Chapter 153: Moon-Walking and System-Stalking
The transition from the desert to the lunar server wasn't as heroic as Aki had imagined. Instead of landing like a ninja, he tumbled out of a digital wormhole and landed face-first into a pile of "Unused Textures" that felt suspiciously like giant, squishy marshmallows.
"Ugh... why does the moon smell like burnt toast and wet dog?" Aki groaned, peeling a glowing green pixel off his nose.
Von stood up, trying to look cool, but his legendary violet cape was stuck in his zipper. "It's not the moon, Aki. It's the 'Cache' folder. We've landed in the system's trash can."
"Trash can?" Sai roared, looking at his hands. He was wearing his massive blue gauntlets, but for some reason, the system had glitched his outfit. He was wearing a pink "I Love Coding" apron over his heavy armor. "Aki! Why am I dressed like a disgruntled chef?!"
"Hey! Don't look at me!" Aki laughed, holding his stomach. "The transfer was rushed! Maybe the system thinks your true power is... aggressive baking?"
The Mirror Match... With a Twist
Suddenly, the black data-crystals around them began to vibrate. Four figures emerged from the shadows. They were perfect copies of our heroes—The Shadow-Clones.
"Oh great," Rena sighed, checking her staff, which was currently flickering between a magical weapon and a giant rubber chicken. "The 'Evil Twin' trope. How original, Marcus."
The Shadow-Von stepped forward, his eyes glowing red. "I am your darkest fear. I am the blade that never misses. I am—"
"You're wearing your boots on the wrong feet, mate," Aki interrupted, pointing at the clone's feet.
The Shadow-Von looked down. The system had indeed glitched; his left boot was on his right foot, making him look like he was standing in a very awkward yoga pose. "This... this is a minor rendering error! Prepare to die!"
The Shadow-Von tried to lunge, but because of his boots, he tripped over a stray line of code and faceplanted into a digital crater.
The Great Rubber Chicken Massacre
The Shadow-Sai rushed forward, but Sai, still in his pink apron, didn't use his gauntlets. He grabbed a giant, 8-bit rolling pin that had manifested in his hand.
"You want a piece of me, Shadow-Me?!" Sai yelled, swinging the rolling pin. "I'll show you the power of a home-cooked beatdown!"
WHACK! The Shadow-Sai exploded into a cloud of flour and pixels.
Meanwhile, Rena was being chased by her clone. Every time she tried to cast a 'Holy Bolt', her staff emitted a loud SQUEAK and shot out a small, confused-looking digital duck.
"Aki! Fix the physics!" Rena screamed, ducking as a Shadow-Duck flew over her head. "The duck is biting me! Why does the duck have sharp teeth?!"
"I'm trying!" Aki yelled, his fingers flying across a holographic keyboard that kept turning into a plate of spaghetti. "The Moon-Server hasn't been updated since 2015! It's running on Windows XP logic! Everything is a mess!"
The Boss of the Trash Can
A deep, booming voice echoed from the center of the crater. It was Marcus, but he didn't look like a god. Because of the corrupted data, his avatar was only three feet tall, and his head was a giant, spinning "Loading" icon.
"I... WILL... RECOVER... YOU..." Marcus's voice kept lagging. "PLEASE... WAIT... WHILE... WE... FORMAT... YOUR... SOULS..."
"Is he... buffering?" Aki asked, walking up to the tiny, angry CEO.
"I think he is," Von said, finally unzipping his cape from his boots. "Marcus, you're about as threatening as a slow internet connection at a library."
"ERROR! ERROR!" the tiny Marcus screamed, his loading-icon head spinning so fast he started to hover like a helicopter. "INITIATING... ULTIMATE... DELETION..."
"Aki, finish him before he summons a giant pop-up ad," Von commanded.
Aki didn't use a hack. He didn't use a virus. He simply reached out and "Right-Clicked" on Marcus's head.
Menu: File -> Move to Trash
System: Are you sure you want to permanently delete 'Evil_CEO_Final_Boss.exe'?
"Yes," Aki whispered. "And don't even think about a 'Restore' button."
WHOOSH. The tiny Marcus vanished with a sound like a flushing toilet. The lunar server went quiet, the red sky turning into a peaceful, static-free grey.