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I knew I had a special room reserved for me in hell, but after tonight's stunt the devil might just have moved me to the VIP suite. The fuck was that, what had just happened between us? My logical mind was in shambles. My moral compass, despite not being the most adept at it, completely broken.
Sure, we were doing this with good reason and we weren't animals that didn't possess control.
Well, good reason. Hah. Yeah. Whatever.
Perhaps I needed a glass of water and a thorough session of self reflection and deliberation. To put it bluntly, I was experiencing a total cognitive meltdown and it'd have been a great time to go think this whole ordeal over properly and thoroughly; or simply call a taxi home and reflect on the steps that had led to that moment.
Truth was that there was nothing to reflect on. I knew very well, each step of the way, what would happen. The consequences. The absurdity of it all.
Then again, I opened Pandora's box with Mia's hand, so I wasn't exactly in the position to protest against another sibling's advances.
This was the kind of liminal, boundaryless relationship we all seemed to be comfortable having with each other as of late, it was depravity that the rational mind could barely comprehend or appreciate. A state beyond human logic or ethical consideration.
In layman's terms, we were all fucked up. Me. Mia. Su Ah certainly didn't fall far from the tree either.
Who was next?
I ran a hand down my face.
"... You were soaking wet and leaking all over my leg."
What in the nine levels of hell made me say that out loud?
Still, there was an unmistakable damp stain on my right thigh. And my sister's panties were likely just as bad or even worse than the front of my jeans.
"Ha—ah! No way!" Su Ah protested. Her face was flushed with a combination of humiliation and shame. "Y—you're making this stuff up to torment me, aren't you? S-shut it already!"
She was breathing heavily, the remnants of our make-out session—gone absolutely wild—still coating the outer edges of her lips, which looked a little bruised.
I watched her chest heave, as I breathed deeply myself, my tongue absently drawing over the trace amounts of my sister's flavour in my mouth, and I found it harder than expected to catch my breath.
I briefly looked towards that random guy taking a leisurely stroll along the street. He was long gone, yet his presence had thankfully shattered a portion of the madness that had clouded our higher thinking.
Thank god, really.
For a moment there, I had lost control. And, shit, losing control. Really? I've never been this easy before.
Still, the signs and reactions my body was sending me were the polar opposite of disgust.
In fact, this had felt like the most natural reaction the entirety of humanity had managed to come up with so far, so why did we keep up the pretense of disgust and morality when we didn't want to do so?
Ah yes, because there was a tiny little part of myself who still retained his sanity and understood the implications of my actions and of the boundaries being continuously and shamelessly crossed, even when I found myself pushing a sister up against a filthy alley and violating every moral fibre of our familial ties.
And yet that insane portion of myself was also the most honest of my true self. The one that was truly delighted at being so close with one of my beloved sisters. Or both of them, in this case.
I was inwardly glad there were no other sisters to speak of, or the last surviving bits of my self-restraint might crumble. I might fall completely to temptation and just keep diving further into the dark.
"So..." Su Ah rubbed at the bite mark on her throat, pulling the collar of her shirt higher to conceal it, almost embarrassed at my obvious stare. "Wh-what do we do now, Jae-il...?" She nervously glanced about, her hands twiddling.
What do we do now indeed, since this entire event was clearly fueled by curiosity and libido alone, and the initial motives behind it had already been accomplished.
"Nothing, Noona." I said, turning around. I didn't know what she was expecting, but my phone was buzzing, the sender clearly the other sister that was the decayed root of our current relationship's instability. "We should go back. I have a semi-final to win. You have a novel to write."
"R-right!"
She blurted out the affirmation as if to assure me—more like herself—of the supposed normalcy we were displaying. As though a couple minutes ago we hadn't been on the verge of debauchery in broad, public view of a nearby passerby.
"Let's go then, Noona."
Su Ah was flustered, her cheeks stained an uneven, attractive pink. She refused to look at me, hands tightly intertwined in a fidgeting, anxious motion.
"Noona."
"Yes."
She heaved a deep, slow breath. She had trouble standing and walking upright. Every step felt wobbly and uncertain. She took a few tentative steps before finally joining me side by side, but her cheeks remained red throughout the walk. Her eyes were unfocused; her thoughts were obviously anywhere but here.
On impulse, I placed my hand on the nape of her neck, pressing firmly, until the pressure got her attention. I allowed her a fleeting smile, something reassuring. Su Ah couldn't answer. She merely looked up at me once then down.
"..."
I couldn't let her go home alone, like this. Not that I'd have allowed her to go home alone on an everyday basis, but as distracted as she was currently, my nerves were going haywire with paranoia. She'd either walk straight into a pole or get swiped by some douche bag thirsty for some unsolicited action.
"Come on."
I put my hand on her back and urged her to follow. We made it through the streets, eyes straight ahead, acting normally. Which was insane, honestly, given the fact we both smelled of each other. But I had become kind of proficient in living a double life—professional football star by day, a guy who engages in inc******s relationships with both of his sisters by night.
Su Ah and I walked for a while, an awkward silence between us.
The streetlights cast long, distorted shadows, and for a minute I thought I saw Mia leaning against a pole near the end of the street, a look in her eyes that could've been mistaken for disappointment, or jealousy, or maybe it was just an ugly trick of the light.
When I blinked, she was gone.
I didn't tell Su Ah.
But seeing a hallucination of my other sister while my other sister's panties were still soaked because of me... this had to be a sign. Not that I gave a damn about any signs at this point. I didn't want to think about it.
We reached a small residential area, and the houses were spaced wide. Su Ah's steps quickened. Her hood was pulled up, as if trying to hide from the world.
I didn't press for a conversation. I simply followed behind her, my hands deep in my pockets, a silent guard.
She stopped at the front door of our house and fumbled with her keys for a moment before turning to me. Her face was half-hidden in the shadows, but I could see the faint glimmer of something in her eyes.
Gratitude? Guilt? Lust? Why should I even interpret such subtle, confusing expression correctly? It wasn't like I could read minds and hear a train of conscious thoughts spilling out of someone.
The point is, Su Ah had a complicated expression and I had the barest of hints at what it could be, so the entire encounter was even more surreal than I had imagined it could get, and that's saying a lot because a lot had happened this evening already.
"Take care, Noona. Rest well."
She nodded, once.
"You too, Jae-il. And..." She fidgeted a little. Then sighed. "Good luck with the match. I'll be silently cheering you on from home."
"Thank you, it means a lot."
She finally gave me something that resembled a smile. She waved, tiny, slender fingers barely poking out of the loose ends of her hoodie's sleeves. She turned, those very same fingers reaching for her keys.
Then—
The door swung wide open. Su Ah was still fumbling with the keys.
Oh.
Speak of the fucking devil.
Mia stood there, the smile she had been carefully preparing slowly fell down at the corners the moment her eyes landed on Su Ah.
"..."
"..."
"Su Ah?" Mia tilted her head, eventually. "What are you doing out this late, with Jae-il."
Su Ah lowered her gaze, gritting her teeth.
"Su Ah, I'm talking to—"
"Move."
"Hey! You, where are you..."
Su Ah kept her head low as she barged in ruthlessly, shouldering past a surprised Mia before quickly vanishing up the stairs.
Ah, of course, leave me to deal with the consequences of your actions. Thanks a bunch, Noona. Seriously.
"Oh."
Mia exhaled shakily. "Jae-il? What's going on?" She pinned those eyes on me. Well, one single eye, as the other was hidden behind a curtain of hair. "Why is Su Ah in such a crappy mood, and why were you with her this late?"
"She asked to go over something with me. Since I didn't want her to wander around the city alone, and since you were probably resting, I thought it was better for the two of us to go out. So there's nothing going on, nothing wrong."
"Oh really."
I blinked.
Mia, from the cross-armed posture she had adopted while leaning on the doorframe, was now inching closer, her eyes peering at me from below. Wide. Unblinking. Observing. Her nose twitched, inhaling. "Is that Tamburins Evening Glow I smell on you, little brother?"
"..."
"It's a woman's perfume, Jae-il."
"..."
"So what?" I frowned.
"Well, I didn't know you had such tastes. Quite the coincidence too." Mia smiled, like a crocodile would smile while luring in its prey in the water. "Su Ah wears that perfume."
Ah.