"...Hoo..." Waking up to the morning light, I prayed to the goddess and rose from my seat to sit on the edge of the bed.
Today was a pleasant holiday. After the adventurers who participated in the battle against the Hero Devourer finished their treatment, Paul gave the priests and nuns a day off in rotation.
Actually, even on holidays, my daily life wouldn't change much, but a relaxing day always makes me feel good.
But for some reason, on this holiday that should have been leisurely, my mood had been inexplicably unsettled for days.
It was probably because of what Paul said when he stopped me the night we returned from the battle against the Hero Devourer.
That night, Paul quietly called me to the back of the church and said something shocking.
He said he had always loved me. After the Saintess selection, no matter the outcome, he hoped to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me.
To be honest, I had expected it. After all, when he called me, Paul's Ethel fluctuations were the most intense I had ever seen.
Ten years have passed since I first met Paul. It would be a lie to say I hadn't sensed his feelings for me.
'I...want to get married...' Although I'm past marriageable age, I still can't imagine spending my life with the man I love.
The aura I sensed from most of the men who approached me was unbearably repulsive, a sensual stimulation that always made me awkwardly avoid men.
But ten years ago, the aura Paul exuded while I was doing charity work in my small village...it always felt different from other men.
Perhaps that's why. I quickly became acquainted with Paul, and when he became bishop, I left the village I thought I would spend my life in and followed him to Ladia.
When Paul, my companion of ten years, confessed his love to me, joy welled up within me, and driven by happiness, I naturally accepted his confession.
Deep down, I had already unknowingly decided to spend the rest of my life with Paul.
But… '…is this what they call love…?' Having grown up in the church, I still don't understand what love is.
I can only sense Ethel and hear its voice; I can't see faces and therefore can't know what people look like, so I can't understand the passionate discussions my fellow nuns have about handsome men.
Of course, I can trust Paul, and I think I like him…but it's hard to imagine spending my life with him.
I do feel comfortable and secure with Paul…but for some reason, this feeling is less like love and more like a lukewarm one…I can't be sure if this is what love is.
If I can't even be sure if my feelings are love, can I really be with a considerate man like Paul?
Through Braille books and conversations with my fellow nuns, the love I've come to know…is something that's exciting…passionate…and intense.
Why can't I feel that way about Paul?
…Speaking of which, not long ago, I experienced a similar intense feeling…to the kind of feeling I imagined.
The Divine Beast visiting Radhidia. Mr. Shimo… and the day I joined him in the fight against the Hero Devourer, persuaded by Paul.
When the angry Mr. Shimo tore open the hem of my nun's habit and slapped my buttocks hard with his large hands.
Along with the rough pain from my buttocks… somehow… I felt the same intense impact as I had imagined.
Why was this happening? The 'Ethel' I felt from Mr. Shimo was more ferocious and terrifying than any man I had ever seen.
The unpleasant feeling that some men gave me, as if they were about to violate my body at any moment… was amplified tenfold and poured onto me by Mr. Shimo, who possessed this 'Ethel'.
Perhaps it was this 'Ethel' that made me misunderstand Mr. Shimo… but even so, the sensation of being hit was incomprehensible, leaving me utterly confused.
Even if it was a misunderstanding… he was, after all, a person who exuded a ferocious aura that made people want to stay away… and moreover, I had suffered such a shameful punishment, so why did I feel that way?
With my limited common sense, I simply cannot understand it.
'...Hmm...' Whenever I think of that time, my body inexplicably heats up, and a tingling sensation spreads through my lower abdomen.
A strange feeling I've experienced several times in my life. I haven't had it recently, but whenever I recall being spanked by Mr. Shimo, this strange feeling washes over me.
'Pure and flawless goddess, please don't put me through trials...' Every year or two when I feel this inexplicable sensation, I feel like I'm becoming strange, and I can only pray to the goddess to get through it... But in just a few days, I've repeated this prayer several times.
Is there really something wrong with my body?
'Haa...' After a long prayer, when my body calmed down a bit, I went to the window and estimated the time through the dim light reflected in my almost invisible eyes. It was probably close to lunchtime.
'Should I go find Paul to have lunch with...?' Perhaps the feeling would be different if I realized he was my future partner. With this thought in mind, I went out of the room to find Paul.
Just as I stepped out of the nun's dormitory and focused my senses on Paul's location... a familiar chill suddenly swept over me, sending a shiver down my spine.
That unsettling aura of Ethel... Could it be...?
"Hello, Claire. We meet again."
"Ah, oh!? Mr.... Mr. Semo?" Standing there was Mr. Semo, the Divine Beast member I most wanted to avoid.
It seemed he had come to see Mr. Ars and Ms. Lisbeth to collect Paul's payment for the last request, but had run into me by accident.
Although I only wanted to greet him and leave because of Mr. Semo's unsettling aura... he invited me to have a meal with him.
For some reason, the aura emanating from Mr. Semo was even more unsettling today. Although I wanted to refuse as much as possible... perhaps because of the guilt I felt about what happened during the Hero Devourer's extermination, coupled with Mr. Semo's continued invitation, I finally accepted.
Afterwards, I followed Mr. Shimo into a strangely upscale restaurant, chatting and praising the fine cuisine I was trying for the first time.
Before I knew it, even drinks had arrived. But I figured a few sips of church Mass wine wouldn't hurt.
Without realizing it, I relaxed and gradually got used to Mr. Shimo's aura, and finally blurted out what I'd been holding back.
"Um... I'm sorry, Mr. Shimo."
"Hmm? What's wrong?" When I confessed my feelings to Mr. Shimo and apologized, he comforted me, saying it was alright.
Honestly... I can't believe I ever felt so repulsed by someone like him.
Although I still believe that feelings evoked by others are almost always accurate, it seems you really do need to actually meet someone to truly understand them.
Thinking this, we raised our glasses for a drink, and as we enjoyed the sweet wine and food... a fog seemed to descend upon my mind, and my consciousness began to blur.
In a fleeting moment, my consciousness drifted off to sleep in that fog.