Pastor Jeff's wedding was a simple affair—no reception, no fancy dinner afterward.
After all, the whole point of this wedding was just to get the license so he could legally "drive the car," if you catch the drift.
With the ceremony quickly wrapped up and the rest of the day free, the Coopers decided to tag along with Mike to the biggest mall in town to buy a computer.
The cheapest models were going for around two grand, while the high-end setups easily soared past ten thousand.
After weighing his options, Mike settled on a mid-to-high-range computer for just over five thousand dollars. Looking at the bulky CRT monitor, he felt a wave of nostalgia.
The store's service was top-notch. In just one afternoon, they delivered, installed, and even set up the internet connection.
By dinnertime, the entire Cooper family and Meemaw were gathered curiously around the newly installed machine.
"Go on, Mike. Fire it up," Meemaw urged with a smile.
Since Mike bought it, he had the honor of the first boot-up.
The Coopers watched with anticipation as Mike pressed the power button. A low-resolution, retro boot animation flickered onto the screen.
"Wow, look how clear that picture is," Georgie marveled once the desktop loaded.
For Mike, who was used to modern high-definition screens, the pixelated display was underwhelming.
But for the Coopers and Meemaw, a five-thousand-dollar computer screen looked incredible—miles better than the fuzzy picture on their TV.
"Mike, can I watch Tom and Jerry? I missed it on TV yesterday..." Missy asked, giving him her best puppy-dog eyes.
"Of course," Mike agreed. He opened the browser and searched for Tom and Jerry episodes.
Missy picked an episode, and the whole family crowded around the computer to watch the cartoon with her.
"My turn, my turn!" Georgie shouted excitedly as soon as the episode ended. "Mike, can you help me set up an online account? You know, the kind for chatting..."
He wiggled his eyebrows at Mike with a "you know what I mean" grin.
Seeing the teenager's raging hormones in action, Mike shook his head but set up an instant messaging account for him anyway.
Then, using the search filters, Mike added a few random female users to Georgie's contact list.
"Alright, you can use this account to chat now," Mike said, stepping aside.
Under everyone's watchful eyes, Georgie sat down excitedly. His hands trembled slightly as he typed: "U there?"
He hit send as if he had just launched a nuclear missile.
Watching from the side, Meemaw remarked, "What's the big deal? A phone call is way easier..."
Mary nodded in agreement.
Just then, Georgie shouted, "She replied! She said 'Hi.' What should I say back?"
He was riding the high of his first internet interaction.
"Calm down, Georgie," Mike coached him. "Just say whatever you want."
Taking Mike's advice, Georgie calmed himself. He typed out what he thought was a smooth line: "Are you a big sister or a little sister?"
Satisfied with his "genius" question, Georgie looked around with a smug "praise me" expression.
Meemaw, unable to handle Georgie's smugness, changed the subject. "Today is a special day. Why don't you all have dinner at my place?"
She looked over at George Sr. and grinned. "George, I've got something special saved for you."
The "special something" was, of course, the Rocky Mountain Oysters she had originally prepared for Mike, which he had politely declined.
It was the perfect opportunity to offload them onto George—who knows, maybe it would spice up his and Mary's marriage.
" really? Thanks," George smiled, unaware of the specific nature of the gift.
Meemaw and Mary went to the kitchen to start dinner, while George, not wanting to fight the kids for computer time, went to the sofa to watch TV.
Back at the computer, Georgie stared at the screen. It had been a long time since he sent his question, and there was still no reply.
Finally, a system notification popped up.
A small box appeared on the screen: "This user has deleted you from their friends list."
Georgie stared in disbelief. He couldn't understand why his new internet friend would delete him after they were chatting so "well."
Refusing to give up, Georgie pulled himself together and messaged another user.
But a few minutes later, the dreaded notification appeared again: "This user has deleted you from their friends list."
Georgie was crushed. "Why?!" He stared at the screen, on the verge of an existential crisis.
"Your intentions are too obvious. You're scaring them off," Mike pointed out.
Georgie's approach was disastrously direct. It was the internet equivalent of walking up to a stranger on the street and immediately asking, "Will you go out with me?"
In real life, if you're handsome enough, someone might hesitate before saying no. But on the anonymous internet? No one has time for that.
Realizing his mistake, Georgie was about to try a new strategy when Sheldon stepped up. "It is my turn."
Georgie looked at Sheldon, then back at the computer with longing, but eventually gave up the seat.
Sheldon sat down and pulled out a notebook filled with rocket launch procedures.
He opened a document and started inputting complex formulas from his notes.
Half an hour later, just as Sheldon was getting into a rhythm, Meemaw announced dinner was ready.
At the table, Meemaw served her secret recipe roast beef.
When she got to George, she grinned and plopped the entire serving of Rocky Mountain Oysters onto his plate.
George hadn't expected this to be the surprise.
His face flushed with embarrassment, but after a quick, stealthy glance at his wife, he happily accepted Meemaw's "generosity."
After a cheerful barbecue dinner, Sheldon immediately reclaimed the computer.
George and Mary joined Meemaw on the couch to watch TV, while Mike sat with Missy, reading comic books.
By midnight, Missy was nodding off. Mary looked at Sheldon, who was still glued to the screen, typing tirelessly. "Shelly, time to go home."
"Wait, I still have a lot of work to do," Sheldon replied dismissively, his fingers flying across the keyboard.
Seeing Mary about to lose her temper, Meemaw walked over. "Moonpie, you need to sleep. You can play on the computer again tomorrow."
Sheldon wanted to argue that he wasn't "playing," but glancing at the dark window, he sensibly stood up.
Before leaving, he made sure to book his computer time with Mike for the next day.