The next day, Qin Hao woke with dark circles beneath his eyes. His entire body ached, sore to the bone, as if he had been beaten repeatedly.
"Boss, why do you look like this?" Wang Shou asked, unable to hold back his concern.
Qin Hao didn't bother replying. Dragging his exhausted body along, he headed straight for the training ground. Jiang Fei was nowhere to be seen today either.
"Is she seriously ill? Or perhaps she's still upset over the incident that day. I should go and check up on her just in case."
Training ended in the evening. The intensity of the basic exercises had increased severalfold. Qin Hao felt as though his body was on the verge of collapse. Yet, sensing the subtle changes in his strength and muscles, he forced himself to persevere. Whenever the thought of giving up surfaced, his desire for revenge and the hope of finding his mother dragged him forward.
Instead of returning to the barracks, he went to look for Jiang Fei.
The women's barracks were located on the eastern side of the camp, not far from the men's quarters. As he pondered how to find her, a familiar figure caught his eye. Mei Lan was dragging a large bundle of firewood, wiping sweat from her brow.
"What are you doing with so much firewood?" Qin Hao asked, curious.
Mei Lan shot him a sideways glance. When she recognized him, she stopped. If it had been anyone else, she might have ignored them but Qin Hao was different. He had talent, real ability, and was favored by Trainer Mohim.
"Oh, it's Brother Qin Hao." She forced a bitter smile. "I have no choice… Trainer Mohim ordered me to chop fifty bundles of firewood and deliver them to the storehouse."
"Punishment?" Qin Hao asked.
She nodded. "I couldn't finish the basic exercises. Not everyone is as talented or strong as you." She let out a long sigh.
Qin Hao chuckled. "Do you know where I can find Jiang Fei?"
Mei Lan glanced at him briefly. "I can take you to her but…"
"But what?"
"You help me with this first."
"Won't I get punished if I help you?"
"Will you help or not?" Mei Lan snorted.
"Alright, alright." Qin Hao agreed reluctantly. Seeing him agree, Mei Lan flashed a charming smile. She wasn't strong but with his help the burden on her would be lessened.
"Wow, even you are panting?" she teased.
Qin Hao's eyelid twitched. "I completed my training unlike someone who failed and got punished."
Mei Lan laughed.
Soon, the chopped firewood filled half the storehouse. Afterward, she led Qin Hao to the women's barracks.
"Wait here. I'll call her." Mei Lan went inside.
Half an hour later, she emerged with Jiang Fei.
The moment Qin Hao saw her, he nearly failed to recognize her. Her eyes were red and sunken, her once-lustrous skin pale and bloodless. Her silky hair was disheveled, and her entire figure looked fragile. In a hoarse voice, she spoke:
"Brother Qin… why are you here?"
She lowered her head slightly. "I apologize for not properly thanking you for saving me."
"Forget that," Qin Hao said, frowning. "What happened to you? You don't look well."
Jiang Fei smiled wryly. "It's nothing. I'm just sick. Thank you for checking on me. If there's nothing else, I'll return."
"…Alright. Take care."
"You too."
With that, Jiang Fei returned to her barracks.
Suddenly, Mei Lan asked, "Brother Qin, if you're not busy… would you like to take a walk with me?"
"I….okay."
Just as he was about to refuse, the second consciousness which had been silent for whole day told him to agree.
As they walked, Mei Lan suddenly asked, "Have you ever felt pain so unbearable that you thought death might be a relief?"
Memories flashed in Qin Hao's mind. The burnt corpse of the girl he loved, his missing mother. The regret and loneliness he felt was unbearable, gnawing his heart little by little. "But…have i ever thought of dying?" Qin Hao asked himself.
The answer was, "No."
Perhaps the goal to exact vengeance fuelled my desire to live? Or maybe the hope of seeing my mother, living a peaceful life again made me clung to life? No matter what, i never thought dying was any good.
"Then, let me ask you this, what will you do if your only family died by the hands of the very person you hate?" Mei Lan asked, her voice was emotionless and stone like.
"I…" Qin Hao was at a loss. He himself hated the person who killed her, took away his mother. But deep down he didn't know what to do with the person who did this.
"If they truly regret it and apologize," Qin Hao finally said, "I would forgive them."
"You didn't answer my question."
Qin Hao fell silent.
"It seems talking to you is a waste of time, Sir Qin Hao." Mei Lan turned to leave.
"Wait."
"What is it?" Mei Lan spoke without turning her head.
"…Is this about Jiang Fei?"
Mei Lan sneered. "So you're not completely stupid."
"What do you mean?"
Since you asked, I'll tell you." Her voice turned icy. "Sister Jiang's younger brother was killed."
"What?" Qin Hao was stunned. "Don't tell me…"
"Yes. Pei Hong. That bastard killed him." Her voice trembled. "He was her only remaining family."
Qin Hao's pupils shrank. He had never imagined Pei Hong would truly go that far.
"This is because of you," Mei Lan said, glaring at him, her eyes red.
"Because of me?"
"You were there last night. You had the chance to kill him but you didn't. You let him go." Her voice shook with rage. "If you had killed him, would her brother have died?"
"I…" Guilt stabbed into Qin Hao's chest. He couldn't utter a word.
"What's the point of being strong if you're just a coward?" Mei Lan spat on the ground before walking away.
Qin Hao remained rooted in place.
His heart was in conflict as he questioned his own decision. "Was i really wrong?"
"Is killing the only solution? People do mistakes, they repent, they change. If i kill people over their mistakes and sins, wouldn't i have to kill everyone?
At the moment second consciousness's voice rang in his mind. "You are right, everyone does mistakes but…. Some sinners could only be punished so others wouldn't dare to do it again."
"Punishment is fine, but killing people is too much." Qin Hao disagreed to killing people no matter what.
"Fine, let me re-ask that girl's question, what will you do after finding the one who killed Ning'er? Will you let them go?" Second consciousness asked.
"I don't know…" Qin Hao spoke casting his head down. "Even though i hate them but i can't bring the thought of killing."
Just by thinking about her burnt corpse, he felt immense guilt and pain. He felt guilty for the fact that he wasn't worthy of her, and pain because he loved her. What kind of lover was he if he couldn't even take her revenge, kill her enemy?
Then suddenly he thought of something, "is it you? Are you the one who's causing this intense negativity of guilt?"
The second consciousness snorted. "Guilt? Such emotions are beneath me. You're simply weak, confused, unwilling to accept your own unworthiness. Now you seek someone else to blame. How unsightly."
Qin Hao's hands trembled. He realized the confusion lay within himself.
"Humph."
The second consciousness seized control.
A menacing aura instantly enveloped his body.
"Boss!" Wang Shou came running. "Lin San has been poisoned!"
Qin Hao paused, recalling the trainee who had followed him all day, eager to become his subordinate.
"How?" Qin Hao asked. Wang Shou realised his voice was unusually cold just like that night.
"A senior trainee came to our barracks to take your rations. Lin San tried to stop him. A fight broke out and Lin San fell into his trap."