Winterfell
"May I help you?" asked Sebastian to his 'guest.'
tuk, tuk the halfman kicked softly at the so called metallic monstrosity.
"Indeed, my friend, you can. Know that my only intent is curiosity for this 'thing' over here," he said, looking at the metallic stove.
"And my intent will be to chop you up and cook you there if you keep kicking my stove," said Sebastian, shielding his precious appliance.
"You shouldn't. Lion's meat is quite chewy. Wouldn't recommend it."
"I have my means. One of them is to cover the meat with leaves and cook it in warm water for hours. The results… are… magnificent," Sebastian said, slowly closing the distance between himself and the halfman.
"But—" Sebastian added with a shrug, "—you look quite skinny. I would need to get you fatter," he muttered.
"Oh please, remember the rule: never eat a sick animal's meat. I would give you indigestion."
The halfman finally looked around and noticed that Sebastian now held a strange sandwich, filled with what looked like potatoes, though he wasn't entirely sure.
"Oh, I insist. Come to my room, please," said Sebastian.
The halfman, now unsure whether the joke continued or not, tried to back away slowly.
"I have a new prototype for a drink there, which I must sample. It's called tequila."
The halfman quickened his pace and said,
"What are we waiting for, my friend? This lion needs to get fatter."
"And juicier," added Sebastian.
They both chuckled.
"Tyrion Lannister, but you already knew that," said the halfman.
"Sebastian Phantomhive. Same."
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"Fuck, this is good!" said Tyrion, sucking his own thumb.
"How do you call this marvelous food?" he asked.
"Burger with fries," replied Sebastian, watching him intently.
"And now, why are you here, Tyrion Lannister?" Sebastian asked.
They shared a brief moment.
Tyrion took a sip of his tequila and said, "Well, you see, I have brought quite the honor for the Starks. A marriage proposal involving my cousin, Janei Lannister and Rob Stark."
Sebastian tilted his head.
"I haven't insulted your intelligence, Lord Lannister—" Sebastian whispered loudly, "—do not insult mine."
"So much for good food and friendly banter," complained Tyrion.
"Perhaps after dessert," Sebastian offered.
Tyrion nodded and sighed.
"You have made quite the impression in the south, and we Lannisters have an offer that you can't refuse."
"That I can't, or shouldn't?"
"Whichever you prefer."
"Let me guess, money, women, land, threats?" Sebastian continued. "A few of them, or all of them?"
"Whichever you like best, my friend. Though I would really recommend the money and the whores. We will be best friends by then," Tyrion smiled.
"And the threat?" asked Sebastian.
"There are not many people I have met who have seen me as a man before, and I would be truly sad to bury a potential friend," said Tyrion.
"But I will share a drink with your grave and whore in your place. I hope you feel honored with her moans, wherever you are by then" he laughed.
"My, my. Feisty, eh? I must have really pissed off Daddy Dearest. Let me guess, his little sheep started disappearing, and the old lion can't hear the mehh from here."
Tyrion shrugged.
"I am just a messenger. After all, Lord Tywin would never care if an imp died along the way."
"Or he knows you may be the only one with an ounce of brain among his sons. After all, I met the Queen and the Kingslayer" said Sebastian, serving more tequila.
Tyrion laughed out loud, nearly spilling his drink.
"While I must agree with you about my sister—" Tyrion lowered his voice, "—my brother is out of bounds."
"Was that threat from Tyrion, or the Lannisters?"
"Take your pick. Or don't, and surprise yourself."
They stared at each other for a moment until Tyrion raised an eyebrow and said,
"I would love your gaze on me if you were a pretty whore to fuck, but you are not."
"If you wish…" Sebastian removed his jacket, obscuring his body for a brief moment. When the cloth fell, a beauty stood before Tyrion.
puhhh Tyrion spat his drink as the woman opened her fan to shield herself, then flicked it sharply, splashing him with his own spit and liquor.
"What… how…?"
"Surprised, my lord?" Sébastienne asked, bowing slowly and allowing a brief glimpse of her breasts. "But remember, mine is thicker and larger than yours," she added in the most macho voice possible.
She left the room with the absoluteness of a queen, leaving Tyrion in utter dismay and confusion.
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Winterfell
Solar
"Lord Eddard Stark."
"Lord Tyrion."
"I must say, my lord, your reputation precedes you."
Lord Stark nodded slightly before finally asking,
"What does a Lannister want from the North?"
"From the North, my lord? Oh no. My father, Lord Tywin Lannister, felt that the alliances between our houses may be a little shaky as of late. So he sent me to make things right. You see, my lovely cousin Janei would make a wonderful bride for the young wolf, Robb," Tyrion said.
Lord Stark closed his eyes and regarded the halfman before him.
"No."
"Pardon, my lord?"
"You will go back-" Lord Eddard said dripping cold from each word "-and tell Lord Tywin, word for word, that House Stark will not accept this proposal. Did I make myself clear?" Lord Stark said with finality, making Tyrion sit straighter.
"Very well, my lord, but I advise you to think of thi—"
Tyrion caught the look in Eddard's grey eyes, like prey before a wolf, and shut up.
"Anything else?" Eddard asked.
"Yes, my lord. I wished to fulfill a small dream of mine and visit the Wall. May I have your permission?" Tyrion asked, more subdued.
Lord Eddard nodded. "Speak with Sebastian. He will arrange everything. Also, leave your guards at Winterfell."
"But—"
"Such disrespect must be repaid with the same decorum. For while Lannisters value many things, paying one's debts is your legacy. Now in front of me is a debt and a Lannister. Dismissed."
A confused Tyrion left the solar, puzzled by this politically astute Lord Eddard Stark.After all, Lord Stark was famed for being honorable, yet Tyrion suspected now that someone had been sharpening the Lord of Winterfell in how to survive the game.
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A/N: Hope you like it. Janei's is a too distant cousin (daughter of kevan) so it would be reaally disrespectfull from the lannister to offer her to eddard's first son. So ned's response to send the tyrion to the wall as a tourist, whitout his guards would be even more disrespectful (after all, the lannister doesnt have any remaining spies there to send the message).
Well, that, if you like it leave a like, a review or some stones, and if you dont, thats totally fine. I will not be posting for christmas (I will be cooking and I wont have access to the computer, so dont wait). So, in advance, merry christmas people! and Happy Holidays!