[Location: The Academy Dungeon Zone - Goblin Caves]
[Time: 09:00 AM]
[Mission: Dungeon Survival 101]
The entrance to the Goblin Caves looked like a giant, toothy mouth carved into the side of a mountain. A foul smell—like wet dog and sulfur—wafted out of the darkness.
Class F stood nervously at the entrance. Most of them held rusty swords or wooden staffs provided by the Academy.
Class A stood nearby, looking shiny and confident.
Instructor Viper cracked her whip. CRACK!
"Listen up, maggots!" Viper shouted. "Today is your first field lesson. Goblins are the cockroaches of the dungeon world. They are weak, stupid, and cowardly. But in large numbers, they can strip a cow to the bone in 10 seconds."
She held up a jagged, green ear.
"Your objective: Collect 10 Goblin Ears. The student with the most ears gets a B-Rank Skill Book."
The Class A students cheered.
"Easy!"
"I'll get 50!"
Ryan stood at the back, leaning against a rock, sipping a juice box. Grog was beside him, looking pale.
"Boss," Grog whispered. "Goblins are small... like bugs. Grog hates them."
"Relax, Grog," Ryan said. "We aren't here to hunt. We're here to create content."
Ryan pulled out his phone.
[App: SpookTube]
[Title: "Pranking Goblins in 4K (Gone Wrong)"]
[Stream Started.]
[System Notification: 'Shadow Cam' Activated.]
[You are now sharing the vision of your Shadow Soldier.]
"Okay, Chat," Ryan whispered to his phone. "Today, we are going to play a game called 'Who is the real Monster?'."
He signaled Grog. "Let's go."
Inside the Cave.
The cave was dark, damp, and twisting. The Class A students rushed ahead, casting bright fireballs.
"Die, filthy creatures!"
Boom! Blast!
They were killing goblins left and right.
Ryan took a different path—a narrow, dark tunnel that smelled terrible.
He didn't pull out a weapon. He didn't cast a spell.
He just snapped his fingers.
"Bob. You're up."
The shadow behind Ryan stretched and stood up. The massive, headless Shadow Butcher (Bob) materialized. He held his giant axe, but he moved silently, like smoke.
"Bob," Ryan commanded. "Don't kill them yet. Just... scare them."
Ryan walked deeper into the tunnel.
Ahead, a group of 5 Goblins was sitting around a campfire, eating a roasted rat. They were chattering in their squeaky language.
"Kee kee! Human meat soon!"
"Shiny human armor! We steal!"
Suddenly, the campfire flickered.
The shadow on the wall behind the Goblins began to grow. It didn't look like a Goblin shadow. It looked like a giant executioner.
One Goblin looked at the wall. He blinked.
The shadow waved at him.
"Kee?" (What?)
Ryan stepped out of the darkness, holding his phone light under his chin to look spooky.
"Hello, little green men."
The Goblins jumped up, grabbing their jagged daggers.
"Human! Kill! Eat!"
They charged at Ryan.
Ryan didn't move. He just pointed behind them.
"Behind you."
The Goblins turned around.
Standing there was Bob. He was 7 feet tall. He had no head. And he was holding a massive axe.
Bob leaned down and emitted a sound—not a roar, but the sound of heavy breathing.
Hhhhuuuu...
The Goblins froze. Their little green faces turned pale white.
Goblin A dropped his dagger.
Goblin B wet his loincloth.
"RUN!" one screamed.
They tried to run, but Bob slammed the handle of his axe onto the ground, blocking the exit.
BOOM!
Ryan walked up to the trembling Goblins.
"Now, now," Ryan tsked. "You want to rob me? That's copyright infringement. I am the robber here."
He turned the camera to the Goblins.
"Chat, look at them trembling. 10/10 immersion."
User_Slayer69: "LOL! The Goblins look traumatized!"
User_RichKid: "Is that... a Headless Spirit? How are you controlling it?"
User_MysteryMan: "Necromancy? Interesting..."
Ryan looked at the Goblins.
"Empty your pockets."
The Goblins looked confused.
"POCKETS!" Ryan shouted.
Terrified, the Goblins started throwing things on the ground.
3 Gold Coins.A shiny ring (stolen from a student).A half-eaten rat.
Ryan kicked the rat away. He picked up the coins and the ring.
"Good. Now, line up."
The Goblins lined up against the wall, shaking.
Ryan looked at Bob.
"Bob, do the thing."
Bob raised his axe... and sliced the left ear off each Goblin with surgical precision.
Slice. Slice. Slice.
The Goblins screamed and ran away, clutching their heads. They were alive, but minus one ear.
[Ding! Collected 5 Goblin Ears.]
[Fear Points: +150]
"Why kill them?" Ryan explained to the chat. "If I kill them, they respawn later with no loot. If I let them go, they run to their friends and tell them a 'Headless Demon' is here. That spreads fear. More Fear = More Points."
User_StrategyGod: "This guy is playing 4D Chess while everyone else is playing Checkers."
Suddenly, a loud explosion shook the cave.
BOOM!
It came from the main tunnel where Class A went.
Ryan's True Sight activated. He saw a red warning glow through the walls.
[System Alert: Dungeon Anomaly Detected.]
[A 'Hobgoblin Warlord' has spawned.]
[Status: Enraged.]
"Hobgoblin?" Ryan frowned. "That wasn't in the brochure."
He heard screaming. Human screaming.
"Help! Our magic isn't working!"
"It's too fast!"
Ryan checked his ears count: 5.
"I need 5 more ears to pass," Ryan muttered. "And Class A probably has a lot of ears in their pockets."
He looked at Grog.
"Grog, put on your angry face. We are going to save the princess."
"Princess?" Grog asked excitedly.
"No, Arthur. But he screams like a princess."
The Main Cavern.
It was a massacre.
Class A was surrounded.
Fifty normal Goblins were swarming them. And in the center stood a massive Hobgoblin Warlord. He was 8 feet tall, muscular, and wielded a giant bone club.
Arthur fired a fireball.
Poof.
The Hobgoblin swatted it away. He had Magic Resistance Skin.
The Hobgoblin raised his club to smash Arthur into a pancake.
Arthur closed his eyes. "Father... forgive me..."
BANG!
A blue bullet hit the Hobgoblin right in the eye.
SPLAT.
The Warlord roared in pain, stepping back.
Everyone turned to look at the entrance.
Ryan stood there, holding his Desert Eagle (Soul Shatterer), smoking slightly.
Bob (The Headless Butcher) stood behind him, looking menacing.
Grog stood next to him, holding a massive rock.
"Hey, Class A," Ryan shouted over the noise. "Looks like you guys are having a party. Can I join? Entrance fee is 500 Credits per person."
Arthur looked at Ryan with shock and desperation.
"Ryan! Help us! This monster is immune to magic!"
"I know," Ryan said, walking forward calmly. "But he isn't immune to... bullies."
Ryan pointed his gun at the Hobgoblin Warlord.
"Hey, Big Guy!"
The Warlord roared, charging at Ryan. "HUUUMAAAN!"
Ryan didn't shoot. He didn't move.
He opened his inventory and pulled out the [Butcher's Bloody Apron].
He threw it at Grog.
"Grog! Put this on! It makes you smell like a dead boss!"
Grog caught the apron and tied it on.
Suddenly, Grog smelled like the Headless Butcher. A Level 5 Boss.
The Hobgoblin Warlord stopped mid-charge.
He sniffed the air.
His primitive brain registered the scent: Predator. Higher Level. Dangerous.
The Warlord looked at Grog (who was huge). Then he looked at Bob (who was headless).
The Warlord... took a step back.
Ryan grinned.
"System, activate [Spirit Talker]."
Ryan spoke in the Goblin language. A guttural, raspy sound.
"Kneel... or... become... soup."
The Warlord's eyes widened. A human speaking the High Goblin Tongue? Standing with a Demon and a Death Spirit?
The Warlord dropped his club.
He fell to his knees.
"Great... Chief... Spare..."
The Class A students dropped their jaws.
"He... he tamed it?"
"Did he just speak Goblin?"
Ryan walked up to the kneeling Warlord.
He patted the monster's head.
"Good dog."
Then, Ryan looked at Arthur and the Class A students.
"Okay, the monster is neutralized. Now, about my rescue fee..."
He held out his hand.
"500 Credits. Cash or Transfer. No IOUs."
Arthur looked at the Warlord, then at Ryan. He gritted his teeth and pulled out his wallet.
"I hate you," Arthur whispered.
"I know," Ryan smiled, collecting the money. "Don't forget to like and subscribe."
[System Notification: Fear Points +1000]
[Bank Balance: +25,000 Credits]
Ryan looked at the camera.
"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you clear a dungeon without breaking a sweat. See you next episode."