were you going to tell us?" he shouts, his voice cracking. "After the funeral? When you fuckin died?. Was that the plan?"
I flinch and shrink back instinctively, my shoulders curling inward.
"I didn't want to hurt you guys," I whisper. "I didn't want you to look at me differently. I didn't want every conversation to turn into pity or fear."
"Jesus Christ," Caleb mutters. "She's been carrying all this alone."
Lucas grabs a fistful of his hair, pacing harder now, breathing hard. "You don't get to protect us from this, we protrct you rather El that's my duty as your older brother as family."he says hoarsely. "You don't get to decide that we're better off not knowing."
"I know," I say quickly. "I know that now. But at the time it felt like… like if I said it out loud, it would become real. Like once you all knew, there would be no going back. I was scared but I know I should not have, I should have let you guys help me ."
My voice breaks, tears blurring everything.
