Chapter 23: The Paper Trail of Regret
The notebook felt heavy, not because of its physical weight, but because of the gravity of the words written inside. I sat on my floor, the cold tiles seeping through my leggings, and read until my eyes burned.
It wasn't just one entry. It was hundreds.
August 22nd: Saw a girl today with her laugh. For a second, I forgot I'd ruined everything. Then I remembered, and the coffee tasted like ash.
November 3rd: Promoted today. More money. More zeros in the bank account to remind me of the price I put on her. I'd give it all back to un-say those words.
Each page was a strike against the version of Vihaan I had built in my head—the cold-hearted strategist who moved people like chess pieces. This man was fractured. But as I flipped toward the more recent entries, the ink seemed fresher, the handwriting more frantic.
The Uninvited Truth
A sharp, rhythmic knocking at the bedroom door startled me. I'd forgotten I wasn't alone. Priya, who had been crashing on my sofa since our New Year's Eve party, pushed the door open. She was still in her oversized pajamas, but her expression was stone-cold.
"You've been in here for two hours, Janvi. And Raj has been texting me since last night asking if you're okay," she said, her eyes landing on the weathered notebook in my lap. She walked over and snatched it.
"What is this?" She flipped a page, her jaw tightening. "Is this from him? Vihaan?"
"He sent it this morning," I whispered. "Priya, he's been writing about me for years. He's... he's miserable."
Priya slammed the notebook onto the mattress. "Of course he's miserable! Guilt is a bitch, Janvi, but it doesn't make him a saint. Are you seriously falling for this 'tortured soul' routine?"
"I'm not falling for anything!" I snapped. "But Raj is out there thinking we have a future, and Vihaan is... he's handing me his jugular."
"Raj is a good man," Priya said, her voice dropping. "He stayed out all night because he was too devastated to go home. He proposed to you last night, Janvi! He gave you a ring, and you gave him a 'minute of fresh air' and never came back. He's coming here now to get a real answer."
"I can't give him the answer he wants," I whispered, the weight of the ring in my drawer feeling like a lead weight. "I like him, Priya. He's stable. He's kind. But it's not... it's not this." I gestured to the notebook—to the chaos, the pain, and the history.
The Breaking Point
My phone stayed silent. Raj hadn't called me since our brief, strained conversation the night before. I knew I was hurting a man who didn't deserve it, but the ghost of Vihaan was pulling me toward a flame I wasn't ready to extinguish.
"I have to go," I said, grabbing my hoodie and car keys.
"Janvi, don't you dare," Priya warned. "If you go to him now, you're throwing away a good man for a guy who once treated you like a transaction."
"I can't breathe in here, Priya! I have to look him in the eye and ask him why he waited five years to be honest."
I didn't drive to the park. I drove to the one place I knew Vihaan would be—the private high-rise gym where he went to outrun his demons. I found him in the corner, punishing a heavy bag. Each strike was a sickening thud that vibrated through the floorboards.
He didn't see me until I was standing right in his orbit. He stopped mid-swing, the bag swaying between us.
"The notebook," I said, my voice trembling. "Why now, Vihaan? Why give me this when I'm finally trying to build a life without you? Raj proposed last night. He offered me a normal, happy life."
Vihaan stepped closer, his heat radiating off him in waves. He looked like he hadn't slept either. "And did you say yes?"
"I... I couldn't."
A flash of something—relief, or perhaps raw hunger—crossed his face. He closed the distance, his hands gripping my shoulders. "Because a 'normal' life is a lie for someone like you, Janvi. You don't want peace. You want to be known. And that man doesn't know you. He knows the version of you that's hiding."
"And you do?" I challenged, tears stinging my eyes. "The man who sold me for a bet?"
"I know the girl who watches the shadows," he roared, his grip tightening slightly. "I know the girl who feels everything too deeply. I've been in love with a memory for five years, and I'm standing in front of the real thing now. I won't let you settle for a friendship just because you're afraid of me."
The air between us was electric. Then, my phone finally buzzed. A text from Priya: Raj just got to the apartment. He saw the notebook, Janvi. He's not crying anymore. He's angry. He's coming to the gym.
Vihaan's eyes dropped to my pocket. "Let him come," he whispered, his face inches from mine. "Let him see exactly who you belong to."