INT. CONVENTION CENTER — LOBBY
MAC is being dragged through the door by CHARLIE. Mac is vibrating with an almost seismic level of anxiety. He is wearing a tactical windbreaker and cargo pants, his head darting around like a bird in a cat shelter.
MAC
Charlie, I am telling you, if Dennis sees me here, I am finished. He already thinks my interest in "combat arts" and "body mass" is too close to "theatrics." If he sees me with the nerds... my status as an Alpha is dead. I'll be demoted to 'Dee-tier.' I can't live in the bottom of the hierarchy, Charlie!
CHARLIE
Mac, shut up! Look at this place! We're in the Human Maze! I found a pirate map! We're gonna find the gold, and then we're gonna buy the bar, and I'm gonna buy the Waitress!
MAC
You can't buy people, Charlie! That's... that's illegal! Even in Philly!
CHARLIE
Not with money, Mac! With the One Piece! It's like a token! You trade the treasure for the lady! It's Pirate Law! Look at that giant bird in the tape. This place is dangerous.
They pass DEE REYNOLDS. She is leaning against a booth, wearing nothing but strips of white medical tape wrapped around her torso and hips. She has orange hair spray-painted onto her head, which is already starting to flake into her eyes. She looks like a mummy that got into a fight with a highlighter.
DEE (to a passing con-goer)
Hiii~! Do you want a photo with Leeloo? I'm a "multipass" to a good time! I'm an icon! I'm the 'Romance Dawn' of this convention!
A NAMI COSPLAYER—a girl in her early 20s with a perfectly crafted Clima-Tact—walks by and stops. She looks at Dee's medical tape outfit with deep, visceral disgust.
NAMI COSPLAYER
Is that... used gauze? You smell like a CVS dumpster. And Leeloo isn't even from One Piece. That's a different genre, you ancient bird.
DEE (screaming as the girl walks away)
IT'S HIGH-FASHION, YOU LITTLE BRAT! I'M AN ICON! I'M IN DISGUISE! NO ONE EVEN KNOWS IT'S DEE REYNOLDS! I AM TRANSCENDING FRANCHISES!
CHARLIE (to Mac)
See? The bird-mummy is losing it. The 'Grand Line' eats the weak. Put this on.
Charlie reaches into a "Free Cosplay" bin filled with broken props and shoves a RUBBER HORSE MASK onto Mac's head.
MAC (muffled, his voice echoing inside the latex)
Oh yeah, yeah Charlie. This is much better. Now I'm just a guy in a horse mask at an anime convention. Totally normal. I feel very tactical. I can see through the nostrils. It's like 'Horse-Vision.'
Suddenly, a TEENAGER walks by, stops, and points enthusiastically.
TEENAGER
Oh, sick! A Jean Kirstein cosplay! Attack on Titan is in the next hall, bro! Dedicate your heart!
MAC(turning, confused, his horse-snout swinging)
Who? No! I'm a horse-pirate! I'm a tactical stallion of the sea!
CHARLIE
Don't listen to him, Mac! He's trying to sow discord in the crew! Let's navigate the human maze! We're looking for the Big X!
CUT TO BLACK.