I drifted up from sleep like someone rising through warm water, slow and weightless and way too comfortable for a guy who recently got eaten by a wyvern.
My cheek rested on what had to be the best pillow in all existence.
I wasn't even awake yet, and my brain had already rated it five stars.
As I let my eyes open slowly, the world swam into focus in a lazy haze.
And that was when I noticed it, half my vision blocked by two pale, gently rising mounds right in front of my face.
For a long, drowsy second, my brain tried to categorize them as something reasonable: pillows maybe, or folded cloth.
"…the hell am I looking at…" I murmured under my breath.
I blinked.
Then frowned.
Then blinked again because the mounds were definitely still there.
My hand drifted forward before I could think better of it, fingers reaching out to nudge the mysterious obstruction and check if it was really as close as it seemed.
Squish~
My fingertips sank into the softest thing they had ever touched.
Ever.
And then-
"Eh~"
A breathy, unmistakable feminine sound spilled down to me.
Every trace of grogginess evaporated as I jerked upright so fast I nearly front flipped, heart slamming into my chest as reality finally caught up and slapped me in the face.
I spun around, and what I saw nearly rebooted my brain entirely.
A naked woman sat behind me, legs folded beneath her, her long dark hair spilling around her like a curtain.
Her skin gleamed faintly under the dying embers of the ruined clearing.
Her purple slit pupils stared at me with innocent confusion, her cheeks flushed as though she didn't fully understand why I reacted like someone just threw holy water on a demon.
While my face combusted.
"W-WHY ARE YOU NAKED!?" I yelped, voice cracking like an adolescent bard trying to hit a high note.
My cloak practically teleported off my shoulders as I flung it over her, draping her in it like I was trying to put out a fire.
She blinked once, then held it against herself obediently, though she looked more puzzled than embarrassed.
And then-
A breeze ghosted across my skin.
My entire skin.
I looked down.
"AND WHY AM I NAKED!?" I squeaked, hands slapping down over my crotch as I dove behind the nearest tree like a startled squirrel.
Pride, dignity, composure… yeah, those died instantly.
Leaning out from behind the trunk, I saw it all at once:
The ground was scorched black in a perfect radius. Patches of ground had melted into glass upon which charred trunks stood like skeletal reminders of a forest that used to exist.
And above it all, the reality fractured-sphere of a barrier I… we were encased in.
That was when the dread, the questions, and the rising urge to scream all hit me at once.
"System," I whispered, trying to keep my voice from climbing any higher, "What. The hell. Is happening right now?"
–Ding!
{A… lot, actually.}
The System somehow managed to sound like a sleep-deprived parent whose toddler had just learned how to open drawers.
"Okay…nope, not dealing with this naked," I said, flattening myself behind the tree like a cartoon criminal. "Just…just buy me some clothes. A set for her and for me!"
–Ding!
{Preferred color? Style? Fabric choice?}
"Dude!" I hissed, voice breaking from stress and humiliation, "Not the time!"
–Ding!
{Items purchased. Cost: 5 Credits. Added to Inventory.}
Before I could spiral any further, a soft shimmer of blue flickered beside me with just a thought and a neat little bundle materialized from the Inventory's grid:
Two sets of black V–neck shirts, black pants, dark brown boots, and underwear... for both.
"Thank god," I muttered, dragging out my set and squeezing myself into it behind the tree like a shame-driven gremlin.
The relief of being clothed again felt… spiritual.
Once I was sure every important part of me was safely hidden, I peeked out from behind the trunk.
She was still sitting exactly where I'd left her.
Still wrapped in my cloak and naked underneath.
And still staring at me, and when our eyes met, her head tilted the tiniest bit.
"Master?"
"NO! No, we are not doing that," I said, yanking the other set of clothes from my inventory and launching it toward her like a man throwing holy artifacts at a demon.
"Wear that!"
She blinked slowly, then picked up the clothes piece by piece, studying them like a confused archaeologist discovering ancient alien artifacts.
She held the shirt upside down. Turned the pants around twice. Picked up the underwear with the same hesitant reverence people usually reserved for cursed relics.
Then she lifted the bra, stared at it… and lifted her eyes toward me.
"Master…?"
I groaned into my palms. "What now?"
She held the bra by one strap. "I don't know how to wear these?"
"Oh, come on!"
–Ding!
{Context: She is the wyvern that ate you. Her knowledge of humanoid garments is… superficial.}
"You have GOT to be kidding me," I breathed.
But the universe hated me, so of course the System wasn't kidding.
I stepped out from behind the tree slowly, like a man approaching a bomb that was actively asking him philosophical questions.
She watched me with wide, luminous eyes, still clutching the bra as if expecting it to explain itself.
"Okay," I said, rubbing my forehead. "Fine. Just… just hand it here."
She offered it delicately.
Like it might bite me.
While I took a steadying breath.
"Alright… sit still."
"I am still."
"Sit… stiller."
She nodded obediently while I tried to stay professional.
Believe me, I really did.
But helping a naked, gorgeous, dragon-turned-woman put on a bra was beyond my mental bandwidth.
I looped the straps around her shoulders, doing my absolute best to stare directly at the tree behind her, or the ground, or literally anywhere except the warm skin inches from my hands.
She leaned forward slightly, curious.
And I leaned back like she was radioactive.
"No, don't… just hold still!" I squeaked as a shiver ran up my spine like static.
Great. Wonderful. Kill me.
"Is this correct… Master?" she asked as she innocently leaned closer to inspect my work.
I practically choked. "STOP CALLING ME THAT!"
Her brows furrowed, confused and wounded, which… for some reason made me feel like a monster.
"Sorry, sorry, just… keep your arms up," I muttered, adjusting the clasp with the delicate precision of a man diffusing a bomb made of embarrassment and hormones.
Once the bra was mercifully on, I passed her the shirt.
"Okay. Shirt. Over your head. Easy."
I tugged it down gently, guiding her arms through the sleeves while trying very hard not to think about how close her face was or how this was the second time today she'd accidentally nearly killed me… emotionally, this time.
With the shirt finally settled, she smiled visibly proud of herself.
Pants were next.
Which was a whole other war.
But eventually… eventually…
She stood fully clothed.
And I could finally breathe again.
"…There," I said, stepping back like a man who'd narrowly survived divine judgment. "You're… dressed. Good. Great. Amazing."
She looked down at herself, turning her arms this way and that while eyes shone like she'd discovered a new form of magic.
Then she looked back at me.
"Thank you… Master."
I put my face in my hands.
"We're going to have a very long talk about titles…" I muttered.
The System's exhausted voice rang again, somehow conveying both sympathy and schadenfreude.
–Ding!
{I truly hope you are prepared for this responsibility.}
I absolutely was not.