One Week Later: Results Day – Hogwarts Runs Out of Awards
The Great Hall was buzzing. Students gathered around the enchanted notice board as report scrolls unrolled like a dramatic red carpet.
Keith's Year Results
The top rankings appeared magically in golden letters:
Keith Runcandel – First place (naturally, overwhelmingly, inevitably) Rias Hermione Helena Prince Daphne Greengrass Cassandra Susan Bones
The hall collectively accepted this as the natural order of the universe.
Hermione still tried to calculate if she could somehow tie with Keith.
Keith, lazily eating a biscuit:
"Don't stress. Even my biscuit knows the answers."
Hermione: quiet groaning
Other Years
Penelope Clearwater – 1st place in 4th year Katie Bell – 1st place in 2nd year Angelina Johnson – 1st place in 3rd year Cedric – 2nd place in his year, right behind Katie (Hufflepuff pride explosion) Tonks – NEWTs: O's across the board (Keith-certification: achieved)
Snape was so proud of Helena he almost… smiled.
Students swore they saw it.
Snape immediately deducted 10 points from Gryffindor for "imagining impossible events."
Ron's Report Card: The Trollpocalypse
Ron opened his results.
Then blinked.
Then screamed.
Because in big red letters, glowing like a neon sign:
RON WEASLEY
Charms – T Transfiguration – T Potions – T (Snape added a note: "Abysmal.") DADA – T Herbology – T History of Magic – T Astronomy – T but somehow worse Flying – P (for 'Please try not to fall next time')
Ron:
"THERE MUST BE A MISTAKE! This must be a prank! T means 'Terrific,' right?"
McGonagall:
"…T means Troll, Mr. Weasley."
Ron collapsed like a stunned potato.
Seamus and Neville patted his back sympathetically—they barely escaped the Troll mark abyss themselves:
Neville: 2 T's but passed Seamus: 1 T but passed
Snape, watching them, thought:
At least Helena made up for these three disasters.
House Cup Tally
The banners lit up:
Hufflepuff – 500 points Ravenclaw – 400 points Slytherin – 250 points Gryffindor – 150 points
A silence fell.
Gryffindors looked betrayed by life, destiny, and basic arithmetic.
Dumbledore sighed heavily, looking spiritually exhausted from vacation.
Dumbledore's Last-Minute "Adjustment"
"Ah… well… for… heroic… attempts… of… something…"
+50 points to Gryffindor
(10 each for Ron, Neville, and Seamus… and 20 extra because he panicked.)
Gryffindor still remained dead last at 200.
McGonagall covered her face with her robes.
HUFFLEPUFF WINS THE HOUSE CUP!
And the Quidditch Cup.
The Great Hall erupted. Badgers were dancing on the tables. Cedric was lifted into the air like a golden retriever being celebrated for learning a new trick.
Meanwhile, Keith didn't even notice—he was reading a book.
Hufflepuff Students:
"Keith! You didn't even play and we STILL won everything!"
Keith:
"Of course. My existence is a buff."
Ravenclaw groaned collectively.
Slytherins accepted defeat with elegance.
Gryffindor… Ron tried to blame his grades for the loss… but the team quickly reminded him:
"You gave us NEGATIVE educational energy, mate."