The next morning, after returning from bathing in the river as I do every morning, I stand in front of the closet looking at the clothes hanging inside.
Since I wash them regularly in the river, dust doesn't accumulate on the fabric, and they are all relatively clean. After all, even if I am poor and have no luxuries in my life, maintaining basic cleanliness gives me the feeling that at least I am presentable to others.
After hesitating for several minutes, I finally choose a gray T-shirt and black pants.
I look at myself in the broken mirror on the closet while combing my gray hair, which is quite long, with the ends almost reaching my shoulders.
"I must find a way to cut it soon."
The problem is that I don't have any money to go to a barber. I suppose I could try to cut it myself with a knife, but I would probably end up looking even worse.
Well, there's no point in worrying about something that can't be solved, so I move closer to the mirror and carefully examine my eyes.
"..."
The night before, I had trained intensely for several hours to learn how to voluntarily enter and exit my ghoul mode.
It was mentally and emotionally exhausting, but in the end, I managed to understand it.
To enter that transformed state, I need to fill my mind with very strong negative emotions. Whether it's hatred, rage, fear, sadness, or any other dark and intense emotion.
I had entered that state yesterday mainly because of my fear that Saya would discover that I am a monster and tell Rei, the sadness of being completely alone again with no one in the world, and the rage that suddenly arose when those children hit me with a rock.
The three emotions added up and awakened what I call 'Ghoul Mode' because I don't have a better way to name it.
And to get out of Ghoul Mode and return to normal, I need to do the opposite of what I do when I enter that mode. That is, I must clear my mind of all those negative emotions and reach a calm and empty state of mind.
This was much more difficult to achieve than entering Ghoul Mode. Clearing my mind of negative emotions is almost impossible for someone like me in the first place, since my entire life is filled with dark and negative thoughts.
Even so, I'm satisfied that I managed to do it.
Thanks to that, I now have the normal eyes of my 'Zombie Mode' again, which are gray and opaque. To hide them better and look more human, I use new blue contact lenses and put them in.
Apart from the fact that my skin is paler compared to normal children, and my height is a little shorter for someone my age, the child's face reflected in the broken mirror is quite cute objectively. One could easily imagine that I will be handsome when I grow up and mature.
If I ever grow up, of course.
With those thoughts, I leave my abandoned building and start walking through the city streets toward the Takagi mansion where my birthday party is supposed to be.
In fact, I can't get what happened yesterday out of my head. I'm referring specifically to what Saya said to Rei after I left. Could there really be another valid reason for her to ask Rei to stay behind and talk to her while I wasn't there?
Well, I was probably just being paranoid yesterday, as usual. It's actually possible that Saya and Rei want to plan some special surprise for my birthday today without me knowing. That would make more sense.
No... As I thought. It doesn't make sense.
"Arata-chan~!"
A cheerful shout pulls me out of my thoughts. I turn my head to the side of the street.
A woman comes out of a house at that moment. Or rather, it's practically a mansion considering how huge the building is. This woman must definitely be wealthy if she lives in a place like this.
I smile and wave at her.
"Good morning, Miss Marikawa!"
She is a very tall woman. She has a slender waist, which makes her huge breasts stand out even more. She has yellow-blonde hair that reaches her butt, with several bangs falling over her face, and two larger, thicker bangs on the sides that reach her neck. Her face is beautiful with soft, feminine features, and her eyes are hazel.
She looks sleepy right now, which would make anyone think it's simply because it's still early in the morning. But in reality, I've already met and talked to her during the afternoon as well, and she always has that same sleepy, half-asleep look on her face. That's why I've come to the conclusion that she always has that expression that makes her look absent-minded and distracted.
She gestures to me with her free hand as she says in a soft voice.
"Arata-chan, come here for a moment, please."
She seems unable to move from where she is because she is carrying a huge, thick black bag in her hands. The bag is very full and looks like it will explode at any moment.
As I approach her, Miss Marikawa suddenly lets out a heavy sigh as she looks at me with a slightly sad expression.
"The other children in the neighborhood won't be coming anymore? I often go out to deliver useful things to the children around here, but lately no one comes anymore. Only you keep coming to see me, Arata-chan."
I feel embarrassed to hear that and scratch my cheeks.
"Well... maybe the other kids finally realized that they're a nuisance to you, Miss Marikawa. And that only I am shameless enough to keep coming to receive things from your generosity."
I feel like I'm taking advantage of this generous woman's kindness.
Suddenly, I'm pulled forward. Huh?
I feel my head being buried between two incredibly soft and warm things. Instinctively, I raise my hand to touch whatever is pressing against my face, and my fingers sink into something fluffy. At the same time, I hear a woman's small, surprised moan.
'Don't tell me...'
My face is buried between Miss Marikawa's two huge breasts.
As I process this in shock, I pull my hand away from where I was squeezing. But then I suddenly feel an urge to open my mouth and bite her breasts.
Uhum! Calm down, shitty zombie! Don't bite Miss Marikawa!
I mentally slap myself.
It's the first time in my life that an adult woman has hugged me in such an intimate and warm way, causing a strange warmth to spread through my chest.
'Is this what it feels like to be hugged by a mother?'
That said, I must admit that Miss Marikawa's breasts are quite soft and comfortable. And since I'm a zombie, I don't need to breathe as much air as a normal human, so I wouldn't complain about being short of oxygen while being pressed like this.
I feel her hand stroking my hair.
"You're no burden to me, Arata-chan. It makes me happy to be able to help the children around here in some way."
She says that in a motherly and affectionate voice.
Only after she feels satisfied with stroking my head for a long time does she release me from her embrace.
She then puts both hands on her hips and scolds me in a concerned motherly tone.
"But look, you're not wearing a coat! Your skin feels too cold to the touch, Arata-chan. It's the middle of winter and it's very cold outside. Tomorrow is Christmas, too, and it will probably snow a lot. You must wrap up warm or you'll get sick."
Then she bends down and opens the huge black bag she was carrying. She searches inside, rummaging through the contents, before pulling out a thick coat and handing it to me.
I hold the coat in my hands. It is warm and soft to the touch.
I look Miss Marikawa straight in the eye and smile.
"I have no choice but to accept it, right?"
She nods enthusiastically several times.
"That's right! You absolutely must accept it without protest. You have no right to refuse. You must take good care of yourself so you don't catch a cold in this weather. And since it's winter and tomorrow is Christmas, I thought it would be a good opportunity to give the children warm coats today."
By the way, this is the kind Miss Marikawa who has been giving me clothes for years, and I think I've mentioned her before.
Even though she always insists that they are just old used clothes that she no longer wants, I know perfectly well that it's actually a lie. The clothes are new. She probably says they are used so that some children won't think they are a nuisance or a burden to her by accepting expensive gifts.
But it's precisely because she's so kind to think that way that many stupid and ungrateful children often speak ill of her behind her back. They complain that she only gives them secondhand clothes. Spoiled children wouldn't feel any guilt if they knew they were new. Instead, they would be genuinely happy and grateful.
And the main reason why only I keep coming to see her while all the other children stopped is because those brats got bored of receiving so-called "used" clothes from her. They think they deserve better.
Only I am grateful to her from the bottom of my heart. After all, unlike me, all the other children have families and warm homes. They don't know what it's really like to have nothing in life.
I look at Miss Marikawa and say what I think.
"I've never told you this before, Miss Marikawa, but you are truly a great person and very kind woman. By the way, why do you give clothes and things to the children in the neighborhood, even though no one needs them?"
Apart from me, there are no other street children living in this affluent part of town.
Of course, Miss Marikawa has no idea that I don't actually have a proper home or a family to take care of me.
Hearing my direct question, Miss Marikawa flashes a sad, melancholy smile as she gazes up at the clear sky.
She begins to speak in a soft voice.
"It's to try to erase a sin from the past."
"Erase a sin?"
I repeat, confused.
She nods as I see the sky reflected in her hazel eyes.
"My mother had another child besides me in the past. But she abandoned him when he was just born. I wasn't there at the time to stop her because I was studying, and I've felt guilty about it all these years. I feel that if I had been there, I would never have allowed my little brother to be abandoned in such a horrible way."
She pauses before continuing.
"I started giving gifts to the children in this area regularly after I found out about that. Somehow I feel like this way I can pay for my mother's terrible sins, and at the same time try to erase some of the guilt I feel for not being able to protect my little brother."
So she has that kind of painful past.
A child abandoned at birth, huh...
That reminds me quite a bit of myself, as I too was a child who was abandoned at birth by my parents.
I can't speak for that other abandoned child I never met. But personally, I didn't mind being abandoned too much. After all, I understand how my parents must have felt when they saw me. Having a zombie baby must be terrifying. Surely no one in their right mind would want it around.
At least I should be thankful that they didn't take me to some laboratory, right? I don't want to be a lab rat. So thank you, father, mother!
So I display a big smile at Miss Marikawa.
"As I thought, you are actually an incredibly kind and gentle person, Miss Marikawa. When I grow up and become an adult, I would very much like to find a wife as wonderful as you."
"Ara~"
Miss Marikawa flashes a broad smile with slightly flushed cheeks as she puts her hand on my hair again.
"You're quite cute and very talkative today, Arata-chan. Take good care of yourself so you can grow up healthy and strong, okay? Be kind, be a gentleman, and find a good wife in the future who will make you happy."
I say goodbye to her after chatting for a few more minutes.
I put on the coat she gave me. It's black, exactly the same color as my pants, and it fits my small frame well.
I start walking back toward the Takagi mansion with a smile on my lips.
Today is my birthday, and I hope everything goes well.
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