Even though today was the day I'd finally record the song and I was excited beyond measure I didn't let myself break routine
Routine was what kept me grounded
so as usual, after coming home I decided to help Aoi with homework
Aoi sat across from me at the table, legs tucked beneath her with a notebook open.
She was quicker now asking better questions, connecting ideas faster The gaps she'd struggled with before were closing
'She's talented' was my thought of teaching her over the past few days, especially on her ability to make connections between what I'm teaching her and everyday life, solidifying her knowledge
"You don't have to explain that part again," she said quietly "I get it"
I paused, then nodded
"Alright"
That alone felt like progress
When we finished, she gathered her things and started heading to her room I watched her go for a second longer than necessary before standing up
Then I picked up the guitar
I'd already filed the copyright request the night before
It'd cost more than I liked
'Fucking inflation'
but this wasn't about short-term profit. This was an investment in my life, my momentum, and my credibility into a future that won't collapse the moment I stumble
I took a breath and checked the tuning
Good enough
I closed my door
Sat on the edge of the bed
And let my fingers rest on the strings
This wasn't the most successful song I remembered
It wasn't the safest choice either
It certainly wasn't something i could handle now
But it was the one that had carried me through nights where quitting felt easier than continuing back when I was older, lonelier, and convinced effort didn't matter
And strangely enough… it fit this life well
'Thank you, Imagine Dragons' I said a silent thanks to one of the greatest bands of my previous life
'Hope you won't mind' I chuckled silently
Then-
I started playing
The opening progression was steady and Controlled
Then I sang
"First things first I'ma say all the words inside my head I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been"
"??????"
A low, rough beginning about pressure about pain turned into fuel. About being shaped by hardship instead of crushed by it.
"??????"
My voice trembled, not from lack of control, but from memory
From anger I thought I'd buried
"Don't you tell me what you think that I could be I'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea"
"??????"
The build came naturally
The song wasn't about breaking down
It was about enduring
About taking the weight thrown at you and standing anyway
"??????"
When I reached the chorus, my voice rose.
Stronger. Clearer.
The words weren't mine but the emotion was
Tears blurred my vision but I didn't stop
I couldn't and didn't want to
For the first time since coming here, I wasn't singing to improve a skill.
I was singing because I wanted to
And somewhere along the final lines, my voice cracked
Not badly
Just… honestly
When the last chord faded, my hands stayed frozen on the strings
Silence filled the room
Then-
A soft sound near the door
I looked up
The door was open just enough for me to see her
Aoi stood there, one hand gripping the frame, shoulders shaking.
She hadn't meant to listen.
But she hadn't stopped herself either
Our eyes met
For half a second, neither of us moved
Then she turned and ran
I smiled she wasn't meant to hear it but i suppose it was for the better
Aoi's POV
I didn't know why I stopped
I was just walking back to my room when I heard it
At first, it was only the guitar.
I thought he was practicing again
But then he started singing
"??????"
It wasn't flashy not even good nor was it pretty in the way idols on TV were pretty.
But it felt… real the pain the emotions all felt real
"??????"
Something about the way his voice climbed made my chest tighten.
The song wasn't sad.
That was the worst part.
It wasn't about giving up.
It was about being hurt and still choosing to stand because no matter how shit life treats us only we decide how much our life is worth
"??????"
I didn't understand why my eyes started burning.
Or why my hands clenched at my sides.
The words felt like they were aimed directly at me.
At the way I always tried to be perfect.
At the way I swallowed things I wanted to say.
At the way I smiled even when it hurt.
"??????"
When the song swelled, my breath hitched.
He sounded angry.
But not at the world.
At something deeper
At something unfair
And suddenly I realized
He wasn't singing at anyone.
He was singing through something.
Something he'd carried quietly,the pain
Just like I had.
Tears slipped down my face before I noticed.
I didn't wipe them away
'We are the same after all' The older brother who stood up against the worst still isn't perfect and won't be
I just listened
And when the song ended, I felt empty.
And full.
And guilty.
Because I'd never once thought about how much he might've been carrying too
'I knew he had it worse but....this is the first time I've felt it'
But before i could think any further the door creaked open and our eyes met panic hit me all at once.
I didn't know what to say
'Did he sing that for me?'
'Did he mean it?'
'Did he understand?'
I didn't want him to see me like this.
So I ran.
Locked my door.
Slid down against it.
And pressed my hand to my chest.
Why does it hurt so much?
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SONG:BELIEVER
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