Chapter 45: The Rebound Warning
Game night at 4A, and Sheldon's got that look.
The one that means he's about to make something simple very complicated.
"Stuart, I need to speak with you privately."
Leonard's eyes go wide. Howard grins. Raj mouths oh no.
"Can it wait? We're mid-Halo tournament."
"It cannot. This is time-sensitive." He's holding his laptop like it contains nuclear codes.
I follow him to the kitchen. Through the doorway, I watch Howard immediately pause the game to eavesdrop.
Sheldon opens his laptop. A PowerPoint presentation fills the screen.
"REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS: A STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"
"Oh no."
"Oh yes." He clicks to the next slide. "I've observed forty-seven interactions between you and Penny over the past month. Thirty-two exhibited romantic indicators."
The slide shows a graph. Actual data points. Color-coded.
"Sheldon—"
"Frequency of physical contact: up 340%. Duration of eye contact: up 280%. Laughter at objectively unfunny jokes: up 615%."
"You graphed our laughter?"
"I graphed everything." Click. New slide. "The statistical probability of a rebound relationship succeeding is 23%. The probability of it damaging existing friendships: 67%. The probability of awkwardness within our social group: 91%."
"We're not dating."
"Yet. Current trajectory suggests romantic escalation within two weeks. Possibly sooner if environmental factors align."
He's not wrong. And that's the worst part.
"I'm concerned," Sheldon continues, "that you're positioning yourself as Penny's emotional support during vulnerable period, which will lead to relationship formation based on proximity rather than compatibility."
"Or maybe we just get along."
"You 'got along' before her breakup. The variable that changed was her availability, not your compatibility." Click. Another slide. "This is the danger zone."
The slide is literally a red danger zone.
"I appreciate the concern—"
"Furthermore, Leonard has harbored romantic feelings for Penny since her arrival. Your pursuit would constitute friendship betrayal per social protocol 3.7."
"I'm not pursuing anyone."
"Your behavioral patterns suggest otherwise."
Back in the living room, Leonard's pretending to organize his comic stack.
"What'd Sheldon want?"
"To warn me about rebound relationships. With charts."
"Oh." He sets down the comics. "That."
Howard unmutes the TV. "We all noticed, dude. You and Penny are doing that thing."
"What thing?"
"The 'we're not dating but we're basically dating' thing," Bernadette supplies. "It's obvious."
Raj nods enthusiastically. "The cosmic energy between you two is very powerful! Like magnets!"
"We're friends."
"Friends who have coffee every morning?" Leonard's voice is careful. "Friends who text constantly? Friends who look at each other like—" He stops.
The room goes quiet.
"Like what?" I ask.
"Like how you looked at Melissa. But more."
Fair point.
"Leonard—" I start.
"Don't." He holds up a hand. "I'm not—I can't tell you who to date. That's not how this works."
"But you like her."
"For two years. Never did anything about it. So that's on me." He meets my eyes. "But yeah. It stings. Watching my best friend maybe start something with the girl I—whatever. It stings."
Howard leans forward. "Real talk? If you're into Penny, shoot your shot. Leonard had two years. Can't call dibs forever."
"I'm not calling dibs," Leonard protests.
"You're clearly upset about—"
"Of course I'm upset! But I'm also trying to be mature about it!"
Bernadette touches Howard's arm. "Maybe we should—"
"No, it's fine." Leonard stands, starts pacing. "Stuart, do you like Penny?"
The question hangs.
Everyone's watching. Waiting.
Lie and protect Leonard's feelings. Or tell the truth and deal with consequences.
"Yeah. I do."
Leonard's jaw tightens. But he nods.
"Then ask her out. Don't—don't waste time like I did. Just ask."
"Even if it bothers you?"
"It bothers me either way. At least if you date her, someone I care about ends up happy." He sits back down heavily. "That's something."
Raj wipes tears. "This is so beautiful and sad!"
"It's just awkward," Howard corrects.
"Awkwardly beautiful!"
Driving home, I think about Leonard's face.
The hurt he tried to hide. The maturity that cost him.
Penny and I have chemistry. The coffee shop spark wasn't imagination. Every text conversation flows effortlessly. Every time we hang out feels natural.
The Attractiveness power is definitely working—I'm more confident, socially calibrated, physically appealing than Stuart Bloom ever was.
But the connection with Penny feels real. Not manufactured. Just two people who click.
Still, dating her means hurting Leonard. At least temporarily.
The question is whether potential happiness justifies definite pain.
My phone buzzes at a red light.
Penny: Movie tomorrow? Heard good things about that Star Trek reboot.
Tomorrow. Saturday. Perfect date night.
This is the moment. Ask or don't ask.
Me: As friends or as something else?
Three dots appear. Disappear. Appear again.
Penny: What would "something else" look like?
Me: Dinner first. Actual date. See where it goes.
Dots. Then:
Penny: Finally. Yes. Pick me up at 7.
I stare at my phone.
She said finally.
Which means she's been waiting.
Which means this is happening.
The light turns green.
I drive toward my penthouse thinking about Leonard's hurt expression and Penny's enthusiastic yes and Sheldon's 91% awkwardness probability.
All accurate.
All worth it anyway.
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