Chapter 20: I'm Still Here
The message loads.
My chest tightens.
I don't open it immediately.
I already know that once I do, whatever balance I've forced myself into tonight is gone. The street hums softly around me.....distant cars, a laugh somewhere I can't see, the low buzz of a streetlight overhead. Normal sounds. Ordinary life.
I stare at her name instead.
Mia Anderson.
I open the message.
Mia: Are you okay?
That's it.
No accusation. No why did you leave. Just concern, plain and honest.
I exhale slowly, like I've been holding my breath longer than I realized.
Evan: Yeah.
Too short,Too cold.
I type again.
Evan: Just needed some air.
A half-truth. The safest kind.
The three dots appear almost instantly.
Mia: You left really fast.
I picture her standing there after I walked away. Arms crossed. Not angry—just confused. Trying to decide if she should let it go or pull at the thread.
Evan: Didn't want to make things awkward.
A pause.
Longer this time.
Mia: You didn't make it awkward.
That hits harder than if she had blamed me.
I start walking again, phone in my hand, steps slow and measured. Habit. I don't rush unless I have to.
Mia: You just disappeared.
Disappear.
The word settles somewhere uncomfortable.
Evan: I didn't mean to.
The dots blink.
Mia: You always do that.
I stop walking.
The streetlight flickers once overhead.
Evan: Do what?
A beat.
Mia: Pull away when things get quiet.
My jaw tightens.
She shouldn't be able to see that. She shouldn't know me well enough to name it.
Evan: I'm still here.
Another pause.
Mia: Are you?
The question isn't sharp. It's soft. That's worse.
I lean against a brick wall, cool against my shoulder, and stare up at the dark gloomy sky above.
Evan: I am ,now.
The dots appear. Disappear. Appear again.
Mia: Where are you?
Evan: Near school. Just Walking around.
Mia: It's pretty late.
Evan: I know.
Mia: You shouldn't be alone.
If she knew how absurd that sounded.
I almost smile. Almost.
Evan: I'll be fine.
Mia: You always say that.
She's right.
Mia: Evan… something feels off tonight.
My fingers hover over the screen.
There are a thousand things I could say. None of them safe.
Evan: I don't really know how to explain it.
The most honest sentence I've sent her.
The reply doesn't come right away.
I push off the wall and start moving again, this time toward school without consciously deciding to. My body already knows where this is going.
Mia: Then don't explain.
Three dots.
Mia: Just don't shut me out.
My chest tightens—not like fear. Like something trying to break through my ribs.
Evan: I'm not trying to.
Mia:" Yeah right ."She groaned
That's the problem.
Mia: Can you come back?
I hesitate.
Evan: It's late.
Mia: I know.
Mia: I don't want to be alone tonight. Can you come over, just to keep company , nothing else.
That settles it.
Evan: ok ,I'm on my way.
The response is instant.
Mia: I'll leave the door unlocked.
I slide the phone into my pocket and pick up my pace.
Every step toward her feels heavier than the last. Not because I'm afraid of what might happen—but because I know exactly what will.
. . .
Her dorm hallway smells like cleaner and warm air. Quiet, except for distant footsteps and muffled voices behind closed doors.
I knock once.
The door opens almost immediately.
Mia stands there in an oversized hoodie,raven black hair loose, hazel green eyes searching my face like she's bracing for something.
"You okay?" she asks out loud this time.
I nod. "Yeah."
"Sure...."
She doesn't believe me.
She steps aside anyway. "any ways,Come in."
The door closes behind me with a soft click.
We stand there for a moment, too close to ignore, too far to touch. The room feels smaller than I remember. Or maybe it's just us filling it differently now.
"make your self at home . So, You want water? Or....." she asks.
"I'm fine."
"You sure?"
I nod again.
She studies me. "You're too tense. Can't you just relax"
"Am I?"
"Yeah." She folds her arms loosely. "You do this thing with your shoulders."
I shift without meaning to.
She notices.
"See?" she says quietly.
I exhale. "You're very observant."
"Someone has to be."
Silence stretches between us—not awkward. Loaded.
She moves first, sitting on the edge of her bed. Pats the space beside her. Not demanding. Just offering.
I hesitate.
Then sit.
The mattress dips slightly. Our knees almost touch. Almost.
"So," she says. "Want to tell me what that was about?"
"What?"
"Earlier," she says. "You,Leaving."
I stare at the floor. "I didn't plan to."
"That doesn't really answer the question."
"No," I admit.
She waits.
I don't speak.
After a moment, she says, "You don't have to tell me everything."
I look at her then.
Her expression is steady. Not pushing. Not retreating.
"I know," I say.
"But," she continues, softer, "if something's wrong… I'd rather know than guess."
I nod once. "Fair."
Another pause.
"I'm not good at this," I say finally.
"At what?"
"At ,Letting people see me when I'm… off."
She tilts her head. "You don't look off."
"That's kind of the point."
A faint smile touches her mouth. "You're allowed to not be okay, you know."
I meet her eyes. Hold them.
"That's never really been true for me."
Something flickers there—concern, curiosity, something deeper.
"Why?" she asks.
I shake my head. "It's complicated."
She considers that. "Everything important usually is."
I huff out a quiet breath. "You're not wrong."
She relaxes slightly, leaning back on her hands. "You want to stay for a bit?"
"I don't want to impose."
"You're not."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
Another beat.
"Okay," I say.
She smiles—not wide, not relieved. Just warm.
We sit there, shoulders close, listening to the muted noise of the building settling for the night.
After a while, she says, "Can I ask you something?"
"Depends."
She smiles at that. "Do you ever feel like you're pretending all the time?"
My spine stiffens.
"Why?" I ask carefully.
She shrugs. "Just a feeling. Like you're always… holding something back."
I look at her. "Does that bother you?"
She thinks. "Sometimes. You feel so.... distant."
I nod. "Fair."
She turns toward me fully now. "But I also think people do that for a reason."
"And?"
"And I think if you didn't care, you wouldn't bother."
I don't answer.
She reaches out, hesitates, then rests her fingers lightly against my wrist.
I froze.
The contact is electric. Controlled. Dangerous.
"You don't have to disappear," she says quietly.
I swallow.
"I don't know how to stay," I admit.
Her thumb brushes once over my skin. Barely there. Tingles shot up my hands
"Then stay badly," she says. "Stay awkward. Stay quiet. Just… stay."
Something in my chest fractures.
I nod. "Okay."
She exhales, like she's been holding something too.
For a moment, neither of us moves.
Then She leans closer, not quite touching, close enough that I feel the heat of her.
Not asking. Just trusting.
My phone vibrates in my pocket.
Once.
I don't move.
Twice.
Mia shifts, like she feels it before she hears it. "Everything okay?" she asks, quiet.
"Yeah," I say, too fast.
The lie settles between us.
The phone vibrates again. Longer this time. Insistent.
She lifts her head, just enough to look at me. Not accusing. Just searching.
"You don't have to answer," she says. "But don't disappear on me. Not again."
My jaw tightens.
"I'm still here," I say.
It's true.
It's temporary.
The buzzing stops.
I don't relax. I know better.
Outside her window, somewhere beyond the quiet hallway and locked doors, something is already moving...
I've been through worse nights.
Just never with her this close to getting hurt because of me...