"Haku, I knew I could count on you."
Naruto's face lit up with genuine appreciation. Haku had just offered to introduce Zabuza as a potential friend, and the significance wasn't lost on Naruto at all.
This is it, Naruto thought with growing excitement. My method is working perfectly. My charisma has developed to the point where people actively want to introduce me to their friends!
The pattern was clear now. Choji had introduced Shikamaru. Iruka-sensei had introduced Mizuki-sensei. And now Haku was offering to introduce Zabuza.
This is the way, Naruto realized with absolute certainty. This is the correct path. A bright, shining road to achieving my dream!
"Haku, my dream is to make many, many friends." Naruto's voice carried profound sincerity. "I will never have too many friends. The fact that you want to introduce me to someone important to you makes me incredibly happy."
Under the hazy moonlight, Haku's delicate features softened into a smile. The silvery glow made him look almost ethereal, impossibly beautiful.
"I'm glad Naruto-kun is happy," Haku said warmly. "I truly believe Zabuza-sama would like to become your friend as well."
"Great! Then let's become friends right now, Haku!" Naruto rolled his shoulders, loosening up his muscles. "We can work up a proper appetite for digestion while we're at it."
"Huh?" Haku's smile faltered. Confusion crossed his face. "What do you mean by—"
Ten minutes later, Haku lay on the ground.
The hazy moonlight that had made his face look so lovely now illuminated something entirely different. His delicate features had vanished beneath spectacular swelling. Blue and purple bruises bloomed across both cheeks. His nose sat at a slightly wrong angle. One eye was nearly swollen shut.
He looked exactly like Kakashi had an hour earlier.
Haku stared up at Naruto with an expression of profound betrayal.
So this is how Naruto-kun makes friends?
Regret crashed over him in waves. For someone who took pride in his appearance, who'd always relied on his looks for infiltration and manipulation, having his face reduced to a purple balloon was devastating.
The resentment in his eyes could have curdled milk.
Meanwhile, Naruto looked absolutely delighted. Another friend! Another step closer to his dream! Small goals achieved daily would eventually lead to the whole world becoming his friends!
His smile was bright and genuine, like a cheerful boy-next-door. He reached down enthusiastically to help Haku up from the ground.
"Haku, we're friends now!"
"Mmph mph mmm..." Haku tried to respond.
"Huh?" Naruto tilted his head. "What did you say? Is that a dialect?"
Haku's cheeks had swollen so badly that speaking was nearly impossible. It felt like having the worst wisdom tooth inflammation imaginable. He looked at Naruto with renewed resentment and tried again: "Oh foo, Ming Ran Jun Dusi, fiss boo-ful foo baffin oil mmph?"
Even with his enhanced hearing, Naruto couldn't decipher it. "Haku, can you stop speaking in dialect? I really can't understand you."
Seeing Naruto's innocent, confused expression, Haku's resentment deepened. But with his face this swollen, Naruto couldn't even see the resentful look properly.
You beat me so badly I can't even speak properly, Haku thought helplessly. And you're asking me to stop using dialect?
After a moment of internal struggle, Haku decided it wasn't worth the effort to explain. He'd realized something important: Naruto was sharp and perceptive about most things, but when it came to his friendship methods, he had a complete blind spot. Like his brain was just... missing that particular piece of common sense.
"Mmph-uto-kun, I'm ff-eaving. Fee you fomorrow..." Haku waved his hand and turned to leave, his movements stiff.
"Oh, okay! See you tomorrow, Haku!" Naruto waved cheerfully, completely oblivious to any problem.
Haku walked along the moonlit path, each step measured. After getting some distance, he pulled a small jar of medicinal ointment from his pocket and began applying it to his face with careful fingers.
As he worked the cooling salve into his bruised skin, a thought occurred to him.
If Zabuza-sama knew this is how Naruto-kun makes friends, he'd absolutely refuse. Without question. He'd rather die than go through this voluntarily.
But Zabuza's lifelong obsession was overthrowing Yagura and reclaiming Kirigakure. With just the two of them, that goal was essentially impossible. They'd been running and hiding for years with no real progress.
But with Naruto-kun's strength...
He could crush Kirigakure single-handedly, Haku thought. We'd actually have a real chance.
For Zabuza's sake, for his dream, for their future together...
Haku made a decision.
I'll hide the truth about Naruto-kun's peculiar friendship method. I'll get Zabuza-sama to agree to become friends first. Once they're already friends, it won't matter.
This is for your own good, Zabuza-sama. Maybe someday you'll understand my sacrifice.
With his face still throbbing, Haku approached their newly built house. Candlelight flickered through the window. Zabuza was clearly still awake, studying diligently.
The sight made Haku's heart warm despite the pain. He's working so hard. I'm doing the right thing.
He pushed the door open gently.
The sound made Zabuza go instantly alert. Without turning his head, he rose to his feet and said in a low, dangerous voice, "Who's there?"
"It's just me." Haku stepped into the candlelight.
"Haku?" Zabuza relaxed, then did a double-take. "What the hell happened to your face?"
Haku removed his shoes and knelt on the floor across from Zabuza. "Zabuza-sama, wake up early tomorrow. You need to go become friends with Naruto-kun."
"What?" Zabuza's visible eye widened. "Will Naruto even want to be friends with me?"
"Of course! Do you know what Naruto-kun's dream is?" Haku's enthusiasm was genuine despite his slurred speech. "His dream is to make many, many friends. I just became friends with him tonight."
He leaned forward slightly. "If you become Naruto-kun's friend too, then when the time comes to return to Kirigakure, Naruto's loyalty to his friends means he'll definitely help us. This is our chance, Zabuza-sama."
"Hmm." Zabuza stroked his chin thoughtfully. "That does make sense. But how exactly do I become his friend?"
"It's very simple." Haku kept his voice carefully neutral. "Just tell Naruto-kun that you want to be his friend. That's all."
As he spoke, he picked up one of the textbooks and pretended to study it, hiding his face behind the pages. He couldn't let his expression give anything away.
Zabuza watched him for a moment. "Haku, you still haven't told me what happened to your face."
Warmth spread through Haku's chest at the concern in Zabuza's voice. But he couldn't tell the truth. He needed an excuse.
"Oh, you know how it is, Zabuza-sama." He kept his eyes on the book. "It was just... that particular kind of situation where flat ground becomes dangerous. The mountain roads aren't easy to walk at night. I tripped and fell."
Zabuza looked skeptical but didn't press further.
After a few more minutes of studying, the words began swimming on the page. Zabuza hated book learning with a passion. "I need some air," he announced, standing up. "This is torture."
He walked outside into the cool night.
"Naruto."
After sending Haku home, Naruto was heading back to his own house when he spotted Sasuke walking along one of the farm paths.
"Oh, Sasuke!" An idea struck him. "I ate so much at dinner, I still feel full. I should maintain our friendship through a good sparring session!"
He jogged over and fell into step beside his friend. "Sasuke, let's have a friendly discussion."
Sasuke's head turned away so fast his neck cracked. "No."
Is he insane? Sasuke thought. I can't beat him. Fighting Naruto is just volunteering for a beating. I'm not stupid.
"Come on, it'll be fun! Think of it as dessert after dinner."
"No."
"I promise I'll go easy on you."
"Absolutely not."
"Well, that's too bad. I guess I'll just have to decide for both of us."
"Wait, what does that—"
WHAM. CRACK. THUD.
Ten minutes later, Sasuke lay on the ground with a face matching Kakashi's and Haku's. Bruised, swollen, and thoroughly tenderized.
Naruto stood over him with a satisfied expression, brushing off his hands. That was a good workout. I can definitely feel our bond growing stronger.
Sasuke stared up at the stars, reconsidering all his life choices.
Zabuza walked along the mountain path, enjoying the tranquility.
This worry-free life is actually pretty nice, he mused. No missions where I risk death. No Kirigakure hunter-nin trying to kill me. Just... peace.
Maybe farming wouldn't be so bad after all.
BOOM!
The explosive sound of impact made Zabuza jump. He spun toward the noise and spotted a figure standing on the path ahead, silhouetted against the moonlight.
The figure had a swollen, discolored face.
Zabuza squinted, trying to make out features. "Is that... Uchiha?"
"It's me." Sasuke's voice was cold despite coming through swollen lips.
"What do you want?" Zabuza asked cautiously. He vividly remembered the Land of Waves, where this Uchiha brat had specifically targeted his face. He'd been swollen like a balloon for days.
Though looking at Sasuke's current condition, Zabuza felt a surge of vindictive satisfaction. The kid got his face rearranged too. Serves him right.
He kept his expression neutral, but inside he was celebrating. Coming out for fresh air was definitely the right choice. This view is worth it.
"It's nothing important." Sasuke's tone was flat, emotionless. "I'm here to have a discussion with you."
"Discussion?" Zabuza felt his spine go cold. This kid... he just got beaten up and now he wants to use me as a punching bag?
His mind raced with indignation. This is humiliating! When will Kirigakure's jonin be able to stand up for themselves?
"Uchiha, it's getting late." Zabuza tried to keep his voice steady. "Why don't we discuss things another time—"
"Hmph. Fine. Have it your way."
Sasuke vanished in a flash of Flying Thunder God.
Zabuza had exactly half a second to feel relief before Sasuke reappeared directly behind him.
WHAM. CRACK. THUD.
Ten minutes later, Sasuke departed with a spring in his step, whistling cheerfully.
Zabuza lay on the ground, staring up at the moon through swollen eyes. With trembling hands, he pulled out a small mirror and examined his face by the hazy moonlight.
The reflection showed a purple, swollen mess. He looked like an angry little wife who'd been wronged.
"I should have just stayed inside and studied," he muttered bitterly, picking himself up with great difficulty. "What was I thinking, going out for fresh air? Studying would have been delicious compared to this."
All desire for a relaxing evening walk had evaporated. Zabuza limped back to the house, pushed open the door, and found Haku reading quietly by candlelight.
A suspicion formed in his mind. The timing was too convenient. Haku's face was destroyed. Sasuke had a destroyed face. And Sasuke had been wandering around the farm...
Did Sasuke do this to Haku too? That's way too much! Zabuza thought indignantly. I need to report this to Naruto. This can't stand.
Haku looked up from his book as Zabuza entered. His eyes widened when he saw Zabuza's pig-headed face. A flash of joy crossed his features—quickly suppressed, but visible.
"Zabuza-sama!" Haku's voice carried relief and pride. "Did you already become friends with Naruto-kun?"
He must have gone immediately, Haku thought warmly. He's so eager to achieve his dreams that he couldn't even wait until morning. I'm so proud of him for taking initiative like this.
Zabuza stared at Haku in complete silence.
His mouth opened. Closed. Opened again.
No words came out.
What do I even say to this?