Spring brought the trees into full bloom, and the blossoms fell to the ground like a fine rain. The air was heavy with their sweet scent, and the wind had grown warmer lately.
A breeze blew Liu Yan's black hair away from his face. He sat at a table in front of a small inn, turning a tea bowl in his hands. It wasn't particularly high quality, but the tea tasted good.
His appearance had changed a lot in the meantime. He had gained weight and was no longer so gaunt. His simple white clothes with the light brown robe over them, which identified him as a traveling healer, clung to his body and accentuated his narrow hips and tall stature.
His hair was neatly styled and held in place by a finely carved hairpin. However, strands of hair that were too short kept falling over his face.
A giggle sounded and he looked up. Lately, he had often noticed women staring at him and giggling behind their hands and blushing when he looked at them.
He found this unpleasant and almost more disturbing than the hateful, disparaging looks of the past. At least back then he had known how to deal with them.
He had ignored them, expected nothing from them. Knowing full well that they would stab him in the back at every opportunity. He shook himself and continued to stare at the cloudy surface of the cold tea in the plain bowl.
"Ye Meng!" He looked up when he was called by his false name. Xinxin waved to him.
She had changed too. Her body had become rounder, softer. Her dark hair shone and some jewelry bounced with every step she took. Her large eyes now sparkled even brighter and a slight blush had settled on her cheeks and full lips.
There was almost nothing left of the skinny girl who had been fished out of the river back then. Xinxin sat down next to him and put down her basket, which was filled with roots, herbs, dried medicine, and tinctures.
She was wearing the same clothes as him. A white hanfu with a light brown robe over it. A pouch and a deep red tassel hung from her belt.
"Ye Chan," Liu Yan greeted her calmly. Several weeks had now passed since they had fled to the Kingdom of Wu. Thanks to Xinxin and her admittedly outstanding abilities, her reputation as a healer had spread quickly.
They were on their way to the capital to register and be certified. After that, nothing would stand in their way of building a home and living in peace.
Liu Yan didn't like the idea of settling down. He had grown fond of traveling around. Sometimes putting himself in danger, like when they encountered the mirror demon. He was reluctant to leave everything behind and forget. Xinxin would probably not stop him if he decided to take revenge on Zhao one day. But she would probably not join him.
He was torn between the desire for revenge, to make Zhao suffer and all those who had caused him pain, and the simple desire to stay with Xinxin. Even though he didn't like it, he had to admit that he wanted her with him.
"Tonight I'm going to visit one of the prince's employees who recommended us for the capital," Xinxin said.
"His son is ill, and I'll see what I can do."
Liu Yan's gaze seemed indifferent. He looked absently at the tea rippling on the table under Xinxin's movements, and a slight annoyance came over him that this peaceful image had been disturbed.
The prince's wife had suffered from depression after her son died in childbirth. With the help of Xinxin, her medicine, and kind words, she had blossomed again and would consider another pregnancy.
The prince, who was already elderly and childless, was very grateful for this. He recommended the two to the capital, so that with a little luck, Xinxin would soon be able to work officially as a healer and also be paid.
Liu Yan exhaled. He felt useless. Until now, he had at least been good enough as a doormat or for others to take out their frustrations on him, but now?
He still felt the power of the demon within him, and sometimes he managed to manipulate small animals and bend them to his will until they died. In this way, he had gained some control over his abilities. It seemed a waste to him that he could no longer make use of them.
"We should pack our things, the worker's house is outside. It will take us a while to get there," Xinxin said, pulling him out of his thoughts. Liu Yan just shrugged.
"Don't always look so angry," Xinxin laughed and put her hand on his cheek. At her touch, Liu Yan finally looked up.
Her warm hand on his cool skin warmed him. He had always hated being touched, but when Xinxin did it, he felt calm and secure. She lowered her hand again.
"Are you really not interested in getting to know other people?" she asked, looking at a group of women who were admiring him from a distance and giggling.
Liu Yan shook his head. Except for her, he wouldn't allow anyone to touch or talk to him.
"Neither do you," he replied curtly. Xinxin was professionally polite when she talked to people and was always friendly and formal when she spoke to patients. But she, too, didn't let anyone get close to her. Xinxin shrugged.
"You learn from your mistakes," she replied casually.
They reached the house in the evening. A man was pacing restlessly and greeted them with relief when Xinxin waved to him at the gate. Liu Yan stayed in the background, carrying the basket full of medicine. It looked like they would be spending the night with strangers again. He only glanced briefly at the man.
"Where is he?" Xinxin asked without further ado.
"Here, please. Shi Yin has always been very sickly. But lately it has gotten worse," the man explained as he invited them inside the house.
Inside, it was dark and stuffy. There was a rattling sound and a slight wheezing. A single candle burned next to a bed. There was also water, a bowl of untouched food, and some cloths.
Xinxin sat down next to the boy. He couldn't have been older than twelve or thirteen. Liu Yan stood at a distance and watched them.
The boy was clearly in pain. He was pale, sweat was running down his body, and he had torn his clothes off. At regular intervals, he began to shiver, his lips turning blue.
Xinxin felt his pulse. She had learned something new for this. At least it was new to him; she seemed to already have experience with it. She conjured a thin blood-red thread with the help of concentrated qi and connected it to the meridians of the body.
This allowed her to examine the patient much better. She had practiced and trained for this over and over again for a long time.
At first, Liu Yan had thought it was a gimmick, like the red thread, but Xinxin had shown him firsthand how effective the thread was. He ran his hand over his chest as he thought about how he had been connected to her. She had recognized the corrupted qi and the dilated meridians. But his body was also in harmony. After a few seconds, the thread disappeared again and Xinxin looked very concerned.
"I'll give him some painkillers first so he can sleep peacefully," she said.
Liu Yan was already familiar with the procedure. He went outside, prepared a small fire pit, and hung a clay pot over it while Xinxin talked to his father.
Gradually, he added the herbs in a specific order. Some went into the cold water, others when it was simmering, and the last ones when it was boiling and almost ready.
"Yi Meng!" Xinxin called out as she approached him.
"I saw five miles of herbs on the way here. I'll go get them," she said. Liu Yan didn't look at her; he watched the brew and pushed another piece of wood into the embers.
"It's getting dark," he remarked.
"I know, but by the time we reach the capital, I want to have a supply of blood and painkillers," she said.
"In case we have to treat soldiers. Treating wounded soldiers is a job that is always needed, everywhere. Especially in times like these, it will earn us a good reputation."
Liu Yan looked up briefly. He didn't need a good reputation, and it annoyed him that Xinxin was doing everything she could to leave the past behind and build a clean slate for herself.
She wasn't pure, she was intelligent, cunning, and could be cold-hearted. He liked that much better than the Xinxin who treated everything and everyone with the same fake smile. So he just shrugged.
It took a while for the brew to steep and cool. He filled a bowl with it and stirred it with a spoon.
After smelling it and making sure that none of the herbs had been boiled too long and become poisonous, he went back into the house.
The man was sitting leaning against a wall next to the bed with his eyes closed. He looked tired and emaciated. Liu Yan approached the child's bed and placed the brew on the table next to him.
Then he knelt down and glanced at the father again. He didn't seem to be asleep, but rather knocked out by alcohol, muttering something incomprehensible from time to time.
Liu Yan let his gaze wander over the boy. His veins pulsed bluishly under his pale skin. Occasionally, he fluttered his eyelids open and his dark eyes shone feverishly.
Liu Yan raised a hand and, with some skill, managed to conjure a thin thread of qi. He connected his qi to the boy's heart. Pain was all he felt at first, but it wasn't his.
He could easily tell the difference between what he felt and what the boy felt. He let the thread wander further.
Through his heart, his veins, and his bones. Shi Yin reared up in pain. Corrupted qi acted like a raging poison on the bodies of humans and living creatures. He had recognized this early on.
Liu Yan noticed that the boy was weak, his heart was diseased, and his bones were brittle. He would die either way. The infection had eaten deep into his body and could no longer be completely eradicated.
No matter how well he felt at times, Shi Yin would always relapse into periods of illness, and these would last longer and longer. The thread retracted and disappeared.
As always when he used his newly gained power, he was filled with a sense of satisfaction. A satisfying, liberating feeling and a nagging longing for more.
He moistened Shi Yian's lips with the broth so that he would lick it off. He did this several times until he grew tired of feeding him medicine this way. He dropped the spoon into the bowl.
"You're going to die anyway, so why prolong your suffering?" Liu Yan asked him quietly.
Wasn't it more merciful to put him out of his misery? Giving him hope again and again, only for each outbreak of illness to get worse, sounded like torture.
And what if his father didn't find a healer as helpful as Xinxin next time? He stood up when he heard footsteps outside.
Xinxin was covered in dirt, dust, and scratches, but he had a whole basket full of herbs that looked like they wouldn't even be fit for a horse to eat. She shook a few leaves out of her hair.
"How is he?" she asked.
"I think it would be better if he died!" Liu Yan said bluntly. Xinxin sighed. She knew he was imitating her spells; he didn't hide it from her.
"The job of a healer is to alleviate pain and cure illness as far as it is in their power. What we don't do is decide who lives and who dies," she said quietly. Liu Yan looked at her stubbornly.
"Feeding him medicine won't cure him and will only cause his father more grief," he objected. Xinxin nodded. She looked beautiful in the pale glow of the moon, the silvery moonlight illuminating her dark eyes and making her hair shimmer. "I'm not saying you're wrong. But once we start deciding that death is better, where will you draw the line? When is a life worth living? That's not for you to decide, but for the person living it," she explained.
"Your life and mine were at a point where death would certainly have been better. Do you still think so?" she asked. Xinxin walked toward him, then wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.
"Next time it will be a fracture, the patient will never be able to walk again, maybe even lose his leg. Is that a reason to die? A flesh wound, an infection, life on a knife's edge – is death really better? As long as people want to fight for their lives, there is no reason to deny them that. Yes, you're right. Shi Yin will suffer. He will often be sick, lying there, but do you want to deny him the beautiful sides of life because of that?"
She brushed a strand of hair from her face and looked at him with her dark eyes. For a while, Liu Yan stared stubbornly into the two moonless pupils.
"If Shi Yin were useful to you in any way, would you act the same?" Xinxin suddenly asked him.
"If his life would bring you more than death, would you still want to put him out of his misery, or is he now just ballast you want to get rid of?"
"I feel like the whole world is ballast. If I could, I would burn it all down," he admitted openly.
Xinxin laid her head on his chest and Liu Yan tensed. He stiffly placed one hand around the back of her head and gently held her arm with the other.
Her closeness made him falter. He couldn't bear the thought of doing nothing, but he would give his life to be able to stand there with her for eternity. Somehow they needed each other, because they were the only ones who were closest to each other.
"Fine, I won't kill anyone if you stop me," he said quietly, and his grip tightened slightly. He brushed his lips against her ear.
"You better stay close to me, who knows when I'll want to kill someone again and you'll have to stop me," he whispered.