"What... a demon?" Pastor Jeff listened to Mary on the other end of the line and tried to reassure her. "Relax, Mary. There are no demons. God will protect you all..."
But Mary wasn't convinced. She spilled her theory about young Sheldon being under the influence of some dark energy and practically begged Pastor Jeff to come over and perform a holy baptism to cleanse her son of whatever evil had latched onto him.
"Uh, okay. I'll head over in a bit..." Hearing the panic in her voice, Pastor Jeff thought for a moment and agreed.
He then looked at Officer Robin, who was gazing at him affectionately, and said with a touch of significance, "Maybe this is a sign from God."
As a devout Christian, premarital relations were a no-go. Pastor Jeff felt this conveniently timed phone call was God giving him a nudge.
"Is something wrong, Jeff?" Robin asked, noticing his mood had shifted gears the moment he hung up.
This was the first time since they started dating that things were getting heated. They had been this close to taking the next step.
"It's nothing..." Pastor Jeff looked away, guilty. "Robin, you know I'm a pastor. We can't do this before marriage. So..."
Just as he was wrestling with his conscience, Robin spoke up. "Is that it? So, if we get married, then it's okay?"
Realizing she wasn't rejecting him, Pastor Jeff's eyes lit up. "Absolutely. The rules are very clear on that."
"That's great!" Robin beamed. "Let's get married tomorrow!"
Tomorrow was Saturday, after all.
"No, tomorrow is too rushed. The dress, the invitations, the venue, the officiant—we can't get all that ready in time." Pastor Jeff might have been willing to wing it, but he didn't want to shortchange Robin.
Even though Robin was in her thirties, this would be her first wedding.
"Okay!" Robin appreciated his sincerity. "How about next weekend?"
"Maybe next Saturday..." Pastor Jeff mused, giving her a suggestive look.
And just like that, the date was set. With a clear finish line in sight, neither felt the need to rush things physically anymore.
After walking Robin to her car, Pastor Jeff gathered his baptism kit and headed over to the Coopers'.
Dressed in his full pastoral vestments, Jeff proceeded to perform an exorcism-style baptism on a completely bewildered Sheldon.
"Shelly, how do you feel?" Mary rushed forward the moment the ritual ended.
Sheldon, having been splashed with water for no logical reason, naturally felt terrible.
Ever since he prayed sincerely in the hospital only for the whole family to get food poisoning the next day, his trust in the Almighty had tanked.
"I feel... wet," Sheldon said honestly, wiping holy water from his face.
Seeing that her son hadn't been instantly filled with the Holy Spirit, Mary turned to Pastor Jeff, eyes pleading for a solution.
Pastor Jeff didn't exactly have a Plan B, so he improvised. "Tell you what, why don't you have Sheldon join Sunday School? It might be good for him."
Every Sunday after the service, Pastor Jeff held a small class for the local kids to teach them about faith.
Most of the kids who stayed were there because their parents were believers and wanted them to follow in their footsteps.
Sheldon immediately balked. "I don't want to go to Sunday School. It's a waste of time. I'd rather stay home and study more science..."
Hearing Sheldon bring up science again, Pastor Jeff latched onto it. The last time they debated, Sheldon had beaten him with scientific logic.
But Pastor Jeff had done some homework. "Excellent, Sheldon. Since you mentioned science, you should know that you can't form a valid opinion on a subject without fully understanding it first.
"So, if you don't want to believe in God, you should at least learn about Him before you reach a conclusion."
Pastor Jeff delivered this prepared speech in one breath, feeling incredibly satisfied with himself.
Sure enough, faced with this scientific paradox, Sheldon fell silent.
After thinking it over and realizing he couldn't logically refute it, a defeated Sheldon trudged off to his room.
Score one for Pastor Jeff in the battle for Sheldon's soul.
Feeling triumphant, he called out to Sheldon's retreating back, "Sheldon, I'll see you in class tomorrow!"
His victory lap was cut short when he noticed Mary and the others staring at him weirdly.
To an outsider, a grown man outsmarting a child wasn't exactly a glorious achievement.
Realizing how it looked, Pastor Jeff cleared his throat awkwardly. "My work here is done. I'll be going now."
"I'll walk you out," Mary offered. She thought Jeff had been a little hard on her Moonpie, but hey, the result was what she wanted. So, she politely walked him to the door.
Standing on the porch, Pastor Jeff suddenly remembered his wedding. He realized Mary would be the perfect person to organize it.
Seeing him hesitate, Mary asked tentatively, "Is there something else?"
"Actually, there is something important I need to ask you..." Pastor Jeff explained his wedding plans and asked for her help.
Hearing about the wedding, Mary congratulated him and happily accepted the task.
Back inside, once Pastor Jeff was gone, Sheldon hurried back into the living room.
"Moonpie, are you okay?" Meemaw asked, seeing the serious look on his face.
"Jeff is right. I need to understand the church before I can criticize it..." Sheldon wasn't about to accept defeat. He decided he would challenge the pastor again in tomorrow's class.
He had come back out to gather data on faith.
"I have a friend who's Jewish. Maybe you can talk to him..." Meemaw, understanding Sheldon's need for research, eagerly offered a suggestion.
Ira, who was in his seventies and owned a furniture store, was currently one of Meemaw's suitors.
Once she got Ira on the phone and explained the situation, he held nothing back, giving Sheldon a crash course in Judaism.
In the end, he subtly suggested that unless Sheldon planned on leaving Texas, sticking with Christianity might be the path of least resistance.
After hanging up, Sheldon fell into deep thought for a moment before turning back to the room for more input.
The more religions he understood, the stronger his argument would be.
Seeing this, Mike chimed in, giving Sheldon a simple breakdown of what he knew about Buddhism and Taoism.