"Me your hunting companion? I haven't agreed to help you with that."
Touka says curtly while crossing her arms over her chest.
"Huh? Why not?"
"Because first, you're completely insane. And second, you're incredibly reckless. That recklessness of yours sooner or later will get you killed in the stupidest way possible."
With a firm voice, she shoots arrows that pierce my heart.
I show a mischievous smile while tilting my head.
"Are you worried about me?"
She opens her eyes enormously for a second. Then she sighs as if I just said something annoying.
"No."
Despite denying it firmly, I can feel her emotional frequencies. And those emotional frequencies tell me something different from her words. They tell me that she at least considers me a friend and that she cares about my wellbeing.
I find it quite comforting.
So she's also a tsundere?
Of course, she's not as tsundere as Saya.
Then I erase the smile from my face making my expression become serious.
"Touka, you're aware the world is very dangerous, right? There's the CCG that I still don't know how dangerous they really are. Also now there are these parasites that can infect both humans and ghouls. And from your earlier words, there exists another type of monster even more dangerous than normal ghouls."
"I know that perfectly well. You don't need to remind me."
Receiving her words, I continue while looking into her eyes.
"Then understand this. Adding all that together makes living as children who have no one who can protect them difficult to survive day by day. That's why we must be strong. Adapt to this cruel world since we're children. That's the best and only way to survive."
"..."
Touka lowers her head in silence. Her blue hair falls over her face hiding her expression.
I feel she's emitting intense anger.
But I quickly realize that anger and burning fury isn't directed at me. It's directed at someone else. Someone who isn't here.
'Is this what the desire for revenge feels like?'
I wonder while observing her emotions fluctuate violently.
It seems she's struggling internally against some kind of difficult decision. Maybe she wants revenge on someone related to her parents. To achieve that revenge she would have to become extremely strong.
Assuming her parents had good heads and cared about their daughter, then they probably would have expressed their wishes for her to live a peaceful life without seeking dangerous revenge.
She's struggling against that decision right now. Between honoring her parents' wishes or following her own desire for revenge.
"I already treat and see you as a genuine friend, Touka."
Seeing that she says nothing and remains silent, I decide to speak again.
"And although I have a strong desire to protect everyone who's close to me, I know very well that's not possible. I can't be everywhere at the same time. If at some critical moment I'm not in the place where my friends need me and I can't arrive in time to save them, and because of that I lose them forever..."
I pause feeling my heart become cold as I let my train of thought reach that possibility.
"I don't want that to ever happen. I couldn't live with myself if that occurred."
Then I slowly stretch the corners of my lips to form a smile. It's not a happy smile, but rather I'd say it's a dark smile.
Seeing Touka lift her head and look at me, I continue.
"That's why I'll start actively hunting ghouls who are crazy and murder indiscriminately. Likewise CCG investigators who represent a threat to us."
I'll devour them.
Touka narrows her eyes before starting to say.
"Are you sure you want to go down that path? There will be no turning back once you cross that line. You'll become a complete monster. Your body is already a monster, which isn't categorized as a ghoul, a parasite, and much less a human, but also in actions. Can you live with that?"
I shrug.
"If I can then protect my friends, honestly I don't care about getting my hands dirty with blood. I'll do whatever's necessary."
Touka bites her lips hard.
"It's strange... Because I'm a ghoul. A monster that eats humans to survive. But even so I desperately long to be human. I desire to integrate into their society. I even attend a normal human school where I managed to make a human friend. I want to live happily and peacefully with my loved ones just as my father taught me before..."
Her voice fades as she pronounces the last sentence. She shakes her head and continues.
"But those loved ones were taken from me. I know there are good-hearted humans like my friend. I also know there are good-hearted ghouls who just want to live peacefully. It's difficult to determine with certainty who's genuinely good and who's genuinely bad."
She lifts her chin to meet my gaze.
"Are you willing to kill even knowing that those ghouls you'll hunt may have families waiting for them at home? Just as CCG investigators may have wives and small children. If you kill them, their children could end up like you and me."
I'm surprised by Touka's words. Despite being just a child, she thinks deeply about the consequences of actions.
Then I think about her words for several seconds.
And I realize that as always, I don't care about others at all.
"I don't care about other people's world. I only care about my own world. The people who are inside my world."
"That's incredibly selfish and hypocritical."
Touka pronounces those words, and at the same time, she looks at me with disappointment, although I also see understanding in her eyes.
"I know. I know I'm a complete hypocrite for thinking in such a selfish way. But that's how I am. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not."
I pause before smiling.
"For example, if you died, Touka, I'd be sad and heartbroken."
At that moment I feel intense emotional fluctuations coming from Touka. Hm? It's quite strong and almost makes me physically step back. What is that emotion?
I see she has her eyes open enormously while looking at me with an expression I don't understand.
"Ah... really?"
She lowers her head and looks away making her expression hidden behind her hair.
"What do you mean by that...?"
She murmurs in a low voice, but since that question seems to be directed at herself and not at me, I decide not to respond.
After several seconds I continue with my original point.
"That's why, you must be strong so that never happens, right? So you can protect yourself when I'm not around."
"You're an idiot, Arata."
When she lifts her head, I manage to see that the corners of her lips are slightly raised before releasing a long sigh.
"I guess I don't have many options now. If I leave you alone with your recklessness, you're going to stupidly kill yourself in less than a week. And then I'd feel guilty for not having done anything."
She crosses her arms and nods with determination.
"Fine. I'll also train to become much stronger than I am now."
I smile at her decision.
"So there'll be a next time? We'll hunt together again?"
"Don't count on me to deal with innocent ghouls who just want to live peacefully without bothering anyone. As for CCG investigators..."
Her eyes darken and I feel she becomes dangerous.
"I have pending debts to collect from them."
"Yes!"
I exclaim while raising my fist to the air with enthusiasm.
—Bam!
Touka gives me a hit on the shoulder.
"Shut up and help me get rid of that disgusting body before it starts stinking up my house."
She points toward the parasite ghoul's corpse in the corner.
"Wait! Don't throw it away! I still have to eat it, remember?"
"You... are you seriously going to eat it? It's disgusting."
"Well, it's my way of becoming strong. It's not my fault I was born this way. So stop looking at me with so much disgust on your face."
She waves her hand dismissively.
"Do what you want then. But do it quickly and don't make too much mess. And clean it all up when you're done. I don't want to dirty my eyes with a disgusting scene, so I'm going to take a bath."
"Yes, yes. As you command, Touka-sama."
Seeing her leave the dusty room, I walk toward the corpse.
Mmm... should I also eat his heart?
×××
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