When Ryan returned to his mother's room later that night, she was asleep again. He stood there for a long moment before quietly pulling a chair closer and sitting.
His head was bowed, his eyes drifting between her face and the floor. His hands fumbled with each other in his lap as he thought about what to say and how exactly to say it.
"I'm sorry," he began, whispering into the dark room, "I'm sorry, but Mom, I'm just tired."
He continued, "I know my anger shouldn't be directed at you. I know I should be angry at dad instead... I know that. I know you tried and you're still trying."
He paused, biting his lower lip, "Yes, knowing all this doesn't stop me from resenting you, because seeing you like this keeps reminding me of everything I'm trying to run from. The house, dad, and the sufferings they came with," his voice wavered.
"I hate that I feel this way... this guilt tugging at my heart because I made that choice, and that's why I'm distant. I'm scared because I want those choices I made, and being close to you might make me drop everything and come back."
He looked at her face again, " I'm really sorry for yelling at you. I really shouldn't have done that."
A pause.
"But I'm not sorry for what I said," he continued. 'Everyone has the freedom to make choices, and you made yours. They were real, and they did this, so pretending otherwise won't make it hurt less."
"I do hope you understand why I'm like this. I really do."
He stood up and turned toward the door, hesitated once, then left the room quietly, making his way to the hospital's lobby to sleep there instead
In the bed behind him, his mother's eyes fluttered open, tears slipping silently into her hair as she stared at the ceiling.
_____________________
The next day, Ava came to take their mother home.
She returned from meeting the doctor and processing the discharge papers and said nothing to Ryan, who stood by the door the entire time. She quietly helped their mom get dressed, relaying what the doctor had said as if reading off a list she had already memorized.
She was stable for now, but discharge at this stage was not advisable. Without proper treatment, the episodes would come more frequently. The prescribed medication could stabilize her condition, but refusing treatment would likely shorten her lifespan from ten years to six, maybe even less. At this point, without treatment, her life was basically hanging by a thread and could snap sooner than expected. With treatment, there was a much higher guarantee she could live beyond ten years, maybe even twenty or thirty.
But since they had refused the treatment, the doctor went ahead to prescribe medication and advised her to reduce stress as much as possible.
Ryan wanted to say something. Anything at all.
He wanted to tell her to continue the treatment. He wanted to argue, to insist, to beg if he had to, but his mom's reasons the previous night sounded reasonable enough to shut him up. So he stood there, silently watching as Ava helped their mother walk out of the room with the four-legged walker.
He followed closely behind as they flagged down a taxi. Just before getting in, his mother turned to him.
"What's with that look on your face?" she asked lightly. "You don't have to look like that. I'm just going home to rest. It's what I wanted anyway. So you should just go back to school and focus on your books. And don't skip your meals, okay?"
Ryan nodded, saying nothing.
She settled into the back seat and waved. "I'll send your regards to Jade," she added, still smiling, her head leaning out of the window.
"I didn't ask you to!" he yelled after them as the taxi pulled away, biting his lip, forcing the tears back, refusing to let them spill as the car disappeared down the road.
He turned back into the hospital to retrieve the bag he had left at the lobby, where he slept. Liam was there, looking far more professional than the last time, though still with his hair tied back in the same ponytail.
"Your family?" Liam asked. He must have seen them leave.
"Yeah," Ryan nodded, slinging the bag over his back.
"The memory in that room?"
"Yeah," he replied. "By the way, I didn't get your name that time," he asked almost immediately, clearly trying to avoid where the question might lead. "
It wasn't a lie, though. He genuinely hadn't.
Liam's eyes widened in mock disbelief. "So I spent half a day on a rooftop with someone who doesn't even know my name. That's not fair."
Ryan flushed. "It's just… I was distracted. You know, with everything."
He laughed it off. "It's fine. I'm Liam." He said and leaned closer, lowering his voice. "And I hope you don't forget it this time."
He added, straightening back. "Medicine major at Westhills. My dad owns this place, so they let me use it for practical experience. You know, surgeries, rounds, and all that boring medical stuff. What's yours?"
"I'm Ryan. Same school, though, and first year business major."
"Really? What are the odds?" he said, smiling as they proceeded to exchange contact details, promising to text, and then said their goodbyes.
Halfway out of the hospital, Ryan stopped, realizing he hadn't properly thanked Liam for yesterday.
He turned back, but the spot where Liam had been standing was empty. He looked around for a bit, checking corners and hallways, but Liam was gone.
After a moment, Ryan walked to a small booth nearby, bought a candy lollipop, scribbled a few words on a piece of paper, and headed up to the rooftop sitout. He placed it there quietly, then finally left the hospital.
_____________________
By the time Ryan got back to campus, he went straight to his afternoon shift, and when it finally ended, he headed straight for Adrian's apartment.
It was a Friday.
Navigating the place was easy. He had been there before, and this time he was sober enough to remember it clearly. As he walked, his thoughts drifted back to his mother. He promised himself he would study hard, get good grades, graduate in three years, and land a good job. He hoped she would not give in to the sickness before then. He would get her out of that house, no matter what it took, and make sure she divorced his dad.
Thinking about all that made him feel lighter and relieved that Adrian had finally agreed to tutor him. It felt like he was finally on the right path. Even though the two days Adrian fixed were not enough, Ryan made a pact with himself to use them to the fullest, even if they clashed with his part-time jobs.
"Well, I'll just have to sacrifice those days and plead with my bosses. Maybe they'll deduct my wages, but it's fine," he muttered to himself as he reached the door. "It's all worth it anyway."
He rang the bell.
He had called Adrian earlier to say he was on his way, but Adrian had told him he wasn't there yet and that someone else would let him in.
After a few seconds, the door slid open into the luxury of the apartment. He had seen it before, but it still hit him. The quiet luxury. The sight of its warmth and richness, and the feeling it gave felt fresh to him, even more than before.
And just somewhere near the staircase stood a middle-aged man.
He bowed slightly, in a welcome gesture, when he saw Ryan
"Good afternoon," Ryan said, bowing back out of reflex.
"You're the one from the other day?" the man said flatly.
"From the other day?" He didn't recall seeing him the few times he came there
The man said nothing. He simply turned and walked up the spiral staircase, gesturing for Ryan to follow.
Ryan hesitated for half a second, then followed him into a room upstairs. It was the master's bedroom, which he assumed belonged to Adrian. The savoury-sweet scent he had caught downstairs was stronger there. The space was big with a minimal design and a California king-size bed at the center. The room had doors that let into other spaces, and one of those spaces was doorless.
It was a study room.
Unlike the bedroom, it was the complete opposite. It had shelves lined by the walls, filled with books. A desk with a computer sat near the wall, and a swivel chair pushed in slightly. There was a round bed-sofa by the window and at the center, a round table with three chairs. There were collections of medals, fountain pens, and framed certificates hung on one wall.
"He must really love reading," Ryan murmured as he took a seat at the table.
The room was wide, yet felt congested with everything in it.
The man left briefly and returned with a cup of coffee, placing it in front of Ryan.
"My master will be here shortly," he said. "Please exercise some patience."
Ryan nodded. "Thank you."
The man left again.
Time passed with Ryan sipped the coffee slowly, his eyes darting around the room. Eventually, curiosity got the better of him. He stood up and walked around, his fingers brushing against books and objects that caught his attention. He pulled out a book, flipping through a few pages.
"What are you doing?"
Ryan flinched.
The book slipped from his hands and hit the floor as he spun around. Adrian stood by the entrance, watching him.
He walked in and took the swivel chair, spinning it once before settling.
"I didn't hear you come in," Ryan said quickly, bending to pick up the book, sliding it back into place, and heading over to where he had sat.
"Ryan, right?" Adrian finally said. "I guess you know my name already, so there should be no need for an introduction. We can skip the tutor-student formalities."
"Yeah," Ryan muttered, wrapping his hands around the coffee cup, now cold.
They went over some questions to figure out what and what Ryan knew, the courses he offered, and how tutoring sessions would be held. Adrian then asked for his current CGPA.
"2.4," Ryan said quietly.
Adrian raised an eyebrow. "That's low." He said, leaning back slightly, "Do you want us to revisit last semester or focus on this one?"
Ryan thought about it for a moment. "There's not much time left before exams. If we go back to last semester, I don't think we'll be able to cover enough. I'd rather focus on this semester. If I manage to grasp it well, then maybe we can touch a few topics from before."
Adrian studied him, then nodded, reached for a sheet of paper, and slid it across the table. "Write down your courses and arrange them from the ones you understand best to the ones you struggle with the most."
Ryan stared at the list, took a breath, and picked up a pen as Adrian exited the room.