Mira didn't come to refuge for three days.
Day one: Rust waited. Assumed she needed alone-time. Processing grief. Humans did that. Required space.
Day two: Concern increased. Sent Patchwork to check slums. He returned: "Saw her. She's. Alive. But didn't. Want to talk. Sorry."
Day three: Rust went personally.
Found her in alley behind her shared tenement. Sitting on broken crate. Staring at wall.
Not crying.
That was. Worse somehow.
Crying meant processing. This was. Shutdown.
Rust approached. Made sound deliberately. Footsteps. Announcement of presence.
She didn't turn.
"Go away, Rust."
"No."
"I'm not. Good company right now."
"Don't require good company. Just. Your presence. Alive."
Silence.
Rust sat beside her. On ground. Didn't mind. Constructs didn't care about dirt.
Waited.
Inhuman advantage: infinite patience.
After ten minutes. She spoke.
"Memory crystal said. Processing Center. Eight months ago. Rahul was there. And then. Nothing. Trail. Gone."
"Yes."
"He could be. Dead. Erased. Consciousness destroyed. And I'm sitting here. In alley. Because I can't. I don't know HOW to—"
Voice broke.
Not crying still. But. Breaking.
"How do I keep GOING when he's. When he might be. Gone."
Rust processed question.
Searched memory files for. Appropriate response. Found: nothing. No experience with loss of family. Had never HAD family before crew.
So.
Defaulted to honesty.
"I don't know."
Mira. Laughed. Bitter sound.
"Great. Even trash golem doesn't have answers."
"No. But. Can sit with you. While you figure it out."
She turned. Finally looked at Rust.
Eyes. Red. Exhausted. Hollow.
"Sitting doesn't FIX anything."
"No. But. Neither does isolation. You taught me that. Remember? When I first met you. I was alone. Surviving. You showed me. Connection matters. Even when it hurts."
"Connection MAKES it hurt more," she whispered. "If I didn't love him. Didn't care. This wouldn't. Break me."
"True. Loving makes pain possible. Also makes joy possible. Can't selectively numb. Feel everything or. Nothing."
Mira's hands. Shaking.
"I don't want to feel this. Don't want to. Accept he might be gone. If I accept. If I STOP hoping. Then he's. Really dead. And I'm. Alone."
"You're not alone."
"My FAMILY is alone. Rahul was. All I had left. Parents died. Plague five years ago. He's. He WAS. Only person who remembered them with me. Who knew what Mom's laugh sounded like. What Dad's cooking tasted like. If he's. If he's ERASED then. Those memories are. Gone too."
Filed under: grief's true weight.
Not just losing person. Losing HISTORY. Shared past. Proof that parents existed.
Rust. Had no memories of creation. No shared history with creator. Just. Awakening in garbage.
But Mira. Had whole LIFE before loss. And losing brother meant losing. Everything.
"Tell me about them," Rust said.
"What?"
"Your parents. Brother. Tell me. I'll remember. Perfect memory. Even if. If Rahul is gone. I'll hold those memories. You won't be. Only keeper."
Mira. Stared.
"You'd. Do that?"
"Yes."
"Why."
"Because you matter to me. Your pain. Is my concern. And if I can carry. Some of that weight. By remembering. Then I will."
Silence.
Then.
Mira. Started talking.
"Mom was. Laundress. Worked noble houses. She'd come home. Smelling like expensive soap. Not HER soap. Theirs. But she'd. Smile anyway. Say 'At least I get to SMELL rich even if I'll never BE rich.'"
Small smile. Sad smile.
"She taught me. How to bargain. Scavenging. 'Always check what nobles throw away first,' she'd say. 'Rich people discard treasures they forgot were valuable.'"
Rust filed: origin of Mira's scavenging skill.
"Dad was. Carpenter. Fixed things. Carts. Houses. Furniture. Never built anything NEW because. Couldn't afford materials. But fixing? He could make broken things. Whole again."
Voice. Quieter now.
"He taught Rahul. Woodworking. Said 'Someday you'll build something beautiful. From scratch. Not just. Repairs.' Rahul wanted that. So badly. To create. Not just. Fix other people's mistakes."
Pause.
"Plague hit. Two years after Rahul got apprenticeship withnoble house. Carpenter work. Parents got sick. Fast. Gone in. Three days. Both of them. Just. Gone."
Mira's hands. Clenched.
"Rahul and I. We promised. We'd survive. Together. No matter what. He worked. I scavenged. We. Made it. For years. And then. And then he started investigating. Noble corruption. He found. Something. Evidence about. Missing servants. Memory-wiped workers. He was going to. Expose them."
Looked at Rust.
"I told him. Not to. Too dangerous. Nobles crush whistleblowers. But he said. 'Dad taught me to fix things. This is. Broken world. I have to TRY.'"
Voice. Breaking now.
"And they took him. Probably wiped him. Discarded him. Like he never. Mattered. And I. I couldn't stop them. Couldn't save him. I'm just. Useless little sister who. Scavenges garbage while he. While he—"
Stopped.
Couldn't continue.
Rust. Reached out. Carefully. Placed hand on her shoulder.
"You're not useless. You survived. You kept searching. Most people would have. Given up. Assumed dead. Moved on. You didn't. That's strength."
"Strength doesn't MATTER if I can't. Find him."
"Haven't found him YET. Trail leads to Processing Center. We know LOCATION. Eventually. We'll be strong enough to. Infiltrate. Search properly."
"And if he's not there? If he's. Already gone?"
"Then. We confirm instead of wondering. Either way. Uncertainty ends."
Mira. Pulled away.
Stood.
Paced.
"I can't. Can't just SIT with uncertainty. Can't eat. Can't sleep. Can't THINK. Just. Replay that memory crystal. Over and over. Seeing him. Taken. Vanishing. And I'm. Stuck. Helpless. USELESS."
There.
Filed under: Mira's lie activated.
Same as Patchwork's. Same as Rust's.
"If I'm useful enough. Work hard enough. Prove my value. Then. People can't leave me."
But people left anyway. Parents died. Brother taken.
Despite her usefulness. Her worth. Her effort.
And now. Belief shattering.
"Mira," Rust said. Calm voice. Cutting through panic. "You are spiraling. Stop."
"I can't STOP. I need to. DO something. Anything. Searching. Working. ANYTHING except. Feeling this."
"Feeling is. Necessary. Grief has to be. Processed. Not avoided."
"I don't WANT to process. Want to. Act. Fight. Find him. NOW."
Stood. Manic energy.
"I'm going back to scrapyard. Search for. More clues. More memory crystals. More evidence. Anything. Everything. I'll work. Harder. Faster. Find. Pattern. Solution. FIX—"
"You can't fix this," Rust interrupted.
She froze.
"What."
"You can't fix this. By working harder. Scavenging faster. Proving worth. Your brother didn't vanish because you weren't. Useful enough. He vanished because nobles are. Cruel. That's not your failure."
"But I should have. STOPPED him. Prevented—"
"You're not responsible for others' choices. He chose to investigate. Knew risks. You warned him. He proceeded anyway. His choice. His consequence. NOT your fault."
Mira. Shaking.
"Then what. What do I DO with this. This PAIN if I can't. Fix it. Can't work through it. Can't. Can't—"
"Feel it," Rust said simply. "Sit with pain. Acknowledge it. Let it exist. Without needing to. Immediately solve."
"That's. Horrible advice."
"Yes. But accurate."
She. Collapsed back onto crate.
Head in hands.
"I don't want to feel this."
"I know."
"Hurts too much."
"I know."
"Wanting him back won't. Bring him back."
"No."
"So I'm. Just supposed to. Accept? That he's gone? Move on?"
"No. You're supposed to. Hold grief AND keep living. Both. Simultaneously. Humans excel at contradiction."
Looked up. Small smile. Broken but. Genuine.
"You're. Terrible at comforting."
"Acknowledged. I'm. Trying."
"I know."
Silence.
Then.
Quieter.
"Will you. Stay? While I. Process. Don't want to be. Alone. Right now."
"Yes."
Rust sat back down. Beside her. In alley. On dirty ground.
Presence without words.
Sometimes. That was enough.
They sat for two hours.
Mira cried. Eventually. Finally let herself. Break down.
Rust. Held her hand. Programmed dagger to radiate gentle warmth. Humans found warmth comforting.
She talked. Sometimes. About Rahul. Parents. Memories. Good and bad.
Other times. Just cried.
Both acceptable.
Grief didn't follow script.
Eventually. Exhaustion won.
She. Fell asleep. Leaning against Rust's shoulder.
Rust stayed perfectly still. Didn't want to wake her.
Thought about families. About loss. About the cruelty of caring.
Ember was right. Caring meant vulnerability. Pain.
But also. Meant warmth. Belonging. Moments like this.
Holding broken friend because that's what. Family did.
Filed under: reasons consciousness matters despite suffering.
When Mira woke. Two hours later. Sun setting.
She looked. Less hollow. Still sad. But. Present.
"Thank you," she whispered. "For staying."
"Always."
"I'm. Still not okay. Won't be. For while."
"Acceptable. Healing takes time."
She stood. Stretched. Wiped face.
"I'm going to. Keep searching. For Rahul. But. Properly. Not manic desperation. Strategic. Patient. Like you taught me."
"When you're ready. I'll help."
"I know." Small smile. Real smile. "You're. Surprisingly good friend. For garbage."
"You're surprisingly resilient. For human."
She laughed. Actually laughed.
"We're. Weird team."
"Functional team."
"Yeah. That too."
Started walking back to tenement. Paused.
"Rust?"
"Yes?"
"If we find him. And he's. Gone. Erased. Will you still. Remember? What I told you? About my family?"
"Yes. Perfect memory. They'll exist. As long as I do."
"Good." Voice soft. Grateful. "That's. Good."
Walked away.
Rust watched.
Filed under: attachment deepened, Mira's grief witnessed, trust strengthened.
Also filed under: promise to remember.
Consciousness had responsibilities now.
Not just surviving.
But honoring. Those who couldn't.
[End Chapter 12]