Chapter 22: The Kitchen Nightmares & The Empress's Overtime
The sound of the poisoned soup sizzling on Ye Fan's head was quickly drowned out by the sound of a dozen doors being kicked open simultaneously.
"GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU CULINARY FILTH!"
Hu Ruyan led the charge, her nine tails flared out like a massive, fluffy shield. She was followed by Ye Ziyun, who had her sword drawn, and the rest of the harem who had been "coincidentally" eavesdropping nearby.
"Yanluo! Are you hurt?!" Ziyun cried, jumping in front of him even though the Chef was already tied up in golden chains and sobbing. "I'll freeze his soul into ice cubes for your next drink!"
"I'll turn his kitchen into a litter box!" Ruyan hissed, baring her fangs at the Chef.
Yanluo, who was perfectly fine, caught both girls by the waist, pulling them back. "Ladies, ladies, settle down. I'm quite safe. Though..." he smirked, leaning into Ziyun's ear, "if you're so worried, you'll have to check me for 'internal injuries' very thoroughly later tonight."
Ziyun's heroic face turned bright red, her sword nearly slipping from her hand. "I... I will perform a full inspection!"
The Interrogation (Gordon Ramsay Style)
Yanluo turned his attention back to the "Immortal Chef." The Regent Yao Qingxue was standing over the Chef, her foot resting on his chest, her expression one of pure, regal disgust.
"So," Yanluo said, picking up the rusted ladle that housed the Alchemist Empress. "Ye Fan. 'The Immortal Chef.' You tried to poison a Prince because of 'justice' and 'freedom'? Or was it because you were jealous that your fiancée likes my bed better than your cooking?"
"You... you demon!" Ye Fan spat, though it was mostly soup. "Ye Ziyun belongs with me! We were meant to be the Golden Couple of the Gourmet World!"
"The Gourmet World?" Yanluo burst out laughing. "Ling, check this guy's delusional levels."
[System: Error. Scale broken. Subject believes he is the 'Protagonist' because he can make a really good stir-fry.]
"Listen, Gordon Ramsay," Yanluo leaned down, his red eyes glowing. "You have a God-Level Cooking System. You could have opened a restaurant. You could have fed the poor. But you chose to poison me. That's bad for business."
Yanluo looked at the ladle. "And you, Alchemist Empress. Are you really going to stay with a guy who uses your soul-fire to sauté onions? I offer a better benefits package: dental, vision, and a much higher 'Dual Cultivation' frequency."
Inside the ladle, the Alchemist Empress didn't even hesitate. A spectral hand reached out and grabbed Yanluo's finger. "Master... please... his seasoning was always too salty anyway. Take me with you!"
[System: Ding! Target 'Alchemist Empress' has defected! Ye Fan's 'Protagonist Aura' has plummeted to 0!]
"No! Empress! Come back!" Ye Fan screamed as the light left his ladle.
"Take him to the bottom deck," Yanluo commanded the Palace Guards. "He wants to be a chef? He can peel ten tons of spiritual potatoes by hand. Every day. For the next hundred years."
🌙 The Maid-Empress's Reward (The "Promise")
Hours later, the ship was quiet. The Chef was in the dungeon, and the harem had been settled into their respective rooms after much pouting and promises of "inspections."
Yanluo entered his private spiritual chamber. Waiting there was Maid-Empress Yaoyin, standing in the center of the room with her arms crossed, her lace apron fluttering in the spiritual breeze.
"You're late," she huffed, her silver hair glowing. "I handled the pest. Now... where is the 'Promise'?"
Yanluo closed the door behind him, a slow, predatory smile spreading across his face. "I always pay my debts, Yaoyin."
He walked forward, closing the distance until she was backed against the edge of the large, silken bed. He didn't use a 'Command.' He didn't use 'Admin' power. He simply reached out and unhooked the lace ribbon from her hair, letting the silver waves fall over her shoulders.
"You... you don't have to look at me like that," Yaoyin whispered, her breath hitching as he leaned in. "I'm just a spirit... I shouldn't... Mmph!"
Yanluo captured her lips in a deep, soul-shaking kiss. Because she was a spirit-body, the sensation was twice as intense, a literal fusion of their energies.
"Is this part of the promise?" she gasped when he pulled back, her eyes dazed.
"This is just the 'Down Payment,'" Yanluo murmured, his hands finding the ties of her apron. "I promised you 'kisses and hugs,' didn't I? But I think an Empress deserves a bit more... personal attention."
"You... you're so shameless..." she whispered, her arms finally wrapping around his neck as she pulled him down onto the silk. "But... don't stop. If you stop, I'll haunt you for eternity."
[System Notification: "Ling"]
[Observation: Soul-Synchronization at 85%... 90%... 95%...]
[Warning: Master, at this rate, you won't just 'tame' her, you might actually 'reincarnate' her via sheer libido.]
'Shut up, Ling. I'm working here,' Yanluo thought, as the room filled with the soft, celestial glow of an Empress finally finding her "Master."
[Author's Note: The Chef is peeling potatoes! The Alchemist Empress is in the Harem! And the Maid-Empress is... well, she's busy. But the Blood Realm is approaching!]
Next Chapter: "The Demon Queen's Gate & The Harem's Jealousy Peak!"
Hints Should the Demon Queen Lilith be waiting at the dock with a 'Test of Strength' that involves Yanluo having to survive her
'Charm Aura' while his harem watches