Chapter 13: How to Tame an Empress (For Dummies)
In the physical world, the villa was a scene of beautiful chaos.
Empress Feng Yaoyin's spectral form had lunged into Xu Yanluo's forehead, her voice echoing with a chilling, predatory hunger. "This body... this physique! It belongs to me now! I will swallow your soul and dual-cultivate with your women to regain my flesh! You are too small for this game, little prince!"
Yanluo didn't panic. He actually yawned.
"Ladies," Yanluo said aloud, his voice slightly dazed as his consciousness began to drift. "I have a little 'pest control' to do in my spiritual palace. Can someone hold me?"
The harem instantly rioted.
"Me! My lap is the most spiritual!" Hu Ruyan yelled, tails flailing.
"I am the Regent, I shall provide the foundation!" Yao Qingxue countered.
But Yanluo, being the ultimate villainous strategist, leaned forward and collapsed directly into the arms of the newest addition: the Sword God's former fiancée, Ye Ziyun.
"Ziyun... please... take care of me," he whispered in a voice so cute, so vulnerable, and so utterly 'shameless' that it shattered her final layer of ice.
Ziyun's face turned scarlet, but her maternal and protective instincts went into overdrive. She pulled his head against her chest, hugging him tightly as if the world were ending. "I've got you! I won't let anything hurt you!"
The rest of the harem immediately went on a 'Pout Strike,' crossing their arms and huffing in unison.
The Spiritual Palace: Maid Edition
Inside Yanluo's mind, things were much less cuddly.
Empress Yaoyin was flying through the golden halls of his consciousness, laughing maniacally. "Now, boy! Prepare to—wait, what is this? Why can't I touch anything?!"
She slammed into an invisible blue wall.
[System Notification: "Ling"]
[Security Protocol: 'Thirst Trap' Activated.]
[Unauthorized Spirit 'Yaoyin' detected. Access to MC's Core: DENIED.]
Yanluo walked out from the shadows of his own mind, hands in his pockets. "So, you wanted to play this game cruelly, Your Majesty? You wanted to take over my body and my harem?"
"You can't do anything to me!" Yaoyin hissed, her spectral aura flared. "I am an Empress of the Ancient Stars! I am a spiritual entity! You have no power here!"
Yanluo snapped his fingers. "System. Change her outfit. She's too loud for an Empress."
FLASH.
Yaoyin's majestic, starlight robes vanished. In their place appeared a frilly black-and-white maid costume, complete with a lace headband and a tiny apron.
"W-What is this?!" she shrieked, looking at her exposed legs and the ridiculous ruffles. "What have you done to my dignity?!"
"System. Handcuff her. It's time for some 'Spiritual Education.'"
[Command Accepted: Universal Soul-Bindings Applied.]
"You know," Yanluo said, walking toward the trembling, maid-dressed Empress. "I've always wondered how an Ancient Empress would feel during dual-cultivation. Let's find out, shall we?"
Three Hours Later (Spiritual Time)
The "session" ended.
The Spiritual Palace was quiet, save for the heavy breathing of a very broken Empress. Yaoyin was slumped against a mental pillar, her maid outfit a complete wreck—frills torn, hair messy, and her spectral skin covered in glowing "bite marks" from Yanluo's aggressive chaos-energy.
"You... you bastard..." she wheezed, her face a mask of absolute humiliation and exhausted bliss. "You... you're a monster... I hate you... I hate you so much..."
Yanluo was chilling nearby, adjusting his cuffs. "You say you hate me, but your soul's affection meter just jumped by 40 points. Funny how that works."
[System Notification: "Ling"]
[Observation: Ancient Empresses are quite high-quality, Master. Their soul-texture is... premium.]
'She was really nice, Ling,' Yanluo thought, looking at the sobbing maid-Empress. 'A bit loud at the start, but nice.'
[Ling: Affirmative. Would you like this System to find you more? There are several 'Chosen Heroes' in the nearby sectors currently carrying female spirits in rings, necklaces, and old swords.]
'Definitely,' Yanluo sighed. 'It's really unfair, you know? Why do all the Chosen Heroes get a hot Empress Spirit while the villains have to do everything themselves? I'm just balancing the scales.'
The Return
Yanluo's eyes snapped open in the physical world. He was still buried in Ye Ziyun's chest. He let out a long, satisfied purr and snuggled deeper.
"He's awake!" Ziyun cried out, her voice full of relief.
Yanluo looked up at her, then at his pouting harem. He reached into his soul and felt the Empress Spirit—now his permanent "Maid-Slave"—shivering in a corner of his mind.
"Everything is fine," Yanluo smirked. "I just finished some... very intense negotiations."
Behind the clouds, a new portal began to open. The "True" Upper Realm was calling.